32
At first his eyes held confusion, but then she noticed pain and sadness, until finally it turned to anger. He was holding his shopping bag tightly with anger, and the fury in his eyes was beyond anything she could have imagined. Her eyes filled with tears, because she knew what he must be going through right now. He must be confused to see her with Vidhushi, and finally he must have formed a conclusion that she was plotting all of this with Vidhushi.
Randhir took a step forward and grabbed her arm, pulling her away from Vidhushi.
"What is happening? Sanyukta?" Vidhushi asked, shocked.
Sanyukta didn't answer her. She just kept quiet and let Randhir pull her out of the mall, into the pouring rain.
"My hair will get wet!" Vidhushi gasped, and waited at the entrance of the mall.
Randhir pulled Sanyukta on to the street outside the mall and he glared angrily at her.
"R - Randhir listen to me," Sanyukta told him softly, and reached up to cup his cheeks as the rain poured down on the two of them, but he pushed her arms away.
"Don't touch me," he warned.
"Randhir please," she begged, tears pouring from her eyes, but merging with the rain.
"I got this for you," he spat before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it, crushing it with his shoe. "But you don't deserve it!"
"Randhir, listen to me!" she yelled, her whole body feeling numb, "Please!"
"You and Vidhushi planned this whole thing? What is the plan? You trap me in your love so that you'll get money and divide it in half?" he asked her rudely. "You knew I was an easy target, because Vidhushi told you that I fell for her easily right?"
"What? No! You're out of your mind!" she screamed.
"Both of you are just that... money hungry bitches... I can't believe that I actually fell for it again!" he yelled, and Sanyukta's heart ached seeing him like this.
She wanted to bring him out of this sorrow, not push him deeper into it.
"Randhir I love you," she told him, "I swear I love you!"
Then she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly in the pouring rain. He had to loosen up... he had to... she couldn't bear to see him go through so much pain again.
"Get off me!" he yelled, but she refused to let go. "Sanyukta don't try your tricks on me again!"
"Vidhushi and I are friends," she told him against his chest, "But she doesn't even know about us!"
"Okay, so the two of you are friends, she doesn't know about us, and you never told me?" he asked her. "Let me even accept that you didn't know that this Vidhushi was my girlfriend, do I look stupid to you? I may have been fooled by you these last few weeks Sanyukta, but I'm not going to be a fool again. I'm not going to fall into an obvious trap again."
"Please Randhir," she cried. "Please don't do this to yourself! How do you want me to prove it to you that I love you? I will do anything you ask me to do!"
"By leaving me alone!" he yelled with menace in his voice. "Stay away from me Sanyukta Agarwal or things won't be good! Don't come to work. You're fired. I don't ever want to see your face again!"
Then he turned around and started to walk off.
"Randhir!" she screamed, and ran up to him, grabbing his arms, trying to hold on to him for dear life. "I love you!"
He turned around to face her, anger more prevalent in his eyes than anything else.
She looked up into his eyes and her heart hurt so much. He grabbed her cheeks and smacked his lips against hers urgently, leaving her stunned. She grabbed his shirt and kissed him back with full force, feeling the cool water droplets against his lips, trying to show him how much he meant to her.
Breaking the kiss, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as the rain continued to pour on them.
"That's what you deserve," he told her angrily. "You don't deserve a special first kiss at all."
"R - Randhir that was special... that was so special to me," she choked, tears falling down her cheeks. "A - And I know you love me Randhir... you won't leave me!"
"I loved you in the past tense," he told her painfully, and then turned around. "I can't ever believe in love again."
Randhir then walked straight ahead, away from her, and she watched him go weakly, before she fell to her knees and held her chest, crying out painfully.
"Randhir!" she screamed into the rain, her wet hair sticking to her face.
Finally putting herself together, she sat up and walked to the bag that Randhir had thrown at the ground and stepped on. She picked it up with shaking fingers and opened it. Inside was a golden necklace with a diamond pendant. The necklace looked a little bent with the force that he had stepped on it with. Still, Sanyukta put it on around her neck and slipped it inside her shirt.
"Whether this comes from the depths of your heart or from bottom of your feet, whether it comes with love or with vengeance, I accept it," she whispered out of love. "I accept everything that you come with... bad and good, I accept it all, because I have not fallen in love with you, but with your soul. And a soul can never be imperfect."
Then she squeezed her eyes shut and held the necklace against her chest, holding it for dear life, as if she was holding Randhir's life to her.
The next few weeks were hard on her as she gave him his space, but when she couldn't take it anymore, she appeared at his apartment, to prove her love to him and to help him heal from the wounds that she had created herself.
33
Randhir hated her. He hated her so much... her smile that looked innocent, her love that was fake, her black, black heart... all of it. Randhir hated it all.
His eyes were burning with anger. No. He couldn't let himself get heartbroken because then history would repeat. He couldn't let himself be hurt by someone whose only worth was being the dirt under his shoe.
Randhir had to move on... and he had to move on quick. So the first thing he did that night was go out and bring home a girl. He tried to erase all trace of Sanyukta from his body, from his mind, from his heart... but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't erase her from his soul.
That night he had sex... but he didn't make love.
It angered him. It angered him so much that he couldn't even make love with anyone else.
He tried again. Everyday after that, he tried again to bring another girl home, in an effort to replicate the feeling of the love he made to Sanyukta. He couldn't do it. He couldn't copy it. It wasn't to be copied, it was sacred.
Finally after two weeks he just gave up and stopped trying. He locked himself in his home and didn't leave his room. He didn't go to work. He didn't answer calls. He just stayed at home, as a living corpse. All anger faded, all he felt was numbness... he felt nothing. He had no willpower, no reason to move... no reason to live.
What was the point?
It was only when she forcibly entered his home that the first tears fell from his eyes and he openly cried for perhaps the first time since he was a child.
34
"Sanyukta!" Vidhushi screamed, shaking her friend out of her reverie. "You've kept this from me for more than two weeks now. Tell me what your relationship is to Randhir!"
Sanyukta took a deep breath and looked Vidhushi in the eye. How was she supposed to explain to her the depth of what she had with Randhir? How could she tell her the truth when Randhir had only been told lies?
"It's impossible for me to explain," she told Vidhushi, brushing off the question and stood up.
It was early in the morning, and Vidhushi had arrived at her place, all dressed up, ready to go out to have breakfast with Sanyukta.
"Come on Sanyukta, don't be like this," Vidhushi said urgently. "I want to know! I need to know... it's too much suspense!"
"Fine!" Sanyukta replied, getting irritated. "Randhir and I have been seeing each other. Are you happy now?"
Vidhushi's eyes widened and she gasped out loud.
"You've been seeing each other?" she asked, shocked out of her mind. "Since when? How could you? You know he's my ex!"
Sanyukta glared at her best friend, not feeling an ounce of guilt for being with Randhir. Her feelings for Randhir were so genuine, that they were beyond anything else.
"Vidhushi you hurt him a lot so someone had to pick up the broken pieces," Sanyukta pointed out. "And... and I love him."
Vidhushi looked at Sanyukta suspiciously, before sighing resignedly.
"You know Sanyukta, I felt bad right after he found out," she told her seriously. "I didn't want to hurt him... but when we broke up, I didn't even try to get him back because I felt so ashamed."
"Of course you would," Sanyukta told her. "You were after him for his money Vidhushi and he really loved you!"
"I know... trust me Sanyukta, I felt really guilty. I did start to like him. Nobody has ever loved me the way he did," she trailed off. "Anyways, I guess I just wasn't the one for him. All I know is, if I was given the chance to make things right, I would do it."
Sanyukta smiled at Vidhushi.
"I'm sure you'll get a chance to make things right again with the right person," she told her softly. "Right now Randhir's a bit upset with me because he didn't know that we knew each other... I didn't tell him because he wouldn't even give me a chance if I didn't conceal my identity from him."
Vidhushi looked at her with shock.
"You what?" she asked incredulously. "You concealed your identity?"
Sanyukta nodded and then narrated the whole story to Vidhushi. She told the truth - even telling her best friend about how she had fallen in love with him back in college.
"Wow," Vidhushi muttered, a pained expression on her face. "I... I thought I knew what love meant... but I guess I was wrong. I really hope he comes back to his senses Sanyukta, because only a special person deserves a lover like you."
Sanyukta smiled at her best friend before feeling herself get dizzy. Then all of a sudden, she placed her hand over her mouth as an overwhelming sense of nausea took over her and she ran into the bathroom to vomit.
After she was done, and Vidhushi appeared behind her looking concerned, Sanyukta fell against the door to the bathroom.
"What's wrong with me?" she murmured, covering her face with her hands.
"Sanyukta," Vidhushi gasped, "Are you okay?"
Sanyukta nodded weakly.
"I'm fine," she told her friend.
All of a sudden her phone began to ring.
"Yes dad?" Sanyukta answered.
"Sanyukta, I don't think we'll continue with this relationship with the Shekhawat's," her father said into the phone. "I heard Harsh's son hasn't even come out of his room for two weeks and he's been neglecting his office... what a shame, I thought he was a good guy."
"What?" Sanyukta gasped, her eyes wide. "He hasn't?"
"Yeah," her father answered. "I don't want you to be with someone who doesn't even care about his job -"
"Dad, I have to go," Sanyukta said urgently, and then stood up, as she hung up and turned to Vidhushi. "Vidhushi, please understand, something came up very urgently. We'll have breakfast another time!"
Vidhushi looked at her with surprise as she followed a panicked Sanyukta out of the house.
Sanyukta then made her way to Randhir's place. She knew he would be hurt, she knew he was in a lot of pain... but she never expected him to go into such depression that he wouldn't even step out of his home. She had to pull him away from the torture he was inflicting upon himself. Now she wasn't going to sit back and allow him to wither away. She couldn't watch him ruin himself.
If it was slowly killing him, then it was more quickly killing her.
35
She was trying to open his door, but it was locked. She knocked, he didn't open it. She rang the doorbell many times, but he still didn't open it. Pressing her ear to the door, she tried to hear what was happening within... there were no sounds.
Sanyukta was scared. She didn't know what he was doing to himself inside, and she knew that at all costs, she had to get in. So, she called down to the lobby of the condominium.
"I fear for someone's safety," she said into the phone. "Room 1203... Randhir Singh Shekhawat. He hasn't come out for weeks. Please open the door."
Soon, the manager of the hotel came up with some caretakers and looked at her suspiciously.
"Please," she begged, tears in her eyes. "Please open the door."
"Who is inside?" they asked.
"My fiance," she lied. "He hasn't spoken to anyone... not his family, not me, he hasn't come to work... I'm scared! Please make sure he's alright! I'm Kishore Agarwal's daughter."
The manager nodded after hearing who she was and then gave the signal to the caretaker to open the door.
Once he opened the door, Sanyukta pressed her hands together.
"Thank you," she told them gratefully. "I'll go in... if there's a problem, I'll let you know."
The hotel manager nodded and then took his caretaker down with him. Sanyukta ran into his condominium and locked it behind her.
It was a mess.
There were empty bottles of alcohol everywhere - from the living room, to the kitchen. Randhir wasn't in those places though so she entered his room slowly.
What she saw pained her heart.
Randhir was sitting on the ground against his bed, his eyes wide open, looking like he was in shock. He had even grown his stubble. His eyes were dark, but lost.
"Randhir!" she called, and rushed towards him, before falling to her knees on the ground, and cupping his face with her hands.
He turned around to face her, and it was like the sight of her was a key. His lost eyes turned into something else... was it anger or sadness?
"What are you doing here?" he yelled, and for the first time in days, he reacted to the outside world.
"I love you," she whispered. "I love you Randhir."
"I hate you," he replied harshly.
Then it was like he saw something else in her, and he grabbed her face with his hands, and pulled her to him, before he smashed his lips against hers... he was searching for what it was that made her different from the other girls... he wanted to know why he could only do this with her, but nobody else.
She kissed him back lovingly, her hands falling to his shoulders.
When he broke the kiss and looked into her eyes with his pain filled ones she smiled softly.
"I love you," she repeated.
He stood up and so did she. Sanyukta looked at him with a longing expression, and he grabbed her arm, pulling her to him again. This time when his lips met hers, he didn't stop. Instead, he picked her up in his arms and placed her down on the bed, before hungrily kissing every inch of skin he had access to... not in a loving way, but out of vengeance.
Tears fell from Sanyukta's eyes, but she didn't stop him.
If he couldn't make love with other girls, that was fine... but today he wasn't going to make love with Sanyukta either. He was going to have sex with her.
He didn't know that his efforts would be futile though, because no matter how hard he tried, sex with Sanyukta would always equate to making love for he had already given his heart away. He had already fallen in love.
36
As he kissed her neck, she buried her hands in his hair, rubbing his head affectionately. Randhir felt like crying. He was trying to prove that he could have sex with Sanyukta, and it wouldn't mean anything more than that, but already this act of kissing her felt like a lot more than anything else.
He got off her body, and sat up on the bed as the first tears reached his eyes, unable to carry forward in such a vengeful way. Sanyukta sat up as well and wrapped one arm around his shoulder and touched his cheek lightly with her free hand.
"Why can't I have sex with you?" he said bluntly, his voice hoarse.
"Y - You could," she told him, tears filling her own eyes. "If you want to, you can."
"Such a wh**e," he muttered under his breath, and she felt her heart ache at his words. "How can you just throw yourself at someone like that?"
"I - I love you that's why," she whispered to him. "You can call me whatever you like Randhir, but it won't change the fact that I love you very much and would do anything for you."
"How did I trust you? Why was I such an idiot? I was stupid... obviously I hadn't learned my lesson when Vidhushi and I broke up, but now you? I didn't even use my brain," he said out loud, dejection in his voice.
Sanyukta looked into his eyes and with an aching heart, she saw the tears that were falling.
She lowered the hand that was on his cheek to his shoulder, before hugging him tightly.
That did it for him.
He broke down crying. She was so close to him, hugging him so lovingly, as if her feelings were real. He wanted to believe her, but how could he? He was scared to be hurt again. He had already been a fool twice, how could he be a fool a third time?
Randhir held her tightly against him as he sobbed, and she rubbed his back soothingly. He pulled her on top of his lap and nuzzled his face in her neck, his stubble scratching the soft skin.
She felt his tears wet her neck, and she continued to rub his back. This was good for him... instead of being an emotionless zombie, he was crying.
"I hate you," he cried, his words muffled against her neck. "I hate you so much... but I don't want to stay away from you."
She quietly continued to rub his back soothingly and he continued to sob.
"I... I hate you!" he sobbed again. "I can't get over how cruel you are... and h - here I am, too weak to ask you to leave."
Tears fell from Sanyukta's eyes, but she didn't say anything.
"I - I don't think I can d - do anything," he choked.
"I love you Randhir," she whispered, finally speaking out.
Seeing him in this condition was slowly killing her. It hurt a lot to see him like this. She had to convince him somehow.
"You're lying," he sobbed.
"I swear Randhir... I swear I'm being honest," she told him. "I don't know how to prove it to you, but if you ask me to, I will do anything."
He pulled himself away from her and looked into her swollen eyes with his own red ones.
"Will you really do anything?" he asked her, finally deciding to put her to the ultimate test.
She nodded.
He pushed her off his lap and she fell backwards on the bed as he left the room. In a minute, he came back with a knife.
"Kill me," he told her simply.
"What?" she gasped, her eyes wide. "How will that prove to you I love you?"
"You're right. Okay, kill yourself," he said to her in a challenging tone. "Can you do it?"
Randhir knew that she wouldn't do this. He just wanted to show her that he could be an evil person, so she shouldn't meddle in his life anymore... he didn't want someone as traitorous as her, and she didn't seem like she would stop running after him unless he did something drastic.
Sanyukta smiled at him, tears in her eyes.
"You gave me an easy task," she said to him softly. "But I can't do it."
"Why?" he asked her, getting frustrated.
"Once I do it, you'll feel bad Randhir and it would hurt you even more. I don't want to go by leaving you in so much pain," she answered.
"Well to prove your love for me, you will have to die," he said simply. "Otherwise I won't believe you."
"I will one day," she pointed out. "We all will one day."
"Fine," he said with irritation. "Slit your wrist then."
Sanyukta smiled even more widely.
"You think that will prove my love for you?" she asked him.
"Just do it!" he bellowed. "If you love me, do it! Or get out of here and don't come back!"
"As you say Randhir," she told him with a smile and then held the knife to her wrist. "This is perhaps the easiest thing you can ask me to do."
Then she pressed the blade against her wrist, about to slit it and Randhir's eyes widened, his heart starting to beat faster with fear.
37
If there was one thing that he had left even after deciding that he wanted her out of his life, it was his care for her. He wasn't able to watch her put the knife so close to her wrist, about to slit it open. He couldn't see Sanyukta do that, no matter how cruel she was.
So he grabbed the knife from the top, the blade cutting against the palm of his hand as he snatched it from her.
"Randhir!" she yelled, and grabbed his hand to look at the damage that he had done to herself. "Why did you do this? I would have stopped - you just needed to tell me!"
He opened his hand and let the knife fall to his bed, as blood oozed out of the palm of his hand.
For some reason the pain that the knife brought him paled in comparison to the pain that Sanyukta had given him.
"I told you how I felt about you," he whispered, his eyes getting wet. "But you still hurt me."
Her eyes filled with tears too and she looked genuinely hurt. He didn't like seeing her like this, but he knew those tears were crocodile tears and everything was just an act by her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I promise you, I mean everything that I say right now... I love you very much Randhir. My heart could fail me, my lungs could stop breathing in oxygen, but my love for you... that's endless. It goes beyond this body and heart Randhir."
He wanted to believe her. Her words brought tears to his eyes... but surely a love like that was not real. He sniffled and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. He had to bring himself out of this misery... he couldn't be so deep in pain for a girl like her.
"I'll tell you how to prove it," he told her sharply.
"How?" she asked him.
"You'll see. I'll shower and then come. We have to go somewhere," he told her.
"Let me bandage your hand," she said softly.
"You may be able to put a bandage on this hand Sanyukta, but you can never heal this heart," he said to her coldly, and stood up, before turning his back to her and going into the bathroom.
When he was showering, Sanyukta wiped her own tears and went to the window of his room, opening it so she could let air in. The room smelled of alcohol and of sweat, and if Randhir continued to live in these conditions, he would get sick.
Then she went around his condominium and started to clean. She picked up the dirty clothes from the ground and put them in the laundry hamper. She collected all of the bottles of alcohol that were lying around the house and placed them in a box in his kitchen. She made his bed nicely and then sat at the foot of the bed, waiting for him to come out.
He came back ten minutes after she finished cleaning, wearing just a towel. She noticed that he had shaved too. The first thing he saw was that his room looked different.
"Where's my stuff?" he asked her.
"I cleaned your place," she said softly. "It was a mess so instead of waiting and doing nothing, I thought to clean it for you."
"It's my place so it's my mess! It isn't for you to clean," he snapped, and then walked up to her and grabbed her arms angrily.
She looked down at his hands and noticed that he had bandaged it himself in the bathroom. She was glad that he was taking care of himself at least.
"Sorry," she said softly, but in truth she wasn't sorry at all... she was doing all of this for him.
He pushed her backwards and she grabbed the wall for support.
Randhir took out his clothes from the wardrobe and then disappeared back into the bathroom. When he finally came out, dressed up in a t-shirt and jeans, he grabbed his car keys.
"Let's go," he said.
She nodded and followed him out.
"Where are we going?" she asked him curiously.
"We're going to walk on burning coals barefoot," he answered simply, as if it was a very natural activity. "You can back out now or you can go through with it. It's your choice."
Sanyukta smiled - once again, he had given her an easy task.
38
Randhir didn't know what fueled her determination. How could she agree to each and every one of her requests with a smile on her face, without even flinching? He was going to put her through a painful task, and here she was sitting in his car, smiling.
As he drove, he kept quiet, and she didn't say anything. While they were passing by a roadside stall, he heard her stomach grumble.
"You haven't eaten anything?" he asked her.
She shook her head.
"Let's find something to eat then," he said.
"Can we have chaat please?" she asked him softly, glancing out at the roadside vendor. "He's making it here."
Randhir stopped the car beside the vendor and looked at her with disgust.
"You want to eat here? Don't you know how unhygienic it is?" he asked.
"I just... I'm really craving it for some reason," she murmured. "But if you don't want to... it's fine."
Randhir sighed and got out of the car before ordering two plates of chaat. Sanyukta joined him and took her plate. As she put a spoonful in her mouth, a feeling of bliss took over her features.
He looked at her with surprise - she seriously was craving it, and now that she had it, her facial features only held satisfaction.
Randhir scrunched his nose as he looked down at his own plate. She took a spoonful out of her plate and held it up for him to take a bite of.
"I have my own plate," he replied.
"Maybe you'll like the taste if I feed you," she said softly.
Sighing, Randhir opened his mouth and she fed him.
"It's good," he said.
"I told you!" she replied excitedly.
They finished their own plates in silence. Finally after they were full, they got back in the car.
"How far away is this place?" she asked him after about an hour of driving.
"The one I'm taking you to is a few more hours away," he answered.
Sanyukta nodded and rested her head against the window, feeling sleepy. Soon she drifted off to sleep.
She woke up when Randhir parked his car. It was dark by the time they got there.
"Let's go," he said and she nodded.
As they got out of the car, she shivered. It was chilly and she hadn't even brought a sweater.
Randhir, who had a jacket in the car took it out and placed it over her shoulders. As much as he hated her right now, he couldn't bear the sight of her being like this.
Sanyukta slipped her arms inside the sleeves of the jacket and zipped it up. Then she took his hand.
"Is that where I'm walking?" she asked him softly, pointing towards a long stretch of coals that were burning on the ground.
He ignored her but he didn't let go of her hand.
They both approached a Shaikh who was sitting by the fire.
"Whatever you wish for as you walk on this fire, it will come true," the Shaikh told them. "You have to focus on that one thing, and that thing only. Focus on it so hard that you don't even feel the burns anymore."
Randhir and Sanyukta both nodded and bowed in front of the Shaikh.
"Let's go," Randhir stated, and took her to the edge of the fire as he removed his shoes.
"You're going too?" Sanyukta asked with a gasp, removing her own shoes.
"Of course. You may not love me Sanyukta, but unfortunately, I am cursed to love you. I can't see you go through this alone," he answered without looking at her.
Then he took her hand and she, with an amazed expression on her face, clutched his hand tightly.
As they took their first step on the fire, with the burns searing through not only their feet but their whole body, they held on to each other more tightly.
Randhir had one wish, "Get her out of my life."
Sanyukta's only wish was, "Please fulfill Randhir's wish."
Like the saying went, 'be careful what you wish for... because it just might come true'.
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