Chapter 2
"Ahemji please hear me out fully before you say anything"...she said glancing up at him for a second before returning her gaze to his hands that lay on top of hers and then taking a deep breath she said "I would like to go for some ...Therapy" she almost breathed it out the word in a whisper...Ahem who was listening to her intently could barely make it out. Did she just say therapy? He pondered yet looking at her intensely his work now long forgotten.
"Ahemji I still have nightmares of the roof caving in and the hospital, I need help dealing with all this...I've tried doing it on my own but am not able to overcome my fears." She paused for this to sink in, Therapy had a whole lot of negative connotations attached to it but she knew her Ahemji was beyond all this, he was somewhat of a modern thinker and yet she did not tell him the whole truth. True the whole accident and the events thereafter had been trying but that was beyond human control and her Khanaji helped her with that he not only helped her through it but also bought her Ahemji close to her.
It was the demons of the past that troubled her the most. Her time spent alone in bed had made her think of her life, her fears and her insecurities. She had overcome her illiteracy and yet it was not the written words that eluded her it was her childhood, she was coming to terms with the fact that she had been a victim of abuse, extreme abuse at that and what most people believed to be her naivet was in fact a direct result of her upbringing or rather lack of it and she needed to work this out, for herself and for Ahemji and for their future.
Looking back the past year of their marriage she had fallen victim to many of Rashi ben and Kinjal ben's tricks due to her own gullibility. She had been played and she had let it happen. Her inferiority had been key to all of this, if she was unable to protect herself and her most important relationship then if they should have children what was their future to be. She did not want to blame anyone but what was done was done, it was up to her to make things right ...she had to learn to be strong and fight her own battles...even Khanji helped those who helped themselves.
All of her research on the net pointed her in this direction, but she needed Ahemji to help her through it and yet she did not want to lay out all of her past open to him before she herself could make sense of it all and most of all she did not want him angry at Rashi or kinjal or even mami for that matter.
Ahem had been listening to her intently he had turned on the couch to face her; his left leg folded lying against her right thigh. He had both her hands in his, his eyes taking in all of the fleeting expressions on her face. Gopi had lifted her gaze to him but could not holding, knowing well that he was also reading the unsaid thoughts, thoughts she was neither ready to or the courage to voice.
I read this article in the waiting room of the hospital the other day about post traumatic stress, then did some more searches on Google, there is a lot of information there, they don't all make sense, but if you look at it, may be, you know even the physio said and also on TV the have this, also victims organisations and..." she was gushing and now the nervousness was translating to nonsensical words.. She had had it all planned out yet his intense gaze was her undoing and she slowly trailed off... Feeling more miserable now, {oh khanaji what am I doing, what is he going to think}
"Gopi...Gopi" he squeezed her hands to get her full attention " look at me, if it is therapy you want then we will look into it, we need to do our research, talk to mom" "MAAJI" (was a whisper but a dragged out loud one from her)... "yes Gopi mom, but don't worry it is not an easy step for us but if that is what you want we need to work out the details and step in that directions , you will have my support" she saw his sincerity in his eyes but also that he saw that he recognised she was not giving him the whole truth, yet was willing to stand by her...they had come a long way...she was not sure what to do with all the feelings gushing inside of her, she felt enormously overwhelmed and looked down at their interlocked hands, and managed to get a hoarse thank you kissing, Ahems hands that were in hers, before she gave into the avalanche of tears and buried her face into their hands. Her body was shaking with her silent sobs, Ahem just gathered her into him, whispered reassuring nothings that he knew she hardly heard. It was more for him than her because her emotional upheaval was shaking him too. He kissed the top of her head and buried his face in her hair and held her tight.
They had a long way to go, they would heal together...he knew she was not ready to open up completely, but recognised that there was a lot Gopi needed to face on her own, he promised he would be her strength when she needed it and help her find her voice, he would talk to mom, he needed to make sure she stood y them.
As Gopi was getting ready to heal her past and Ahem was setting up to support her unknown to him he was also going to face his own ghosts and yes they would need kokila's support because skeletons in her closet also were a large part of this family drama...Gopi and Ahem moving ahead meant the MODI parivaar facing their past...
Edited by tangam - 13 years ago
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