FF: It wasn't just love -Chapter 45-The End(03/28) - Page 8

"Mota Bhabhi. I think Gopi again started on some work and forgot tea. I will go and call her." Kokila informed Mota Bhabhi as she walked towards her Bahu's room. She knew Gopi. This daughter of hers would have found another work. Kokila had never seen anybody more hardworking than her DIL. Gopi vahu was not just the most hardworking but she was also the kindest person in the world Kokila thought.

"Maaji. Can I talk to you? And you too Kakiji." Kokila remembered when Gopi had walked in to her room that day when Aham had rejected her vahu once again. Kokila had looked at her bahu and her heart had broken to see her. "Kokila. Listen to Gopi." Mota Bhabhi had told her. Her Gopi vahu had sat in front of her and Mota Bhabhi and had started talking. As soon as she had, Kokila had sensed the determination in her voice and at first she had been afraid because she had thought that her Bahu would want to leave her again. But Gopi had suprised her. "Maaji. I am here to ask you for a promise. I want you to promise me that no one, not you nor anybody would blame Ahamji for what happened today." Kokila had realized how much her vahu loved her husband that day. "Maaji, Ahamji is right. What he said is a bitter pill to take , but I think he spared us more pain. He was truthful Maaji and for that I am grateful. I do not consider this a slight. I am actually grateful that he felt he should not leave me in the dark with respect to his feelings. Maaji, it is not his mistake if he does not love me." "But Gopi vahu you are his wife.." "Yes Maaji. I know and that is why I want him to be happy. He considers me his friend Maaji" her bahu had continued with a sad smile "and I am ready to accept what he has to offer. I think it is the best not to build any more castles in the air." "But Gopi beta" Mota Bhabhi had started. "Kakiji. I know you all think I am broken, but actually I felt really happy today. Ahamji for the first time today treated me as his wife. Yes Kakiji. He shared his thoughts with me and told me that he would always be my friend, whatever happens between us. I could not have dreamed something like this 5 months back. But it is true." Gopi had continued and Kokila's hopes had risen a bit. Her Bahu would not leave. She still believed and hoped that her son see the truth. "So please Kakiji, Maaji. Let us not pressure him further." Gopi had finished. Her DIL had then risen to leave. But she had hesitated near the door, turned around and had said "Maaji. I know this may come as a shock. But if in the future, Ahamji falls in love with someone, I want you to accept it wholeheartedly. Please Maaji." She had pleaded softly. Kokila remembered going to her Gopi and touching her head. "I am sure he will Gopi vahu.. with you.." she had said and had seen a lone tear escape her Gopi's eyes.

Gopi was sitting in Baa's room making sure that Baa was comfortable. Baa's health had not been good and Gopi always tried to make sure she was comfortable. As Baa slept, Gopi looked at the book in her hand. She had liked reading the book. Ahamji had recommended it to her and he had ordered it online for her. Gopi had received the book 2 days back. It had been signed "For Gopi.. Yours Aham" and her heart had given a small leap. "I need to control myself. I cannot let myself be swayed every time I see his name or hear him speak." she thought. But Ahamji kept doing sweet things. He thought he was doing it as a friend. But it was making her fall in love more and more. Like when he sent her a bunch of white and pink roses out of the blue with a card that read "For always being there for me.. Thank you.. Yours, Aham" and like the time he had woken her up at midnight to make her watch the New Year's parade with him. And one another time he had helped her find Krishna Bhajans that she had wanted. Gopi knew how little Aham knew about music and hence she had been touched that he had taken the effort to help her. Slowly, Gopi had found herself opening up to Aham more and more. Her husband had actually let her use his old laptop when he had gone on the trip. He had taught her to use the internet to help widen her horizons. Gopi smiled. That knowledge had helped them when Aham had started sending emails to her. It had started out an assignment he set her and had slowly made way for them to correspond as often as twice a day. Gopi found she enjoyed sharing her thoughts with Aham. He had been appreciative of her efforts and had actually on a number of times told her that she had helped him too by giving him suggestions that were out of the box. Gopi had felt proud. And every email they sent, had helped her understand Aham better. She had come to understand how shy he was, she had learnt on how hardworking he had been at school and college. She had started to fear him less. She now understood that Ahamji showed all his feelings through anger. And sometimes his anger did not mean anything. She understood that he was kind and generous but was embarassed to show it.

"Give Mani the sweaters I have at the corner of my shelf. You said her brother was starting school right? He will need it. I have no use for it anyway" Aham had told her during one of their conversations. Gopi had checked his closet and had found a bunch of sweaters all almost new. She had wondered why he had lied about the sweaters being old. She had found it endearing. She had also realized that he was protective of his family. Frighteningly so. And he considered her a part of his family now.. There had been no doubt. "If Raashi or her mother by any chance come near you again Gopi, I will personally make sure that they are sent behind bars for life." He had thundered and then had proceeded to get a court order against them. Gopi had felt secure hearing his words. This time his anger had been for her. She had really needed his support that day. She had been really frightened.

Her maami and Raashi ben had cornered her one day a month after Aham had left for his trip. Gopi had decided to shop for her Maaji's anniversary. She was window shopping and selecting the items in her mind. She had wanted to discuss with Ahamji once before she made the purchase and had mentally ticked off her purchase list when she had found herself suddenly pulled into a corner by her Maami and Raashi ben. Gopi had found herself in a dark alley and her maami had twisted her hand while her Raashi ben had spewed hatred. Gopi had begged them to let her go and had tried to reason with them. But they had not cared. Fortunately she had been saved when Jigarji had come to her rescue. "You scum." He had shouted at Rashi ben and her Maami. Jigarji had looked like he would cause them both physical harm but he had seen her state and had taken her back home. And without doubt Aham had known about it that same night and had called to check in on her. After he had vented out his anger at Raashi and her maami, Gopi had found him questioning her again and again about how she was. Instead of him assuring her, she had ending up assuring him. From that day forward, she had found one of the family members accompanying her everywhere she went. She had guessed this was also Aham's doing and had been grateful.

As they corresponded more, Ahamji had started to sign his name with a "Yours" in the end. She had been suprised and she rejoiced. Her mind told her that it was nothing significant and that he would probaby use it with all his friends but her heart did not agree. Gopi knew that she was just building her hopes up for nothing but she could not help herself.

"Gopi vahu. Baa is asleep. Come down for tea." Her maaji came in interrupting her thoughts. Gopi picked up the book and started out with her Maaji. "After tea, we will go see your Maama. I will come with you. Alright." Kokila continued. Gopi nodded. She was going to say goodbye to her only well wisher from her parent's side. Her maama was going away for good from Rajkot. Although it made her sad Gopi knew that it had been the only option.

"Sir. I am really sorry. I did not see.." the waiter was stammering his apologies to Aham. Aham looked down at his brown suit now covered with red sauce. He was angry. He looked up to shout at the waiter's clumsiness when he stopped himself. "It's ok. It really is." Aham pressed a couple of dollars to the waiter's hand and walked away. "Aham Bhai. Is that you? Really?" Aham turned sideways to look at Deepika. Her face reflected her surprise. "It was my fault anyway. I did not see he him coming our way." Aham replied and smiled at her. "No wait. It cannot be true. You just smiled.And you actually did not scold the waiter. Aham Bhai.. Its a miracle.." Deepika was hopping up and down. "Come on Deepika. Zip it. People are looking at us." Aham dragged Deepika to a corner but he was very amused. It seemed he had surprised Jigar's college buddy.

Aham had been pleasantly surpurised to meet Jigar's friend Deepika at Anitha's dinner party. He had actually felt relief as he had found the party too tedious. When Deepika came in, he had found an excuse to stay away from Anitha and her obnoxious boy friend. They had caught up on old times and Aham had found he liked Deepika a lot. She reminded him of the care free Jigar he knew.

"Aham Bhai.. Tell me the secret. Really.." Deepika was again questioning him. "What is so surprising? And I never liked this suit anyway. So good riddance" Aham said. Both stood next to each other in companianable silence looking into the night.

"I don't like that suit Ahamji. It is just too dorky on you." Gopi had told him and then had stopped like she just realized that she had commented on his dressing. "Really? Well I like this suit." Aham had told her stubbornly. "And I am wearing it." He had continued. Something in him had wanted her to continue her banter and fight with him to make him go against the idea. But she had not and he had felt flat. "Well. She would have cursed the suit. That is why the poor thing is now ruined." Aham thought laughing. He did not see Deepika give him another look of disbelief. "Thinking about Bhabhi Bhai?" She asked innocently.

"Actually Yes." Aham found himself acknowledging the truth. "Gopi hated this suit." "Oh. Now I understand. That is why you were so happy it was ruined. It made me wonder when you forgave that guy so easily. Bhabhi is really a good thing for you. I have never seen you forgive someone so quickly" She had continued. "It was not his mistake.." Aham tried to justify himself but he knew that the real reason he forgave the waiter was different.

Aham felt Gopi's goodness was rubbing on him. He now found it easier to forgive others. He compared his action to that of Gopi's . "If she can be that magnanimous to forgive me after all I did, why cannot I forgive others for these small things " He thought. He thought back to the day when he had humiliated her again over the phone when he had shouted that he would never be able to love Gopi. He had not known she was listening but it did not make his fault seem any lesser.

He had been really cross that day. His employees had made mistakes all day and there had been problems over some legal issues in the project. On top of that there had been Anitha...

FB...

He had followed Gopi up to their room. "I do not love you Gopi." He had just told her in front of all the others. She had been crying and he had felt like a jerk. But he had wanted her to know the truth. "Gopi you are a friend" He did not know how may times he had repeated that to her trying to find words to explain himseld. After she had heard him out she had looked at him for the longest time. Then without a word walked into the bathroom. He had stopped his urge to shake her and ask her if she understood what he said. He himself did not know how he wanted her to react. But this reaction of hers had made him panic. When she came out of the washroom, her face had been composed. She had seen him look at her and had walked to the dressing table. He had felt defeated and had turned to go out when.."Do you still love Anithaji?" Gopi had questioned him. He had been surprised and confused. Anitha had been the fartherest from his thoughts. It had taken him a minute to understand the question. When he did he had replied "I do not Gopi. Actually I think I was never in love with her." He had surprised himself by the answer and he had surprised her too. But as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he had said the truth. "I know it is hard to believe after everything I have done. But it is the truth. I do not know what love is Gopi. I thought I loved her. She told me she loved me and I assumed I did too when I did not tell her no. But now I know that I was never in love. Not with her. Believe me." He had added. Gopi had listened quietly. "Gopi I am afraid I do not know what love is. I am sorry." He wanted to apologize for the hurt she would have gone through but she had just smiled at him sadly.

"Ahamji. You do not have to apologize for telling me the truth. I know I am not what you wanted.." "No Gopi. Please listen. Me not loving you has nothing to do with you. It is just to do with my inability. So please.. Do not ever say that again.." He had wanted her to understand that it was not her fault. Desperately. "Gopi. I do not love you but what I told you downstairs is the truth. You are very special. I may not be able fall in love with you but I would like us to remain friends. I respect our marriage Gopi. And more than that I respect you. You are the kindest person I know and I am proud of being your husband. I will be grateful if you let me continue to be your friend. I would like you to be at my side as a friend. I will respect our relation unless you want.." He had not wanted to continue.. He had found it difficult to even tell Gopi that he would free her from their marriage if she wished.

Break FB...

"Why? Why did I not complete my words that day?" Aham thought again. As usual the answers he managed to come up with were very vague and unconvincing to himself.

FB Continue...

Gopi had looked up with horror and somewhere in the deepest part of his brain Aham had rejoiced. Aham again quelled that thought. "I will like that Ahamji. I will be your friend. Ok?" Gopi had replied in a low voice and looked at him with her brown eyes. She had placed her hand above his. He had seen her steel herself and a look of determination cross her face.

Then the project had happened and he had felt it was a blessing in disguise. It would help the others get over what he had done. Aham hated running away. But after that day being under constant scrutiny had been too much for him. The second day after he had come to NY, he had run into Anitha. When he had seen her first, he had felt awkward. But he had found that there was no pang of hurt. He had just been uncomfortable. But he had still felt that he had wronged her. So awkwardly he had asked her if he could meet her to talk to her.

That meeting was the longest 1/2 hour in Aham's life. He had found that Anitha was hell bent on showing him that she had moved on. He had been happy for her. But she had gone over board by acting silly. She had also rubbed her boyfriend in his face numerous times. Then she had made him promise to go out with her and her friends that weekend.

The weekend party had started out all right. But Anitha had crossed the line that day by mocking him. She had made him aware that she knew about the state of his marriage. Aham felt that she was rubbing it in that she had found love again he had not. Then she had the audacity to make fun of his marriage to Gopi. Aham had been really mad after that. He did not know why, but he had felt cheap that even Anitha thought his marriage was a joke. Anitha who had not yet understood the real meaning of marriage. Aham thoughts had mocked him that day. He had questioned himself and had come up really frustrated. He had wanted to talk to someone and the person who came to his mind was Gopi.

He wanted to know if she thought of their marriage in a similar way. He had wanted to be reassured. He had been selfish he knew.. But when he called his mother and all the rest had started teasing him about his marriage and love. That had done it. And he had hurt Gopi.

FB end...

Aham came back to the present. He remembered how his wife had forgiven him even after that. She was indeed special. Aham made a mental note that he had to send her a thank you note for the idea she gave recently. Maybe a present too.. And smiled again when he imagined her looking at the gift..

"So how is Jigar and how is his wife?" Aham turned again to look at Deepika.