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Part 1
Ahem stood silently in the garden. He breathed a sigh of relief. The Holi commotion was over. Thank god. He hated the festival. What was the use of making fools of yourself and spreading all that colour when you had to spend hours washing it off anyway. It just seemed illogical to him. A waste of precious effort and time. He was happy sitting in his room working on his laptop. Well that was going to be his plan until She arrived. She always had a way of spoiling his plan.
Now, what did she do?
He closed his eyes, hoping to silence his inner voice but instead the memory of her walking in to their, their?! his room earlier in the day flashed before him. His eyes briefly met hers and he tore his gaze away on to his laptop. He was still watching her from the reflection of screen. She placed an envelope in the cupboard and shut the cupboard silently.
Thoughtful. Or maybe afraid?
He ignored his inner voice that was gaining strength lately. He continueto his attempt at studying his spreadsheet. He watched her again from the screen, she paced and then stopped and looked at him and then looked away, thinking.
"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to say something?"
"I was wondering how your hand was from yesterday?" She spoke softly, her voice barely audible.
Good, at least she regrets what she did. If only she held the cup nicely.
Well if only YOU held the cup well instead of studying her new look.
I wasn't staring.
Really?! What had changed? Her makeup? Her hair.
It did not matter, ahem thought. This was nonsensical. He didn't like her anyway. She was not his type.
"My hand is fine. Please leave."
What a cruel man you are Ahem Modi. Is this how your were raise?!
He coughed. His voice certainly had a mind of his own.
She turned. "Shall I get some warm milk for you with ginger and tulsi?"
"No thank you. Please keep your old wise remedies to yourself and please leave gopiji."
See I can be nice. His inner voice stayed silent but for how long he was not sure.
She took a few steps and then walked back in.
"Now what?" He asked, his voice crisp.
He followed her gaze to naniji and jigar. Oh shit!!! Instantly he was up by her side. Playing a happy married couple was becoming easier. Against his wishes, he got dragged to the garden where to his dismay; the Holi celebration was in full swing.
That was a few hours ago. He was amazed in a matter of few hours, everything was upsy turvy. Well if he was honest, everything was upsy turvy from the moment his mother had found him a girl to marry. Since then, he longed for a single day of peace. So today's events should not have come as a surprise. But yet, here again he was caught off guard.
How? He didn't know. How was he, Ahem Modi, a top industrialist, constantly perplexed?! And that too by a young uneducated girl?! He shook his head. His headache was back and he ran his fingers across his temples massaging them lightly. Again his thoughts had a mind of his own. Her touch was definitely softer and gentler. He touched his cheeks as though he needed a trigger to remember the earlier events. He was definitely angry, especially at Dhawal and his friends for ruining his white shervani with holi colours. He hated being held while they sprayed him with colours but he kept quiet. He was brought up to respect guests even if they did not deserve his respect. But when they tried to mess his face with colours, he had to say something. They had definitely cross the boundaries. So when he felt the sensation on his cheeks and the soft careess, he was annoyed. He was stunned.
Which imbicile would even dare do that? None of his family members he hoped, not even naniji. She knew how he felt. He grabbed the soft hands and pulled the culprit forward. He was ready for a tongue lashing, guest or no guest. To his amazement, what he saw was a beautiful flawless face with a pair of dove eyes looking at him with love and admiration. Gopi?! How dare she?! With what right?! He tried to look away but struggled.
"What is the meaning of this?" He asked, his fingers struggling to let go of her small soft fingers.
"Happy holi Ahemji." She replied with a bigger smile enough to melt the toughest heart.
Not yours though.
Shut up.
They were interrupted by dhawal though he did not care what was being said. He was still annoyed. How dare she? He took a deep breath. He was definitely going to have to tell her how he felt. She had crossed the boundary irrespective of whether naniji was looking or not. This was beyond his patience.
"Shhh" She placed her finger on her lips, drawing his attention to her full sensous lips.
Did she just silence me?! He clenched his jaw though he struggled to get angrier. His attention was still at her lips. Damn.
"Ahemji, why are you always very angry. Do you know it is not good for your health."
You are not good for my health.
Ahem stared at her, though it was not having it's usual effect. She was not afraid and he was surprised.
She continued confidently, "Do you know I always do things to make you happy and to smile. Like this" her fingers followed the contours of her lips as her smile widened.
He had to look away before'
Before what?
What's wrong with her? See holi makes idiots of people, though his wife certainly did not need any occasion to make a fool of herself. She had that natural ability. But she had never spoken to him like this before. This was her first.
Actually second.
2nd? Immediately he recalled their first phone conversation, way before they got married. Gopi had called him by mistake thinking he was a dobi. She ranted confidently in her sweet voice about something he had done wrong with his shirt. And just when he wanted her to continue, she had stopped talking and instructed him to wait whilst she spoke to someone before coming onto the phone and asking who he was. A reply of "ahem modi" met with instant silence and then the conversation was over.
At no time after did she sound so confident until she told him that she could not live without him. Him? What was this girl made of?! And why him? He was never nice to her except when she hurt her hand in deevali and that too he did shout at her after. How many times had he shouted at her and yet she could not live without him. Was it him that she could not live without or his money? It had to be his money. She did order the 5 lakh jewellery.
Are you so stupid and blind, ahem modi? What money? His inner voice screamed. His headache was certainly getting worse.
She dresses simply. Even when she left the house she took with her nothing valuable.
He stood silent. He could not argue. That was a fact as he had checked his room and saw all her expensive saris and jewellery left behind.
Your money? You can't be serious.
Ok. Maybe not my money then. It had to be the family. But the thought that she could not live without him made him feel uneasy. How could she feel that way despite how he had treated her. And a sense of guilt overwhelmed him. He had treated her badly almost to the point that part of him did not rest until he made her cry. At least she cried, how could he express his sorrow?! But still that did not justify his actions.
No one had ever said such things to him. Was that the motive for all her behaviour? His happiness? Taking back her marriage vows, obeying all his mother's ridiculous rules, working non stop in the house, keeping her distance from him, hiding her bruises and scars even though he was sure it was nothing compared to her emotional scars that he had been mostly responsible for. How much of it would she take before she would break? Or would he give in eventually. Never.
But still he was preoccupied with what she had said. Not even Anita, despite him fulfilling all her whims and fancies and giving in to all her desires of the latest accessories, had ever looked at him with such admiration and love.
He continued to massage his temples. That was another frequent event in his life recently, his headache. He glanced at the watch. He had been on the garden pacing for an hour in his stained sherwani?! An hour?! And all he thought of was Gopi. This was definitely getting ridiculous. He had to take control of life.
He walked into the foyer and immediately recognised his mother's voice. She was angry and it was no surprise at whom. He watched Gopi walking slowly towards his mother as his mother hurriedly removed the marked cushion covers. She was clad in a simple red green embroidery sari. Her hair was still wet and let loose. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. Just like the days before.
"Maji, I'm so sorry." Gopi looked down at the floor.
He placed his hand on the side of the door, controlling the urge of wanting to go up to her and shake her so that the confident Gopi would come out. He wondered what she would say to his mother right now? He had to smile. He already knew. Even when her mother was scolding her in front of the family, Gopi continued to preoccupied with housework. Naniji was right. His wife had definitely taken the contract (teka) to do all the housework in this house. How could someone do so much housework? He shuddered to think. I guess in someways she was similar to his mother. Housework and family was a priority. He was beginning to realise Gopi was similar to his mother.
She is not so different from you too. His inner voice stated matter of factly. You put work first and you've sacrificed your happiness for your mother.
He turned his attention back to the interaction in the hall. Lately, he had failed to win a single argument with his internal voice. He decided to ignore the voice.
He listened as his mother stressed that whether a mistake was done knowingly or unknowingly, it was still a mistake. His mother was upset that Gopi's behaviour had embarrassed her.
Rightfully so. She had disgrace his mother by being high on bhang.
But what did she do that was wrong? Did she dance in a provocative manner?
No.
Did she lose control in front of the guest?
No.
Did she speak to your mother or the elders in an offending manner?
No. All she did was speak to him? That too in a admiring sweet manner. And housework.
How was that different from a normal day?
It wasn't.
"A simple apology would not suffice. You will be punished. I want you to wash all the covers and I don't want even a single mark. Understand?!" his mum thundered.
Gopi nodded. She was back to her usual self. And he was surprise that part of him regretted it. He watched her as her shoulders continued to droop. His mother had left and he heard her speak out her regret of upsetting her mother.
This was all your fault? His inner voice accused him.
How?
If only you had listened to naniji and gone to look for Gopi. Why were you in the garden anyway? Waiting for Gopi?
He froze at that thought. Definitely not. He waited in the garden to make sure that the party was going to end soon, he reasoned.
How? His inner voice questioned.
He massaged his temple with increasing force, hoping that something would shut the voice up.
If you had come in, you may have found her with the sheets. You could have stopped her.
For what? I don't care if she gets into trouble or not. Even if I stopped her, what would I have done then? Taken her upstairs? Placed her in the shower. His breath increased with that thought of him undressing her and carressing her soft pale skin.
Ahem Modi control yourself. You don't like your wife. This relationship will be over when naniji left.
But when will that be?! No, it was not his fault. It never was.
The coast was clear and he made his way up the stairs and into his room. He locked the door, grateful that Gopi and his path did not cross. She was probably washing the sheets and pillow covers. He had to give it to her. That girl was certainly an efficient worker. She worked like a horse and not a single time, did he ever hear her complain. No wonder his mother was adamant of wanting her back under her control. Compared to rashi, Gopi was a godsend. So why was he still hard on her?
Because you are a heartless bas***d!
He undressed and turned the shower on, turning the thermostat to cold. He could take up running again.
You would be running for a long time. His inner voice laughed.
Was he going mad? If only it was that simple. As he stepped into the shower, a determined look crossed his face. He definitely needed to regain control but first, he was going to have to learn to silence his inner voice.
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