| How does the line between fantasy and reality get so blurred that some men, and even women, cannot separate the two? Mika's infamous and unsolicited lip lock with Rakhi Sawant is one instance where her onscreen role as an "item girl" read as a green signal for his bad behaviour off screen. But actresses, models and other women whose work depends on looking good or sexy are often subjected to attacks and humiliations in their private life too. In fact, stars like Bipasha Basu and Mallika Sherawat, who have raised the temperature in many theatres, have had to employ full time bodyguards to avoid being mobbed and pawed when they are out in public. So, is it a question of inability to control one's impulses or does harassment stem from a basic lack of respect? Television actor Ram Kapoor says, "Men do try to take liberties with women, more so when they think women are inappropriately dressed. However, if an actress or item girl is dressed even in minimal clothes or is doing a bold scene, it is her professional life. No one should treat her as they want." In spite of the fact that professional women of today rarely suffer in silence and have been known to take action against men with wandering hands, the fear of repercussions doesn't seem to stop some men from "trying their luck." TV actor Anuj Saxena has an explanation. "The problem with our country is that we still believe that men are the dominant breed. In a country where birth of girls is looked down upon and even avoided, what else can you expect? Even though there are women like Sonia, Priyanka Gandhi and Kiran Shaw Mazumdar, men continue to think poorly of women. It's wrong to take women lightly and do with them as they please." Hypocrisy and double standards are still the order of the day, a problem that Divya Prasad, a psycotherapist and psychiatrist attributes to one's upbringing and prevents some men from respecting a woman's personal space. "Men are more likely to behave in improper ways due to sociological and evolutionary reasons. Some men have preconceived notions about women due to their conservative upbringing, and find it difficult to deal with modern women." However, one cannot say that only men have trouble distinguishing between their fantasies and the hard facts. Male stars have complained that women are equally capable of crossing boundaries of decency, says Sharat Kelkar, popularly known for his character as Nahar in the TV series Saat Phere. "I think women also try to impose themselves on men who they think are hot. It is not just men who molest women. There are number of instances where male models have complained of being chased or harassed by female fans." But such instances are rare and it's the women who need to watch not just their backs but their mouths too. | | | For decades now men have been wondering aloud 'what do women want?'. But it seems like it's time women ask them the same. Nothing seems to satisfy the fastidious tastes, wandering mind and roving eyes of a man after a period of time. He can have a stunner like Bipasha Basu for a girlfriend, but for John Abraham she is too headstrong and he complains that they argue a lot. rumour mills now churn out stories of how he allegedly runs away from commitment (and also from a besotted Bips) because he wants to keep 'options open.' Same seems to be the fate of talented, gorgeous women who are 'happily' married and take everything in their stride, with beaming faces and brilliant smiles. It's not so much about roving eyes as it is about the 'who cares' attitude. So what if she is a talented artiste who manages to ooze oomph even after a baby, and continue to bag covetable lead roles? seemingly, it takes a little more than all that for Kajol to win hubby Ajay Devegan's appreciation and acknowledgement. While she is seen with him everywhere, from the music launch of his movies to his press conferences, Ajay is hardly ever there to acknowledge her success publicly. Kajol's answer to this would be the predictable, 'He's an extremely private person...'. Could be. But in a recent interview he reportedly said he had no desire to act opposite Kajol as no husband and wife really share the same passion. Even a talented and pretty woman like Twinkle Khanna is not enough for an Akshay Kumar who allegedly runs astray every time he comes across the Priyanka Chopras of the world! These are just a few famous examples that do not miss the public eye but there is no dearth of such examples in everyday life of lesser known mortals. So, that brings us back to the question — what is it about men that makes them so dissatisfied? Why are they so confused? Mumbai-based psychologist Dr Harish Shetty blames it all on the era we live in. He says, "What men want is not very different from what women want. we live in an era where boredom is as common as sunshine. So looking for a change is but natural in both the cases." Model turned actor Zulfi Syed, begs to differ. He says, "Men look up to women as their emotional cushions. They need to be constantly reassured that they are loved and wanted. If you find the right woman who can make you believe in love and love you unconditionally, i don't think there is any question of roving eyes. So I guess it's all about finding the right woman." But it's all about finding the "right" woman that's making things go haywire. As Dr Shetty puts it, "There was a time when a man wanted his woman to switch roles from that of a mother to a wife, to a nurse whenever the need arised. Today he wants her to play all these roles everyday and that's not possible. Also, those who have contact with too many women, won't have contact with same woman for a long time. If you don't have to stay on the same job till you retire, why should be with the same woman till you die? That's the general attitude." Actress Mandira Bedi who is happily married to director Raj Kaushal thinks there is a simple antidote to these woes. She says, "love should never be an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. We have managed to stay together happily for one simple reason — perfect communication. If a couple gives each other the space they require a major battle is won. We are like yin and yang but thankfully we learn to enjoy each other's differences. The day we got married we forgot the 'I' and began to work on the 'we'. Believe me, it works and it's not all that difficult. It all depends on whether you want it to work or not." To sum it up, psychoanalyst and family therapist Dr Mohan Basu says, "Every intoxication has its own rush. Sadly, men don't have the patience to rediscover this euphoria with the same woman. Those who do, are happy men." | |
Channel V Dil Dosti Dance
Arjun
