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Hola amigos 🤗 Hows everyone here? I am sure still pondering over the epi. TBH i once again loved the epi...solely bcoz its not love yet! His pain, his breakdown everything is still about the fear and misery of losing the one genuine friend he made after so many years And to add to it is his guilt of crashing her hopes n letting her down. And together the cumulative effect of all of it has taken a toll over him. And honestly there is nothing overtly romantic or unnatural about it.
Anyway coming to my post, ofcourse i came here to share with u all another kaya scribbling of mine. But before you read it lemme tell that this was started three days ago and at that time i had not known that this track would bring out the fragile side of kabir and that too so unexpectedly. So my inferences and reactions, specially of him are more controlled and calm. Hope i am able to make u like the current track in a different light. Feedback , good,bad or worse,will be anticipated.
Let Me Heal You
"Ananya..." he called her from behind seeing her juggle with the files.
It has not been easy for her, and he knew it. Her hopes had been crushed and trust ripped apart with that one blaring revelation about her father. To be failed by your people, by your family, can be excruciating enough to devastate you, and who could understand it better than him.
It was already fifteen past twelve and no one could be seen or heard around in the KKN premises, except the rhythmic sounds of their alternating heartbeats and her intermittent shallow sobs. Kabir stopped himself before walking up to her, as the thought of her being in Ronnie's arms flashed before his eyes. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to collect himself. He hated it, hated the fact that destiny was once again playing the same game with him that once tore his world apart and also the lives of everybody near and dear to him. And he just could not let history to repeat itself. Just could not let another girl lose her innocence and happiness at his hands and let her transform into another Tarini. Especially the girl sitting right in front of him...Miss Ananya Sudhir Kashyap! And that's not just because he as a reporter could never bear to see the unparalleled fire and winning instinct of this girl fade away, but more because she did not deserve it. She did not deserve to be crumbled and smashed like this.
It was only a few years back that Kabir had seen a similar spark in Tarini's eyes. A girl who was his team as well as his friend. Those were his initial years of struggle and he had always known if he needed to succeed in the world of journalism, the first thing he required was a team he could trust blindly and unconditionally. And Tarini was just that. Their thoughts would match instantly and they would always end up reaching common ends. So much so that their impeccable equation had gradually begun to instill insecurities among their colleagues and co-workers. And one such man was Aarav Singhania, Kabir's immediate boss and Tarini's fiance. He was someone who just could not stand seeing Kabir and Tarini sharing such a warm rapport and was primarily responsible for spreading the rumors of their alleged affair and finally abandoned a pregnant Tarini to spend the rest of her life all by herself. An incident that forced her to let go off all her dreams and leave the world of journalism forever.
And now Kabir just could not let all that happen to another girl...to Ananya. He'd always known and reminded himself to maintain a safe distance from her even though they had become friends now and the fact that he literally valued her friendship immensely but seeing her warming upto Ronnie time and again had forced his worst fears come to the fore. Somewhere his mind could not deny the fact that even if Ananya hasn't ever confessed, but she does share a very close bond with Ronnie. And even if he tried to completely deny the unexplained uneasiness he would feel seeing the two together, Kabir atleast just could not let another Aarav Singhania bud in Ronnie. Something that made sure how careful he needed to be around Ananya.
Trying to brush away the stray thoughts, he turned his attention back at Ananya and caught her wiping away a few silent tears, her back still facing him. He silently cursed himself for being so ruthlessly truthful to her and causing her so much of pain. However indispensable the truth may be but he knew it would shatter her, would blow her hopes and he hated that feeling with all his heart.
Taking small thoughtful steps he slowly moved closer to her and stood silently near the back of her chair but she had still not faced him and tried to look away. He knew she was upset with him, but he also knew she needed him the most at the moment for he was the one who had given her this pain. Rolling her chair by the backrest he made her face him and rested himself on his knees, right in front of her.
"Ananya..." she heard him call her once again. Her name fell from his lips almost like a caress, infused with warmth and concern.
She gasped softly, as fresh tears threatened to cloud her vision. How much she tried to deny it but ever since he had opened the chapters of her father's past in front of her, the one thing she had longed for, was a word of comfort from him. Not that she thought it would make her feel any less miserable, but somewhere if there was anyone who could help her find herself back again, it was him. Her hero, her idol and her new found friend. And seeing him in front of herself like this, made it all the more tough to prevent herself from breaking down. A silent tear rolled down her cheek almost instinctively and she suddenly felt all her defenses giving up. He watched her, as she took deep steady breaths, her chest rising and falling with each breath. Unconsciously, his hand reached out to wipe the tear from her face but he stopped himself midway, trying to recall his own resolve and offered her his handkerchief instead.
"Ananya...yaad hai tumne mujhse poocha tha, ke maine apne promise ko seriously liya hai ya nahin" he asked, taking her soft hands into his calloused ones, his low, gruff voice almost penetrating the silence between them while she sat still, struggling to keep her composure.
"Sawaal poocha tha to mera jawab bhi sun leti..."
She did not know what he meant. She just stared at his face, seeking the warmth in his eyes, waiting for him to speak more. Waiting for him to console her, to heal all her wounds.
"Ananya tumhein yehi lagta hai na ki ye sach batakar maine tumhari aakhri umeed bhi tumse cheen li, par ye sach nahin hai Ananya...And you know that!" his voice was small but firm.
"Kyunki umeed aur jhoothe dilason mein bahut farak hota hai Ananya. Aur ye tum bhi janti ho ki tumse ye sach chupakar main sirf tumhein jhootha dilasa de sakta tha...umeed nahin..." her eyes scanned his face as he said those words to her, with a voice that did choke with pain but never did it stumble or break. It was for the first time after last night, someone had tried to reason it out for her, exactly the way she had been doing it for her mother, her family. It wasn't that her friends did not try to comfort her or cheer her up, but it was the first time someone was showing her the mirror she needed to see. She was being the torch bearer for her family, but probably no one understood that even she needed someone to show her the right path. And it was probably just him, who was trying to do it for her.. The sincerity and unbashed truth in his eyes almost made Ananya quiver with fear, fear of losing all of that had held her together till now. And how much her mind did deny but she could almost feel her guards melt away, like a winter frost exposed to warm summer. She closed her eyes painfully, letting some held back tears trickle down her cheeks.
Kabir clenched his jaw hard, trying to suck on some uninvited tears that threatened to choke his voice. Seeing someone as strong as her, in such a fragile state, broke his heart into a million pieces. Not just because somewhere he held himself responsible for all she had been going through but also because he could so understand how hopeless she felt right now. All her hopes, her aspirations, and most of all, her reason to fight, to live, had been snatched away from her, leaving all her struggles, her pain, the strength and winning instinct she had fostered over the years, in a state of null and void. He winced as the raw misery of the fact hit him almost numbing his senses for a second. But duty beckoned and if he ever needed to be any stronger than what he already was, it was this moment.
Trying to pull himself out of his reverie, he looked back at Ananya and let his hand move closer to her face this time, gently wiping the gathered tears from below her bloodshot eyes.
"Dard sabki zindagi mein hote hain Ananya...sach bhi bahut hote hain...Magar jo insaan ko banata hai, woh hai uska jazba. Un dard se ladne ka jazba...un sabhi sach ko accept karke aage badhne ka jazba. Aur in sabke baad bhi khud ko badalne se inkaar kar dene ka jazba"...he paused for a moment, struggling to catch hold of his own breaths..."Ananya tum chahe to mujhse se naraaz ho sakti ho, mujhpe apna gussa nikal sakti ho, chaho to ye dosti bhi tod sakti ho...par Kabhi apne uss jazbe ko mat tutne dena Ananya. Kyunki dard to waqt ke saath dhundhle pad jate hain...ghav bhi dheere dheere bhar jate hain...par apni pehchan...apni asli shakhsiyat...apne ander ki awaaz kabhi dhundli nahin padti. Chahe unchahe kabhi na kabhi saamne aakar khadi ho hi jati hai aur tumhein ghoorne lagti hai. Aur tab tak ghurti rehti hai jab tak tum use sun na lo..."
Ananya heard him in stillness, each of his words making a gradual yet profound impact on her. She did not know how but she could almost feel him see through her pain, knowing exactly how she felt. He just exactly knew what she needed to hear at the moment and said it ever so simply that she could almost see all her confusions and doubts dwindle in front of her eyes. Except one, that how a man as successful and composed like him did know so much about losing hopes, about failing in relationships and losing sanity due to the deafening noise of the turmoil within. She did not know how, but she had seen a completely different Kabir Sharma tonight. He was no longer her hero tonight but one of her people. One of her friends and family. Someone she did not look upto but found solace in. And to say that she could nearly bare her soul to remain connected to this humanly yet so ethereal facet of him, would be a massive understatement.
"Ab iske age tum kya karna chahti ho ye tumhara decision hai, lekin bas ek baat hamesha dhyan rakhna Ananya, kisi aur ka to pata nahin lekin ek insaan iss duniya mein hamesha aisa rahega jo tumhein apni umeed, apne sapno, apni pehchan se juda hua dekhna chahta hai. Jisse bharosa hai ki chahe kitna bhi kadwa sach...kitna bhi gehra dard...kitni bhi badi problems tumhari life mein aa jayein, par phir bhi tum na hi sirf apni umeed ka daman thame rakhogi par hamesha ki tarah apne parivar, apne dost aur apne aas paas ke har insaan ki umeedon ka bhi khayal rakhogi..." the resonance of his heartfelt words floated wistfully in the air around her as his eyes lingered on her face for a few passing seconds. She watched him stand back on his feet and slowly turn away from her but before he could move she caught hold of his hand, hooking softly on his little finger. Their eyes met, and did not break apart this time. Ananya instinctively caught hold of his palm and stood up from her chair, eyes still locked into his intense gaze. For that one moment, she had simply forgotten about their professional obligations, about right and wrong, about all the protests the sane and practical side of her mind did.
She gently leaned closer to him, her legs shaking slowly as she took that last step forward and closed the distance between their bodies. Kabir gasped feeling her arms wrapped around his shoulders, the material of his shirt clutched tightly in her fists. He could hear her sob, much more freely now, as if letting all her pent up emotions dissolve into that embrace.
"I'm sorry Kabir...I am sorry that I pushed you away" she whispered, voice choked with tears.
"Shh." He stroked her hair with concern. "Everything is fine Ananya...tum theek ho, bas thodi si himmat aur, tum kar sakti ho Ananya, sirf tum kar sakti ho" he spoke at last, voice hoarse with pain. He rocked her continuously as his skin became wet with her tears. It was strange but he had never felt so drawn to someone In that way before. So serene and peaceful...away from the noise of the world, and the uproar within. It almost felt perfect to be there, her smell so familiar, the touch of her skin a sensuous memory and the warmth of her bosom, a sweet homecoming. ❤️
Anyway coming to my post, ofcourse i came here to share with u all another kaya scribbling of mine. But before you read it lemme tell that this was started three days ago and at that time i had not known that this track would bring out the fragile side of kabir and that too so unexpectedly. So my inferences and reactions, specially of him are more controlled and calm. Hope i am able to make u like the current track in a different light. Feedback , good,bad or worse,will be anticipated.
Let Me Heal You
"Ananya..." he called her from behind seeing her juggle with the files.
It has not been easy for her, and he knew it. Her hopes had been crushed and trust ripped apart with that one blaring revelation about her father. To be failed by your people, by your family, can be excruciating enough to devastate you, and who could understand it better than him.
It was already fifteen past twelve and no one could be seen or heard around in the KKN premises, except the rhythmic sounds of their alternating heartbeats and her intermittent shallow sobs. Kabir stopped himself before walking up to her, as the thought of her being in Ronnie's arms flashed before his eyes. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to collect himself. He hated it, hated the fact that destiny was once again playing the same game with him that once tore his world apart and also the lives of everybody near and dear to him. And he just could not let history to repeat itself. Just could not let another girl lose her innocence and happiness at his hands and let her transform into another Tarini. Especially the girl sitting right in front of him...Miss Ananya Sudhir Kashyap! And that's not just because he as a reporter could never bear to see the unparalleled fire and winning instinct of this girl fade away, but more because she did not deserve it. She did not deserve to be crumbled and smashed like this.
It was only a few years back that Kabir had seen a similar spark in Tarini's eyes. A girl who was his team as well as his friend. Those were his initial years of struggle and he had always known if he needed to succeed in the world of journalism, the first thing he required was a team he could trust blindly and unconditionally. And Tarini was just that. Their thoughts would match instantly and they would always end up reaching common ends. So much so that their impeccable equation had gradually begun to instill insecurities among their colleagues and co-workers. And one such man was Aarav Singhania, Kabir's immediate boss and Tarini's fiance. He was someone who just could not stand seeing Kabir and Tarini sharing such a warm rapport and was primarily responsible for spreading the rumors of their alleged affair and finally abandoned a pregnant Tarini to spend the rest of her life all by herself. An incident that forced her to let go off all her dreams and leave the world of journalism forever.
And now Kabir just could not let all that happen to another girl...to Ananya. He'd always known and reminded himself to maintain a safe distance from her even though they had become friends now and the fact that he literally valued her friendship immensely but seeing her warming upto Ronnie time and again had forced his worst fears come to the fore. Somewhere his mind could not deny the fact that even if Ananya hasn't ever confessed, but she does share a very close bond with Ronnie. And even if he tried to completely deny the unexplained uneasiness he would feel seeing the two together, Kabir atleast just could not let another Aarav Singhania bud in Ronnie. Something that made sure how careful he needed to be around Ananya.
Trying to brush away the stray thoughts, he turned his attention back at Ananya and caught her wiping away a few silent tears, her back still facing him. He silently cursed himself for being so ruthlessly truthful to her and causing her so much of pain. However indispensable the truth may be but he knew it would shatter her, would blow her hopes and he hated that feeling with all his heart.
Taking small thoughtful steps he slowly moved closer to her and stood silently near the back of her chair but she had still not faced him and tried to look away. He knew she was upset with him, but he also knew she needed him the most at the moment for he was the one who had given her this pain. Rolling her chair by the backrest he made her face him and rested himself on his knees, right in front of her.
"Ananya..." she heard him call her once again. Her name fell from his lips almost like a caress, infused with warmth and concern.
She gasped softly, as fresh tears threatened to cloud her vision. How much she tried to deny it but ever since he had opened the chapters of her father's past in front of her, the one thing she had longed for, was a word of comfort from him. Not that she thought it would make her feel any less miserable, but somewhere if there was anyone who could help her find herself back again, it was him. Her hero, her idol and her new found friend. And seeing him in front of herself like this, made it all the more tough to prevent herself from breaking down. A silent tear rolled down her cheek almost instinctively and she suddenly felt all her defenses giving up. He watched her, as she took deep steady breaths, her chest rising and falling with each breath. Unconsciously, his hand reached out to wipe the tear from her face but he stopped himself midway, trying to recall his own resolve and offered her his handkerchief instead.
"Ananya...yaad hai tumne mujhse poocha tha, ke maine apne promise ko seriously liya hai ya nahin" he asked, taking her soft hands into his calloused ones, his low, gruff voice almost penetrating the silence between them while she sat still, struggling to keep her composure.
"Sawaal poocha tha to mera jawab bhi sun leti..."
She did not know what he meant. She just stared at his face, seeking the warmth in his eyes, waiting for him to speak more. Waiting for him to console her, to heal all her wounds.
"Ananya tumhein yehi lagta hai na ki ye sach batakar maine tumhari aakhri umeed bhi tumse cheen li, par ye sach nahin hai Ananya...And you know that!" his voice was small but firm.
"Kyunki umeed aur jhoothe dilason mein bahut farak hota hai Ananya. Aur ye tum bhi janti ho ki tumse ye sach chupakar main sirf tumhein jhootha dilasa de sakta tha...umeed nahin..." her eyes scanned his face as he said those words to her, with a voice that did choke with pain but never did it stumble or break. It was for the first time after last night, someone had tried to reason it out for her, exactly the way she had been doing it for her mother, her family. It wasn't that her friends did not try to comfort her or cheer her up, but it was the first time someone was showing her the mirror she needed to see. She was being the torch bearer for her family, but probably no one understood that even she needed someone to show her the right path. And it was probably just him, who was trying to do it for her.. The sincerity and unbashed truth in his eyes almost made Ananya quiver with fear, fear of losing all of that had held her together till now. And how much her mind did deny but she could almost feel her guards melt away, like a winter frost exposed to warm summer. She closed her eyes painfully, letting some held back tears trickle down her cheeks.
Kabir clenched his jaw hard, trying to suck on some uninvited tears that threatened to choke his voice. Seeing someone as strong as her, in such a fragile state, broke his heart into a million pieces. Not just because somewhere he held himself responsible for all she had been going through but also because he could so understand how hopeless she felt right now. All her hopes, her aspirations, and most of all, her reason to fight, to live, had been snatched away from her, leaving all her struggles, her pain, the strength and winning instinct she had fostered over the years, in a state of null and void. He winced as the raw misery of the fact hit him almost numbing his senses for a second. But duty beckoned and if he ever needed to be any stronger than what he already was, it was this moment.
Trying to pull himself out of his reverie, he looked back at Ananya and let his hand move closer to her face this time, gently wiping the gathered tears from below her bloodshot eyes.
"Dard sabki zindagi mein hote hain Ananya...sach bhi bahut hote hain...Magar jo insaan ko banata hai, woh hai uska jazba. Un dard se ladne ka jazba...un sabhi sach ko accept karke aage badhne ka jazba. Aur in sabke baad bhi khud ko badalne se inkaar kar dene ka jazba"...he paused for a moment, struggling to catch hold of his own breaths..."Ananya tum chahe to mujhse se naraaz ho sakti ho, mujhpe apna gussa nikal sakti ho, chaho to ye dosti bhi tod sakti ho...par Kabhi apne uss jazbe ko mat tutne dena Ananya. Kyunki dard to waqt ke saath dhundhle pad jate hain...ghav bhi dheere dheere bhar jate hain...par apni pehchan...apni asli shakhsiyat...apne ander ki awaaz kabhi dhundli nahin padti. Chahe unchahe kabhi na kabhi saamne aakar khadi ho hi jati hai aur tumhein ghoorne lagti hai. Aur tab tak ghurti rehti hai jab tak tum use sun na lo..."
Ananya heard him in stillness, each of his words making a gradual yet profound impact on her. She did not know how but she could almost feel him see through her pain, knowing exactly how she felt. He just exactly knew what she needed to hear at the moment and said it ever so simply that she could almost see all her confusions and doubts dwindle in front of her eyes. Except one, that how a man as successful and composed like him did know so much about losing hopes, about failing in relationships and losing sanity due to the deafening noise of the turmoil within. She did not know how, but she had seen a completely different Kabir Sharma tonight. He was no longer her hero tonight but one of her people. One of her friends and family. Someone she did not look upto but found solace in. And to say that she could nearly bare her soul to remain connected to this humanly yet so ethereal facet of him, would be a massive understatement.
"Ab iske age tum kya karna chahti ho ye tumhara decision hai, lekin bas ek baat hamesha dhyan rakhna Ananya, kisi aur ka to pata nahin lekin ek insaan iss duniya mein hamesha aisa rahega jo tumhein apni umeed, apne sapno, apni pehchan se juda hua dekhna chahta hai. Jisse bharosa hai ki chahe kitna bhi kadwa sach...kitna bhi gehra dard...kitni bhi badi problems tumhari life mein aa jayein, par phir bhi tum na hi sirf apni umeed ka daman thame rakhogi par hamesha ki tarah apne parivar, apne dost aur apne aas paas ke har insaan ki umeedon ka bhi khayal rakhogi..." the resonance of his heartfelt words floated wistfully in the air around her as his eyes lingered on her face for a few passing seconds. She watched him stand back on his feet and slowly turn away from her but before he could move she caught hold of his hand, hooking softly on his little finger. Their eyes met, and did not break apart this time. Ananya instinctively caught hold of his palm and stood up from her chair, eyes still locked into his intense gaze. For that one moment, she had simply forgotten about their professional obligations, about right and wrong, about all the protests the sane and practical side of her mind did.
She gently leaned closer to him, her legs shaking slowly as she took that last step forward and closed the distance between their bodies. Kabir gasped feeling her arms wrapped around his shoulders, the material of his shirt clutched tightly in her fists. He could hear her sob, much more freely now, as if letting all her pent up emotions dissolve into that embrace.
"I'm sorry Kabir...I am sorry that I pushed you away" she whispered, voice choked with tears.
"Shh." He stroked her hair with concern. "Everything is fine Ananya...tum theek ho, bas thodi si himmat aur, tum kar sakti ho Ananya, sirf tum kar sakti ho" he spoke at last, voice hoarse with pain. He rocked her continuously as his skin became wet with her tears. It was strange but he had never felt so drawn to someone In that way before. So serene and peaceful...away from the noise of the world, and the uproar within. It almost felt perfect to be there, her smell so familiar, the touch of her skin a sensuous memory and the warmth of her bosom, a sweet homecoming. ❤️
Bindi
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Jodha Akbar
