Is it always possible that what we see is what we feel? Is it necessary that the fact on which we lead our life is a dream at times? And is it compulsory that the heartbeat which is completely ours will belong to a stranger within the next beat?
The answer to this is yes, yes and yes!! It is genuinely felt by all of us that someday our very special one will surround us with his warmth, and make us feel so special that we will not be ready to even blink an eye, his touch will be more than enough to deal with all our pains, his voice will have the convincing strength and make us stand firm and high. This was also the wish of her, like ne1 of us, but she never knew that it is being fulfilled without her senses striking her. A soul is entering her body without her permission, and she s the one who cannot stop it, all she could do was flow with the water, all she did was let her free from the entire bondages hat she had made regarding him. All she could feel, breathe, touch, sense was him, and him and only and only him. So this is what she had written for the very first time to open the cage of her thoughts, into the air.
A conflict of her heart and mind has risen.
Date: 11th August, 2005
?I am amazed by myself today. I am alarmed by holding this pen and paper in my hand, and can?t believe that I actually took the task of writing, as an expression man. My vocabulary is lacking words that I wanna present for what I am feeling rite now, I fear to close my eyes as he will be standing so close to me that I will not be able to be me. I fear to pass my hand over my face, as it shivers feeling that he wants me. Oh goodness, itz seeming that m acting in a movie, but no, this is the biggest truth ofmy life. When I run my fingers through his curls, the closing of his eyes, the grip of his arms round me, the gentle kiss that makes me feel redder than my red streaks, the coldness of my body, the freeze of my soul, the irresistible moment for which I try N find chances. Why? Why? Why? Why the hell am I not able to throw control over me when he pulls me to him? Anvesha Banerjee Ray, who is better known for her power, now desperately wants Yuvi. Why is this thought coming in my mind that ?I cannot live without him?? Why am I not ready to accept that he is already committed? Why am I still stuck with old memories? It was just a small moment that came and went, he was not in his senses, but why am I wishing that he should never be in his senses, for the simple reason, because he will not be mine. My heart and mind are a trouble for me today man! I have always followed my heart, may it be anything, and then, why am I thinking so much today man? The fact remains that he is no more mine, and the fiction remains that I keep considering him to be mine.?
Date: 19th August, 2005
?Back to square one bhaggu. I cannot digest the fact that he is NOT mine. Come on Aashi, get a life, he is NOT yours. Then why the hell he comes so close to me that I loose my caliber to even live man!? my birthday wasn?t a big deal this time. Mumz not here too, so I was with Pompee, my cute lil pumpkin, matey and surprisingly, Mr. Arunabh Banerjee gave me a call. Whatever. Well, I think I should also mention that I missed my 18th birthday, the very first wish by him.
Date: 20th August, 2005
I was the one who always stuck to the fact that live life the way it comes, I should not deny the thing that m not sticking to it rite now. I should accept it, that I love ?HIM?, times came and they went, but I was not able to forget him, it?s crystal clear by each step he takes towards me, that my heart only and only beats for my psycho. I was laughing in a suttle manner today when I tried to make him feel jealous by moving close to Varun. I could neither hug him properly, as my entire concentration was on Yuvi. I think I should stop pretending ne more, B4 I literally need to bang my head.
Date: 22nd August, 2005
I am in the greatest state of shock at present. I pinched myself, I had pour water over me, I took shower twice, I bit my finger, did all the idiotic and simply sheer nonsense stuff which I had never done before, but I am such a dodo pan, a big shot Kuku, I couldn?t speak a three letter word YES Today... Yuckz? shucks... What is this man, why does a girl always turns the same at the end? I never wanted to be, but now I can?t help it, as I said, the more I deny, the more it will be me to suffer man. I can say today?s evening was mine. I don?t want to write everything, as I know my diary will some or the other day will be caught by some idiot, so I think this secrecy is rocking man. All I would say that now I can really be me..Free, Confident and Satisfied with mental peace. Now it?s the time to trouble Yuckraj Dev. Cause he is MINE!!! 😳 😳 😳
Date: 25th November, 2009
Goodness, I dnt believe that I again choose you to write, believe me, I had forgotten for the past years that I had written a diary also, hey bhaggu, but kuch bhi bolo yaar, diary is fun man. Last time toh I enjoyed it man, lets see this time huh!! Well no special thingy, just found my diary in the extreme corner of the room, so thought of scribbling in it. Waaoo' we have shifted to new house, the Ahuja's place, well, not exactly yak, but the only sad thingy is that I have to share my bedroom with ahem..ahem' now when I turn back your pages diary, I find and feel all so fresh, it seeming to me that all has just happened, yuvi and me are still fighting, really can't help it yaar, m remembering one incident that took place in 2007, it was our farewell from Maurya, and I got drunk, hey bhaggu, Yuvi tells me I went tooo romantic with him, bloody liar * stick tongue* I dnt believe it, and plus he also adds up that I tried to seduce him, BULLSHIT, I would seduce a rhino, but him'goodness. I fought with him so bad, that he actually picked me up to shut up mouth, poor him, sometimes I feel that how torturous can I be, but I enjoy it man, till date m with laughter and giggles when I recall that day of 2007, I guess the date was'yep' 19th June, 2007, our last day in Maurya. Now we'll are graduates and eating the head of our bossy. To every1's surprise, m getting married, duh-uh..offcourse to that psyco of mine. Well its really not suiting me, but he has truly acheved a lot at this young age, now my time to torture him with leaal passport. Waoo'. Date is not yet fixed, but who cares, I dnt even remember the date when I seriously got committed with yucky.*hehehheeeee*
Date: 18th January, 2010
I don't know what to write today, but m quite puzzled with what happened man. M speechless. You know diary, at times I really feel that am really lucky to have Yuvi, but this thought exists only for half and hour, after that m all set to kill him. Well seems motu psyco , arey haan I forgot to tell you, he has put on weight. Shucks' he looks a pumpkin, but chow cute hey bhaggu. Yeh I was saying that he had organized for a surprise party for me, but he got a surpise when I had organized a surprise party for him, that too in just the next banquet hall, I sumtimes really think that we both are prone to coincidences. Dono ko dono halls ka bill pay karma padha. And the guests were all the same. Hey bhaggu... What to do man?
Date: 18th March, 2010
*Touchwood*. M constantly writing all the beautiful memories in you diary, coz luckily I have not really cum across and bad one till date to write in you. Today is another such. After about four years, REMIX performed in a really big auditorium for the purpose of charity for handicap people. I was with tears at the end watching that boy coming on the wheel chair and presenting me the floral bouquet. Gosh... I know m getting way too senti, but haan I can say getting senti at this time was not wrong. I wonder we have everything and we crib, so what about these people? I salute them man. Hatts of guys, you are the true rock stars, and not us.
Date: 27th July, 2010
M stopping to write the diary for sometime, reason: ahhh hhh ahhhhhhhhh''..
Date: 14th December, 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE. 19TH DECEMBER IS MAMMA'S BIRTHDAY. well, m planning something really cool for madam. Whatever I do, till ne limit I deny, she is one person present on this earth who was there for me whenever I needed her, and whenever I did not need her as well. That was a cranky, but I would like to confess this thing that I have learnt a lot from mamma, and m sheer blessed to have her, she says that I am her biggest achievement of life, but I can say that she is all I have. I remember this stupid dialogue that I used to tell her when I was just silly 6 years old, but today m understanding the depth. I used to tell her, : mamma, dnt act very smart, mein aapko 6 long years se jaanti hu." and she said gently kissing me, " And I know you for 6 years 9 months."
Date: 16th August, 2012
Well' its my birthday today, and nothing special as of for now, m going to Miami for my next tour from the company in three hours from now, well m excited. And watt was much fun was to hear Psycho talking to Ranveer, that he will b going to Miami to gimme a surprise, I donno why I always flop his surprises huh'.
Date: 24th August, 2012
I am with a choked throat rite now, just saw a lady's accident, omg!! I was lucky Yuvi was there, he managed to take me back home. It was miserable man; I had never ever seen this bad accident. She died on the spot, and was in the pool of blood, shit man' I so wish I find that Scorpio guy ne where, I swear I will kill that bas***d. Shucks' Hey I need to go, cnt write more man.
Date: 14th January, 2013
I know I am writing after a long time, but was busy with Yuvraj Dev. Well, its something astonishing but now I am Mrs. And not Miss, yeppy, u got it rite. Mamma is great fun nowadays, she land up to this house every second day, and indirectly fires yuvi for taking her daughter away, aww I enjoy the candy, I dnt even defend Yuvi. He shouts on me hard, but even I am top of my voice. Poor Yuvraj Dev, well I should admit that he is way too romantic. Hey bhaggu.. whatever.. I wnt leak out further, somethings are meant to be secrets. Hmmm..well this was one really funny incident that took lace in our marriage span. We both were completely empty stomach since morning. Kuch bhi nahi khaya tha. And in the evening at the reception, all the bloody friends of ours, are hogging infront of us.urrgg.. they wereaware that we are badly hungry, but did not loose a chance to test our patience, however I smiled all the way long, wth a slaughter knife rubbing inside me man. Hey bhaggu, that was one cool moment man.
Date: 15th January, 2014
My goodness, what I am going to write now, is giving me so much peace and satisfaction which I cannot express, I am feeling so different, I have never felt like this before. A life has been born inside me. Hey bhaggu, I m still in a fantasy land, that the most precious moment of a woman's life, has now knocked my doorsteps. Omg!! My breath is so fast rite now, that I can fly with its support man. An elegant, sweet, chotu sa, cutie baby will be born. I will love the baby more than nething in the world. The feeling and phase m going through rite now, is very beautiful, touchwood. Now I understand what is it to be a mother, I have just conceived, and feeling this great, what will be when the baby will be born. I'I will search the entire sites and books for the baby names, will buy entire shop for clothes and toys, I will eat healthy food, and... Goshh I am myself turning into a baby rite now man. Just look at me. Yuvi has gone crazy, we shared a beautiful kiss when he came to know about this. All he said with tears in his eyes was, THANKYOU WACKO", and I felt that one thing which was missing has now been completed in my life. Mamma is mad now. You wnt believe what she did, it's not even I day I came to know bout my pregnancy, and she is shifting to my place, and will be in my room for the entire span. Yuvi is again going to face a lot. But again m not going to stop, honestly, I really love when they fite, more than I and mamma fite, coz I know mamma loves him a lot, but will never just never confess this. After ages I had been to a temple today, not for me, but to bless the child from bhaggu. I had never expected, only the news of the baby can turn the life this great. M looking forward to you baccha!! Come fast. I LOVE YOU.
Date: 23rd March, 2014
Well this is Yuvi writing now. Aashi is fast asleep, I read her diary, as she said, some idiot will surely read her diary one day. That idiot is me. I know Aashi now it will be you, who will be reading what I am writing. I want to write whatever I am feeling rite now. I can recall all the memories from day1, till date. Our first meeting was a blunder, I know what a brat I was, the fights that we have shared, the love that cultivate din me for you. And today I respect you to the very core whacko. You were the one who was my strength at every phase of my life. I know I have hurted you a lot, but have faced the guilt for myself. You are a spontaneous lady, who has given true meaning of my life. You are the one for whom i take breath. Today I bend down to my knees and ask you for apologies for whatever I have done till date. I regret the time which I have not spent with you, I regret those expressions of yrs which are missed by me. But I thank you, and bhaggu!! That I still have you n my life. Now when I go through our past life, and now, we have changed a lot, but what has not changed is our fights and love. We are turning to b three,oopzz 4..how can I forget ur hitler mother..Madam Sonia Ray... and I cannot tell you what it means for me. No father will be able to express his love for his child. And like you, even I am complete fulfilled today. Its seeming for me that all the stars in the sky are plucked off and has decorated our lives in the form of our baby. All the desires are completed. We will soon be having another Aashi in the family, and I promise you to be an excellent father. As desires of ours are completely fulfilled by the god, we will name her "TAMANNA", coz she will be the one who will be the achievement of our desires. I know we will have a daughter and not a son, coz if a son, he will be like me, whom I don't want, and I want a little Aashi shouting screaming, flaunting, and dancing in this house. I want to see yr childhood in hers. I love you Aashi. And I thank you from the deep heart and core.
Date: 16th August, 2014
Hey bhaggu!! Plzz cum down on the earth and plzz save me. The Dev, the Ray, the Ahujas, the Sisodiyas, all have gone mad. I mean I am eating throughout the day yaar. My tummy is as if I am carrying twins, half weight is of the baby, and baaki ka is the food what I am being fed each second yaar. Tia Ahuja and Ranveer Sisodia are driving me crazy, every alternate day, Timbo is with bags full of clothes, I really have no clue from where is she bringing them man, my bloody cupboard is over flowing. The day before, I just sneezed and was put to bed, with mamma, yuvi on my head, and the monthly check up'uurrgg, yuvi makes sure that he is with me in every check up, his driving speed has reduced from 70 to 25kmph. I swear, this is crazy yaar. But in other way, I am feeling so so so sooo very special. All the people have turned to small babies themselves, and taking greatest care of me ever. "TAMANNA", for the first time in life, I liked Yuvi's choice. We both call her Tammy. The first child form both the families. She kicks really hard, going to be her father's mother in pranks it seems. We tend to change so much in life diary, but I am happy that all of us changed for the better, childhood, teens and now going to be a mother. I feel more and more responsible each day, and I feel very privileged, *TW*. Hey bhaggu! Just blushing rite now. I am feeling that all the happiness that I did not get is wrapped in a gift and is being given to me by my bhaggu. For the first time I am so very desperate to hear the word, "MAMMA" aww'm behaving tooo fairy types man, but honestly, m with tears rite now. Chalo, I will make a move, Yuvraj Dev is taking me out for my birthday. Lets see, well this time was not able to crack his plan, he was way too cautioned.
Date: 14th October, 2014
Today what I am going to write, are the most prestigious lines for a woman. I am having my reflection in my arms now. A diva has taken birth on earth, to live her life with her rules, and rocking the universe. Our Tammy has practically entered. It was the beautiful day of 7th October this year, when Tammy opened her eyes in this world. She is no less than a DIVA. Yes, that is the word which suits her completely. I was a little unconscious when the sister wrapped her in a light pink cloth and handled her unto me, and the girl, herself was rosy pink, it felt to me that a rose is being brought to me, and I couldn't control my tears which were shining bright in my eyes. I gently touched her for the first time, and saw that she smiles in a very calm manner. Everything felt as a dream and I was not ready to open my eyes out of it. How can one be so beautiful? That's what I asked myself several times, but all the answer I got was, don't think too much, at least not today, but believe that you have got yr Tammy, who is going to lead the world rite from the day one. And I know Tam will lead the world. I am still getting goose flesh remembering that day, and when I brought her even more close to me, to hug her, I actually felt what it is to be a complete woman. Loads of questions were there at the back of my mind, as I am way too inquisitive, but too hell, I was busy doing nothing but looking and gazing, and glaring at Tammy. Her father was completely speechless, but just adoring the beauty of his, his very daughter. Yuvi hugged me really tight, and both of us couldn't move our eyes from Tammy, but were just gazing and gazing her. How can one be so mesmerizing, I can proudly say that every child is special, and the most precious one to his parents, m understanding what I am for my mother? Sonia Ray!! Hey bhaggu!! After she held Tammy, for the very first time in my life, I saw her forgetting me for few minutes, but I guess I was wrong, she picked Tam up, peeped deep into her eyes, and with a frizzling smile and teary eyes, she said, Aashi, that's all I heard, and then back to my unconscious state, as I was very weak at this time, not mentally, but physically.
Date 24th may, 2015
Tammy. I just want to say this little name which has turned the world around for each and every specimen coming and trying to meet her, baba re!! this 7 month year old devil is all acquainted with how to torture people, mamma is always her victim in the morning, and Yuvi in the night, I never knew Yuvi will turn out to be such a dedicated father, last night, the entire night Yuvi played the guitar for Tammy, as I suffered a bad fever, and had slept with mum in the other room, he calls Tammy as 'girlfriend', and she smiles so hard when he makes that typical face in front of her, he abandons the office at least 4 times a week, and sticks to his "GIRLFRIEND" Yuvi's chest is the best place for Tammy to sleep, he holds her around, and he , like a princess, feels calm and extremely protected in his arms, as I have felt always, some weeks ago, when Tammy suffered a fever, I saw about 20 posters of all gods in the room, and Yuvi is trying to pray, but does not know the hymns, the shouted on the doctor, when the fever did not vanish in just three hours after the medication. He has turned out to be extremely responsible, Tammy is completely papa's girl, oops, GIRLFRIEND. And another funny thing is that, when that day we were watching some movie, don't remember the name, and this girl in it was getting married and going, I was astonished to see, Yuvi picked up Tammy and went into the other room, and again started playing the guitar for her, man! He was actually chocked, but was smiling watching his Tammy smile at him.
Date 28th September, 2015
My constant complaints were reaching Yuvi that he is forgetting me, and Mr. Besharam admits, that yes, I am forgetting you. I don't know why, but that day I felt a bit bad, really don't know the reason man, I started talking to Tammy, I complained about Yuckraj Dev, I still remember the dialogues that I had used, the conversation was something lyk this.
Mr. Psycho has forgotten me Tam, you know, we both are going to punish him, just grow up fast okk baby! And don't get GAGA over his guitar playing, M the one who taught him how to play it... (I know I lied) and you know what, he went behind so many girls in the college, he was a total nerdy boy, no girl ever looked at him' (I really wanted to kill Yuvraj Dev, as he had stopped pampering me) you know Tam; we both will leave him and go, that Bhalu!
"BALU"
Goodness Gracious!!!!!!! I almost skipped a beat when I heard Tammy speaking, phew!! My girly girly angriness on Yuvi disappeared, and I called him up at the very next moment! Completely filled with thrills, joy, happiness, love, and what not yaar! Tammy spoke the very first word of her life, and what makes it more special to me, that it was against Yuvi, yippee!! Waaoooooo!!!!!!! Now I have a valid proof of calling him BHALU throughout his life!! Hip hip hurrayyyyy!!!!
Date 7th October, 2015
Our Tam is one year old today, its feeling lyk a dream to the three (me mom and Yuvi) of us, obviously the party was a mega grand one, and again I saw my psycho and Sonia darling fighting over the venue, the food, the gifts, the guests, m still with laughter, tam was looking so so sooo beautiful, so divine, so eternal, so pious, and that typical smile of hers, mamma says she smiles like me, hey you know what? She gets dimples on both the sides, awwwwwwww we have taken loads of pics of hers where one can clearly see them. Yuvi took tam in his hand, and said something which I will never be able to forget ever. He said, "Hey my devilish angel, today you've turned a year old, and now u are a brave girl, a strong girl, who is omnipotent, and doesn't require anyone to achieve what she wants. Today you have to promise powiee, that you'll become what you want to, you'll create such a position of yours in this world, that people will always be proud of you. You and your mom are all I have, and off course, your buddhi naniji (hey bhaggu!! Mum almost got up to kill him on that word, I stopped her) but I want to thank you god, for blessing us with Tamanna... (He had teary eyes till this moment) I'I will never be able to live without my angel, your eyes are more than enough for me dear, I can give my life for your one smile, '" hey I can't write further, m myself in a very different state right now, just want to say that I am very lucky to be surrounded by my loved ones, mamma, psycho and Tam. I love you'll.
Date 18th February, 2016
Well, we are shifting to Florida, mom is as usual so excited, and Yuvi is extremely busy in packing and ticketing stuff, me and my cutie were out for shopping, and I brought her a bag full of toys she picked up, hey hey hey, dnt be surprised, cause if it would have been Yuvi, he would have picked up the entire shop for her, I was still calm in picking the toys, some days ago, Yuvi purchased a CRV for TAM worth 20+, and when I asked the question why? He replied that she demanded, and all she had done was put her hand on the car and smiling hard on the retailer, Yuvi has gone completely mad'totally! Tammy has started speaking, not completely, but she murmurs with all the saliva drooling, and her paunchy butt makes her look like a fish when she crawls. Oh god! That is an eye candy to see. Even I and Yuvi crawl with her at times, and mamma is the one who has a patent right over her 2nd Miami. Well now she speaks, or rather I shud say she does not stop at all.mumum. She has already taken Tam to 12 shoot schedules, where a special arrangement was made for Tam to enjoy and play, the entire unit wants Tam throughout. She was offered to play a role as well, but mum herself didn't allow them to do so. M sticking this pic of hers, which we had clicked some months ago on our trip to
There were so many memories that Aashi kept on writing in her diary, she was herself surprised, that how was she able to maintain her diary, I know this will be too too too girlish, but her life was no less than a fairy tale, seriously. Yuvi was changing for the better, he had completely learned how to change the nappies, and pamper his girlfriend. Waoo!! Aashi wrote right from Tammy, sentences, to yuvi's anger on her regarding Tam. Madam Miss Sonia Ray's love and affection, and how can one forget the ever rocking fights, this diary turned out to be aashi's favorite one now, and she gradually took up the job of writing, she now wrote in articles regarding a no. of issues, and they were in high demand in India as well as in abroad. Yuvi's business was at high boost, but he never forgot to play the guitar for his Tam and his Aashi. He would never agree on this note, but he gradually started loving Sonia also more and more. In this happy go lucky atmosphere, 5 years passed as if 5 mins were passed, full of fun, masti, enjoyment, fights, pampers etc. A huge REMIX concert was organized, named PEOPLE POSITIVE, for HIV positive patients in Florida, and it was a grand success They had a good stay at Florida, but now wanted to be back to home shanti home. Tam was also 6 by now, but obvious, more mature than her age, and extremely active.
17th April, 2020
My very first page after am back from Florida. Hey Bhaggu! It was great fun man, but nothing like Amchi Mumbai, missed India to the core, and especially SA
(Sumeet Ahuja), Tia and Ranveer. In past fiver years, Tia visited my thrice, and off course humari Tam was her biggest pastime, she and Tam kept on playing for hours, and gosh! Now Tam wants that idiotic make up kit, urg! I hate the smell! This little devil is just 6, but her energy is I think much more than that dude. Her pronunciations are not that clear, but I still like them hehheee... And here she flaunts'
Tam: Mamma! Now I am a grown up girl, I need to look hot Nah!!!
Aashi: I'll give you one now, look at your age honey; still you are my chota baby sweety, plzz for bhaggu's sake delete this idea from your mind, as I am not providing you with that moronic kit okk!
Tam: I'll ask Powie then! (Stick tongue out, as if teasing Aashi)
Aashi: I'll take your powie's money in my hand (stick tongue out, teasing Tam)
Tam ran to mamma.
Tam: Sonu look what your daughter is doing.
Aashi: Mom don't take her side.
Tam: no, you take my side, m younger to her.
Sonia: listen shona! You know what? You are extremely beautiful, you don't need to apply anything girl! And as far as boys are concerned, m sure you will have many, just a small wait for a couple of some more years. You know, ladies who don't look good naturally, don't have a good face, heavy or wrinkled skin, etc. apply this dirty make up to look attractive and happening.
Tam: That's why you apply????
Gosh!! Mum's face at that time was like'.hey Bhaggu!! M still with laughter bumps, me and yuvi laughed throughout the night talking this same thing. Lord! Save me, I can't control my teeth from showing them man! Phew!
Aashi kept on writing her memories' in her diary..and to all's surprise..she maintained it beautifully! Excellent ABR👏, we all know that u rock😉! 2005 to 2020, from a teenage to a mother, from Sonia to Tammy, she was completely fulfilled, and she required nothing else. We can easily call it a picture perfect family! But may be destiny had real different plans... Tammy was 7 years old by now, and uttered loudly and clearly, daddy's girl! Sonia's brat, Aashi's Tam! And wat not yaar? The most pampered devilish angel, who made every1 dance to her tunes, " well well well, this was the very first song which she sang, and Yuvi gave a grand party. Now back to Mumbai, back to our motherland, back to Sonia, and back to work. It is very well said that life is very unpredictable, u can never be sure of it, a wink of our eye, and the world is changed. And''.
😊5 YEAR LEAP (TAMMY 12yrs)😊
She turned to the last page of the diary, which read as follows'
19th September, 2020
Hey bhaggu! Wish my Tammy was wid me rite now, m getting hell bugged with Yuvi! Bad manners yuvi, cell par aapni girlfriend se baadmei baat kar lena, drive kar lo pehle. Gosh! How irritating! Psyco sahab! Let me reach pune, fir batati hu! 😡
This was the last line which she read from her mother's diary, and all her state was inexpressible, what can be the state of a 12 year old girl, who hasn't seen her parents for 5 years, and will never see them again in her life. Sonia stood by her side while she was reading the entire diary, but she did not stop Tammy from knowing Aashi Yuvi, as she wanted Aashi herself to tell Tammy what she was/ and how much she ad Yuvi loved Tammy. "Mamma''Powiee'" that's was all she could speak from the chocked mouth and tears strolling down her cheeks. Now it was the rite time for Sonia to come to the shaken child and become her strength as she was for her Aashi. Sonia walked very calmly towards Tammy, and made sure she does not break down which she managed for long. She sat by the side of Tammy, but did not look at her for several minutes, and made her cry as much as she wanted; Tammy completely broke down, and fell on her knees holding the diary extremely close and tightly in front of her chest'.
"Why sonu? Why was god so rude to me? Why was he so rude to them? Why is he so cruel? Why he did not understand that I needed them? Why he has a heart made up of rock? Why..." "Sonia was quite and did not answer to any of her questions" "Bolo na sonu? I am not even that lucky to remember them properly, I did not even talk to them for the last time'" "You did dear'" Sonia gradually broke the ice by saying these words. It is beyond our capacity to imagine what Sonia must have gone through by knowing this. "You are not unlucky Tam, neither am I. Unlucky are those who feel they are, you are not, this was the only reason I never told you who Aashi Yuvi were? How strong or weak they were? I wanted your mother herself to tell you who your parents were? And she did that today. It was your destiny written by Aashi right up there in the heaven to introduce her to you. Now you know who Aashi Yuvi were. They loved you without any limits, and wanted you to be happy throughout. You are finding yourself unlucky rite now and cursing god dear, but Aashi will be praising her bhaggu for this accident which occurred, you know why?" Tammy was with zero reaction, Sonia replied, "Because you were not present with them in the car." This made Tammy loose her balance even more, her body was not in a state to even blink an eye. " and don't be disappointed, you did talk to them during the last moments, may be Aashi had finished writing this last line of the diary, she had called me up, and started complaining bout Yuvi."
Aashi: hey mamma!
Sonia: Mumum, kahaan taka a gaye ho tum dono? And is this that psyco who is talking this loudly on the cell phone?
Aashi: Exactly!
Sonia: uu maa, itha ki? Usey bolo ki pagal na bane, cell band kare and concentrate on driving.
Aashi: Mooommmm'du u think mei itni deir se Latin American ya Greek bol rahi thy, this man is not listening, accha Tam ko phone do nah.
Sonia: ya wait'..Its Aashi' say mamma I love you'
Tammy: Mammaaa''I LOVE U!
Aashi: Aww'I love you too...
Yuvi: I love you threeeeee'..
"That was all I heard for the last time, Yuvi Lost the control of the steering. I heard the car breaking down and screams which got silent within a minute, all I was left with was Aashi-Yuvi, and nothing else tam. The diary was recovered from the spot and given to me, I went through this diary more than the times I have breathed in my entire life. To my surprise, even I came to know Aashi better after this." Gradually Sonia was going to the past where she recollected each single memory, right from Aashi's birth to the last time she kissed her forehead. She recollected, how much she was affected, and still she is, she remembered, her fakes calls on her shoots with Aashi's names, telling them that Mamma is not coming, she remembered, herself serving two dinner plates, and eating from both, she remembered messing her own room, and shouting as if Aashi has done it, she remembered wearing Aashi's attires and jumping on the sofas, she did not put garlands on both the pictures, she never considered them no more.
"Tammy, Aashi-Yuvi were two jewels who stepped on the earth, and who actually, truly and genuinely LIVED. Always remember tam, Aashi-Yuvi, loved you like anything, the day you were born they felt complete. Do not ever think that they are not here, see, I can see them (Sonia pointed her finger towards a corner, and tam looked over there) look, they are fighting for the remote of the television, and see over there, Yuvi cooking for Aashi, and Aashi is finding out flaws, and yeh, see, they are painting your room in Florida, Aashi and yuvi had turned the entire color on each other." Now Sonia realized that she has to come back to reality, as tam is to be made strong. Tammy came close to her sonu, and hugged her tightly, she cried hard, and Sonia controlled her. "Even you'll be able to see them Tam, even you'll be able to feel their presence baccha. Aashi was a firm believer of her bhaggu!" "But I don't believe him''."
After this conversation, Tammy wanted to spend time alone with her mother's diary. She went into her room and shut the door. Sonia did not disturb her as she wanted her to cry out everything, as that will make her strong, as once Aashi had said, "Mom, stuffing everything inside you cannot make you strong, you need to break, if not in front of people, then may be in alone, there is no harm in crying. YOU CAN CROSS AN OCEAN OF EARTH WITHOUT WETTING YOUR FEET, BUT YOU CANNOT CROSS THE OCEAN OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT WETTING YOUR EYES"Therefore, Tammy was left alone, and all she said was Mamma-Powiee. She gazed and gazed at the diary trying to find out millions of answers to her questions, trying to figure out why did god was rude to her, all she wanted was her parents in front of her, and may be god wanted the same''
"Hey"
Tammy turned around but couldn't find anyone.
"We are here baby"
To the heavens surprise, Tammy skipped her heart beats. Two eternal divine souls, with diamond flares radiating out of them, dressed in white and looking the purest form of life, with bright smiles and shining eyes very very calmly walked ahead towards their daughter. The scenario was an epitome of serenity; it felt to Tam that god has sprinkled his blessings on to her in form of the two showers. Her breath was deep but strong, her eyes were extremely watery with mouth stammering as if dying for one hand of blessing from her parents, one hug which will be more than enough for her to tackled all her situations which she will come across, one statement which will create wonders for her, just once she wanted so many things.
"Hey big girl, you look beautiful."
"Hey psycho, she's on me"
These two statements were made by the heavenly couple who crossed the distance only for their daughter, just to tell her that god was not rude to her, god loved her and she is god's most loved child.
Tammy was spellbound, and started panting with tears flowing rapidly, and finally she came out... "MAmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'''''.powieeeee'.. please come back to me please, I cannot live without you two, please come back to me." May be god was happy somewhere, Aashi gently touched her forehead, Tammy couldn't stop, but hungrily hugged her mother, so tight that she will never let her go. Aashi gave her the warmth of a mother; she relaxed her in her strong arms, and let her feel whatever she wanted to. "Mamma please com back mamma, please come back to me, I will not be able to live my life without you two mamma, please mamma, I beg of you mamma, please mamma'" Tammy's state was like a person who is desperately begging for mercy, who can do anything to have her parents back, "mamma please mamma, Sonu needs you too mamma, why did god do this mooommm'." "Hey Tam, bhaggu is never cruel to anyone, hai nah! (Aashi smiles) and so he is not cruel to you as well, one should never curse god, look around you dear, there are millions of people who are going through worst, me and you Powiee are not gone anywhere, both of us will safe guard you throughout your life, ( she gently looked into her eyes which were flooded with tears ) no dear, don't cry, always remember, you are mine and Yuvi's strength, both of us never gave up in life, come whatever may, we fought, and I know that you are like us, our daughter will fight the world out, she will live onher own rules, and I know you will rock the world, today we have come for a special reason Tammy, I wanted you to know who we both were, so the DIARY came into your hands as your Sonu told you, you know I never planned things, but bhaggu always does, I started writing the diary long ago, and was myself confused why m I maintaining it for so long, always remember, when the human mind enters the state of confusion, it's the God who starts playing his part of tricks, it was destiny dear, destiny made me write the DIARY for you, destiny knew what will happen, and destiny is made by god and God has selected you to take his challenges in life, very few people get this opportunity, or may be I should say only selective people, god wants you to excel in his test, therefore he has given you this beautiful life." "My life can never be beautiful without both of you" Yuvi had an answer for this question, he held Tammy's hand, "you know tam, I always thought that I had the worst life ever anyone can have, I had no proper ambitions in life until Aashi entered my life. There is always a person who makes your life beautiful other than you, and then it can be you love, parents, and ever grand mom. Yes, Tam, (he gently smiled) off course I cannot call Sonu your grand mom, Sonu has taken your responsibility, and up there, both of us keep watching you all day long, but we don't need to take great efforts, as she is giving you the love of AASHI-YUVI." Aashi said " Today we have stepped on earth, just to tell you darling, that we both love you, for us, this non-life means nothing, because we know that our life is inside you." Yuvi explained "hey my girlfriend, you don't have any problems in your life, always remember, all the obstacles which will come towards you will have to cross two hurdles called Aashi Yuvi, you are the most blessed child, and I want to hear this from your mouth." Tammy released out a real big and a deep breath. "Hey Tam, your Powiee is right, we both will always be therewith you, and you will find us in mamma. Whenever you feel like talking to us, just look straight up in the sky and your task will be done, (Aashi touched her cheeks, and gave that peculiar, simple, sweet smile of hers), I was not wrong yuvi, when I gave birth to this Diva, I actually touched beauty. You are bhaggu's girl tam, and he can never be unfair to you." "Tam, always feel proud of yourself, one should always be proud of himself, but at the same time, one should not under estimate others." "Hey, now don't start typical father stuff" "off course m not starting" "Don't give bhashan to her." Tammy finally said' "Duh-uh!!" and the three of them calmly but did laugh while hugging altogether, and it was a picture perfect moment, which filled Tammy with extreme positivity, and changed her perception towards god, and had a great meaning of life. Tammy felt as if this moment should never get over, may this not be a dream. She smiled. This made Sonia calm who knew that Tammy is watching Aashi Yuvi in her dream, and nothing else was more needed to make her feel the best blessed child on the earth!😳
Edited by -YaRa-Forever- - 15 years ago
