New Year's Resolution - AY Shot (P 2/2 pg2)

Tongues of flame leapt up towards the inky night sky from the series of burning logs collected together in fires all over the beach. The amberish glow of the flames seemed to reflect across the golden sand, casting the revellers in its warm light. Music drowned out the sound of the waves and the laughter of party-goers carried on the breeze. It was New Year's Night and everyone was gathered at Goa to celebrate. Amongst them, Ashi stood motionless in the middle of the throng, her eyes hazy with the look of one who is deep in thought. All around her her friends were enjoying themselves: Vrinda was relaxing for once, her sweet face lit up with a smile as she danced with Pri, MP was laughing at something Varun had whispered into her ear, and Ranveer's face was glowing with happiness, his eyes meeting Tia's through the flickering flames of one of the fires. Everyone had an aura of excitement and the air buzzed with possibility and hopes for the new year.

Only Ashi didn't feel a connection with this mood. Seeing her friends so happy normally would have filled her with joy, but tonight when she looked at their smiles and sparkling eyes something inside her felt incomplete. It was like a dull wound, slowly itching away at her. She wanted to join in the celebrations, to look to the future with anticipation, but some strange weight was upon her heart and whenever she tried to curve her lips into a smile they stayed stubbornly downcast. Nothing felt at one within her. Although surrounded by her friends she felt alone and her mind kept wandering. The music, usually a source of energy and exhilaration for her, was thumping too loudly in her ears, and she was growing increasingly irritated with the sound of laughter about her, which seemed to ring hollow in her ears.

Sighing deeply, she looked about her. Her eyes swept over the crowd stretching down towards the waves, when suddenly they alighted on a familiar figure. Her pulse gave an involuntary leap of anticipation, and casting a quick glance at her friends, wondered if they would notice if she stole away. A minute later she decided to sneak off, and, taking advantage of their distraction, she made her way as quickly but as softly as she could through the crowd until she arrived behind the person she had spotted. Stopping, she placed a hand on their shoulder, saying as she did so,

"Sid."

He was too busy trying to impress a bunch of girls to acknowledge her properly, simply half-turning his head and replying,

"Just a minute na. I'm in the middle of some very important work."

At any time of year Sid's foolishness was enough to exasperate Ashi, but tonight she was definately not in any mood to tolerate it. Clenching her teeth together, her eyes narrowing into a scowl, she grabbed his arm and spun him round to face.

"Hey Dufus, didn't your parents ever teach you that it's bad manners to ignore someone?" she asked sarcastically, glaring at him. "And yeh so-called important kaam na, it can wait. Mujhe tumse ek saval poochna chahiye."

Sid looked back at her sheepishly, his eyes wide and slightly fearful.

"A...Ashi, sorry yaar, I didn't know it was you," he said in a timid tone. "Kya saval? Oh no, you don't want me to scare Shyla again do you. Please Ashi, anything but that. Last time she hit me over the head with a book. Dekho, I still have the bruise."

"Dufus, baakwaas ban karo, please!" Ashi cried, rolling her eyes. "And just tell me..."

She paused, her heart fluttering slightly as she tried to muster up the courage to say what she wanted to. How to phrase this question so as not to arouse any suspicion in Sid's mind had her suddenly anxious and she had to avert her eyes.

"Woh...tumhara psycho best friend kahan hai?" she asked as nonchantly as she could.

"Yuvi?" Sid replied. "Pata nahin," he told her with a shrug. "He said he might not come. Something about wanting to do something special. Shayad he had some hot date."

He shrugged again and fell silent. His words had been like a knife striking her heart and she had to muster all her inner strength to maintain an indifferent expression. It would have killed her to admit that on hearing that Yuvi wasn't coming she had been filled with a bitter sense of disappointment. Her heart had literally sunk and when she heard the word 'date' she suffered a sting of torment. Anger and dejection swirled about inside her, but she forced herself to hide it behind a facade of disdain.

"Kyun? You wanted him for something?" Sid asked her.

"Huh?" she cried without thinking, her eyes widening as she looked round at him, then recollecting herself, she put on a withering look. "Duuuh, that wacko can do whatever he likes. Mujhe kya farq parta? I was only asking kyunki tum dono conjoined twins jaise ' hamesha ek saath. Where one psycho is, the other is sure to follow. Anyway, enjoy the party, mujhe kuch kaam hai. Bye."

Before Sid could make any answer she stormed off, pushing her way through the crowd. Inside she was seething and as she tore through groups of people in her path she shouted out to them to get out her way. She paced along the beach in this temper a good few minutes without realising where she was going or that the music was fading further into the background. It was only when she nearly stumbled, her heel buckling under her, that she stopped, and as she bent to rub her ankle the silence surrounding her struck her. A frown touched her brow, and lifting her head she looked all around. There was no one in sight. Behind her in the distance she could see the glare of the party and the revellers moving back and forth, but the music did not reach her ears. The only sound was the crash of the waves as they hit the beach. Overhead the sky was as black as coal, studded with stars, its beauty unimpeded by human lights. It was an isolated stretch of the beach, but at that moment it was exactly where Ashi wanted to be.

Wrapping her arms about herself, she stared out at the dark waves, struggling to keep her eyes from filling with tears. Why did she feel so cheated hearing that Yuvi wasn't here, she demanded? Why, when she thought of him spending tonight sitting opposite another girl did her heart feel as if it were on fire? She knew deep down the answer, but a part of her still wanted to fight against it. If only I had said what I wanted to yesterday, she thought, bowing her head as she recalled the day before. They had all been in the canteen when Sid has told them all about the party for New Year. Everyone had chatted excitedly about it and agreed it would be great to go, except Yuvi. Ashi remembered how she had looked across at him when Ranveer had asked if he would come, and how his eyes had met hers and that strange glitter in them when he had answered,

"Shayad, if I find a reason to..."

She had wanted to tell him to come; her heart had screamed at her to tell him that she had hoped secretly to spend New Year's Eve with him. It had been a dream she had cherished for weeks that on this night they could make a fresh start with one another. But when the chance to say it had come her pride had prevented her.

"Hey Bhaggu, why am I so stupid?" she cried, lifting her eyes to the heavens.

If only I had said it, if only I had told him how much he means to me. If only...