OS: Hell Hath No Fury (Note-Page 4)

Everything has gone just as I had wanted it to. Rudra had taken the bait as I had thought he would, he's just so predictable that way. He thinks he knows himself but I know him better. Waiting for them to return, waiting for success, when it's within your reach is such sweet agony. I wonder where he took that wife of his, the BSD headquarters may be.. Or is there some other place he never told me about? It is so frustrating getting that man to open up about anything without a few pegs down his throat.. How does it matter as long as I get my Rudra back?

Does he think his Paro will smile and say it's alright when she knows the truth? I know what she will do Rudra, I do. She will never be able to take it. It will be child's play to convince her that Rudra was mine and will always be mine, no matter how many Paros come and go out of his life.

Ah.. there she comes... alone?

Oh, he's right behind.. That's interesting...

Rudra: Paro... Paro... Paro, speak to me. Don't you have anything to say?

And she walks away without a word. To nurse her broken heart in a corner no doubt. Oh Rudra, a timid mouse like her can never handle an animal like you. Why don't you accept that?

That completes part one of the mission. Now that I have separated them both, I have to make them realize that Rudra loves me, only me. He might enjoy having that girl worship at his altar for a while, but that can't keep him satisfied. Only a lioness can be a lion's mate.

And how will she fare in your arms Rudra? He may have married her but clearly he has not touched her. Or she would have run scared right then. She has only known the protector in Rudra..

There he is alone in the hall and she must be alone in the room. He needs to be comforted, he needs me..

I go up to him and run my hands through his hair and it brings back memories of the numerous times I've done that as he lay in my bed asleep after a night of passion. Some memories how he pushed me away each time he woke up to my caresses also creep in uninvited, but I push them back. This is not the time for such thoughts, when I'm so close to getting my Rudra back.

"You're back.. You've forgiven me..." he mumbles.

Anger threatens to overcome me as I realize that its he thinks its Paro who has come to comfort him. But I smile up at him, reigning in my rage. "No, Rudra. It's me Laila." It has always been Laila and it will always be Laila.

"What are you doing here Laila?" he asks.

"I'm here to talk to you Rudra, to make you understand. You can hide your feelings from Parvati, from the entire world, but you can't hide from me. I have known you for what you are and accepted you. And you too love me Rudra, however much you try to hide it behind your anger or unconcern I know that you love me."

"Stop talking nonsense Laila!" He thundered and I rejoiced seeing my old Rudra back. "What we had was an agreement. You know very well there were no emotions involved, not for me. Stop spinning tales in your head."

"No, Rudra. I will not back down this time. I have agreed to all your terms and conditions, done whatever you wanted all these years. And what did you do? You said you don't believe in love or marriage, you don't believe in such commitments. Then you go and marry Paro. And where has that left you? What did she say when you told her the truth about us?"

"That's none of your business, Laila"

"Oh yes it is. Everything that concerns you is my business. What does that girl know about you anyway? She thinks you are some divine protector of hers. Why do you think she let me stay here Rudra? She thinks it's god's will that you belong to her. So what do you think she will do when she knows you have only ever been mine?"

"This is about you and me, don't bring Paro into this." He said agonized. His pain almost tempts me to let it be like every time in the past, almost.

I made him sit back in the swing as I stand in front of him. That makes me feel more powerful. I wonder why...

I press my advantage. "Does she know you feel no remorse when you shoot a person dead? A girl who won't even hurt an ant, what will she think about that? She thinks you are a fallen angel. What did she say when you told her you pushed your demons away by losing yourself in alcohol and my body?"

"Stop it Laila. Get away from me." He said in a low voice.

"She thinks marriage is all about loving and taking care of each other tenderly. Did you tell her how you need the sex to drown your pains? That you are no tender lover like she imagines, but a beast who knows only to take what he wants without a care.. If knowing all this has not broken her, then she will the day you take her... She won't be able to bear it Rudra.. She is not what you need.. She is not who you love.."

Just then we hear the shuffling of cloth and turn around to see Paro standing there, stunned. I had planned on dealing with her later, but there is no time to back down now.

He rushes forward to hold her but she takes a step back before he reaches her.

"Paro, listen to me. I ll explain everything. Come to the room with me." He pleads.

What he is going to explain, I wonder. But Paro doesn't wait for his explanations. She turns about and walks back to the room. When she realizes he is following her, she turns around with folded hands and tears running down her cheeks to tell him, "I don't want to talk to you right now. I can't take any more tonight. Please leave me alone Major sab. Please."

As she runs off to his room, grabbing her lehenga, he stands still staring. Too still. And then I notice him clenching his hands together into fists, even the right. Her refusal has angered him, I try to placate him.

"Rudra it's better for her if she knows it now than at a later date. The pain will be lesser..." I stop shocked as he grabs my arm and starts walking ahead. He stops when he comes to my room and kicks the door open, throwing me into the room brusquely.

"Laila, I want to make something very clear to you. I have never loved you and will never love you. And anything we had between us is long since over. It's a closed chapter. Do you get that?"

"No, I don't. What about all the nights you spent in my arms? It was me you came to when your pains overwhelmed you. It was in my bed you forgot all your troubles. It was me who healed you."

"Laila all we had between us was mindless sex. It was just two people who used physical pleasure to forget other sorrows. There was never any love in all this Laila. I never promised you anything more."

I know this is a low blow, but I go ahead relentless as I see him about to walk off away from me. "She will leave you too, one day. You know that."

He literally froze at that, the pain clear on his face. But this had to be done; I had to save him from the hurt she will cause him when she leaves him, eventually.

"She won't be able to bear this Rudra. She will burn like a moth that came too close to the fire and then she will run." The confusion in his mind is clear on his face. "She already ran away from you tonight when she saw your dark side" I continued.

"Think Rudra, I'm the only one has been able to stand in this flame. The only one who has followed you around wherever you went. Who took all your pains without a complaint?"

I can see he is tormented by all the memories my words have brought back and my heart reaches out to comfort him. I lead him across to the bed and seat him there, running my hands down his arms. He looks at me, but says nothing.

"I can make you forget all this pain.."

He still says nothing, does nothing... So I go ahead and start unbuttoning his kurta and take it off him, throwing it aside along with my dupatta. I place his hand on my waist and holding onto his shoulders move to kiss him. As my lips are just a breath away from him, he stiffens as if woken from a trance and pushes me away roughly with his left hand. The shock of the action takes my breath away as I fell towards the headboard of the bed. Pain shoots up my arm which hit against the bedside table, but I look up at him.

He has risen from the bed and looks quite calm as he looks down at me. He said, "No, Laila. I don't want to forget my pains. I don't want to lose myself in the haze of lust. I have done that for 8 years but no more. I will face the demons, battle them and defeat them or die trying. But I'm not taking the coward's path again. Whether Paro decides to accept me or leave, I'll face it. There is nothing anymore between us. I have asked Aman to find a safe place where you are protected from Tejavat's men. He will be here in the morning to take you there."

Feelings of hurt and betrayal run through me as I realize he has rejected me in the worst possible way and thoroughly at that. The only thing he ever wanted from me was my body and today he has rejected even that. The ache of all those 8 years when I hid the pain of my body from him so he could find pleasure and release obliterating his pain... His indifference as he sent me to armed terrorists to get the information for him... The pain I felt every time he refused me pushed me away when I tried to soothe his wounds.. How he brushed me aside whenever I tried to suggest the possibility of something more between us... No doubt he thinks that women like me have no heart, no feelings... All the pain channeled into the rage I felt for his betrayal. Rejected, humiliated, betrayed.

He had turned away from me to look for his kurta. I realized my arm still was throbbing and looked down to see that the dagger I had placed on the table had impaled into my arm. The blood flowing down my arm did not affect me as much as the sight of the dagger did. It was the dagger I carried with me, all the time, everywhere, believing I can protect myself from all the danger my work as a spy put me in. The work I did for him, the places he sent me to.

It was a moment's decision. There wasn't much really to think- what couldn't be mine, won't ever belong to anyone else.

As he stood with his bare back towards me, I drew the dagger out of my arm and in one swift move plunged it into his lower back, right in the middle through his spine. I stood watching as he collapsed to the floor at my feet.

No, that would not kill him, it was never my intent.

But he would be paralyzed below the waist and he would never again be able to give another woman the pleasure he gave me. No other woman will have what he refused me.

If that isn't justice what is?

Note:

1. This is nothing like I ve ever attempted before and its way out of my comfort zone though it's interesting and in a way liberating to write from a psycho's POV. And I'm damned nervous posting this. Ummm, so yeah, feedback of any kind will help. If its pathetic, you hated it, please do tell me. I'm prepared for that.😊

2. Facts and liberties taken- Transection of lower spinal cord causes paraplegia and impotence- fact. The "never" part may be an exaggeration as a certain percentage do recover, depending on the extent of injury.

How does Laila know that? I'm assuming as a banjaran she would know some traditional healers in her community or may be as a spy she knows something about trauma. She just does.😊