OS- Yesterday and Tomorrow-- Prisoner (Part 1, 2 and 3)

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647655

Hibernated

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

OH. MY. GOD. That was beautifully written? Are you gonna write more? That was so good the emotional detail, asking for God! You have amazing talent!

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Suni

@Suni

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

Brilliant! ! Brilliant! What a concept and what wonderful evocative writing!

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moomin4455

@moomin4455

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#13

Beautiful and almost painful contrast...poor Paro. I'm just glad the 'tomorrow' more than made up for the wretched 'yesterday'...

Edited by moomin4455 - 11 years ago

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hilly

@hilly

Navigator

Posted: 11 years ago

#14

Oh my gosh ! :D
damn, it is something so intense that I've come across in the forum. What a huge and lovely contrast between Yesterday and tomorrow.
Loved part 1 and Part 2 was just double as AWESOME ! LOVED the tom as much as I was smiling through, the Yest. was just as heart-wrenching and painful to read ! :(
Poor Paro; no wonder Rudra couldn't take the sight of paro's foot just a little gashed from the vase.
The Tom. is just as beautiful compared to how heart-wrenching Yest. was.
..
So nice of you to update !
Now If I may ask, is there a part 3 coming up? ;)

Edited by hilly - 11 years ago

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vann

@vann

Navigator

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#15

Very interesting! The contrasts work so well. The yesterday's we are seeing and the tomorrow's we are waiting for so eagerly, but I guess we would have to wait for them on the show.

Just a question though. Why did you put yesterday after tomorrow. Yesterday before tomorrow is a linear sequence..we anticipate that way. Is it to highlight the contrast? As a reader, though reading yesterday is painful, it kind of loses its sting because you know the happiness to come tomorrow. (This is not a criticism. Just want to know your reasons as a writer. Don't mind)

Will you try your hand at turmoil of today...kind of linking yesterday and and tomorrow.

Edited by vann - 11 years ago

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Navin

@napstermonster

Voyager

+ 7

Posted: 11 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: vann
Very interesting! The contrasts work so well. The yesterday's we are seeing and the tomorrow's we are waiting for so eagerly, but I guess we would have to wait for them on the show.

Just a question though. Why did you put yesterday after tomorrow. Yesterday before tomorrow is a linear sequence..we anticipate that way. Is it to highlight the contrast? As a reader, though reading yesterday is painful, it kind of loses its sting because you know the happiness to come tomorrow. (This is not a criticism. Just want to know your reasons as a writer. Don't mind)

Will you try your hand at turmoil of today...kind of linking yesterday and and tomorrow.

Hi! Thanks for the comment! Of course you are very right, linear progression wise, we expect first the yesterday, then today. and finally tomorrow. But as I was writing, I thought that we are getting plenty of "today" detailing from the show, and they broke their own track by jumping ahead to Haveli scenes, without finishing up on the interrogation and Rudra's suspicion and how Paro proves herself all that.

I mean, how likely is it that Rudra, a Major known for his ruthlessness would let Paro stay in the nice haveli and be comparatively okay if he thought she was responsible for the deaths of 5 of his BSD officers? Their story lacks a lot of detail now, and symbolically, it should have more "stuff" to make it richer and have more contrast when the serial goes forward to the future.

So I broke progression, offering a shot of "alls well that ends well" in the future, but leaving the readers with a darker picture of yesterday, so the intensity isn't lost. The yesterday passage is basically to fill in the gaps of the story, in my head, so its the final scene, and it comes last. Does that make sense?

Edited by napstermonster - 11 years ago

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Guinea

@Guinea

Inactive

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#17

Very interesting contrast ...lovely linear story . Incidently the first fiction I have read on rudra-paro.

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Deepthi

@Beauceant

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#18

Beautifully written. The change from tormentor to protector.. Yesterday and tomorrow are here, makes me wonder what is happening today..

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laddoo598

@laddoo598

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#19

The yesterdays and tomorrows are so starkly different, there is a sense of incredulity as to how can Paro and Rudra share a tomorrow that is so beautiful after sharing a past so grotesque and ugly. They must have been having a pretty drastic Today to go from that to this.

Brilliant concept Navin, I am so glad to see you writing stories again.