destined to b..ty notes on pg3 and 4

SidNeeti-fan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#1
after reading brilliant master pieces from our fellow forum members behold to witness a lousy piece 😆 hehe..m saying dis coz i know its not good at all yet i wanted to share it..

The sun was slowly rising in the sky, the birds were singing beautifully on the trees.. The sunlight filtered through the satin curtains and fell on khanak's face. She got up instantly. There was a wide smile on her face. She was very happy today as today was the day when she was going back to her home- the khandelwal house with her beloved husband shaan' she got out of the bed to take a bath while khushi and simran were still fast asleep.. she took a good half an hour bath and then dressed up in her favourite white churidaar and paired it with a red dupatta white was shaan's favourite color.. she pinned her hair in a side parting and let the bangs rest on her forehead. She then moved towards the small mandir situated on the entrance of gangubai's place.. she joined her palms in front of bhagwan n prayed

Khanak: bhagwan aj shantanu aur mein apni zindagi naye siry se shuru kerne ja rahy hain..aap please humein himmat dena ke hum hamesha sahi kaam Karen..shantanu ko kabhi bhe koi gham mat dena bhagwan..aj se sirf khushiyan he khushyian milen shantanu ko..

When she was done praying she found shaan standing right next to her. His hands were folded n was grinning at her

Khanak :aap aise kia dekh rahay hain?

Shaan: tumhare chehre pe 100watts ki smile dekh raha hun khanak. Aj tumhare chehre pe ek alag he khushi hai..n I know k uski reason kia hai (smiles) acha ab ye batao ke tum bhagwan se kia mang rahi thi?

Khanak: wo mein apko kiyun baatun?

Shaan: oh aisa kia?

Khanak: {smiles} jee haan.. shanatanu apko pata hai aj mein waqai mein bohat khush hun. Aj hum kitne din baad apne ghar wapis ja rahy hain.. mujhe sbase milne ka kitna dil chah raha hai..Aada, mummy ji, khushboo bhabi,akshay bh..

Shaan: {interrupting her}bus bus khanak ab apne bhaa aur aada k chakkar mein apne is bechare pati ko mat bhool jana

Khanak: {teasingly} sochungi {turning away from him}

Shaan: really now {stopped her holding her wrist and pulling her closer}

Khanak: shanatanu choriye mujhe {blushing}

Ye kia horaha hai yahan? gangubai entered followed by paapi.

shaNak stood straight seeing her.

Khanak: gangubai aj hum wapis apne ghar ja rahe hain and hum apko bohat miss karenge

Shaan: bilkul theek kha khanak ne aur ganagubai apka bohat shukriya ke apne humein apne ghar mein us waqt jaga di jab humein koi jaga nahi mil rahi ti rehne ko.

Gangubai: ye ziada bolne ki zarurat nahi werna gangunbai ko jaante ho tum dono..bus ab dopahar ka khana tum log ganagubai ke hath ka khaoge

shaNak smiled and agreed.

They all had lunch together and then said good byes to each other and shaNak left gangubai's home.

Shaan: I think humein cab kerni chahye.. but yahan se thora sa agay chalna parega

Khanak nodded.

Shaan held khanak's hand tight in his hand..he couldn't understand why but he had this feeling that if he let go of her hand he would nt b able to get her back. While they were still walking khanak separated her hand from shaan's and asked him to get the cab while she bought some mithai for ada

Khanak: shanatanu please aada ko acha lagega n itne din baad hum ghar wapis ja rahy hain khushi ki baat hai to kuch meeetha zarrur hona chahye

Shaan: acha meri jhansi ki rani. Tum aisa karo mithai le k store k bahar he mera wait kerna mein cab le k aata hun.

Khanak nodded.. shaan went to take the cab khanak looked at him for a while and then turned around to go to the mitahi store situated right in front of her on the other side of the road. But just then her way was blocked by a young wannabe kind of a man standing in front of her. She noticed there were 3 men including d one standing in front of her and the other two were sitting on a jeep right behind dem.

She ignored them and tried to move away but the man blocked her way again.

Khanak: hatiye samne se

The guy: mein yahan se hatne k liye thori khara hun and held her wrist.

Just then shaan came and punched dat man in his abdomen

Shaan: {angrily} stay away from my wife

He held khanak's hand and turned away. Just when they had walked a few steps shaan was hit hard on his head. Shaan turned around n hit that man back. Khanak was very worried about shaan.

Khanak: shantanu chorye in ko aur chalye yahan se. shanatanu please

But shaan wasn't listening to her. Just when shaan n dat man were fighting one of the guys got off the jeep with a hockey stick in his hands and was aiming at shaan. Khanak who was seeing all this cried out shaan's name loud

Shanatanu hatiye wahan se shanatanu.

But shaan wasn't listening. Khanak ran towards shaan and pushed him away. The guy with the hockey stick had already aimed and hit khanak instead.. khanak held her head with both her hands the mitahi box fell down. Blood was oozing out of her head, the world around her started spinning. All of the happy moments of hers with shantanu starting coming to her mind their marriage, SR, honeymoon every sweet moment. When those men saw khanak wounded they got back to their jeep and drove away. Shaan who had fallen on the street as a result of khanak pushing him called out khanak's name loud and ran towards her. Khanak collapsed into his arms. Shaan was out of his senses he could nt figure out what to do. He shook khanak's face to wake her up but she was already unconscious after d blow. Shaan then lifted her in his arms and stopped a car crossing from there {as he cudnt find the cab he had went looking out for}

They reached the hospital and khanak was taken to the operation theatre. Meanwhile shaan kept praying for khanak's life. After a while the doctors came out of the operation room. Shaan rushed towards them

Shaan: kesi hai meri khanak?

Doctor: ab wo khatre se bahar hain

Shaan : {relieved} can I see her

Doctor: sure but she is still unconscious

Shaan: I wont disturb her doc.. he shook hands with the doc n thanked him

Shaan went into the room. Khanak was still unconscious. Shaan sat on a stool next to her bed. He held her hand in his and kissed it gently, tears started rolling down his eyes. He wanted to hug her, talk to her, complain to her but he couldn't. While he was still looking at her, his phone rang. It was dad. In all the chaos he had forgotten to inform him of the accident. He rested khanak's hand back on the bed and moved towards the other side of the room to answer the phone

Shaan: yes dad actually wo yahan kuch problem hogyi hai

Surrraaaj'.

Shaan turned around and saw khaank sitting up on the bed her hand held out and tears rolling down her eyes. Shaan moved towards her calling out her name. khanak who had no idea that shaan was also in the room looked at him. And when their eyes met shaan stopped right where he was because the only thing that he could see for himself in her eyes was revenge, anger , n above all HATRED..

P:S dis was my very first attempt at writing an OS n m sure many of u after reading it wud wish for a dislike button here😆..but really wanted to give it a try. Feel free to criticize, I wont mind

Edited by alisha_yashAran - 14 years ago

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Roshni_M thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#2
omggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alisha...

i loved it...

partial amnesia...

omggg...!!!!!!!!!11

plzzz continue its awesome...
SidNeeti-fan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#3

Originally posted by: Roshni_M

omggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!


alisha...

i loved it...

partial amnesia...

omggg...!!!!!!!!!11

plzzz continue its awesome...


u actually did??or ur just saying dat??😆

coz i thot 10 times b4 posting it..i thot its not good at all..

but thnx roshni for ur comment

love ya🤗
SidNeeti-fan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#4
n yes lemme add ur response was very quick..just a few minutes n tada a comment😊
Roshni_M thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#5
thats coz it was a short update...

and i type fast thru comp...

and seriously i always wanted a partial amnesia track so i loved it even more...
Roshni_M thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#6

Originally posted by: alisha_yashAran

u actually did??or ur just saying dat??😆

coz i thot 10 times b4 posting it..i thot its not good at all..

but thnx roshni for ur comment

love ya🤗


ur mad...

wat tuk u sooo long to post this... 😲
IshBin thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#7
hey!
i don't know u personally like other members on the forum...but i know one thing u r an amazing writer!!!
loved the os...plz plz plz continue it!!!
😊
minnu345 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#8
Alysha nice start 😊

so khanak is now suffering from partial amnesia😕

OMG this FF is going to be very interesting

Alysha continue😊
IF_rida thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#9
Its really gud

finally the partial amnesia track

the story line is gud but it hurts

but ur 1st update shows u've got gud writing skills... lukin fwd to it

continue soon.
jyothi1989 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#10
amazing dear u seriously can write well do keep writing loved this anemasia track of shanak looking forward for the next

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