DISCLAIMER: This is just a piece of fiction...no offense is intended to characters or situations. an open mind would be a good thing to have when reading...purely my take on what i felt from, the work i admired and felt in Imane's depiction of this intense song...Please comment and give me and Imane the feedback our work deserves..Thanks
Haal-e-Dil: Judgement Failed
Ay kaash, kaash yun hota
Har shaam saath tu hota…
Looking back, she should've realized that something was bound to go wrong.
Chhup jaa dil na yun rotaa
Har shaam saath tu hota…
She met him some time ago - when she was pure and raw, and when he was experienced and daring. But he couldn't have her, and that frustrated him. But it made her happy, because she couldn't trust herself with him around. And she was little miss sunshine, after all. The virtuous goody-goody and the forbidden fruit, all rolled into one.
(And she couldn't afford to make that mistake. Not in this society.)
Guzaara ho tere bin guzaara ab mushkil hai lagta
Nazaara ho tera hi nazaara ab har din hai lagta…
He was determined to have her, though, in every way possible. And thus the little black book (he calls it his "journal") was born. He was going to get her, he told himself, even if it did kill him.
Hale dil tujhko sunaata
Dil agar yeh bol paata
Bakhuda tujhko hai chaahta jaan
She thought it was amusing to see him fidget and try so hard, to see him please her in every way possible.
(Except for that one, of course. That would be very, very wrong. Especially because he was her dirty little secret. Her need, inappropriate is all aspects, but her want,)
Tere sang jo pal bitaata
Waqt se main woh maang laata
Yaad karke muskuraata haan
She was robed in a coral red saree with a navy blue bordering, wrapped around that stringy blouse that fitted her so well, when he trapped her in the dark parking garage of her building. She was coming back from some classy reception party, it was close to mid-night.
"Have you any dignity?" she asked him.
"Just the best for the best, darling!" he replied, pulling at her bare waist, glad that the blouse didn't reach down to it.
And after he kissed her, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist him anymore.
Tu meri raah ka sitaara
Tere bina hoon main awaara…
"Do you think," she unbuttoned the top two buttons of his pristine white cotton shirt, "that we can actually be together?"
They were leaning against the pillar by the elevator in the garage; the eighth time in two weeks.
She remembered hearing him laugh harshly. "Of course not, kabhi bhi nahi..."
Her hands stopped at the waist of his jeans. "'Kyun?"
He backtracked, "You have to understand, darling, we're like oil and water. If anyone finds out I'm…, we'd be destroyed."
She was silent for a moment, unblinking.
"And so he…" he added.
She sighed, "You're right, hameesha ki tarah." And her hands went to the button on his…
Jab bhi tanhai ne sataaya
Tujhko besaakhta pukaara…
"I have something for you," he told her.
"Oh?" Her eyes were shining.
"Yes, look," he took out a velvet box .
Her eyes became dull. "Oh."
He laughed, "Kholo..."
"Kya?"
"The box."
She shot him a curious look, and took the box from his hands, opens it and reveals its contents; it's a delicate belly chain, goldenish-silver dragonfly was suppose be the hook at the back. "Yeh kyun…?"
He laughed again. "Just a little something…you can wear it just for me to see…secretive like what we have…!"
And when she shook her head, he gave her a pitying smile and showed her how.
(He seemed to show her all the things these days..good and bad...)
Aa chaahat hai meri la fanaa
Par meri jaan dil mein hoon rakhta haan…
They were in the back in his stuffy apartment again, her hands in his hair and his lips on hers, when he halted his movements.
"We have to stop..."
She should've known what was coming from the way he left out the word darling, but she was pure and raw, and he was experienced and daring.
"It's alright," she assured him, "Main theek hoon..prescription..it."
He shook his head. "voh baat nahi hain..."
"Phir..?"
"We can't keep doing this anymore..."
"'Kyun?" She was too appalled by what he had just said to catch his thoughtful expressions.
"Kub tak…Suraj se..he is good for you."
"Kyun..?"
Hale dil tujhko sunaata
Dil agar yeh bol paata
Bakhuda tujhko hai chaahta jaan…
So the next day, she put on her newly bought lacy white churidaar dress and some silver heels and headed out the building, he was waiting in his car, watching her walk up to it through his rear-view mirror.
He drove in silence, she didn't bother to question the road or the beautiful destination he had planned for her.
Tere sang jo pal bitaata
Waqt se main woh maang laata
Yaad karke muskuraata haan…
And it happened like that for a while – she would wear a seductive smile and something simple yet very elegant from her huge wardrobe and he would have her, all of her, every single day.
(And she would never admit, but she needed this more that he did.)
Khwaabon ka kab tak loon sahara
Ab toh tu aa bhi ja khudara…
It was a rainy Thursday morning and she had on her double shaded pink flowy churidaar on. She went to visit him at his apartment; he was sleeping in his black athletic pants and vest. The bed was empty; he was on sprawled out on his couch. She makes him coffee in the small and messed up kitchen, brings it over and stands over him, watching him sleep.
And when he stirs a little, she moves away, his eyes open up sensing her movement, he wasn't startled or shocked, just grinning like always. "Join me, baby?"
She blinked, turned around to pick his mug from the table, and hands it to him. He gazes at her intensely while sitting up, checking out her partially wet hair due to the rain and then her well maintained figure later.
Har pal maange tera nazaara
Aa samjaun inko kis tarah
Inpe mera bas nahin chalta haan…
On Friday, she wore her fuchsia georgette churidaar with simple lace borering the sleeves and neck. She was home alone, and so he had come over, waited for her outside as she answered someone's call in her bedroom. But when she came out, and he saw her shutting the door behind her, he ran up to her, unable to resist the distance any longer..
He had dragged her to the store room…she remembered Suraj's proposal last night in her bedroom's balcony, anywhere would have been perfect for them to be except her room…Suraj was there every now and then and she didn't want to remember him when she was with Shaantanu.
(And he didn't even care for the muggy smell and the boxes in the store room, he had her exactly where he wanted, in his arms.)
Haal-e-dil tujhko sunaata
Dil agar yeh bol paata
Bakhuda tujhko hai chaahta jaan…
It was like a forbidden escape that they had made from the rest of the world, his fingers traces a funny pattern back and forth against her cheeks...she wants him to do more... She feels his hand travel down from her left upper arm to her palm, his fingers are playful, and they tease her slender ones…
She gazes intensely, his eyes are sparkling, reflecting his intentions…cruel and kind both...drags her with him to a random chair in the store room, she feels like a child resting her weight on him, sitting like she is on her favorite couch. Arms around his neck, he pulls her legs up from the floor, they go across his lap. She inhales in his pleasure arousing scent…he is all around her.
Bu then suddenly he wasn't.
Tere sang jo pal bitaata
Waqt se main woh maang laata
Yaad karke muskuraata haan…
She should've known something was wrong when she heard the door creek, he was nuzzling her neck then, she was occupied…unaware…pure & raw.
...
(Until he had done what he did to her in the last most wonderful fifteen minutes)
Haal-e-dil tujhko sunaata
Dil agar yeh bol paata
Bakhuda tujhko hai chaahta jaan
Suraj was at standing at the door that they were careless about and forgot to lock from inside…it was all out in the open now…
She knew he was a smart man and seeing her with him would suffice for the type of answer she wanted to give him. For the first time in a long time Shaantanu felt the aftertaste of the forbidden fruit…it was bitter and it had tarnished her image for the rest of her lifetime…there was disappointment and ugliness…there were consequences and no chance for redemption, for he was the one who was experienced and daring.
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