Walking Without Me.
Last night I dreamed of her again.
How immaculate are those precious few minutes of my life that are filled with her presence.
We were by the sea.
...Walking hand in hand.
...Drenched in the salt water.
...The only two souls on the face of this earth.
...Not two, but one.
She rested her head against my shoulder. And then I felt it in her.
Excitement...Unrest...The vigour to explore.
She laughed as she wiggled her hands out of mine and ran with the wind. My first instinct was to run after her...joining in her game.
But I walked behind...admiring the gallop in her stride. She moved so gracefully...set against the fiery backdrop of a storm brewing far away.
For a second, I was confused- Was she floating?
She stopped, looked at me and laughed to announce- "I am not perfect, Aahil! No one is."
I smiled encouragingly.
She ran again, daring me to catch her...
And stopped yet again, to declare- "Look at me. I am a who*e!"
Shocked?- Surprisingly, I was only amused.
She sang again and again- "I am a who*e. I am a who*e"
Until it was not a song any more, but a mindless chant...as her steps grew drunken...
I did not rush, for she did not call for me.
Somehow I knew she had to walk those steps without me.
Rain washed over me.
I whispered into the emptiness before me. "You are not a who*e, Sanam. No matter what happens. You are mine. Only mine. Not because I demand or decree- but it is the only truth. Your soul can connect with only mine. And that makes you mine alone. And me, yours"
And I was surprised my words could be heard...over the roaring waves...cutting the chilling wind...prancing with the friendly drizzle that was only cautioning me of the storm coming.
It was barely a whisper. But it spoke enchantingly to the nature blowing its fury at me.
I looked farther beyond.
She was not to be seen.
The heavens had swallowed her up in envy... daring me...
I was not afraid because I had the assurance .
I knew she'd be back where she belonged...
Walking... With Me... Again.
All her Life.
...And Beyond...
15.04.15:
On the First Anniversary of Ahil Raza Ibrahim:
Dedicated to KVB .
For Coming back.
To give us.
Our Ahil.
PS: This is not to hurt anyone's feelings- I am really sorry if I have done that. In case anyone wondered about Sanam's lines...it is just what one feels when one has been used...against one's wishes...Just something I feel along with Sanam...at a very very deep level.
(I did not write it as Ahil going after Sanam...I imagined him giving her the freedom to explore herself.)
Wanted this to be all about Ahil...who is the only one who can make her feel complete again.
And Thank You, Gul...for making me explore. (However painful and ugly it is.)
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Anupamaa
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