Of Empty Canvases
One Year Later.
Location: Pune
Kuch bacha hi nahi darmiyaan
Saans leti hai ab yeh duriyaan
Dil nahi jaanta raahon mein
Haath se haath chhute the kahaan
Bin tere bin tere bin tere...
Koi khalish hai hawaaon mein bin tere...
"Help! Helppp!!" A voice was screaming from the water. She was trying to swim furiously somewhere - from something or towards something, she didn't quite know. A voice was calling from afar to stop and don't go. She was too afraid to look back and stop, so instead she kept running until she drowns in that water body. "Sanammm!!!!"
She wakes up suddenly, all sweaty and terrified. As she opens her eyes she finds nothing but...darkness all around. And a girl beside her looking and holding her equally terrified. "Sanam! Are you okay?" Sanam grabs her and cries profusely holding onto her. She soothes her till her sobs stop and calms up. She looked at her with red eyes Shaheen, I am going down for a bit, I need some air." Before she says something she got up from her bed taking her diary with her; she goes in the balcony outside. Shaheen looks at her worried and her eyes got welled up in no time thinking about what she has been through and well...still going through.
Sanam has been brought to Pune on that fateful day when a blast took place at that factory and she was thrown straight into a sea nearby. A ship was sailing, when someone spotted her body floating on the water. An Executive Chef who was serving in the Cruise, Shaheen Qadir, spotted her and decided to took her to her home. Since that day, she has been having these nightmares which haunt her every night. She is not able to see the face who was calling her, only a voice, a male voice, which she has recognised. She has moved on for good, but the past memories have never left her. She has learnt to live with those memories in her heart and ofcourse Aahil.
She settles herself on the swing as she gazes at the full moon up in the sky as tears start forming again. She remembered the night when she freed him from all those fears and bad past he has held back. She felt at peace that day for some reason, maybe because it was she who was able to free him. She realised it was the first time she was in his arms and suddenly felt an urge to have those arms back surrounding her, protecting her. She had always loved him, she will always love him. They have tread the path, were together too, it's just they were lost somewhere in between...
Sanam opened her diary, which has been her only way of expressing herself, throughout this one year.
Dear diary,
I had that dream again today. It scares me, it really scares me. I don't know if I would ever be able to get rid of those. But I have Shaheen with me, she is the only support and my strength after I saw my sister dying in front of my eyes. I went to Dargah today. As I visit every Sunday to pray for Seher. My heart still doesn't want to believe she is actually..no more. It hurts me to think that I am forgetting everyone that I had in my life, to move on further. But I can't do anything else, there is no one to stay back and go back. Those I had, are no more or either have...moved on.
I prayed for him too. I have realised, its no use denying that I don't remember him. The truth is its really hard to forget him. Its really hard to forget what I had. Its really hard to forget I once had...him. It's really hard to forget I loved him, love him. I won't be able to forget him ever, I know. I loved him, still love him. But I guess, sometimes love isn't enough - to be a proof in itself. I hope he has moved on too with...with...her. I wish him all the happiness. I have decided to keep him in my memories...always.
I love you Aahil.
Sanam.
She closes her diary as tears started forming in her eyes unbidden. No matter how hard she has tried to forget, she has given up that she can't forget him. She still loves him, she knows he loves her too. Every love story is not like a fairytale after all...
Shaheen comes to her and asks worried "Sanam? Are you crying again?"
Sanam shakes her head and hurriedly wipes her tears Shaheen no! I wasn't crying. Its just..just.."
"Him. Isn't it?"
"No it isn't. I have moved on, and moved on for good. Yes I still love him, but that's it. He might also have moved on too...'
"Sanam, I know its hard for you. If you don't want to come to Delhi tomorrow, you can stay back. I mean..you know na with whom we are dealing this? The partnership, I mean..."
"Yes I know. And I am coming. I told you already. I am not scared of facing him. Its just stupid to run away from reality. Isn't it?"
"I know Sanam. Its easier said than done.."
"Shaheen, trust me I am not! Lets just go to sleep okay? She smiles at her. Shaheen smiles and nods back. She gave one last look at the Moon above there, as a lone tear escapes her eye. "From now on, he's just somebody that I used to know..." She whispered in the dark.
Elsewhere...
Location: Delhi.
Teri nigaahon k, teri hi raahon ke
Kareeb se gayi zindagi
Tujhe kyun dekha na tujhe kyun jaana na
Shikaayatein karun ya nahi
Thami hai yeh saansein, bhari hai yeh aankhein
Sahun kaise ab yeh faasla
Bin tere bin tere bin tere...
Koi khalish hai hawaaon mein bin tere...
It was one of those beautiful nights when Moon was in its full glory, spreading calm around. A cool breeze was blowing. Amongst this calm a figure was lying on the bed, trying to get some sleep. Continuous tossing and turning, blabbering some random words, sweat beads and a nightmare. He sat up screaming her name, only to find there was no one around. He got up from the bed in frustration and walked to his favourite part of his home - poolside.
He stood there gazing at his own reflection in the pool as he remembers all the memories attached to it with...her. He sees her with him in his every reflection. It was his favourite part of the house as he feels at peace there - with himself, with her; where he feels he is always with her, everywhere, in every thought, in his heart, in his memories, engraved within, entwined with him. A place where he feels she has never left him. Its strange that when she was there in front of his eyes he never was with her, now when she is not, it seems she is the only thing he remembers first thing in the morning and the last thing at the night. Her face, those eyes, that smile seems to pull at his heart strings whenever he closes his eyes. Her memories never seem to leave him, it sometimes makes him feel, she is still there with him, around him, surrounding him, saving him, healing him.
He suddenly remembered when he first met her, at this same spot, when he first got lost in those big beautiful brown eyes of hers. He knew from that day, she has got him floored. No matter how he kept denying it, it had to come out one day. That night when she held him, he knew he had to hold on to her...forever. He flinched at the word "forever" as now, that thought seem so empty. He has failed her, failed himself, his love, her love - their love. It seethes him to even think now, how he has insulted her when she came back that night. Her tears were of grief and pure love, if only he had understood them and listened to her once what she had to say. If only he believed HER instead of...HER!
His eyes burnt with a rage thinking about her, his Ammi, Tanveer, Begum Sahiba - the murderer of his father, murderer of Sanam's parents. The so called epitome of sacrifice. He cringed even at the name of her from his mouth, he cringed at the days when he used to idolise her and worship her. He hates her, but he hates himself more for believing and trusting her all those years. He couldn't forgive himself for what he has done to Sanam, his love, her love. He doubted her for HER! The news Aahil got to know on that fateful day six months back has been haunting him since that very day in his nightmares. It shook the ground beneath her feet as he felt he was being swallowed up in whole. His existence seemed nothing but a joke on him, a cruel joke. He hasn't slept even a day without waking up screaming - scared and sweaty. He has started reading Quran for mental peace, but anything just doesn't seem to calm his mind of that day, when he saw his Sanam being burnt up, in front of his eyes. If that wasn't enough to give him the shock of his life, he was hit with another harsh reality. His Sanam, she never left him at the wedding day. She was her twin, Seher.
Since that day, he decided to leave Bhopal for good. There was nothing here he could have lived for. All has been snatched away on one fleeting moment and he was left with only two things - guilt and sorrow. His guilt was eating him up in a way he thought he would just die one day. She always trusted him, saved him, healed him; but when it came to him he has only failed her, in all possible ways. Saying "I love you' doesn't mean everything. She meant and did everything even without saying those words, and he doubted her. sometimes he laughs at himself for even thinking of loving a girl like Sanam, sometimes he even thinks Allah has punished him in the gruesome way possible - made him love her and then taking her away from him. He has cried everyday remembering her in his memories, praying to Allah for her, hoping against hope, someday she would come back, only for him.
"Aahil baba." A familiar voice interrupted him from his thoughts. Lateef. He has always been through his thick or thin, he realised it finally, his intentions are not so harmful anyway.
"Lateef, I-I-..I just needed a swim so..." he said grimly. Distracted by the waves in front of him. His voice croaky from the sadness in him. He didn't realise when the sun shone outside and it was morning. Well, he is still looking for a morning in his life, anyway.
"Aahil baba. Subah ho gayi hai. Br-..."
I am coming Lateef. Go now." He suddenly sounded irritated for no reason whatsoever.
He came back to his room, took a shower and was getting ready for the work. He suddenly remembered a similar incident some time ago when she was here with him. He looked at the mirror in front of him as the memories of her hit him again. His lips twisted in a reverent smile as his eyes started welling up again. "I miss you, so much. Come back Sanam, please come..." He whispered to himself as his words faded away in his choked throat and heavy heart. Never there was a day he hasn't cried and wished for her to come back. A phone ring interrupts his thoughts as he reached for the caller.
"Yes Hamid?" he spoke into the phone, tying his wrist watch.
"Sir, those clients from Pune, about the upcoming project of our chain of restaurants, they would be here this evening. There flight has been delayed due to some reasons."
"Fine! It irks me so much when such things happen out of this stupid climate changes! Ugh! Thanks Hamid. I am coming in next ten minutes."
He went out from the room before having a look at the big size poster of him with his Sanam at the wall in his room. He smiled at the way she was smiling, with him, for him. "I love living your dream Sanam." His eyes glistened up again, with a memory of that dream. Don't worry they all would have Geysers fitted in." He talked to himself as he put on his glares and walked out of the room finally.
Aahil has converted all his properties, his company into taking over a Hotel chain. "Sanam Da Dhaba" restaurants were now a popular chain of Hotels among whole India. It was the time to open his 4th chain at Pune. Authentic Punjabi cuisine with a elegant ambience of the Dhabas, make people want to dine there for a Desi flavour. The business was flourishing and in one year the company's turnover was into Lakhs of Crores. Aahil has a special suite in the main Hotel, where he loves to be, only him and her memories. The home he lives in, is in his own words "kaatne ko daudta hai."
Back In Pune.
Sanam has been unusually low today, she never let her emotions overpower her in this whole one year, over her work. She has learnt to live the life like she used to live, sometimes she thinks all happens for good after all. She loves being here, away from the past memories. Sometimes she thinks is she doing the right thing? She says it's stupid to run away from reality, but isn't that what she was doing? Was she hiding from him? Was she scared to face him again? was she scared to fall in love again? Was she scared to have those feelings he always arose in her?
The truth is, yes she loved him, she loved him like she never ever dreamt of loving anyone else. She is just, disappointed, in him. No matter she thinks she has forgiven him, for all those blames and insults, a part of her is still disappointed in him. The one who claimed to be in love, never wanted to trust her? Never wanted to even give a chance to her to explain why she has come back. Did he really think she would leave him, just like that? If he was so sure about his love for her, wasn't he sure of her love for him? Did he really doubt her? No matter how much he loved her, but one thing is also true, he has failed her and disappointed too. Is this love was about?
She knows he loves her, she knows he will always do. She almost cried when she came to know about that "Sanam Da Dhaba" restaurants. She knew it was him who made this come true. And it was crazy, or to say a crazy turn of events that she has to go today to the same place for a conference. She was excited and nervous. Excited about, somewhere she knew, she is excited to see him again. Nervous because, she knew it would take a whle amount of strength to look into those eyes again, which enchanted her, still enchant her. She and Shaheen were the representatives from the Hotel chain, who were representing their company to the chain in Delhi. The owner of their company has trusted them with the conference they were gonna have this evening with Ibrahims in Delhi.
Sanam was busy packing in her room, for a 3 day trip when Shaheen enters her room. "Sanam, we are not going on a vacation. Hurry up. The flight is in next two hours." Sanam looks back and nods as she puts the last thing in her bag - her diary. They were ready to leave.
Location: Nagpur.
"Damn this freaking laptop! Ugh!' Aahil cursed his laptop on his desk as it hanged for the umpteenth time. "Bloody software! What the hell is wrong with these software people? Why don't they give a long lasting product?" He called up Panic Software's main branch which was situated in Nagpur, right away.
"Hello! This is one of your frustrated customers, who bought a laptop two months ago. And this freaking thing just keeps hanging up! Would you just replace it for good, or I may just smash it right here!' The voice in the receiver's end almost got a shock of life when the realisation dawned and the person seems to recognise the voice right away. "Hello? Helloo?! Great! Now you people won't even talk to your cust-..." The line went dead. Aahil looks at his ear piece, flabbergasted. "What the hell?!" He smashed the phone on his desk.
She stares at the phone beside her as she just realised who the customer was. "Aahil??" Someone at the door looks at her confused. Seher? What happened to you?" She looks up at her colleague and shakes her head "N-n-nothing! Just a-another crazy customer!" She fake smiles. She went to the incident just happened. Seher was a hacker in that software company working from last 6 months in Nagpur. She didn't know how she ended up here, she just remembers she was in a sea, swimming across till a boat reaches and saves her.
Back in Delhi.
Sanam and Shaheen reached the Hotel, and Sanam was close to tears as soon as she read that name "Sanam Da Dhaba" written in bold and glittery letters, shining its way, lighting up the whole street. The name has so many dreams and memories attached to it, that he couldn't help getting nostalgic. Out of nowhere, a thought came into her mind "I hope the rooms have Geysers fitted in." She laughed internally. Shaheen looked at her "Sanam? Did you just say something?" Sanam shakes her head as they finally entered the Hotel.
As soon as the girls entered the place, Sanam was taken straight to the Food tasting department of the restaurant. She stopped to take a look at the Restaurant. In spite of herself, she was left in awe of the ambience the restaurant has created. Her lips curved into a big smile, maybe a first genuine smile she had in last one year. "Allah Miyan! This is breathtaking!" She whispered as she lingered her eyes for a moment long.
Aahil was more than frustrated in his office after the recent preposterous incident happened to him. "Unbelievable!" A knock at the door jerks him. "Sir, the Pune clients are here, waiting in the conference room no. 3" Aahil nods at him and leaves for the conference room blabbering some random words. He walks down the corridor, and suddenly he senses something. Something...familiar. A familiar scent, a fragrance, of someone - her. He almost stopped in his tracks as he turned back to take a look. Why do I think, she is... He shakes his head as he dismissed the thought as soon as it came. He enters the room for the meeting that was about to take place. The meeting went more than well, as expected; and they have finally sealed the deal for their 4th chain of Hotel in Pune.
Sanam was done with the food tasting, she took some time more to have a proper idea of how the cooks work here, their recipes, their ways of serving and just like always, she gave a tip to prepare her favourite Pudine Ki Chutney to them too. She suddenly remembers an incident when she gave him Pudiney Ki Chutney on his Omelette for the breakfast and how he got furious with her, she laughed softly as her eyes started welling up again. The Chutney has so many memories attached to it. She came back to the present as soon as she realised she has to go back. The thought of leaving this place, where he is, tugged at her heart once again as she moved her way back out of the hotel. Shaheen has texted her that she won't be here for long and that she is going earlier.
Aahil was at the parking lot, preparing to leave his office when he suddenly stopped and looked back. "Whats happening to me? Why am I feeling she is... Before his thoughts made a u-turn he saw HER, her retreating back and he just stood rooted at the spot staring at the figure far away from him. All the memories came crashing down on him at that moment; he felt he was living again, if only for a moment, afraid to be snatched away from him again. His breathing was heavy as his voice got choked and it didn't quite find the words to say- to stop her or not, to call her or not, to make her stay back or not, to look into her eyes or not, to hold her or not, to say that he loves her or not. He suddenly found himself broken beyond repair, it was the cruellest feeling ever to watch her walk away from him and still not able to stop her...
How could he? How could he stop her...now? When he has nothing but just to say a sorry? A sorry, a simple sorry. For all that he had done to her, with her. For all that he has punished her for the crimes she never committed. For all the things he said to her, insulted her. He didn't quite have the courage to speak to her. it was tearing him apart watching her go like that, when he found out she is alive! She is actually alive! His Sanam was alive! He smiled between his tears as they came rolling down his cheeks and he made no attempt to wipe them off. He felt he was crying, but his heart was smiling, with her, for her- just watching her from afar. He saw her tucking a lost strand of her hair behind her ear, and his hand instinctively pulled up to do the same. He pulled back his hand as soon as he realised it. "Sanam." A mere whisper of her name was all could he utter. He was happy to see her back after all those haunted nights he had, but would she be too? The thought made him question himself again.
Sanam was trying hard not to stop in her tracks when she almost turned back when she felt he called her name. Every step of her was carried by heartbreak and a teardrop from her eye. She has sensed his eyes on him, as soon as he spotted her. She almost shuddered when she felt him whisper, her name from his lips -Sanam. She closed her eyes as she almost revelled in that feeling. it was hard, so hard to not to stop when he calls her name like that, no one and no one had the power to say her name like he says, it does strange things to her, she revelled at the effect he still had on her; she knew she has on him too. But its not the same anymore. Jab kisi kahani ko koi ant na dikhe, use ek khoobsurat mod dekar alvida keh dena chhahiye. (When there seems that there is no end to a story, it's better to give it a beautiful turn and say goodbye) She thought it's better to not to face him once again as it would only make it harder for her...to go back.
Almost as if on the cue, Aahil looked up at her with his glistened eyes, walking away from him, far away from him. Suddenly he couldn't bear the thought of seeing her walk away from him once again, something snapped inside him as those nightmares, the flashes in front of his eyes started dancing. His feet felt heavy and his body was closing down to a breakdown as he tried to stop her, call for her but couldn't utter a word. He screamed aloud in the dark of the night, her name "Sanammm!!!" as it started to pour all of a sudden from nowhere. He started running towards her as he couldn't bear the sight of her leaving anymore.
"Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you"
He stopped when he reached her and tugged at her arm as he turned her towards him. He finally saw her, in front of him - alive. She was right in front of her, his Sanam. He forgot to breathe for a moment, he forgot was he even alive or not? It all seemed like another dream, a nightmare. Only, he was holding her now, she was in his reach, so close to her, he just wanted to grab her in her arms and never let her go. He smiled between his tears as he watched them both getting drenched. The irony.
But...the expression her eyes held, her face...seemed so disoriented. She looked at him, through her wet eyelashes, confused. She finally spoke "Ji? A-aap kaun? Do I know you?" He just kept staring at her for what seemed hours to him, unable to comprehend, unable to feel anything, unable to speak anything, unable to move from his place.
His breathing became ragged as he suddenly grabbed her by her arms and pulled her close to him- so very close to him. He could finally look into those deep orbs, that once captivated him, still captivate him. He could finally smell her fragrance which intoxicated him, drove him crazy. He could finally touch her and hold her in his arms, the touch which took him to the heights he couldn't even imagine. She was with him, in his arms, those arms which belonged to her, protected her, surrounded her, - those healing arms of her. Her eyes were hiding something, and he almost knew what was it.
So if your asking me,
I want you to know.
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest.
"I am sorry Sanam." He spoke finally, huskily in a whispering voice, a pleading in his voice, asking for something, His voice failed him, his words failed him. He could see the changed expressions on her face, her eyes, her body language, as she stiffened at his touch and then almost melt. He was so lost in her eyes, he could almost see himself in them. He revelled in the fact, that she still has the same effect on him.
She suddenly pushed him away in a jerk and stepped back. "Who are you? How do you know me? I don't know..whatever your name is. I don't know you. I don't remember anything!" She almost screamed. She turned around suddenly, unable to bear the storm of emotions he was evoking in her at that time. She couldn't lose herself. She knows he loves her, she never doubted him for this, he doubted her, he doubted her love. She knows he has been through a lot, but she has been through too. He almost accepted she is no more for him, the thought itself tears her apart from within, for him, to live with that all this time when she was alive. It broke her beyond limits to see him that way. She closed her eyes and whispered in between her sobs "Ya Allah! I love you Aahil!"
Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are...
She started walking away from him without looking back again. She knew if she looked back once again, she won't be able to stop herself from running into his arms and crush herself in them. She longed for him, just like he did. She has cried for him, just like he did. She has missed him, just like he did, maybe more. She craved for her touch, just like he did. His touch, his smell, those heated stares, she missed them so much. She missed him. But she kept walking and trying to never turn back.
Aahil just kept looking at her, staring at her retreating back, drenching in the rain, or were they his emotions? Rooted at the spot, reaching out his hand and yelling her name. " Sanamm!! Sanam, please don't go!! Sanam wait!! Sanam, I love you! I love you Sanam, please don't leave me..again! Sanam! Sanammm!!!!" He yelled his lungs out as he broke down and fell on his knees watching her go away from him once again. He looked upwards to his Allah up there, as the rain has finally stopped pouring and suddenly, it was a strange calm all around. The calm after a storm, an eerie silence taking over the dark.
He pulled himself back to his feet, staggering all the way back, stumbling and balancing his way. She was gone, again. He couldn't stop her. He felt he kinda deserved this. For all he has done to her, his love, their love. For all the wrongs he has done, and blamed her for them. For all the mistakes, he feels himself guilty for. He thought there cannot be any bigger punishment for him, than this - she leaving his life for once and for... He suddenly saw something on the road, lying there, drenched in the rain.
He looked closely and bent down to see what it was. It was a paper, turned backwards. He picked it up and turned it on the front side. It was a photo - of him. "I still love you Aahil" was written below it. His lips broke out in a smile as his eyes broke down in tears.
The End.
Hey people! This is something I wrote on the next season lines, though the spoilers say Sanam would end up in Pak, I didn't buy that, instead I made something logical. Anyway. this is something on fake memory loss, which I and Esha and Naff too talked about.
Esha, I know it isn't anything like we talked about, its actually quite sad. Hope you like it how it turned out. š
Thanks for reading! :)
Lyrics taken from: Bin Tere (Reprise) from movieI hate luv storys. And from Linkin Park's Leave out all the rest.
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
Health and Fitness
