||~ The Sunshine of My life #4 AsYa FF ~||Part37 PG130 15/06/14

Zoya rested Aahana on her bosom and kissed her head as tears leaked out of her eyes again. Leaving the Khan Villa had been a hard decision to make, leaving behind Asad even harder, but it was going to be the worst test to leave Aahana behind. The baby had accepted her as her mother, she had been assured of protection and love from her to such an extent that she had unknowingly taken her to be what a 'Mi' meant to a child. She felt a rush of pride and fulfillment as she bundled the baby closer. She had rightfully become a mother today, and it almost felt like she had birthed Aahana right that moment. Suddenly her empty life meant so much more meaningful. The feeling of being a mother was the most special moment in a woman's life and Aahana's acceptance had bestowed her with it. She cried in despair, she didn't want to leave, but if she didn't now, she wouldn't be able to go ever. Asad didn't love her, he probably wouldn't ever, and her stay would have to end one day. It was better to end it sooner than wait for it to get even more painful to part.

It would be shallow and demeaning of the bond she and the child had begun to share if she used it to stay back, to get Asad to marry her.

Her mind was a restless mess of thoughts, on one hand she wanted to go scream in happiness, tell the world about the moment she had shared with Aahana, and on the other hand she wanted to cry holding the baby, forgiving her for even wanting to leave her, taking her mother away again. But it was only better for the child not to build any hope to break it again. Even if Asad did accept her because of Aahana, he would never accept her in his heart. Such a relation would never give Aahana the complete happiness she deserved, it would never give her the complete family she needed.

***************

"Ammi kuch kariye na please, aap hi Zoya ko rok sakti hai.. aapne dekha nahi Aahana ne Zoya ko Ammi bulaya.. we have to stop Zoya Ammi," Najma said frantically to a calm Dilshad who was smiling to herself after witnessing the heart touching moment between Zoya and Aahana.

"Ammi aap aise chup chaap kyun bethi hai? Kuch bol kyun nahi rahi," Najma scowled sitting next to her. Dilshad smiled at her overexcited daughter and kissed her temple.

"Najma, Asad aur Zoya ek doosre se pyar karte hai, ye pyar unhe khud hua hai, I didn't make that happen. In the same way if their love is strong enough they'll find a way to be together. If I want I can settle their misunderstandings right away but this will only weaken their relation because every time they have differences they will believe someone else will come and show them the right way. They will never make an effort to resolve their issues or understand each other. A mother cannot hold the child's finger all life, they need to learn to walk themselves," Dilshad explained calmly.

Najma smiled and nodded in understanding," Lekin Ammi agar baat bigad gayi toh? Agar Zoya nahi ruki toh?"

"Zoya aur Asad ka toh mujhe nahi pata Najma, par mujhe meri Aahana par poora bharosa hai. She is the best cupid they could get," Dilshad said jokingly, but then said seriously," A lover can probably be hurt and distant and decide to leave beta, but a mother can never, and now Zoya is Aahana's mother.. woh nahi ja payegi.."

"And what if.."

"Uff Najma, don't panic beta.. agar baat nahi sambhli toh mai sambhal lungi.. I won't let Zoya go anywhere so stop worrying now hmm?" Dilshad assured her and Najma hugged her happily.

***************

Zoya was smiling to herself seeing Aahana crawl around her bed and toss the sheets around messily. It was a pleasant sight to see Aahana in front of her, and she wanted to cherish every bit of it before she left. She was lost in Aahana and her antics when Asad opened the door to her room.

"Bu Bu Bu.." Aahana mumbled happily seeing her father after two days. Asad who had been staring intently at Zoya looked at Aahana and smiled. Zoya's smile faded and she looked away awkwardly.

Asad walked towards Aahana and sat next to her. Aahana scrambled onto him and excitedly patted his shoulders. Asad chuckled and held her up allowing her to lick his cheeks. He hugged her tightly and resting his head on her cheek kissed it fervently.

Zoya turned to look at them and couldn't help a smile seeing them like that. Asad looked back at her over Aahana's shoulders and their eyes locked, and they froze for moments together.

"Zoya? Please talk to me!" Asad pleaded.

"It's Zoya today? Not Miss Farooqui?" Zoya taunted.

Asad shut his eyes and sighed. She had been hurt at the change in him, at his sudden retreat. And why wouldn't she be, she had been emotionally distraught, and him moving back would have hurt her. Was she so angry because of that?

" Zoya please.. kya tum mujhse itni naaraz ho ki mujhse ek baar baat bhi nahi karogi? You're just going away like that? You didn't even tell me about the Visa. I would have made sure it was renewed. "

"Mai kab tak yaha reh sakti hun Mr Khan, I would have to go back one day.."

"But what about your father Zoya, you came here to find him.. have you lost courage so soon.." Asad asked bluntly trying to stop Zoya in any way he could.

"Yes Mr Khan I have lost courage, after all I am human.. meri bardaasht karne ki ek limit hai, and I think I am done.. agar unhe milna hoga toh mil jayenge.."

"Hum kosish karenge Zoya hum unhe dhund nikalenge.. Don't lose hope so soon.."

"I am not losing hope Mr Khan. I am being practical. Aaj nahi toh kal mujhe New York jaana hi hoga. I am not a citizen of India..and even if my Visa is renewed again I will have to go one day won't I? I can't be here all life .. mera ghar toh New York hai..poori life yaha toh nahi reh sakti, aur rahungi bhi toh kiske liye.." Zoya blurted unknowingly, her hurt resurfacing.

Asad was taken aback at her words. They sounded so right, so practical, but they hurt.. Did she really not have a reason to stay here?

"Zoya are you okay? Please mujhse baat karo, why are you avoiding me? Hua kya hai Zoya?" Asad reached out to her and squeezed her hand that lay on her knees.

Zoya looked back at him, into his imploring eyes, that showed hurt and her heart softened, and a deep urge of melting into his arms took over. But it passed as soon as it rose.

"It's nothing Mr Khan.. I am just tired, I am a little groggy from the medicines. I am sorry if I snapped at you.."

"You have all the rights to snap at me, get angry, do or say anything Zoya, you know that don't you?" Asad asked softly.

"No Mr Khan.. I am a guest, who has to go.. I can't have such important rights," Zoya said looking at him confidently, as if she believed what she said.

"Zoya? We are friends, we've grown to share every happiness, every sorrow with each other. We were each other's confidant's, what changed that? What's wrong?" Asad questioned what was pinching him. Having realized his love, he didn't want Zoya to go, but his mind wrestled with him to let her have his way. But her cold demeanor, and distant behaviour was painful to bear.

"Nothing has changed Mr Khan, we're still friends.. we can still be there for each other, but it's better if we be the strangers we were when I came here.."

"But why Zoya? I can't believe someone as practical as you is suggesting that.." Asad asked dubiously.

"I am practical Mr Khan.. but attachments are hurtful. I have to go back one day, the more dependant were on each other, the harder it will be for all of us to survive.. this is how it works..." Zoya affirmed.

"But you don't have to go yet.."

"Not now, but later.. some or the other day I'll have to.."

"You don't have to.."

"Why?" Zoya confronted daringly.

Asad gaped at her silently, with no courage to answer her question. How would he tell her why she didn't have to go? Why he didn't want her to go?

Zoya smiled sadly at his silence, " I have to.." she whispered. She moved to the edge of the bed to get up. But sat back next to Asad.. bending closer towards him she bent to kiss Aahana's head.

Asad gazed at her keenly, absorbed in her kindness, her love and felt a jolt of pain realizing the loss. He was about to lose her, and he couldn't do anything to change that. He wanted to pull her closer, put his arms around her and Aahana, claim them to be a family, but he couldn't.. he didn't know if she wished for the same. But his heart knew, that if she showed one sign he would make her stay back. Do whatever it took to stop her, and never let her go.

***************

Asad typed on his laptop trying to finish some pending work, but his mind was distracted, and anywhere but into his work. His thoughts kept deviating to Zoya. Her words echoed in his mind, of wanting to leave. And his heart dipped just at the thought. How could he let her go? But how could he even stop her. Only if she would give him one sign, one hint that she didn't want to go, he would do anything to keep her there forever. Little did he know, it was what she was waiting from him too.

Aahana who had been playing on the quilt silently, got bored too soon and tried the new feat she had been aiming to conquer, of standing. She held onto the center table and pulled herself up on her limbs, which shook with the sudden movement and waddled by themselves. She giggled to herself and tried clapping on the table which made her lose balance.

"What the... Aahana what are you doing?" Asad dashed towards her and picked her up in his arms..

"Kya kar rahi ho Aahana, abhi gir jaati.. you would hurt yourself so bad. Sab time bas masti karni hai.." Asad scolded her. Aahana stared at her father for a few seconds, and when she realized the anger this time wasn't any pretence, big fat tears appeared at the rim of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

Asad glared at her when she rubbed her eyes and sobbed harder.. But Asad didn't do anything to quieten her. He placed her on the sofa and checked on her to see if she had hurt herself anywhere. Realizing she was going to get no attention there, she raised her howls a notch higher.

"Nautanki," Asad rolled his eyes, as he wiped her tears and blew her nose. Feeling his touch she tried to clamber on his lap to hug him, but he held her away and stared at her crossly, clearing her face making her cry even louder. Hearing all the noise the other three ladies made an appearance.

"Asad woh itna ro rahi hai aur tum chup chaap beithe ho? Ye chamatkar kab hua?" Dilshad asked totally taken by surprise.

"Sab nautanki hai uski, zara sa daant do toh rona shuru kar deti hai.. bilkul bigad gayi hai.."Asad taunted as he patted Aahana's back to calm her down without taking her on his lap.

Zoya who was standing behind Dilshad couldn't see Aahana cry like that and moved ahead," Bigaada bhi aap hi ne hai Mr Khan."

"Maine bigaada hai? What do you mean to say Zoya?" Asad said sternly.

"What you heard.. Aapne hi usse bigaada hai aur ab sabse galat time dhunda hai usse sudharne ke liye, when she's crying, and clearly wants you to pick her up and console her.." Zoya pointed out while hugging Aahana and caressing her back soothingly.

"Tumhe bada pata hai Zoya.." Asad jibed.

"Aapse toh zyaada hi samajh hai mujhme. And there's nothing Zoya Farooqui doesn't know," she said haughtily not realizing how they were unknowingly behaving so normal with each other.

"Really? So what if she had fallen down and hurt herself, kabhi socha hai kitni lagi hoti, aur usse lagi hoti toh meri kya haalat hoti.. I'd die seeing her get even a scratch Zoya.." Asad said now taking a serious tone.

"Mr Khan stop being abnormal... bachi hai, she is trying to stand on her feet and walk, gire gi, toh chot lagegi.. aur girte girte hi chalna seekhegi.. at least that's how most normal children start walking. Oh I am sorry that's how most children with normal fathers start walking.."Zoya taunted.

"You mean I am not normal.." Asad yelled startlingly.

"You most certainly ain't.." Zoya snapped.

Dilshad and Najma rolled their eyes and then smirked at the familiarity of the scene, and let it play out how it wanted to.

Aahana stared at Zoya and then back at Asad, as the argument shifted from one end to other .. she yelled in between and raised her arms to go to Asad..

A victorious smile adorned his face," And she still wants to come to me, to an abnormal father..hmm? "Asad said haughtily.

"Because she has no other option, ab jo mila hai usme kaam toh chalana padega na.." Zoya replied.

"Yeah of course, like if you were a choice, that would be so normal for her.."

"It would be the best choice for her undoubtedly.."

"It would be yeah, but that's if you were here in the first place. But didn't you just decide to go back? When you're planning to go away how will you still be an option, Miss Farooqui?" Asad blurted in the flow of an endless argument.

Zoya halted right away, with no quirk left to reply with. She was taken aback at Asad's words.. she heard the jibe on her going back, but not paying attention that he had agreed she was the best choice. She gently placed Aahana back on the quilt and walked away.

"Asad? Ye kya kaha tumne? You're unbelievable.." Dilshad reprimanded him.

"Wha... what did I do? Itni der se wohi jhagad rahi thi na.. aur jo kaha sach hi toh kaha.. She IS going away isn't it.."

"So why is that a problem with you Asad?" Dilshad questioned making Asad stare at her deliriously.

"Ammi?"

"Kya Ammi? If you're so hassled about her leaving.. ja ke rokte kyun nahi usse."

"Why should I stop her? Jab usse jaana hi hai, aur bina bataye, bina pooche woh faisla le chuki hai toh mai kyun.."

"Woh tumse kyun pooche? She isn't responsible to you Mr Asad Ahmed Khan. Ye uski zindagi hai woh kuch bhi kar sakti hai.. uska tumse aisa koi rishta nahi hai.."

"Dosti ka bhi nahi Ammi?" Asad questioned.

"Dost ko poocha nahi bataya jaata hai, and she told you right?"

"Just 5 days in advance?" Asad said shocked.

"5 days are enough Asad... if she's just a friend.." Dilshad retorted smartly and left her thick headed son to his thoughts.

****************

"Aanu, what's wrong.. calm down baby.." Asad cooed in his baby's ears, while she was still whining and whimpering. When she just ignored his pleads and continued to cry, he put her on the bed and bend down to her and blew raspberries on her tummy, something she always enjoyed. Aahana giggled and flaring her arms high pulled Asad down by his hair..

Asad chuckled and blew softly on her face making the sound of her tinkering laugh envelope the room.

"Naughty girl, always wants to make Abu dance on her little finger.. is it?" He said cutely making her gurgle, "Bu.."

"Bu ki bachi, it's time to sleep now..come on," Asad picked her and tried to put her to sleep. But she was in no mood to sleep and wriggled in his arms wanting to be let down to play.

Asad shook his head and tried to place her in the walker, but she kicked her legs in retaliation..

"What do you want Aanu?" Asad asked exasperatedly. Aahana patted his shoulders and pointed to the window," You want to go out?" He asked and she confirmed with cheerful laughter and a few pats on his cheek.

Biting her hand playfully he shook his head and receded to her request.

Asad took Aahana out to the garden, hoping the cool breeze would put his over enthusiastic daughter to sleep. He saw Zoya sitting on the bench.. 'their' bench.. where they had shared so many memories. Where Asad had first shared something about himself to Zoya, something he never did with people he never knew well. Where he had broken down in her arms, cried and shared his grief, where their nameless bond had taken the name of friendship, where they had shared hot cups of coffee.. just an excuse to spend time with each other, at least that's what it was for him. An idea struck him and he walked back inside with Aahana..

*************

"Coffee?" Asad offered as he placed the tray with two coffee mugs between them on the bench.

Zoya looked up at him, then back at the coffee and looked away making him sigh.

"Angry with me?" Asad inquired even though the answer was obvious.

"Why would I be?" Zoya mumbled just staring at Aahana who was fidgeting in Asad's arms.

"If you're not then you can have this.." he said offering the cup to her.

She silently took the cup and took a sip.. but scowled right away..."This is yours.."

"Uh huh.. it's yours... black and bitter for you, sugar and milk for me.." he said teasingly.

"Why?"

"So we both remember each other.. when you're not here..for a memory?" Asad said softly.

"Mr Khan... " she said exasperatedly.

Asad breathed in thoughtfully," I am sorry Zoya.. I shouldn't have said what I did. But I was hurt, I really did think we were friends Zoya. And friends never hide anything from each other. Hiding is something I do best, not you.. it doesn't suit you. I didn't expect you to come and tell me that you would be going back to New York in the next 5 days.." Asad shared making Zoya finally look up at him.

She saw the hurt, saw the dejection and melted, her anger dipping," I am sorry Mr Khan, I know it hurt, but I only took the decision recently.. so how could I have told you anything?"

"But why the decision Zoya.. I can see through you.. this isn't about your Abu is it? I know you love him more than anything else in this world.. why would you..."

"You don't know a lot of things about me Mr Khan.. " Zoya reasoned.

"Then let me know you better Zoya.. tell me why you're going?" Asad requested.

"Give me reason why I should stay here Mr Khan.. if not for the search of my Abu, I have no reason to stay here do I?" Zoya questioned back.

"Do you really have no reason?" he implored, his eyes beseeching her to understand him.

"I had to go one day.." she whispered.

"That's not the answer to my question.." Asad said raising his hands to her face and pushed her hair away that were hiding her expressive eyes.

"You never answered mine either.. why do you want me to stay?" she murmured, shutting her eyes at his touch.

"Give me one reason I should stay Mr Khan.." she said gazing at him...

He stared back at her totally rooted, his eyes locked with hers, the answer on the tip of his tongue..when they were suddenly interrupted by a loud giggle.

They both broke apart and turned their attention to the source. They were taken aback at the sight that welcomed them. Aahana who had gotten down from her father's arms to play around, was standing on her tiny feet, without any support, taking careful and unbalanced steps and laughing happily at her success.

"Oh My God Mr Khan... Aanu is walking Mr Khan...her first step on her own.. " Zoya shrieked happily, tugging at the sleeve of his kurta.

Asad completely surprised, stared at his daughter.. one of her biggest milestones in life had occurred today and it had left him speechless.. The sight of her making an effort to walk a step ahead in life.. walk a step higher into growing up..his baby was growing up. His eyes welled, so as Zoya's who was staring at him in excitement, wanting to share the moment with him. Asad and Zoya both got down on their knees in front of Aahana.. as if it were the most obvious thing to do... And encouraged her to walk up to them..

"Come on walk baby.. come to Abu.." Asad encouraged, his cheeks paining with the wide grin on his face that refused to go.

Zoya signalled at her, putting her arms out to beckon her to them.. Aahana chuckled and took some wobbly steps .. excited at the feel of walking, she raised her speed wanting to run, and lost balance.. Asad immediately took her into his arms and hugged her..showered her with loving kisses..

"My baby.. Abu is so proud of you Aanu.." Asad said looking at her with immense pride, happiness and delight.

"Da.. da.." she mumbled and patted his cheeks excitedly. Asad laughed and turned to look at Zoya who was gazing at them tearfully. Asad smiled and impulsively took her into a hug along with Aahana..

"She walked Mr Khan..I am so happy.." Zoya said happily, biting back on the happy tears.

"Me too Zoya.. me too.. this is the most memorable moment of my life..I can't believe she's begun walking.. she is growing up so fast.. scares me.."

"Oh God Mr Khan not again.. stop being the overprotective idiot now at least.." Zoya said her voice muffled in his arms..

" Fine point taken.." he said chuckling.

Aahana screeched at the lack of attention on her.. she was way too bothered about how both of them either started arguing or getting lost into their own moments even when she was around..that so wasn't allowed.

"Aahhh ah" she yelled and getting down from Asad's lap sat down on the grass between the both of them. Asad and Zoya stared at her bewildered and began laughing..

Moved by the adorable sight they coincidentally bend down to kiss her head together.

Asad picked her up again," Sorry madam, all attention back to you.." but now she was in no mood to make her father dance on her fingers, it was someone else..

Turning to Zoya she put her hands out and exclaimed," Mi .. mi.."

Zoya smiled at her affectionately and bent forward to take her baby in her arms. But stopped midway when she realized what had really happened.

Aahana had called out to her as Ammi in front of Asad, who was now staring at them wide eyed, with an unreadable expression on his face. Aahana called out to Zoya, demanded to be picked up but once again Asad and Zoya were lost into the moment. Zoya waited for him to react, say something, question her, get angry.. but it never came.

The anticipation, the wait, the silence scared her, and she cried," I am sorry.. I am so sorry.. This isn't how you must have wanted your most memorable moments to be.. I had no right to ruin it for you.. I had no right to love her so much that she'd call me Ammi.. I shouldn't have been here..it should have been Ayesha.. her Ammi is Ayesha.. I swear I would never want to take her place.. I am sorry.. You asked me one good reason I want to go.. this is the reason why I need to go.. "she mumbled incoherently and in a blur, ran away into the house, into her room and cried.

Asad sat on the cool grass with Aahana in his lap, bewildered, dazed and taken aback .. Aahana had called her Ammi, she had taken Zoya in her life even before he had.. they had formed a bond.. then why was she going? She was meant to be here... no one , not even he himself had any right to part Aahana from her..She had said she didn't want to take Ayesha's place.. and rightfully so she couldn't take Ayesha's place.. because she had her own place in his heart. She wasn't a replacement for Ayesha.. she was his first love, the very first in the life of a man who had vowed never to believe in that feeling itself. But she had made him believe it, she had taken him down that route without letting him know, and had unknowingly made him realize how beautiful the feeling of being in love was. And today even amidst all the confusions he felt complete. He felt content seeing his family come together again.. his Aahana had a mother, the mother she deserved, the mother who was God sent and an angel in every way. He loved that angel who had run a magic wand in his life too, and he would love her always.. but did she love him? It all came back to the same thing.. what did she want?

"She wants you to accept her, she wants to be a part of your present and future. She wants you to be proud to love her Asad..She wants you to admit you love her.. " Dilshad said standing next to him and Aahana.

"But she's going away.." he whispered.

"Because she thinks she will never be able to replace Ayesha in your life.. she doesn't think you love her..she doesn't know you do.. she heard you say .. that you can't see a future with her.. But she has woven every bit of her future around you and Aahana.. and all those dreams have broken with the bitterness of all the lies you have uttered to convince yourself that what you did by pushing her away was right. She loves you.. she loves Aahana.. she wants to be married to the BOTH of you.. and not only because she is Aahana's mother Asad..that wouldn't be fair to even the child.. She isn't going away because she wants to.. she's going away because of you..because she loves you.." Dilshad said caressing his head lovingly..

"Good night Asad.." she said softly, confident her son would do everything in power to put everything back into its place, as he always did.

Asad stood hugging Aahana to himself and mumbled happily," Let's go stop your silly Ammi from going baby.."