In the memory of our beloved Asya❤️
Dear diary,
Ever since that day, I haven't been the same
I come home after my usual day.
Work.
Eat.
Pray.
But once it's time for me to sleep her face comes before my eyes.
After I saw her that day, her image never leaves me, I try to bore myself in my work but her angelic face haunts me again and again.
It's the same thing every time. Her glowing face blurs my eyes as the magical sound of her laughter plagues my ears.
I think I maybe going crazy. I don't like these feelings, I don't like that someone, a girl for that matter, has so much power over me that she can distract me from the life in which I have put blood and sweat in order to provide shelter for the only people that I truly love and care for.
I try and try again to block her face, to block her laughter, but it all goes in vain once I enter my dream land.
As soon as my eyelids are glued shut, the heavy weight of my day gets lifted of my shoulders. I feel lighter,
As if I don't have to worry about anything,
As if nothing in this world can harm me,
As if after years and years of caving my heart, I can finally breakthrough,
I knew then, it was her effect.
I always see her in my dreams in a white gown, in the middle of a meadow, right before sunset, laughing, running, her hands wide open as she takes in what the world has to offer. She weaves through the haven, her dress in perfect sync with her body.
Like the last time, I stand their speechless, forgetting that the image playing out in front of me is just another piece of my imagination. Unconsciously, my heart decides to take over.
I move closer to her, trying to catch her. wanting to feel her in my arms for the first and maybe the last time, but just as I am an arms length away from her, I wake up sweating and panting for breath.
I want to meet her, to get to know her, to hold her, to look into her eyes which were compressed with indescribable different emotions. I want to be able to drown myself in those orbs. But I'm afraid for many reasons. I know no matter how strong my desire is to see her, I can't ruin her life with my haunted past, with my broken state, the angel, my angel deserves better.
However I can't control what my future brings me. That was already planned by the Almighty way before I was even born, but I can pray. I pray to see my angel once again, to capture her delicate face with my eyes and imprint it in my mind for all eternity, that even before I take my last breath I remember her face before going into a deep sleep. I will pray, repeatedly, until I witness her presence once again...
Because ever since that day, I haven't been the same.
Keep going???
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