Here I am people...with the next part of this story.. I was supposed to update this earlier, but then, I got busy with my TS and I couldn't update it in time... Sorry
Warning: This is an emotional part and you might just want to kill me for the turns of events in this. 😆
But trust me, it was necessary.😛
I don't like dedicating sad updates to anyone, but this one is very close to my heart and it is an important part too and it also gives a hint of positivity . 😳
So, from that perspective, I want to dedicate this to Vinita Di (vinita459). It was her birthday yesterday. 😳
And also to a very special person and a very dear friend of mine-- Anusha (sweety003). It was her birthday on 1st May...She is such a sweetheart...😳
Please do wish them... Love you both...🤗
UNRECOGNIZED EMOTIONS
PART 17
"Abbu...", she called out as she saw the faint image of her father.
"Don't worry Zoya... You are doing great...You are not letting me down... You can never...", she heard her father saying.
"Yes Zoya.. I am there with you... always", she turned her head towards Humeira who was standing just behind her back in the long dark alley...
"Please come came back Abbu... Please come back Humeira!! I need you both!!", she cried out to them.
"We are right there for you, in your heart... Whenever you will need us, you will find us there", Humeira answered to her cries.
"Where are you going?? Please Abbu, stay back, stay with me", she said to the retreating figure of her father... She turned back to Humeira and forwarded her arm towards her for her to hold.. "Don't go Humi.. Please...", she cried as she saw her leaving too.
"Please...Don't go... please stay... I need you... stay back... for me... Abbbuuu..."
Zoya woke up with sudden jolt only to find herself dreaming. She was wet in her own perspiration and her heaving breaths did nothing to calm her. She kept her palms on her face to take its warmth and stayed like that for a while. She poured herself some water in the glass and took a few sips from it. She steadied herself a bit and walked towards the various photos of her family that were hung on the wall just opposite to her bed. She closed her eyes and let the tears flow as she embraced herself in her own arms staying coiled up on the floor and her head buried in her knees.
After what felt like an hour, Zoya got up to her feet and went to check on Zeenat once. It was during the initial days when she often found her standing and staring aimlessly at nothing when she was deprived of sleep. Zoya was still worried for her and she made it a point to check on her every night. She never slept beside her as it was something that Zeenat had to get habituated of, sooner or later.
Her days were mostly spent by missing her classes and Najma, like a very helpful friend, always kept her updated. A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed! And Najma was indeed a very good friend to her. And Asad! What could she even say about him? He sacrificed his each day for her. He supported her like the way no one could have done. She was getting dependent on him, something that she did not want, and something that she was afraid of getting used to!
Zoya knew that it was too late at night, but just a text would not do any harm.
"Meet me tomorrow, positively at the park.. I want to tell you something and also want to know what you wanted to tell me that day."
She hit the sent button and forced herself to doze off to sleep.
Asad's phone buzzed and he checked it at that very moment. Like Zoya, he was also not getting any sleep after the conversation that he had a few days before with Dilshad. She nurtured the hidden feelings within him that he had decided not to acknowledge. Zoya's message told him that it was now the time. He would do just what Zoya would want him to do. He would not hurt her and nor his mother.
The Sun rays peeped inside his room from the large window and fell on his face, forcing him to open his eyes reluctantly. He slept late last night as several thoughts had preoccupied his mind, leaving no place for sleep to reside. He decided to skip his classes and meet Zoya a little earlier than decided.
"Hey", she answered the call when she saw Asad's name flashing on the screen.
"Hi.. Goooddd Morrrnnningg!!", he said, yawning.
"Good morning.. You are still sleepy I guess.", she said smiling slightly.
"Yeah.. Just a little. Slept la... Leave it. I am going to skip classes today. So can we meet earlier?", he asked her, avoiding telling her about his lack of sleep these days.
"Sorry Asad. I can only meet you at 5 O'clock. I have to take Atif to the doctor today. It's a routine check up and it's very important. He will suggest today if Atif can get back to his daily routine or not."
"Oh... Okay... Should I come along?", he asked with concern.
"No... No.. It's absolutely fine. I will manage. Don't worry. Till then, you can just take a nap. You need it."
Asad was awed by Zoya's capability to understand him. She could read his thoughts even by listening to his voice. He smiled and obliged to her suggestion. He indeed needed to have a good sleep.
Zoya waited for Asad at the park as she had reached earlier. Her gaze was fixed at the distant; It was undirected, yet it was focused at nothing in purpose. Winter was approaching; hence the days were getting shorter. She bathed herself in the cold breeze and thought about the different events in the past one year. She thought about her family, friends and Asad. She already knew that Asad was much more a friend, but he was also not supposed to suffer because of her. She shivered a little when the winds blew harder. It was not very cold, yet it soothed her apprehensive soul.
Zoya felt the warmth of a hand on her shoulders and turned back to see Asad standing right behind her. He was smiling but his smile never reached up to his eyes.
"Hey... When did you come?", she asked him returning back his smile.
"When you were too busy in your thoughts to acknowledge my presence.", said Asad noticing her gloomy mood. He became worried when she did not reply back to him.
"What happened? What did the Doctor say?", he asked her taking a seat beside her.
"That same old thing! Atif is still in trauma and he needs our time, love and care to come out of his depression. He is not in a state to sit for his boards which is just after 3 months. And even if he does, I know that he will not do well! He is a jewel Asad, just like Humeira! It was her dream to see Atif well settled in whatever he does. But now, everything seems to have blurred. I don't know what I should do to get things right! I feel so helpless at times! I feel like I am not doing enough to take care of him or Ammi! Sometimes I blame myself for everything! I was supposed to be in Humeira's place that day... I might have been able to save Abbu too; be it at the cost of my own life... I might have just saved Humeira at least... I just don't know what I... I...sho...shoulddd...d...do...", she said in between her sobs.
Asad didn't know what else he could do to calm her. Just the mere thought of losing her made his heart skip a beat. He took her in his arms and let her cry, as much as she wanted.
"Shh...shhusshh... Stop crying! You are not helpless. You are strong Zoya... very strong!! And it's not your fault at all... There was nothing that you could have done. What do you think, they wouldn't have been sad after losing you? They would be as devastated as you are right now. What happened was destined to happen. You could have done nothing about it. But you can do something now. You can't bring them back, but you can fulfill their unfulfilled dreams. You can take care of your Ammi and Atif. And you are doing that marvelously well Zoya...Trust me, you are not disappointing them... you can't.", He held her tight in his arms and pacified her like a five year old.
Her slim frame had stopped shivering after being in his hold for what seemed like hours, but she refused to disentangle herself from his arms. The Sun rays were no more basking them and the only sound of the chirping crickets diminished the silence prevailing between them. No words were spoken, yet a lot of strength was conveyed from one to the other, making the former weaker in his resolution.
"Asad...", she called him, not lifting her head from his chest.
"Hmmm...", he answered, squeezing her arms a little.
"What did you want to tell me that day?", she asked him, her voice louder than just a whisper.
"Nothing", he said letting out a heavy sigh. He was not so selfish to distance himself from her when he was her only form of acquiring strength. Zoya didn't question him any further seeing his hesitation.
"I want to tell you something Asad", she said steadying her heart beats a little as what was going to come was not anticipated by Asad at all.
"Go on!"
Getting a green signal from Asad, she finally lifted up her head from his chest and moved her hair from over her face. Asad couldn't help but admire the beauty in front of him. His fingers involuntarily reached up to her face and removed the few left over strands of her hair that was blocking his view. She hitched a little as his fingers on her skin were evoking those emotions which were supposed to be masked for the time being. He immediately moved his hand from her face and kept it over hers which were again fidgeting with each other.
"What happened?? Tell me.", he asked her in the most affectionate tone. Zoya would have lost her heart to him yet again if that was even possible.
"First you promise me that you will not over-react or you will not go back to your shell of loneliness."
"Okay...I promise...Now tell me..." Though he kept himself calm, but he could not deny that his heart was now beating much faster than usual in anticipation of what she was going to say. Zoya took a deep breath and looked into his eyes before speaking.
"Asad, from the day that I had stepped in to this college, I had so many dreams. I wanted to fulfill them, I wanted to make my mark in this world and I wanted to make my parents feel proud of me. I wanted to make friends and I made many!! I never thought that I will be blessed with so many good friends apart from Humeira. You all have been with me through every thick and thin! I feel so blessed to have such great parents and friends who have loved me so much till date..." She stopped a bit to read Asad's eyes which revealed nothing. He nodded his head for her to carry on.
"From the very first time that I saw you, I knew that something was different about you, a lot different. And that made me attracted towards you. I wanted to know you more. I was flattered by your dancing skills and later shocked by your not so perfect cooking skills...", she smiled and said as she remembered the day spent in Asad's farmhouse.
"What is it Zoya? I already know about all this.. What is that you wanted to tell me exactly?"
"Asad.. I...I like you...I always did...", she said shutting her eyes as they were not able to meet his widely opened ones now.
"But things have changed now. I have changed now, my life has changed the way it should not have... I really feel so much loved when you and all others are with me, giving me strength and taking away all my pain.. But that isn't right Asad.. I have no right to do that to you or to others. It is my own life and I should be the one making things fall in place.. In the last one and a half months you have spent most of the time with me, taking care of me and my family. But that is not how it should be. You have your own life to concentrate on. I can't be so selfish to take away all that from you. I am not worth it! I am not worth of so much care from you and you are not worth of my pain. You deserve better!! A lot better...", she said all in one go and looked at him who was listening to every word of hers intently, saying nothing.
"I know that I am hurting you Asad, but that's for your own good...You cannot have that love from me that you actually deserve. I have Ammi and Atif to take care of. I will have no time left for Us..And then, everything will be over. So why take a chance and wait for life to destroy Us, again?...Won't you say anything?", she asked him feeling guilty of her behavior. She knew that she was being Heartless at the moment, but it was better than a Broken Heart.
"Asad...I...", Asad stopped her from saying anything more by placing his hand on her mouth. The contact of his hands with her lips was only giving her erratic heartbeats which didn't go unnoticed by Asad. He put his other hand inside his pocket and brought out an envelope. He removed his hand from her mouth and placed the envelope on her hand.
"What's in them?", Zoya asked him looking confused and flipping the envelope to the other side which read, 'University of Management and Sciences, New York'
"Open it...", he told her.
Zoya opened the envelope, took out the letter and read it. Few tears of shock as well as joy flowed from her eyes.
"OMG Asad!! You have got a scholarship to do MBA from the best University in New York and you are telling me that now?", her voice shrieked in the silence of the park and she smacked him on his arm earning a chuckle from him.
"I was afraid to tell you...", he replied honestly.
"Afraid of what?", she asked him confusedly.
"I was afraid of being selfish to you. I was afraid to hurt you, like the way I always do!"
"Hey... You have never hurt me Asad! You have always been with me...", she said while cupping his face in her palms. " But you thought that you will be hurting me by going to New York leaving me at this state.. Right?", she asked him already knowing his answer very well. He nodded his head in affirmation to which Zoya smiled lightly.
"You are mad Asad.. And you know why I am saying this? Because you are too good to hurt anybody."
"That's what you feel Zoya... But I have hurt a lot of people, even you a several times. I still hate my father when I know that this should not be the way. I remember what you had told me that being Abbu's only son I should be the one to take care of his business in future, but I can't convince myself for doing that. At least, not now. I am just not able to forgive him. And knowing that Ammi had to go through all this just for my sake makes me feel miserable! I want some time for myself. My mind is lost somewhere in my own complications, and I want to give it some time to find the solutions to it. But for doing that, I will have to leave you alone, here. But that would again be so selfish of me. I can neither leave you and go nor just stay back here with you, basking you with my love and care. You are worth of every love from everyone, but I am incompetent of giving you that." Asad's guilt was taking over him, but somewhere he was expectant that Zoya would understand him.
"I understand you Asad... I really do... That's why I am asking you to go and live the way you want to...", she seemed to have read his thoughts. "Don't think about me. I will take care of myself. But I don't want sacrifices to engulf us now. I don't want us to keep blaming each other in future for not living our lives according to our wishes.", she tried to justify herself taking away all his insecurities.
"And what if that Us never happens at all?", he asked him hopelessly.
"Then we were never destined to be together."
Zoya's words stung in her own ears, yet she said it hoping for things to fall in place in future. Zoya's optimism even at this point amazed Asad. He was feeling much lighter, as if a huge stress was lifted up from his chest and now he was allowed to take a breath, free of any guilt.
"It will Zoya... We might just become Us someday...", he said will equal amount of hope in his voice...
"It's getting late... Don't you think we should get going?", Asad asked her while looking at his watch.
"No... You go.. I want to stay here for a while", she replied without looking at her.
"But..."
"Please Asad... I promise I will leave in just few minutes. You go.."
"Fine.. Then I would just prefer to wait for those few minutes and drop you home, probably for the Last time", Both Asad and Zoya had a gloomy face hearing the word last'... If things were supposed to happen as they had decided, then it was probably going to be their Last time. Zoya preferred not to think about it anymore, rather live in the moment, with Asad being by her side. She got up and made her way towards his car, with him intertwining his fingers with hers.
The journey back home was almost a very quiet one. Zoya mostly looking outside the window and Asad concentrated on the roads more than that was necessary.
They did not even realize when the car came to a halt in front of Zoya's house and that was probably because Asad was driving much slower than usual. Asad like a gentleman held open the door for her as she got down.
"Asad...", she called her earning his attention.
"Hmmm...??"
"Will you ever hold me responsible for all this?"
"For what?", he asked her confusedly.
"This...we not being together and drifting apart.."
Asad grinned at her thoughts and answered, "What if I ask you the same?"
"Never... I will never blame you for anything that could have happened but didn't happen..because that was my decision too...", Zoya answered honestly.
"The same goes with me too... It was my decision too", Asad answered her sincerely.
No more words, no more explanations were needed now. The love and trust in their eyes conveyed their feelings to each other effortlessly. Without any permission or an affirmation, Asad took her in his embrace. Zoya reciprocated the hug by holding him as close to her as possible.
"I am going to miss you so much Asad!", Zoya whispered in his ear.
"Me too!", he replied, bringing her closer, if that was even possible.
They broke out from the hug after what seemed like eternity, still their bodies being in contact with each other. Zoya moved her face closer to his and pecked him lightly on his dented cheeks, earning a soft chuckle from him.
"Take Care Mr. Khan"
"You too", he replied by kissing her softly on her forehead.
A/N: Okay guys, Finally I am done with this update. You must be thinking that what was the need to separate them? They could have been together as each other's strength ... But no guys..., this could not have happened.. If a person is very much weak and vulnerable then he/she can never support the other. Before stepping into a new relationship, they need to face the reality of their lives before...😳
Hope I am clear... 😛
I usually get 110 likes (+/- 10). So shower me with that much likes or even more and I might just update the next part sooner. 😉
Edited by BeYourself - 11 years ago
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