Chapter 1
"He gave me a saree? Because he remembered I looked beautiful in it that one time?" Zoya shut her door, took the saree out of the box and hugged it close to her.
She danced around her room in ecstasy, all previous thoughts of hurt vanished and imagined Asad dancing with her romantically while she was dressed in his gift.
When Zoya came back to reality she called in Dilshad, Najma and Tanveer to see her gift. Dilshad and Najma oohed and aahed over Asad's choice while Tanver just smiled wistfully.
Dilshad then started going on about her bahu and Zoya's heart did a quick tumble. She felt really bad about deceiving her phupi and Tamatar but she would never compromise phupi's health.
After they all went to bed, Zoya couldn't sleep. Her heart and mind were at odds and she knew if she didn't reconcile the two she would go mad. She got out her iPad and started making a list of things swimming around in her head.
Ten minutes later she looked down to see all she had written was Asad, Asad, Asad, Phupi, Najma and family.
Her eyes went wide as she looked at her words and her entire experience with this Khan Khandaan from day one came crashing into her.
She remembered the warmth of Phupi and Najma when she came here to stay, how they made her feel like a part of the family and most importantly she remembered Asad. She recalled every smirk, every harsh word, every apology and most importantly the way her held her and made her feel safe.
She remembered his smile and 'don't go Zoya' ringing in her ears.
Zoya gasped for air.
'What does all this mean? Ya Allah! Please help me do the right thing.' Zoya prayed for a few minutes and before she opened her eyes the last image that came up was when Asad put the engagement ring on her finger with Dilshad and Najma standing there giving them their blessings.
"OMG! I love him!" Zoya admitted to herself.
She was so bewildered by the thought that she hadn't realized that she had stood up on the bed and had her hand over her mouth to stop from exclaiming it to the whole world.
She caught a reflection of herself in the mirror and came down from the bed.
"Zoya" she said to her reflection. "You knew it this whole time and yet you didn't see what was right in front of your face? Paagli! Now I see what phupi was talking about. I love this family and I want to be a part of it. No more nakhli anything. I love you Mr. Asad Ahmed Khan and I'm going to tell you tonight."
Zoya had a huge grin on her face and gave herself a wink in the mirror.
She shook the sillies out of her system and gathered her strength to face the lion. Of course being Zoya, that thought made her giggle a little.
She opened her door and looked over at Asad's door across the hallway. The distance seemed forever but she knew she had to do this tonight. She quietly walked over to him room and knocked on his door.
No answer.
"It figures! The one time I knock he doesn't answer. Kuch bhi" Zoya opened the door all prepared to wake Asad up to confess her heart but she came to a full stop when she saw his made bed empty.
'Where did he go this time of night?' Zoya mumbled to herself. 'He must be in the garden.'
Zoya looked out from the kitchen window and saw Asad sitting on the bench all alone. 'He probably can't sleep either. I know he doesn't like to lie especially to his ammi and this must be weighing heavily on him. Atleast now I can put him out of his misery.'
Zoya started out to meet Asad but then decided to take him a cup of his favorite black coffee.
A few minutes later a shy Zoya came out to meet Asad with the coffee in hand and she heard Asad say, "How can I marry her Tanu?"
Zoya felt her heart stop. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes and she moved in closer to see what was going on. Tanveer was sitting beside Asad on the bench handing him a cup of coffee and Asad was opening up to her.
Tanveer glanced behind her and saw Zoya standing there but Zoya didn't see her as her eyes were trained on Asad's back.
"I'm so confused. Ammi decided on this challenge and now I'm stuck in a bind. I can't let ammi face any embarrassment" Asad said while pinching his nose bridge.
"I've never said I wouldn't get married but to Miss Farooqui? We are so different. We never agree on anything. She's so irresponsible, mannerless, so… so… so…."
"So what Jammy?" Tanveer encouraged slyly.
"So not what I had in mind for a wife. That's for sure."
"What did you have in mind for a wife Jammy?"
"I've always wanted a girl who was just like my ammi. Classy, well mannered and cultured, a girl with tehzeeb and tameez who could take care of my family. A girl who had the same ideas and values like me and who would be a good fit for me and my family."
Asad was lost in his own thoughts and barely even registered what Tanveer was instigating. "So that's not Zoya?"
"Are you kidding me Tanu? She's the complete opposite of everything I just said."
"You know Jammy, Khaala told me that when we were younger people used to say that we should get married because we fit each other so perfectly."
"Well they said that for a reason Tanu. You grew up in my mother's mould and you understand my family and our issues. You get along so well with all of us it would be a non issue for you to just fit right in. All of this is so wrong. I can't even make ammi understand because of her ill health. I will get married to someone but it will be to someone who fits not a misfit."
'You are a misfit'
The words from the rainy night in the farmhouse came crashing into Zoya with such force that she stumbled backwards. Zoya gasped and dropped the cup of coffee. She put her hands over her mouth and turned and ran inside.
Tanveer who had witnessed the whole thing smiled smugly to herself and she excused herself for the night leaving Asad unaware that he had just crushed Zoya's heart.
Zoya ran back to her room and threw herself on the bed. She cried for hours and hours pouring out her heart and in the wee hours of the morning she knew what she had to do. She quickly got up and packed all her belongings and wrote two letters. She heard Asad get up and go out the house for his morning run and she knew her time was limited.
She ran up the stairs and crept into Najma's room. She gave her a gentle hug and slipped the letter under her pillow. Zoya softly kissed her head and whispered, "I love you tamatar" She quickly went out before her emotions got the better of her and she knocked on phupi's door.
She knew phupi would be awake as she always got up when Asad left the house. She was such a great mother and Zoya's heart ached that she had to leave her. "Come in" Dilshad called.
Zoya came in and shut the door behind her. Dilshad who was making up her bed turned around and saw Zoya's tear stained face and puffy eyes and instantly became alarmed.
"Zoya? What's wrong? Is everything ok?" Dilshad hurried over to Zoya and gave her a great big hug.
Zoya broke into uncontrollable sobs and held on to Dilshad as If her life depended on it. She cried huge sobs in Dilshad's embrace and Dilshad became all the more worried.
"Is it you aapi or jeeju? Did something happen to them?" Dilshad said in paniced voice?
Zoya took her hands and guided her back to the bed so they both could sit.
"Phupi I have to tell you something and I can't keep it a secret any longer. I've tried to tell you so many times but I can't keep living a lie like this and I know its affecting Mr. Khan more than me."
Dilshad had a frown on her face as Zoya explained the whole nakhli fiasco and how they decided to continue because of her ill health but now it was affecting Asad and Zoya couldn't go on deceiving the closest people she had to a mother and sister.
"Phupi, there's also one more thing." Zoya said while wiping her eyes.
DIlshad knew this was going to be about Asad just from the way it looked like Zoya was preparing for battle in her mind and gathering her strength.
"I was going to tell him last night that I've realized my feelings for him and that I wanted a real marriage not a fake one. I overheard him talking to Tanveer and it was very obvious that he didn't have any sort of feeling for me. Phupi he wants to be married to a girl like Tanveer – with all her qualities and ideals."
Dilshad tried to interrupt her but Zoya pressed on.
"I can't bear to see him unhappy phupi and if you force him to get married to me then he will eventually start to hate me and I could never bear that.
Phupi, I… I… I love him and I want him to get all the happiness in the world. I can't get in his way any longer. I'm leaving to go back to New York this morning but I just had to talk to you in person before I leave."
Dilshad was in tears just like Zoya but she knew how much this poor girl had to endure in her life and if her son was an idiot to pass her up then so be it. Dilshad had faith in Allah that everything would be ok.
"Phupi I know about your challenge and I don't want you to suffer because of my decision. If I might say, Ta –" Zoya choked on her words "Tanveer is just the kind of girl he wants. Maybe you should get them both married."
Zoya looked away from Dilshad as if she couldn't bear the thought and Dilshad's heart broke for her two children. Zoya looked at her watch and got up to leave.
"Aren't you going to tell Asad what you told me? About being in love with him?" Dilshad pressed.
"He thinks I'm a misfit phupi. It won't matter. Mr. Asad Ahmed Khan could never love a girl like me. I left a note for Najma under her pillow and all the gifts you gave me are on my bed. The only gifts I'm taking from you are your blessings and your love. I love you ammi."
Zoya gave Dilshad one last tight hug and then quickly left the room. Dilshad sat down hard on her bed and her silent tears flowed down her face.
"Ya Allah! Please help my children. Please don't let them suffer the heartbreak I've had to suffer."
A few minutes later, Dilshad heard the door close and she knew Zoya was gone.
CID
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