"What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone."
? Amanda Grace, But I Love Him
oOo
Patient Name : Khan Zoya Asad.
Age : 29
Time of death : 2:07 a.m
Cause of death : Slitting a wrist as an attempt to suicide.
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Zoya sat at the window of their bedroom for what felt like hours. But time seized to pass as fast as she wanted it too. She felt empty, hollow. Life for her was bringing color to others lives. Even if her own life was getting devoid of any color and happiness. What could a woman possibly want? A loving husband and a beautiful family in the future? For Zoya, this would always remain a far off dream as she didn't possess a husband that cared. Husband, responsibilities and care. Three words she could never use in a sentence together.
She sat on the window sill, looking at the plants that had dried off. Just like her life. She had thought he would change, understand her, make a place for her in his heart..in his life. She was wrong. So very wrong. He hadn't changed, not even a bit. If anything he had gone worse. The initial days she used to banter with herself that he'll come to her someday. After a few weeks she tried to go closer to him herself and now after 7 long years, she didn't care anymore.
She had done everything in her power to be noticed and claimed by him. He just wouldn't budge. To the world they were a couple happily married, but only she knew how hard she had to fight to keep the relation what it was. Even as a pretense. It hurt, like someone was stabbing her in the chest with a million daggers as a time. She envied her husband's brother's married life. It has been 5 years that they've been married and they still appear to be so happy and in love.
Love. Didn't exist for her husband. All she had were her mother-in-law and her sister-in-law, who was now expecting her first baby. She wished to have one too. A family, a beautiful life. But what do they say about people born with bad luck? They never get a reason to be happy or to make someone's life beautiful. She was tired of the taunts from the society that she was 29 and still hadn't reproduced or given the Khan household a successor.
How was she going to tell people that her own husband barely communicated with her? That he never felt attracted towards her or wanted to make love to her? That she wasn't infertile or barren? In a society of orthodox muslims, people always blamed the girl. And she was blamed time and again until she took it all while her husband would just look down and nod. A lot of women even recommended him a second marriage just to have a child, preferably a son. But she was glad he hadn't ever taken it seriously.
Now that she thought of it, it didn't really matter. She was already a woman who was dead, from every possible trauma. He could marry whoever he wants. He can have kids and have a family. Maybe a woman with a burkha and better tehzeeb. Something she didn't have and he blamed her for it time and again. She was tired of the numerous allegations of the society, she was tired of the horrendous thought of another woman in his arms with herself alive, she was tired of the pain and tears. And so she ended her life.
It's been two weeks that she's been dead. Apparently her Allah Miyaan still wanted her to stay in this world full of humiliation and dirt. So she would stay, until he called her back to her Jannat..her heaven. She saw him walk into their room and shut the door. She didn't budge, she stood still. He couldn't ever notice her. How could he? She was dead. Gone.
Zoya saw the precise same sight she had been seeing from the past two weeks. She saw him, her Asad, slumping on the floor and crying like he's never cried before. His face hit the floor and he cried like a baby while she watched. Just watched. She had been in his place for the past 7 years, crying and dying every night. One night of frustration and she had ended her life. A cut was all that it took. He was out for a meeting and would return by late night, enough time to die.
Asad got up a while later and collapsed on the bed, their bed. He ran his hand on her side of the bed and tried to feel her presence, her scent or anything that could tell him that she was alive or here, with him. But alas! It was too late to have realized his love for her. What could be worse than being the cause of your own wife's death? He had kept her in pain for 7 years. He should've just let her go, find someone who could keep her happy. God damn his soul! He wanted to die. But that wouldn't bring her to him. She would never see his face again. That's what he deserved.
'Zoya..waapis aa jao.' He whispered one last time before shutting his eyes to a new morning. Zoya watched him silently and smiled, before she disappeared into the fog outside the Khan residence.
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I hate Asad. :(
Kya kya bola meri Zoe ko! She's so sad. So this one goes out to her. :*
Likes and looong comments please.
Cricket
