He couldn't bring the words to his lips, they seemed to be stuck in his throat. He couldn't admit to himself let alone his ammi, Zoya, and Najma. He knew he would end up hurting her, just look at her now...her eyes were numb. He couldn't bear the pain he knew he would eventually cause her. They were worlds apart...he was akdu as she called him and she was sweet, adorable Zoya. He would eventually make her as miserable as he was. He couldn't tolerate it if he hurt her like his Rashid Ahmed Khan hurt his mother. He simply could not see Zoya hurt because of him. Despite knowing all that why couldn't he stop the flood of memories. Why couldn't he get her out of his mind. Despite knowing that she was so different from the wife he had always wanted. What was it about her that pulled him to her as if an unbreakable string was attached between them and no matter how hard he tried he could not stay away from her. He needed her as if she was air.
When Tanveer had said that he did not love Zoya because he stayed quiet...he wanted to scream at her because she was so wrong. He wanted to throttle her neck for presuming she knows him. He wanted to tell Zoya not to listen to Tanveer. He wanted to tell her how much he cared, he wanted to keep her forever by his side but he couldn't find the words. So instead he left like a coward...he ran away from his Zoya as always.
Asad tossed and turned the rest of the night having an internal battle with himself.
The next day again ammi brought up the same topic. "Asad I dont care about anything you are getting married."
"Ammi please stop this. You can't just get me married like this in 10 days. Marriage is a life long commitment for me and I cannot marry anyone like this."
"Asad I told you yesterday that I have found my daughter in law." His ammi walked towads zoya and caressed her cheeks as she kissed her forhead.
"Asad you were the one who told me that you wanted someone who would love me even more than she loves you right. Who better than Zoya then? Zoya loves me as if I am her mother. And I love her as a daughter Asad."
"But ammi please."
"Asad you didn't answer my question yesterday. Tum karte hoon naan Zoya se pyaar (You love Zoya right.)," ammi said.
Asad could not lie to him ammi but he could not tell her the truth either. So he turned his face away fearing his mother would see the truth on his face, in his eyes.
"No Asad, look at me. Look into my eyes and tell me what the truth is," ammi said with a raised voice.
Asad looked into his ammi's eyes, but he simply couldnt tell her. He did not know why.
Ammi grabbed his arm and took him away to his room locking the door.
"Asad tell me the truth. No one is here but you and me now beta. Tell me. Apni ammi ko toh bata sakte hoon na beta. (You can tell your mother atleast right)."
"Ammi please. Aisa kuch nahin...(it's nothing like that...)"
"You can't even finish the sentence Asad. I am your mother. I have seen it in your eyes Asad, when you think I am not looking. You look at Zoya over your newspaper when we are eating breakfast in the mornings, you smile at her when she annoys you when she isn't looking. You look at her as if she gives meaning to you, to your life. As if she would complete you. Kabhi apni aankhon mein dekho, tum bhi wahi dekho gein joh meine dekha hain aur joh Zoya dekhti hain(Look in your own eyes sometimes and you will see what I am see and what Zoya sees)."
"Karte hoon ya nahin. (You do love her or not). If you don't then fine Asad, I will marry her to my friends's son, Azan." Asad's eyes shot up at that. He could not bear to even imagine Zoya with anyone else let alone marry another man.
"You should be fine right since you don't love her. Asad stop being stubborn." Ammi paused for a while and sat him down on the bed.
"You are not him...you are not your father." Asad looked into his ammi's eyes with tears. She knew him so well, why did he even think he could hide anything from her. "Never for a second think that you are. You are my son. My son Asad. And my son would never do what your father did to me."
"Ammi please. I could so easily hurt her and I could not bear that ammi. Already I have hurt her so many times, screamed at her so many times, told her that she does not deserve to have parents. Imagine how much more I could hurt her if I marry her. Imagine the pain I would cause her and I could not bear that ammi. I could not bear it if I was the reason she had tears in her eyes. I could not bear it if I hurt like her that man hurt you."
"Nothing like that will ever happen because you are my son Asad. Why would you ever think you would be anything like that man? You love me and Najma, have you ever hurt us? No Asad, in fact you have always protected us and supported us and you will do the same with Zoya. Please Asad say yes. Tell me you will marry her."
His mother placed her hands on his cheeks and made him look into her eyes. Both teary eyed.
"Asad I promise you, you will never hurt her. You trust me don't you. And if you ever do hurt her, I will be there to tell you that you were wrong. I would never let you hurt Zoya, but moreover you would never hurt her yourself. Please, just trust me Asad. And agree. Haan khedo (Say yes)."
Asad just nodded. He could not seem to say anything. He didn't want to say no anymore. Being apart from Zoya was hurting him and he could not do it anymore. He could not fight with himself anymore. If his ammi said he would never hurt her, if his ammi said she would watch out for him then he would trust her. He would believe her because he wanted her to be right. And he would work hard to prove his ammi right. He would work night and day to keep Zoya happy, but he couldn't stay away from her anymore. He couldnt fight his ammi anymore either. Fighting himself, his ammi, Zoya was tearing him apart.
They both got off the bed and went back outside.
"Zoya aur Asad ki shaddi hoon rahi hain dus din mein."
She walked over to Zoya and hugged her.
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Part 2
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Sun Raha hai: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-c338yYDiM (I am in love with this song right now...I am not even sure it goes well with the part but I wrote the part while listening to this song on repeat.)
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A strange warmth enveloped Zoya. Shaadi with Mr. Khan. She could not describe it...this warmth inside her but it was there making her feel all sorts of alien things. She was happy she realized, but why when that man never told her he loves her. Why did she want to marry a man who probably loves her but can never say it? But she knew she could not say no. She just couldn't. She knew how he felt because she saw it in his eyes everytime he looked at her. She felt it too. But could she live with the hope that he might someday tell her he loves her. Could she live without those words, without knowing? She didn't know why those words were so important to her but they were. She couldn't say it to him first because what if he didn't say it back? She knew she would break if she said it and he didn't. Her fears and insecurities would never let her tell him.
She did not understand what to do. To marry or not to marry. As she was pacing in her room, a knock on her door brought her out of her confused thoughts.
"Zoya beta, can I talk to you?" phuphi said.
"I am sorry Zoya. I didn't even ask you I you wanted to marry my Asad. It's not that I do not care about you. In fact, I did this because I do care about you. I know exactly what is going on in both of your hearts, but you just wont say it."
"Phuphi you don't have to apologize. I would never think you would do anything to harm me." Zoya said with a small smile on her face. Phuphi was the mother she always wanted, and she trusted her completely.
"You will marry him though right Zoya. You did not say anything outside, but I need to know that you agree."
"Wohhh Phuphi main. Mera matlab (Ummm phuphi I. I mean...)," words stuck in her throat. Phuphi was asking her the question she had been trying to answer for the good part of the afternoon and evening.
"Beta, if you are worried that you won't be happy with him then don't. He could never hurt you. He will always do his best to make you happy, to see you smile. I promise you that."
"It's not that phuphi. I just don't know. This is such an important decision."
She wanted this more than she had wanted anything else in her life. To have him as her husband...to have the right to hold him, to want him, to be with him. To be his wife...her eyes lit up as if it was 4thof july. She wanted that so much, but what if it wasn't the dream she envisioned. What if he didn't want her? Afterall she is not the kind of wife he wanted. She was modern, western, while he was traditional. What if he can't accept her for who she is?
"Phuphi we are so different, him and I."
"Zoya, shaadi alag alag log hi karte hai (Zoya marriage happens between different people). Two people of different natures complete each other Zoya. You will fill the void, the happiness has been missing in his life with your beautiful smile that. And he will be the shoulder to lean on that you have always wanted. He will be your protector, your family."
"Please Zoya, say yes. Just trust me, everything will be fine."
Zoya gave in then because she could not fight with her own desires. Her fears, insecurities would still remain but hopefully as she would spend more time with Mr. Khan they would abate.
Zoya nodded then. A big smile appeared on phupphi's face.
"Good now let me give you this." Phupphi took her bangles out and put them on Zoya, "my mother gave me these bangles and I always thought I would give them to my daughter in law. Anyways, get ready tomorrow because you and Asad are getting engaged again. The first time, none of us were there and so this time, I want to be there. Don't worry it will just be us 4."
Phupphi left with that and Zoya could only stare at her fate...at the bangles on her wrists.
The next day Asad got dressed for his engagement...this time his real engagement. No pretenses this time, nothing to hide behind. He came downstairs and waited for the rest of them as per ammi's orders. He still did not know if what he was doing was right, but over the night he had resided himself since they were ammi's orders. His ammi wanted his and he could not deny her anything. And yes he partly wanted this too, but he had decided he would keep his distance from Zoya so that he would not hurt her. He had promised himself that he would do everything in his power to not hurt her and for that he would have to keep some distance from her.
Just then Zoya walked down the stairs with ammi and najma on sides and everything he had been thinking was forgotten. Angel...she was an angel. And she was his angel. She was adorned with a beautiful red saree.
She walked towards him as if his dream come true. Someone tapped his shoulders and said, "bhaijan you can watch Zoya for the rest of your life, but right now put this ring on your future wife."
Najma. He had not realized he had been staring for quite so while, so lost he was.
He took the ring from Najma and looked into her beautiful eyes. A man could drown in them, so deep they were. No not any man...only he had the right to drown in them. Without conscious thought, he got down on one knee. He couldn't seem to help himself. How could he not fall on his knees in front of her. He grabbed her hand and brought it towards him slowly. Then he placed the ring on her ring finger and kissed her hand and got back up on his feet.
The tingles shot up from her hand, into her arm and spread all over. The warmth in her hand was palpable. She could not believe he had got down on his knees and that he had kissed her hand. She had never had such an intense reaction to someone's touch...someone's kiss.
Zoya slowly reached out for Asad's hand with both of hers, wanting to feel his warmth...wanting to never let go of the feeling. Then she slowly placed the ring on his ring finger as she looked into his eyes. So intense they were that she could not look away. So much they were saying to her.
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Later that night, Zoya and Asad both couldn't help but stare at the rings that had bound them to each other forever.
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Part 3
Later that night, Zoya and Asad both couldn't help but stare at the rings that had bound them to each other forever.
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A few days passed and the wedding preparations were going on in full force. Zoya had told her appi and jiju about her upcoming wedding and they had promised to get to India as soon as they could. They had been very surprised at first at the suddenness of such an important decision, but they had agreed because they knew Asad was an honorable man.
Zoya still could not believe that all this was happening. She could not believe she was going to marry Mr. Khan...that she would be Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan in just a few days. She still did not know how to feel about it. She did not even know if he loved her because he had never actually told her. She still feared he was only marrying her because of phuphi. She still had her insecurities since she was not the kind of wife he had wanted. But for a while she just wanted to forget about all her fears and insecurities and just live in the moment. She wanted to just bask in the happiness if being his wife and hope for the best. Perhaps she was thinking too negatively and everything would turn out fine...great even.
"Zoya," she heard Tanveer calling her and thus headed downstairs putting her worries to rest for now.
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Asad sat in his room not being able to think of anything but his pending nuptials. One face kept appearing behind his lids. Her smile, her lips, her eyes, her dimples all had been etched in his mind and he could not get them out. Was he doing the right thing by marrying her? He did not know, but he could not refuse his ammi so he would do this. He would marry her, but he had not even considered what Zoya wanted in all this. Did she want to marry a man she called akdu? Did she want to spend the rest of his life with him? Did she even love him? He had to talk to her. He had to get some answers. So he went out in search of Zoya. He found her near the stairs.
It all happened in slow motion...Zoya was climbing down the stairs and then her foot slipped. With his heart lodged in his throat, he sprang for her. Sprang as if his whole world depended on him getting to her in time.
"Ahhh..." Zoya screamed as Asad leapt for her and caught her a millisecond before she fell. Asad hugged her tight to him as if he never wanted to let go of her.
For several moments he just held her close to him as both their hearts got back to normal.
Loosening his death grip on her...he finally let her out of his arms, and palmed her cheeks.
"Zoya tum theek hoon? (Zoya are you okay?)"
Zoya could just nod. The fear...the emotions on his face held her captive.
"Tumhe kuch hoon jata toh? Dekhke nahi chalsakti thi? (What if something had happened to you? Can't you walk carefully?)," Asad screamed letting his frustration out. So much worry for her, Zoya thought.
"I am okay Mr. Khan. I am fine," Zoya said as she touched his cheek reassuring him.
"And I did look where I was going Mr. Khan...I think there was something on the..."
Zoya knelt down and observed something wet on the stairs.
"It's oil, there was oil on the stairs," Zoya said surprised. Nothing like this had ever happened before in the Khan Mansion. It was almost impossible to find anything stray in this household with Mr. Khan around to monitor everything.
Zoya looked up and saw pure rage on Asad's face. He sped down the stairs and yelled at Najma and Tanveer, "who spilled oil on the stairs and did not clean it?"
"Zoya almost fell down the stairs...do you know what could have happened if I hadn't been there. How could you all be so irresponsible."
Zoya had followed him to the kitchen and was quite shocked at hearing all this. He was so worried about her that he was yelling at his sister and his taanu. Just then phuphi walked in.
In an effort to calm him down, Zoya moved closer to him and touched his bicep. "I am okay Mr. Khan. I am sure someone accidentally spilled it. It's okay."
Asad looked as if he was about to scream some more but came to his senses when he looked into Zoya's eyes. Her touch seeming to drain the anger out of him.
"Aur tum dono shaadi nahi karna chahte the (And you two did not want to get married)," phuphi said.
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Billo Rani sat in her room that night and lamented over the fact that another one of her plans to kill Zoya failed because of Asad.
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Part 4
It was the day of the wedding. Zoya sat nervously in her room. Good lord, what was she doing. Was she doing the right thing? Did he even want to marry her? She looked at herself in her wedding dress in the mirror as nervous thoughts, fueling her cold feet, kept invading her.
God, did she even love him? Zoya knew she had feelings for Asad. She could not deny that, could not deny the glow in her eyes, the warmth in her chest that came over whenever he looked at her.
But love? Love was so much greater and deeper than physical attraction or infatuation. She called him akdu, and he was akdu sometimes...well, most of the time. He was so different from her. And, if she had so many reservations about this nikaah should she even go through...
Before she could finish her thought someone came up behind her and hit something on her head and within moments she could feel blackness take her over.
Zoya slowly gained consciousness as she was being hauled off somewhere. That's when she heard her attacker, "ab mein Asad sein nikaah karogi (now I will marry Asaad)." Tanveer, Zoya was shocked. Why was Tanveer doing this. Tanveer wanted to marry Asad. Before she could fight against her, she lost consciousness again.
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Asad waited for his bride to come for the nikaah. Where was she? Had she run away again?
"Bhaijaan Zoya isn't in her room," Najma whispered in Asad's ears. His fears were escalating, had she really run away.
"I will go look for her. Najma you keep ammi occupied while I find Zoya. I don't want her to be stressed."
He looked everywhere in the house, but he could not find Zoya. Where was she? Just when he was about to go outside in search of Zoya, he heard some noises coming from the garage.
He went to see what the noise was.
As soon as he entered the garage, he froze.
His Zoya was laying on the ground struggling, while Tanveer was trying to strangle her with a rope.
Asad quickly ran over to Tanveer and backhanded her, and knelt next to Zoya.
Tanveer looked up from the ground and started stammering. "Asad...it's not..."
"Not one word," Asad noticed his voice had gone deadly. His rage uncontrollable.
"Asad," he heard Zoya.
"Zoya tum theek hoon? (Are you okay Zoya?)."
He could not believe his own eyes. What would have happened if he hadn't shown up? Tanveer, the girl he had known his whole life, the girl he had trusted, the girl he thought was his friend had tried to kill his...Zoya.
Asad turned around to get some answers from Tanveer, but she was gone. She had been there just a moment ago. He searched for her with his eyes, but she was nowhere to be found.
"Head is sore, but I will be okay," Zoya said.
"Can you get up?"
Zoya tried but without success. Bringing one hand underneath her head, and another under her knees, Asad carried Zoya upstairs to her room.
He layed her on her bed and said "let me call the doctor."
"No Mr. Khan, all the guests are downstairs waiting for us. Plus, I don't want phuphi to worry."
"How can we marry now?" Before Asad could finish explaining phuphi came in looking for Zoya.
"Zoya here you are. Asad what are you doing here. The bride and groom aren't supposed to meet each other before the nikaah. Don't you know that. It's bad luck." Phuphi dragged Asad out the room and told him to wait for them downstairs, and that she would bring Zoya in a minute.
What did he mean how can we marry now? Did he not want to marry her anymore?
Before she could delve more on the subject, phuphi came in. She looked so happy that Zoya couldn't help but smile.
"Mujhe yakin nahin hota ki aaj mere beta ki shaadi hain woh bhi meri Zoya se (I can't believe my son is getting married today, that too with my Zoya)."
"Phuphi umm"
"Call me ammi beta. You are my daughter aren't you?" Phuphi said with a smile on her face that lit her eyes.
Her words brought tears to Zoya's eyes. Ammi...she had yearned for a mother all her life and now she had one.
"Phu- Ammi, I don't think this is the right decision. This nikaah, what if everything turns out bad? What if..."
"Zoya you trust me don't you." Zoya nodded at that because she did trust her, with her life even.
"Then just trust me on this. Everything will be fine. If what I have seen in both of your eyes is true then there is nothing you need to worry about. Just give your marriage some time. Give yourself, and Asad some time. I know he can be hard to live with, but as time goes by you will understand him better and then it will be very easy to live with him."
Phuphi, rather ammi, grabbed Zoya's hand and took her downstairs for the wedding. The wedding passed by in a blur and all Zoya could remember was when she was asked "apko qubool hai? (Do you accept?)"
A hundred thoughts raised in Zoya's head at that moment. All her fears about the marriage were brought to the forefront. She could easily say qubool nahi hai, but she could not do that to phuphi or insult Mr. Khan in front of so many people. But she was only lying to herself...she wanted this. She wanted to wake up next to him every morning and sleep next to him every night. She wanted a whole lifetime with him. So forgetting her brain, she just listened to her heart and said "qubool hai."
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Sorry I keep making new threads. I had my reasons though. I wanted to make a summary and all that.
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