OS~Night-time Musings (please read!)

Zoya sat on the bench in the garden outside the Khan mansion, looking up at the night sky, lost in deep thoughts. Only a week was left and her visa would expire and she would have to go back to New York, her search futile. She had done every possible thing to find her abbu; roamed on the streets; asked every possible stranger if they could identify anything, anyone, in those ancient, worn-out photographs; travelled to the outskirts of the city, ridden tractors and put herself in every possible danger in a foreign country and would have been dead by now had Mr. Khan not saved her every single time.

Mr. Khan...Asad Ahmed Khan...the thought of his name put a faint smile on her face. Her Jahapanah came to her rescue every single time she was in danger, like a knight in shining armour, whether she was being tortured into marrying a goon or she was simply falling from the couch while dancing on it. He would give her such intense looks that her heart would melt into a puddle of chocolate. He went out of his way to make her a cup of coffee when she was sad and he was the first ever person with whom she shared the deepest, darkest secret of her life. What would it be like if he could always stay by her side like that, if she could spend the rest of her life with him, make him smile, share all her feelings with him and listen to all his troubles and remove them all from his life, wake up every morning to find him by her side...STOP! She checked her thoughts. What was she thinking?! Though it was true that her Jahapanah saved her every time, yet it was also very much true that it was he who gave her more pain than anyone else. His rude, insensitive words, his baseless accusations, his judgmental thinking and chauvinistic attitude hurt her heart. It pained her to remember his slap, his cruel words and his accusations. Nothing had changed even after he came to know of her past. He was still the same. But when she remembered his face when he dug her out of the grave in Mangalpur, their dance in the rain and his confession...it all seemed like a dream.

Zoya had never been so confused before. How could a man be so rude and so passionate at the same time?! Did he really care for her or not? And why on earth should it matter to her? She still couldn't understand why every time she started thinking about something, the thought always changed course and ended on her confusion about Mr. Khan. Why did his words, his actions matter to her? He meant nothing to her...or did he? Why did she feel a sharp pain, a burning anger inside her every time that Tanveer stuck to him, her Jahapanah, like glue? Wait a second, Her Jahapanah?! Where did that come from?! Maybe, just maybe, she was attracted to him...maybe she even liked him...or maybe even loved him. But spend her entire life with him? Out of the question! How could she spent her entire life with a man who never tried to understand her, or better misunderstood her before even trying to understand her! Impossible! "No Zoya," she spoke to herself, "stop thinking about him. Just stop. It will give you nothing but pain. Your visa is going to expire soon and you will be out of Bhopal, out of the Khan mansion and out of his life. He will be a closed chapter in your life and you were probably never a chapter in his life, let alone an open one to be closed. What he did for you was for nothing but the sake of humanity. That man cannot love anyone. And even if he does, it's never going to be you. Probably someone like Tanveer...the perfect life partner and housewife. And look at yourself...the perfect misfit, wherever you go. So pack up and leave as fast as you can...that will actually make him happy."

Zoya felt something wet on her palm and realized that they were her tears. Before she could realize she had started crying. She felt so helpless...for the first time she had thought that she had finally found her home. A place where she could belong to. Where she wouldn't be a misfit. She thought she had found a mother in phupi and a loving sister in Najma. But she was wrong. She had to leave them. She had to go. Yes, they would be sad. Yes, they would cry. And yes, they would try to make her stay. But he wouldn't do any of those. He would be overjoyed, on the contrary, if she left. Rubbing her tears off with the back of her hand, she collected herself and stood up from that special bench. She spoke to herself "Last time Zoya. Harden your heart one last time. Just a few more days and you will be gone. Besides, it looks like Tanveer has already taken your place in the house, wait, was the place even yours in the first place? Phupi, Najma and most importantly Mr. Khan, all connect with her perfectly. They wouldn't miss you for long. After all, in Mr. Khan's words, you are nothing but a guest. That's all you'll ever be. You are the one who will always get hurt. It's your fault that you get emotionally attached to every person that comes in your way. Loneliness does that to people. Parting and separation come in every person's life'well maybe too many times in your case. First ammi, then abbu and now the Khans. It will hurt to go...but it will be okay. You are a strong girl Zoya. You can do it. Now buck up and smile...you know your dimples can kill!", thinking this, she smiled to herself again.

"Zoya! Dinner is ready! Where are you?" a distant, all-too-familiar voice came. "Coming Phupi!", Zoya called back, promising herself that she would make this last week the most memorable for her precious phupi and her cutie little sis tamaatar with her famous crazy antics and shayaris, hoping that they would last in their memories for the rest of their lives.

Phew!!! Now that's what I call a whole ton of rubbish😛!!! Now let all the rotten eggs, tomatoes n jootis that you have been holding back all this time come!!! All constructive criticisms are also welcome 😊 Its my first attempt so be a little gentle please!

Thanks for reading😳 and sorry for making you guys go through this torture😕 Hopefully you will forgive this little friend of yours😃! Please comment guys!!! Pretty please with a choco-lava cake on top😳!