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Asad - " I cannot stand her blabber, chatter and her cranky asteroid behaviour. But my heart comes to my mouth at the thought that something could happen to her. I feel trapped in a What The Beep Beep Beep situation everytime her tears make me feel a guilt drop in 1 second that i have not felt in these bloody 28-30 years. I try not falling in love with her and mask it well with my angry-young-man act . I keep her at an arm's length. Once in a while and now and then, i seduce her and then, i forget it because am not supposed to fall in love with her. So, doc, what do you think is wrong with me? "
Zoe - " I need his attention all the time. If he doesn't give me attention, i snatch it. He is an ancient knitting machine and he never smiles. He makes everyone think that he is doing a heroic act by breathing in the same air as them. He hates me. He never smiles. He is eye-candy and i like his six-packs. Do you think i am attracted to him? Maybe? Ohh, maybe not. He is an angel in one second and Gulshan Grover in the next second. His hatred and kindness is back and forth. I cannot see him unhappy. I cannot tolerate it that he can have a low opinion of me. I am obsessed with his life and his room and his 6 packs. He makes me cry which nobody else can manage and then, he makes a babyface when am not watching. Oh, and he rattles my hormones and messes my head. So, doc, what do you think is wrong with me?"
And the doctor never answered. Keep guessing why.
Just how oblivious and unaware we can be of our feelings for someone? Read Zoe. Just how skillfully we can fight our emotions, smother them and not allow them to evolve? Read Asad.
I know a lot more important happened in the show today as we saw Zoe move into the danger zone once again and Asad going cranky back home that is she going to create and get into a royal mess. But this is what intrigues and irritates me - Asad and Zoe keeping their hearts in oblivion and denial. Oblivion is Zoe and denial is Asad.
Dearest Zoe, its not normal to walk into a man's room in the middle of the night to sew buttons on his shirt that you tore in the afternoon. To insist on sitting in his bed, in his room, in front of him , knowing that your presence in his room upsets him. Reason you give? I want to sew the buttons back so that you don't get to taunt me at all. Ya, right, i just bought that excuse. To seek his attention and appreciation , to do things that please him and keep you in high opinion of him , to tell him with a superstar face that you and him are a great team, to keep chatting and chirping even when you know he would rather read a book on 'A passion for excellence' - how can you not know it , Zoe? Any normal woman in your circumstance would take the shirt , sew the buttons back and return it to him. But you? Think when you have time. Why are you always hopping around and lying in his room, in front of his eyes and in his air, knowing that he is never going to smile at you.
You want to reach out to Asad and say something that will make him feel better when he loses the last clue to the attack on Dilshaad. His crestfallen face makes your face fall. Whatever happens to him, with him, rattles you.
Your eyes fill up with tears when he scolds you , is rude to you and tells you that he no longer wants your interference in Dilshad's case. You don't argue back or lash at him - not because you are a whimpering kitten. Its because he injures you enough to block your voice in your throat. You walk out with a heavy heart and you turn back and look at him once again from the glass door - hoping that you would see the compassion return? Perhaps.
Explain. That is if you can comprehend this feeling on your own.
That brings us to Asad. How hard and cruel it is to lock away your heart and forget that the keys ever existed. He stays as he was on the surface - stern, wooden-faced, straight-jacketed, strict and unsmiling. But his heart still leaves his finger and goes running towards Zoe to demand its candy. The warmth of tenderness, love and passion for Zoe tries to make its place but Asad's winter on the inside is decades old and still puts the light and warmth under the cold sheet. But whatever and how much ever warmth he has , it shows up in his tender eyes, in his 'sorry' and 'thank you'. It tries to break out of that wooden face when Zoe is just a few breaths away. It springs as worry , concern and terror anxiety whenever she collapses and walks into danger zones.
How will you ever deal with this , Asad? By becoming more rude or becoming Dr.Freeze? Maybe , you are no longer capable of that. You can roll your eyes at her antics, listen to her poetry hoping that she will present you with a Disprin , maintain your OCDs. But you cannot fight the tenderness and compassion that you feel for her. The way you serenaded her into that dance reflects that your emotions will not always be slaves. You are at a point when you cannot even scream and lash at her looking at her straight in the eye. As she stands like a confused child in your chamber , you give her a rude dose without looking at her because you know that if you look at her , your rudeness will crumble at 'c'. She looks back at you with brimming eyes and your wooden face looks like a punching bag that just lost all its fluff. Your melting eyes follow her until she goes out of sight and your heart compels you to go after her. She is no longer in sight and you admit it to yourself that her tears are still tolerable, but danger to her life is not.
Face it, Asad. Don't turn your face away from her like this. If she is an idiot, you are an idiot and a half.
There goes my essay and the therapist has still not answered Asad and Zoe's questions.
Finding love and losing it is horrible. Never finding love is unfortunate. But loving someone and never embracing it and realizing it is an idiotic crime and the only situation where you deserve the crap that happens to you. Simply because you were either an idiot or a chicken.
P.S- The scene of the day was Zoe walking away in tears and Asad's guilty eyes following her until he lost her sight . The cutest moment was Asad's grumble at seeing that Zoe didn't call again - "Agar baat hi nahiin karni thi, toh phone kyun kiya tha."
P.P.S - Don't even speak to me about Badii Bi's and Ayaan's brain activity. I am happy that Nikhat is back.
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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