The Apology- 1
Zoya:
How could he?
After all they had been through together! She had thought she had finally found a friend in him...that she was finally able to make a crack in that barrier...but he had put the mask back on, and refused to acknowledge that anything at all had happened.
And when Mariam came, she could not shoo her away. She had come asking for help, and Allah would never have forgiven her for turning her away.
She had hidden her..- her mistake. But she did not have an alternative. And now phoophi was paying for that mistake/ weakness. Is life ever fair?
She had felt enormously guilty and had gone to apologise...and had seen a face she had never seen of Mr. Khan's. She still shuddered when she remembered it. It was not the sting, not the shame...the RAW ANGER and HATRED in his eyes. She ought to feel assaulted and manhandled, strangely that was not what it had felt like. She had seen a man cornered, on the verge of breaking down, almost losing himself in his rage and helplessness. She had thought such people needed comfort, not Mr. Khan. He had lashed out at her like a wild beast and that hurt more than the act itself...that he could lash out at her.
And she had returned after the prayers to see phoophi, and strangely enough, it was not anger or resentment she felt at seeing Mr. Khan, it was fear...she had thought she had him all figured out, but this tendency to lose his senses when he was usually very much in control... Of course, she understood what his mom and sister meant to him...but she had always seen a jahanpanah- a man who loved being pampered and today she had seen the lion who killed mercilessly when his territory was breached...it made her heart skip a beat.
She had tried her best to keep away from Mr. Khan when he was in this dangerously explosive mindset...but she could not keep away from her beloved phoophi. She was the closest to a mother she had known, she had been a friend and much more. And it still pained her that her actions had brought things to this. How she wished she could go back in time and erase that day when she had ended up in Mangalpur...it had given her nothing but trouble...but hadn't she been an instrument in Allah's hand? Was she not sent there to save Mariam?
Zoya couldn't stop her tears. They just kept coming and every time she thought of Mr. Khan, she sobbed. He had been nothing less than mean. Holding her off like that, pinning her on to the wall...and then those terrible words..that had hurt her the most. More than the physical violence, the words had really hurt. She tried to seek solace in Allah, but this time around she found herself questioning her God. For a moment, it really looked like there was no justice in this world, what had she done to deserve this?
Mr. Khan had come in..to offer his apology. Zoya did not want a namesake apology- a 'sorry' to be followed by heaps of insults later. She was most forgiving to her friends, and she really liked Mr. Khan as Phoophi's son and Najma's brother and there were times when she almost believed they could be friends..but he had really crossed the limits this time. Zoya wished she'd die or the world would come to an end. Such was the despair in her heart, and the one thing that kept pricking her over and over again were the words...How could he be so cruel to her?
The door opened slightly, and Asad checked on Zoya. By God, he had really gone too far this time. He had found Zoya to be the most irritating woman, he usually kept a distance from people who were ideologically different from him. And she reminded him every day of the reason he couldn't stand the so-called modern woman. But really, he had simply gone too far this time. He had known an apology wouldn't be granted so easily, so he was not surprised by that brave display of determination she had shown...she had not hidden her tears and it simply broke his heart.
Asad was not an expressive man, he did not believe in demonstrations of love. In contrast, any sign of ill befalling his dear ones spiralled him out of control...and strangely, today he wanted to lash out at the cause of Zoya's pain. He could vaguely process his protectiveness and clearly see the cause of her tears...it was he, himself.
The Apology-2
Asad:
Was there anything at all he could do to make things right? Was that even possible? She was angry, and sad...how he wished she'd respond the same way he had. Slap him or shake him or say hurtful things...any thing to make her hurt go away.
He'd have thought this possible of Zoya a week before, not any more. Now he knew her heart was in the right place, even as her head NEVER SEEMED TO BE!. He had seen that with her resolve to save Mariam and that cool casualness with which she dismissed her misfortune at his wish. This, he knew about her- she was not spiteful or vindictive. But he had wronged her and forgiving him wouldn't be easy. It was going to be a painful and humiliating process for him, but he knew his heart wouldn't know peace until it was done with.
He did not look up to women, that did not mean he looked down on them. He knew that his role as a man was that of a protector, and that was what he had prided himself on all his life. He had guarded his mother and sister through all the testing times, and would give his life for them. It was callous of him to accuse her of not knowing what the women in his life meant to him because she herself had no idea about the importance of relations. And he had really broken her with those final words, on how she did not deserve a mother. No one deserved that unkindness, least of all Zoya. Allah! How he wished he could go back in time and handled this with a lot more of maturity. He had simply gone blind in rage, and there was no excuse for blindness or rage, especially when directed at a woman.
How should he go about it? Should he sleep over it, let her sleep over it and settle things with a clear head in the morning? With another attempt? With a card? With flowers? On his knees? How do you do these things?
Sleep? Who was he kidding? With this kind of heaviness weighing on his heart, he wouldn't even be able to lie down. He hoped that wouldn't be the case with Zoya. Would she atleast be able to cry herself to sleep? How was she feeling now? Allah! Those tears!
Asad placed his hands on the balcony railing and leaned on it, looking down...this kind of distress was not new to him. He had felt this anger and helplessness, watching his Ammi being wronged by a man who did not deserve her, and here he was...a perpetrator of the same crime. The difference was that they would NEVER be what Ammi and Abbu had been, and also that, he, Asad Ahmed Khan was as capable as his father of hurting a woman.
He raised his head to gaze at the garden, and the sight of her form on the garden bench filled his heart. Allah had been kind to him. The very sight of her, poured gladness into his heart, and it mingled with the anger and pain and sadness, leaving behind a sweet sense of longing. Gone was the fear of humiliation, a greater force seemed to be guiding him and he wanted to comply. He knew he had to, if he were to know peace.
Zoya:
She felt the gentle breeze comforting her. It was a beautiful night, a pleasant contrast to the despair and darkness in her heart. But Zoya could feel the weight lifting from her mind already. She might be an orphan, but she knew she was Allah's favourite. ALL ORPHANS WERE. And that gave her power over herself, the ability to control her emotions. The world might call her a fool for forgiving so easily, little did they know it was second nature to her.
Zoya forgave, not because Asad deserved it, but because Allah had taught her to- she was Allah's child. Unlike a certain Akdu Mr. Khan who had two lovely people as his parents and yet was so much more poor in spirit. She was in a position to look down on him right now, but that was not her nature either. She was simply thankful for the understanding her Father had given her.
She sensed a movement, and to her biggest surprise, saw Mr. Khan standing beside her!
The Apology-3
What on earth was he doing here? Did he really have to choose this moment to come and ruin her peace of mind with his empty words? Ufff... Zoya felt impatience rising within her. She moved away. She wished he'd get the message and leave her alone.
And he surprised her again. May be she had become more receptive, but she could see the sincerity in his words...he was truly sorry. And she really appreciated that he had finally learned to apologise. But she had to clarify something to him. He could not go on taunting her about her mother, he needed to know how much that hurt her.
Asad:
He had known. The words would have hurt her the most, and he was ashamed of himself again. He had been thoughtless in anger, not once, but many times. He had assumed that she did not value relationships as he did, purely ASSUMED...and here she was telling him how much more important those relations were for her, because she did not have any. How absence had not made her forget, but YEARN for more. Yes, he understood now.
He had offered her the coffee and she had taken it: That was it? No fuss? No pouting? No demands?
This was so easy? He just had to speak from his heart and she accepted it?
Now she was talking about her vulnerability...how she regretted imposing herself on him...no, this had to stop. He was the one who had to apologise, not her.
For it was time to right another wrong. He had been a difficult and unwelcoming host...(as much as she had been an unworthy guest, but this was not about that.) ... ...
! ! !
Asad could not believe his eyes. The laughter was back- in a second- it was almost like it had never gone away. It brought a sheepish grin to his face, but the laughter was back. Was it so easy for her to switch on? Could she stay serious for two straight seconds? Did he imagine all that hurt and tears? He was beginning to feel like a fool now. He had simply offered for her to stay in his house for as long as was required...what was so funny about that?
He could see her trying to stifle her laughter. Now he was beginning to feel uncomfortable...very uncomfortable. She was LAUGHING AT HIM!
OK. Now she was making a very conscious effort to stay serious...and seemed to be preparing herself for some serious talk...
But what was this? Of all the times, NOW, she had to bring up his Abbu! The man he hated to remember. Was there any need at all to drag him in here?
Firstly, he never allowed ANYONE to talk about his Abbu...Najma had never even tried, and Ammi knew it was futile. Now, WHO DID Ms. FAROOQUI THINK SHE WAS, that she could bring this up so casually? And she was not even laughing anymore. She was showing him her sympathy?
He had come to apologise, the deed was done and she had graciously accepted. IT WAS OVER. He was thankful to her for being so forgiving, that did not mean she could go about showering SYMPATHY on him. Asad Ahmed Khan was NOT TO BE PITIED!
Will the woman ever know that? Will she ever learn to keep her pretty, stubborn head out of certain things?
The Apology-4.
Zoya:
Zoya watched Asad's retreating figure, the arrogance in his stride. What had she said to irk him so much? She knew phoophi and dost well. And she knew they were two very nice people. She had just wanted to tell him to try and give his Abbu a chance- not for her sake, but his. He was the one who kept talking about the aehmiyath of relationships...did he know precious his abbu was...she knew her father was out there somewhere, he had forsaken her and her mother, yet she valued him...
If only Mr. Khan learned to look beyond his narrow view...she felt sorry for him.
She turned to the cup of coffee in her hand...and whispered to it: BLACK AND BITTER
And smiled to herself.
She had not wanted revenge
But this had turned out to be sweeter than that...
She had got herself an apology, an invitation and she had Jahanpanah 6 packs EXACTLY where she wanted him...huffing and puffing...Oh! How she loved taunting this guy! She was simply evil!
The memory of that invitation and the expression that followed her outburst...she wanted to roll on the ground laughing right now!
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That's all folks!
I felt it was a perfect apology and the writer 'super se upar' exceeded my expectations. I was so thrilled when I watched it.š
Thank You all, for the very patient reading. Do let me know your thoughts on anything you liked or disliked.š³
Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
