Can we truly move beyond the violence?

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whatthewhat

@whatthewhat

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

I am starting this topic on the premise that the slap, the violence was completely unjustified. That it was wrong, that it was brutish, that it signifies a deep disrespect for women, that it glorifies violence as romance, and that we find such behavior unacceptable.

I don't mean to exclude those who disagree with this, but I don't mean for this to be a discussion about "justifiable" violence. There are several threads that address this debate.

I want to ask those who do not condone the violence - Can we realistically move on?

Many have talked of redemption. I personally find this disturbing. To me the Asad-Zoya relationship has already established a cycle of abuse and violence. And I would hate for that to be perpetuated. Abuse-apology-forgiveness-Abuse-apology-forgiveness...you the picture.

Ideally I want Zoya to leave this dysfunctional family and never look back. If wishes were horses!

But if Asad does indeed truly realize the depth to which he sunk - how should he apologize? What would make you accept his apology? Can Asad break the cycle of violence?

Looking forward to hearing your views!

Edited by narangi314 - 12 years ago

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whatthewhat

@whatthewhat

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

Does the silence mean we can't move on? 😊

I would love to hear from people who think that it is possible...I am feeling cynical and need to hear another side!

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kundra

@kundra

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

When she finds out her past is connected to Asad's parents the distance between them will become less.

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Can't help stalking this forum today; there are some really interesting discussions going on.

Good question, Mira. Even though I know it is a long shot, I would really love to hear Mariyam speak up in favour of Zoya, letting Asad know what an enormous 🤬 he has been. I want her to ask cutting questions, like what actually makes Asad different from the horrendous man who thought it was his right to marry her once he had raped her? Essentially that slap was a complete surrender to a physical and emotional impulse... which is exactly how the guy who raped Mariyam explained his heinous act: he said something to the effect of "I couldn't control my love. You know how it is." I know I am probably going to get crucified for comparing Asad's slap to Mariyam's rape, but there it is. Deal with it. They were both acts of harmful violence based on unchecked impulse. The degree of violation was different, of course, but the essence remains the same.

What really bothers me about the slap is that Asad didn't even flinch when he realised what he had done. Essentially he was fine with it and possibly thought it was justified; Zoya need to be "put in her place" for what "she had done" to his Ammi. It would have been somewhat redeeming if at least he had been horrified once he saw what he had done on impulse... but no such luck.

Also, since we are aiming for the stars here and it is all hypothetical, I want them to show a bruise on Zoya's face, and not a little cut on her hand, because let's show this for what it is. I know this is not going to happen because Zoya is going to gallantly hide her wound, but I would have loved for Najma and Dilshad to see it and be disgusted by Asad. That is the only thing I can think of that would actually get through to him, especially from Dilshad's side. Imagine a frail and miraculously recovered Dilshad refusing to see Asad because though she may have taken a bullet, it was him who truly broke her heart with this little stunt.

Finally, realistically, I guess this is how Zoya's past is going to come out because they have to show Asad realising that being abandoned by his father does not give him the inalienable right to be a giant douche bag. It's not like Zoya's life has been a bed of roses and she manages to have common human decency, right?

I guess I just sit here and wait for things to be thrown at me now. 😛

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Yasmin

@Yazzi

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Realistically no one could get passed violence. Imagine being part of abusive relationship, every time you will wonder what will trigger them off for them to once again raise their hands and honestly no one should be in a relationship where they have to constantly fear getting hurt physically or mentally, that kind of relationship is suffocating and I never understood how people find it 'romantic' is it because the male character is so hot?

But seeing as how it's a show, I guess they will just brush this matter off and get back to all that mitwaaa moment's.

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NeeshaG

@NeeshaG

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

It's so hard to move past this. Nothing seems the same anymore. I don't know howAsad will be able to redeem himself.

Can't seem to shake this disappointed feeling.

All the 'mitwa moments' just faded.

😭

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whatthewhat

@whatthewhat

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: Samanalyse
Can't help stalking this forum today; there are some really interesting discussions going on.

Good question, Mira. Even though I know it is a long shot, I would really love to hear Mariyam speak up in favour of Zoya, letting Asad know what an enormous 🤬 he has been. I want her to ask cutting questions, like what actually makes Asad different from the horrendous man who thought it was his right to marry her once he had raped her? Essentially that slap was a complete surrender to a physical and emotional impulse... which is exactly how the guy who raped Mariyam explained his heinous act: he said something to the effect of "I couldn't control my love. You know how it is." I know I am probably going to get crucified for comparing Asad's slap to Mariyam's rape, but there it is. Deal with it. They were both acts of harmful violence based on unchecked impulse. The degree of violation was different, of course, but the essence remains the same.

What really bothers me about the slap is that Asad didn't even flinch when he realised what he had done. Essentially he was fine with it and possibly thought it was justified; Zoya need to be "put in her place" for what "she had done" to his Ammi. It would have been somewhat redeeming if at least he had been horrified once he saw what he had done on impulse... but no such luck.

Also, since we are aiming for the stars here and it is all hypothetical, I want them to show a bruise on Zoya's face, and not a little cut on her hand, because let's show this for what it is. I know this is not going to happen because Zoya is going to gallantly hide her wound, but I would have loved for Najma and Dilshad to see it and be disgusted by Asad. That is the only thing I can think of that would actually get through to him, especially from Dilshad's side. Imagine a frail and miraculously recovered Dilshad refusing to see Asad because though she may have taken a bullet, it was him who truly broke her heart with this little stunt.

Finally, realistically, I guess this is how Zoya's past is going to come out because they have to show Asad realising that being abandoned by his father does not give him the inalienable right to be a giant douche bag. It's not like Zoya's life has been a bed of roses and she manages to have common human decency, right?

I guess I just sit here and wait for things to be thrown at me now. 😛

Seriously, he said that??? I didn't see that episode. I would have stopped watching this show if I had! That makes me livid!

I agree with you - the spectrum of violence against women - the "teasing", the hitting, the rape...it's all comes from the same place. Of wanting to assert power. To show women their place. I can;t help harping on this, but do you remember the "shooting star" scene? When Asad wishes that Zoya meets a man who will "clip her wings"? (jo par kaate) I thought that was so freaking awful.

And boy, he should be proud of himself for asserting his masculinity today and putting her in her place. He's been doing that with all the jibes about clothing and whatnot...this is just an escalation. I am totally with you on this one.

Mariam and Dilshaad and Najma might make him see what he's done. But I'd like to see him make that link for himself. To see his act as a variation on a theme...a very ugly and grotesque theme.

That would go a long way in my book.

Edited by narangi314 - 12 years ago

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whatthewhat

@whatthewhat

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: iqbal-pallavi
Realistically no one could get passed violence. Imagine being part of abusive relationship, every time you will wonder what will trigger them off for them to once again raise their hands and honestly no one should be in a relationship where they have to constantly fear getting hurt physically or mentally, that kind of relationship is suffocating and I never understood how people find it 'romantic' is it because the male character is so hot?

But seeing as how it's a show, I guess they will just brush this matter off and get back to all that mitwaaa moment's.

mitwaa moments after this would be truly unforgivable...How is violence sexy??? I mean, what kind of mind equates the two?

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Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

What a great post.

Seriously, if the writers called on me today and said, Laila, we're got ourselves backed into a corner what do we do here...

I would have Asad learn the truth from Mariyam - that would be the first step. But Asad will not do anything as he has the biggest ego. The issue will not be brought to the forefront.

I would want Zoya to leave, but she cannot and will not leave until she knows what happens to Dilshaad. Zoya has to be shown to have some dignity - she has not plans about where she will live other than some hotel and she is not telling her family.

Once Dilshaad is fine, then at the hospital, she should let Dilshaad know she has to leave - make up some excuse.

Dilshaad tells Asad Zoya is leaving. Asad tells his mother what happens. She is disappointed and devastated at one what her son has done.

Here' s the pivotal dialogue needed:

Dilshaad: "I raised a son to respect women, to value them, to protect them and care for them, but what you have done Asad has shamed me. You slapped her because you were angry at her - so what if she had brought Mariyam to the house, the anger was NOT acceptable, it was not allowable. You should never have done it, even if you were hurt and angered. Asad, you are so much more physically stronger and that strength and anger combined...what if you had hurt her physically? And I am certain that you have hurt her emotionally. I am so disappointed and let down by you, I do not know what to say. I cannot blame Zoya for leaving - she doesn't have to live here but I agreed for her to stay here and she was my guest and my responsibility."

Asad: "What do i do now? I am ashamed of what I have done. I can't even look at her face."

Dilshaad: You will have to apologize to her.

And then Asad apologizes to her...none of that stupid hand in a grinder rubbish...here is the dialogue needed...

Asad: Ms Farooqui,,,Zo..Zoya...At the moment, I am not in a position or standing to speak to you. I did something that was uncalled for and for which I am truly ashamed. There was no excuse or justification for it and I should never have done it. I do not expect you to forgive me or to accept my apology but it is important for you to know that I know that what I did to you was wrong. I should never have hit you and least of all never raised my hand to you especially in a fit of anger. I know that you want to leave and I know how important it is for you to stay here until the end of the month to get what you need done. I know that my home is the one place that will be helpful for you...and I hope that you can stay to get what you can done.

Now, of course in Indian style drama, Zoya will say yes, but I hope not without...the following:

You know Mr. Khan, I was always right about you...you don't respect women but most of all you do not respect or even like me. I am a thorn in your side and everything you despise, but what you did there, was completely uncalled for. I would never put the lives of your family in danger and neither did I disobey your request. But your preconceptions of me clearly have overruled your ability to think rationally. For me, I appreciate the apology and the repentance but then tomorrow when I spill something or do something else, you will be down my throat again critizing me once again. What can I say Mr. Khan, I am who I am and that is something you can never accept or like.

Now in typical desi land style, Asad will have to redeem himself by saving Zoya - he has to put HIS life on the line for her. Something that will be overly dramatic like a sword coming for Zoya and him sticking his hand in the way - something big...otherwise Asad's actions have really ruined him in Zoya's eyes.

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whatthewhat

@whatthewhat

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#10

@Laila2009

That's awesome! 👏 We can only hope right??? But I cannot help feeling that the makers of this show don't feel a scintilla of shame or regret. They won't see this as having painted themselves into a corner.

And you're absolutely right. Asad "respecting" women is total bunkum! He only "respects" women as long they conform to his regressive rules. That ain't respect!

It's actually quite inexplicable to me why Asad would have such regressive attitudes toward women. After all, he's been brought up by a single mum. Shouldn't he be the reverse? It doesn't make any sense to me.

Anyway, Zoya needs to get the hell away from this guy. She's the most progressive heroine I've seen on desi TV and I would hate to see her cut down and "reformed" and made into one of the cringing sacrificing crybabies we see on practically every other show.

Edited by narangi314 - 12 years ago

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Can we truly move beyond the violence?

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