They say time heals wounds, but in my case they have just grown deeper.
Again fate has me standing at the same place where I did a year ago. Same people, same faces, same party. Everything is the same except...except for me. A year ago in a similar party my parents were discussing my marriage with my possible future husband's parents. Even a year before that the situation was pretty much the same. And two years down the lane it's still very much the same.
My parents, a suitor and his parents. Topic: my marriage.
Since I was a little girl I had dreamt about my wedding. How it will be what will I wear, the decorations, the flowers, the food…my groom. Ah, the little dreams. But life never turns out as planned.
Yes I made some wrong decisions; fate tested me again and again. I lost my heart once. My mistake. And readily gave away the second time. My mistake again. I took a chance. Thought life won't be so cruel but I was wrong.
He did not only break my heart he broke me, my little dreams. My faith was shaken.
The belief I had in life, beauty and love was taken away. He took my innocence away.
I knew I had to be strong and can't let this cruel world let me down again. I have built up strong walls around my heart, vowed never to let any man inside again.
I wander alone; scared to think that there is any goodness left in case I let my heart flutter away again. I'm afraid to dream and hope for they all are destined to be broken. It's a cruel world and I have come to terms with it.
But it seems I can't fight it any longer. For you see marriage is a thing that I can't avoid. I really don't have much hope left but for my parents sake I know I will have to get married.
I know that things will never be the same again. I am not the same girl I used to be. I know I won't ever feel that again what I felt for him. I know I will never love again.
But I still have to get married just to see them smile; my parents.
It will be a compromise I know but for them it will be real. For their sakes, for the so called society, for the nonexistent happy future that they wish to see I shall get married. They want to see me happy, so they shall see. I will smile and laugh, beam with happiness just to see their dream come true. At least some ones will.
It's kind of funny how they believe that marriage will fix everything. If only...
No one knows how things will turn out to be but for them I will be taking another chance. Yes some people will call it another chance life has thrown my way but its not that simple. It sounds fun, yet frightening.
Wonder what fate has instored for me this time?
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Hey all! A small OS after a long time. Today's scene about Panchi thinking about getting married really touched me. I mean it's like the goal of every girl's life is to ultimately get married. I know most of you may not agree with me and will come up with good answers about how it's not true. But well...it IS true in many societies. I have seen it happening around. See it every day yes even in this century and day. Have lived it.
Well it all comes down to perspective I guess. Anywhos enough of my blabbering.
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