Ambaji proved her worth today!! Bravo - Page 3

Originally posted by: April2007

You speak for general public too..

You have given your example ( I didn't ) therefore I will use to illustrate a point. so you think you and your siblings will never make a same mistake ever because of your parents...think again, also you seem to think your parents are perfect..and you should yell at your kids if they make a mistake. I had most lenient parents and I am very well adjusted and totally fine, I would hate to live in household where elders yelled at me..respect bi-gets respect.

Yelling at a child is different than yelling at a adult. I hope your in laws don't yell at you if you make a mistake, btw everybody who ventures out of the house or attempt to do something new can make a mistake, those of us punished for making mistakes, stop trying to do anything and freezo and lose their initiative. West is very free,, they don't condone yelling to children, you can see the inventions such as internet, cell phone, cd player, cars just to name the few and children brought up to afraid to make a mistake are way behind or just good copy cats not creators of new things..they are afraid to try for the fear of making mistakes, their whole initiative is sucked away. If you disagree, look at Indian inventions and those of US. ..Indians in last century have been happy to copy, US invents.

There are lots of examples in which child stopped going to school because of yelling and beating by the teacher. If human beings learned by yelling, Indian servants male and female would be the most learned people because they get yelled and abused the most.

Ambaji is a control freak, it is her way or high way, she thinks she is perfect and if anybody goes against her will she yells and humiliates the person or stops eating and punishes them, she is not willing to adapt or respect other cultures or people, she is horrible person. She tries to hold all the power in the house or holds her son and DIL hostage to her anger, they have to constantly grovel and ask for her forgiveness.

Again, read the whole context of the persons POV. I never said my parents were perfect, but I was showing the other side of the coin. You don't have to be all understanding and never yelling parents to your children. There are many that have a background with strict parents, who have become great individuals today. I never said it was wrong not to sit down and talk to ur child first, so I never said the way your parents brought you up was wrong. I have no right to as I don't know you personally to even make that judgement. All I am saying is neither being strict with ur child is wrong as its not wrong to communicate first. If you read my previous post, I clearly said, each mistake should be handled differently, not all mistakes can be excused with advise or warning. That is just my POV. And by the way, I am also from the USA, so I am very well aware of the advancements USA makes and India makes. Each country has its own capabilities and has discovered many new inventions on their own as well as coping. I have lived in the US all my life and love it as much as I love my mother land, so I will not even go into comparing them. As for children not going to school because teacher abuse, well that doesn't only happen in India, it happens in US also. Corporal Punishment is legal in many states. You can't compare yelling at a servant and yelling at a child for their mistake. Both are two different situations with different relationships. You can't compare apples to bananas, its apples to apples. You keep repeating that Ambaji is a control freak, egoistic and etc. Which I have not denied, but she is not a bad person.

And P.S. I do think my parents are perfect, every child should if they have good parents. I couldn't be more proud of their upbringing and unconditional love.

Originally posted by: taral83

Again, read the whole context of the persons POV. I never said my parents were perfect, but I was showing the other side of the coin. You don't have to be all understanding and never yelling parents to your children. There are many that have a background with strict parents, who have become great individuals today. I never said it was wrong not to sit down and talk to ur child first, so I never said the way your parents brought you up was wrong. I have no right to as I don't know you personally to even make that judgement. All I am saying is neither being strict with ur child is wrong as its not wrong to communicate first. If you read my previous post, I clearly said, each mistake should be handled differently, not all mistakes can be excused with advise or warning. That is just my POV. And by the way, I am also from the USA, so I am very well aware of the advancements USA makes and India makes. Each country has its own capabilities and has discovered many new inventions on their own as well as coping. I have lived in the US all my life and love it as much as I love my mother land, so I will not even go into comparing them. As for children not going to school because teacher abuse, well that doesn't only happen in India, it happens in US also. Corporal Punishment is legal in many states. You can't compare yelling at a servant and yelling at a child for their mistake. Both are two different situations with different relationships. You can't compare apples to bananas, its apples to apples. You keep repeating that Ambaji is a control freak, egoistic and etc. Which I have not denied, but she is not a bad person.

And P.S. I do think my parents are perfect, every child should if they have good parents. I couldn't be more proud of their upbringing and unconditional love.

Originally posted by: April2007

I maintain my stand that adults shouldn't be yelled at regardless of the mistake..I know many people yell, abuse and blackmail and induce fear in others but it is not an acceptable behavior..

I don't think my parents or any parent or for that matter any human being is perfect but despite all their quirks and faults, I love my parents to pieces and I have great respect for them.

Again, that is just your POV. What defines perfect to you might not what defines perfect to me. Loving, caring, understanding and respectful parents make perfect parents in my eyes. Everyone has faults, even God has faults, but perfection is a individual belief.

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000

I do think my parents are perfect, every child should if they have good parents. I couldn't be more proud of their upbringing and unconditional love.

I have slightly different thoughts to the underlined section .

Why cannot a child simply love his parents without thinking of them as 'perfect' ?

No human being is perfect . Absolutely no one .

Parents are human beings too . Just some extra years on the planet and age does not make them perfect .

They are prone to making as many mistakes as the children make . The only difference is their mistakes are of a different nature , in contexts sometimes unrelated to us . By the time we introspect and look back on life and realise that they were not perfect human beings we generally are advanced in age . To attain that objectivity one needs to go through quite a journey .

It is wrong to go through life thinking of any human being as perfect . Be it your parents or be it your grand parents . Respect them and love them ...yes ...but do not think they are perfect . Rather study them and try NOT to repeat THEIR mistakes if they ever did any .

I loved my mother immensely . But I would not dream of saying she is perfect . She has done some mistakes in life of forgiving some conniving relatives who greedily grabbed her land in the village by backstabbing her when she innocently gave them the power of attorney .

The warning signs had all been there . Those relatives had never really been very good . But my mother's blind love for maayka today cost us a considerable property and financial loss .

Today learning from her mistake I am very cautious while dealing with relatives in financial matters . She herself agreed to this .

Neither does this make me a bad offspring , nor does it prove that my love for her is not unconditional . Neither has it diminished my respect for her . Her innocence has proved to be her undoing ...innocence can be a virtue and also a flaw . I chose to be pragmatic .

Ambaji has literally no one in that house to correct her . So she goes unchecked . She has a good son who is apologising to her constantly for that one firm statement he made when she forced his hand with her unreasonable attitude . She is punishing him for it . If a wife makes her husband grovel so much it is regarded as paap . Is it any less a sin when a mother makes her son grovel ?

Her own daughter has committed blatant robbery in sasural . She needs to be given to the police . Strictly by the book ,THATS what you get for flicking money , that too such a large amount , without even ASKING anyone and later bluntly LYING that you know nothing about it .

Will Ambaji give her to police ? Or will she grovel at Satnam's feet saying dont punish my daughter ? Andhow will she feel when Satnam and Gurnam ignore her grovelling and act unforgiving ? After all she is doing it with her own son .

Just Age , strictness and even efficiency does NOT make a parent perfect . Why should these factors give a human being immunity ? Ambaji is anything but perfect . Its SHE who needs to change . Its SHE who needs to apologise .And its SHE who needs to improve herself before she expects so much improvement in a young girl who only tries to please her all the time .

Originally posted by: taral83

Again, that is just your POV. What defines perfect to you might not what defines perfect to me. Loving, caring, understanding and respectful parents make perfect parents in my eyes. Everyone has faults, even God has faults, but perfection is a individual belief.

Originally posted by: April2007

You said it beautifully...exactly my sentiments..thank you for taking the time and vocalizing it .

Perfect is just another term like amazing, great, wonderful etc. What makes someone perfect depends on the other person's views. As u said no one is perfect, but what is "perfect". Their is no definition for it. For example, a "perfect" husband to me might be someone that can love me till I am old and understands me. But a "perfect" husband to someone else might be someone that has financial stability, good looks, charming personality etc. Our definition of perfect is absolutely different for that individual. Same goes for parents, there is nothing wrong in thinking your parents are perfect. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, perfection is also in the eye of the beholder. Love, care, understanding are qualities...while "perfect" only describes a person.

Originally posted by: taral83

Perfect is just another term like amazing, great, wonderful etc. What makes someone perfect depends on the other person's views. As u said no one is perfect, but what is "perfect". Their is no definition for it. For example, a "perfect" husband to me might be someone that can love me till I am old and understands me. But a "perfect" husband to someone else might be someone that has financial stability, good looks, charming personality etc. Our definition of perfect is absolutely different for that individual. Same goes for parents, there is nothing wrong in thinking your parents are perfect. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, perfection is also in the eye of the beholder. Love, care, understanding are qualities...while "perfect" only describes a person.

Originally posted by: April2007

NO NO...you got the whole thing wrong..

You love the person despite their faults not go through life wearing blinders, scared to admit their fault and brainwashing yourself with different definitions of perfection, when in reality nobody is perfect. When people wear blinders as you are suggesting and unable for unwilling to see the truth they have not grown up as human beings, they are still functioning as a child bound to repeat same mistakes that object of their perfect does, it is extremely important to see people including parents as human beings rather than demigods who raised you therefore are perfect.

You are advocating blind adoration, BTW, even criminals are somebodies parents, so their children should blindly love them and consider them perfect because they did raise them and I am sure some of them are good parents and have all the parenting attributes you have mentioned therefore perfect in the eyes of the children, they should be emulated, we will have families who are criminals, nobody will break the chain.

Coming to our serial Ambaji is horrible, she yells, abuses I hope Mona never follows their foot path and become a dictator an abuser and abuses her daughter in law in the same way. Ambaji should be seen in a real light as a tyrant and Mona should never ever follow her example.

I think Koolsandhu has written a beautiful post read it carefully, she has done a great service to pen something most of us will not make an effort to do..read it, please agree or disagree with what she says, after Koolsadhu's post that I don't think their is anything left to be discussed on this topic.

How can u say I am wearing blinders??? Only cause I said my parents are perfect...that is insane. You don't even know me to judge that. You can't just say that someone is being blind because they don't agree with your POV. Then in that case you are also blind, because your not seeing my POV. But I won't say that, because I understand what ur saying, but I don't agree with it. There is a difference in our POV. I have no problem in pointing out peoples faults and I never said my parents didn't have any, all I said was that they are perfect for me. I am my own person and I have every right to excuse any mistake, punish whom I want and stop anything I don't like. Again as I said, perfect is a descriptive word. And I don't agree with what Koolsadhu says. But I know how to agree to disagree. Thus, I had put my point out there again to her post. It is your belief that there is nothing more to discuss but I don't think so. Matters like these are up to a person's belief or views. I am not asking you to believe what I am saying or change ur views, just to respect others views. You don't have to agree, but learn to accept different frames of minds. Thus, don't say that "I have the whole thing wrong". You are no one to judge that. You have ur POV and I have mine. It just a simple discussion, with no wrong or rights. Topics like these never have a answer, the question will always be unanswered. Thus, I end my discussion here.