Dosa's 1st FF.... Khabi na khabi - SEE P 24 - Page 4

oye hoyee dii .......pehle EA then vms andd noww ff ......it is a super duper ff ..i liked the last twist when pratigya says iska naam toh pochna padega ............i like ur twist and turns

Originally posted by: sknra

Hey carisma congrats yaa🤗r👏👏👏 , wonderful , i just love it👏👏👏😊😊😊,🤗 especially at the last ki naam tu poochna paray ga.....😉..pls pls continue soon, eagerly waiting for next part....😳😳.n thank u so much for the pm...... 😳

U're welcome dear, and Thankyou so much for your message - it's sooooo touching. All u my lubbly sisters have really shown me great support - It's soooo kind.

Originally posted by: surbhisachwani

oye hoyee dii .......pehle EA then vms andd noww ff ......it is a super duper ff ..i liked the last twist when pratigya says iska naam toh pochna padega ............i like ur twist and turns

good goingg sis....i lubbed that u wrote krishna's accent as the serial ...........

plss contuinuee and update soon and make it a longg ff with lots of krishna's scenes and kriya lubb storyyyy

Thankks a lot surbhi, I just can't imagine Krishna without his usual lyrics. The show has that charm - of the allahabad dilect - that I just can never leave out. Glad you liked. it.

Originally posted by: Arine_123

It's lovely carisma sis ⭐️. So the story is kinda ulta here. 😉

Lets see how P finds out his name!! 😛 Continue soon. 😃

Thank you, so much. Lets see what P has to go thru to get her man.

hey carisma,

Originally posted by: carisma2

Thankks a lot surbhi, I just can't imagine Krishna without his usual lyrics. The show has that charm - of the allahabad dilect - that I just can never leave out. Glad you liked. it.

Originally posted by: rehma35

hey carisma,

K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.

i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..

for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:

"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"

that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)

lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D

im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck!

Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. 😉

congo hun....nice FF,,,,👏

Originally posted by: akki-rockstar

congo hun....nice FF,,,,👏

Thanks a lot yaar. ⭐️