-Memories FF- HELP ME OUT! PG. 41!!! - Page 23

"Pratigya!? What are you doing sit in the dark alone? I thought no one was home...but-" Krishna suddenly cut off. He walked up to Pratigya who was sitting on the floor, gently rocking her body back and forth. Although she was looking straight forward, her eyes seemed to be fixed on nothing, and she was continuingly muttering "It was just a dream...it was just a dream'"

"Pratigya," Krishna said touching her shoulder, she didn't seem to notice and continued muttering, rocking herself back and forth more violently this time. Had she remembered something about the accident? He thought. He began to panic, what if she had? What was he meant to do?! It was obvious she wasn't listening to him, he could guess from this she was in some kind of state of shock. "Pratigya," he said, shaking her shoulders again, but this did nothing and she continued to be lost in some sort of trance.

"Damnit! Pratigya!" He said shaking her violently, until she turned around to look at him, not realizing if this was the most appropriate thing to do right now. She suddenly turned around to face him, and whispered "Krishna," and burst in to tears. She grabbed hold of him and sobbed in to his chest, every so often taking a deep breath and beginning to sob again. Krishna didn't know what to do, what he should say, if anything at all. He just held her tightly, caressing her back up and down. "Shhh...shhhh," was the only thing he could muster in order to comfort her.

He didn't know how long they had sat there, but her relaxed breathing gave away she must have fallen asleep. He slowly lifted her head with his hand to check if she was asleep, she was. He then carefully picked her up in his arms and led her over to the bed. He set her down and placed a blanket over top of her, he began to walk away when suddenly Pratigya grabbed his hand. "Krishna," she whispered "don't leave me." He turned around to see her holding his hand, her words ringing in his head. "Don't leave me...don't leave me." It had been so long since he had any indication that she needed him as much as he needed her. So long since she wanted him nearby and wasn't running away from him. He stood there astounded; maybe he was just imagining she had said those words.

"Krishna'" Pratigya whispered once again.

"I'm here," Krishna replied as he made his way closer to her.

"You're not leaving are you?" she asked, a slight desperation in her voice.

"No I'm right here," he replied, as he sat on the edge of the bed.

**

Pratigya awoke from her sleep as she slowly opened her eyes. She suddenly felt something move from underneath her, something heaving up and slowly coming down. She realized then that her head was on top of someone's chest, and the movement was that of steady breathing. Pratigya got up quickly and turned around to see Krishna sleeping on the bed. What was he doing here?! Her expression suddenly became that of anger, how could he take advantage like of her like that?! Sleep in the same bed as her without her permission?! Before her anger could rise anymore, the events of last night came back to her slowly, each image leaving her shaken to the core. The dream, the scar, the terrible realization of reality and a less memorable image of Krishna entering her room. She looked at Krishna once again...maybe she had accused him too early? Without knowing everything'after all judging from what she had seen of him so far, an act like that seemed completely abnormal and out of character.

Krishna began to awake, shifting around in his sleep until finally his eyes opened. His eyes met Pratigya's eyes, whose was still staring up at him. He shot up instantly, "Pratigya," he began. He tried to find the right words to explain the situation; he could tell from the way she was looking at him she was utterly confused. "You asked me to stay...I-I...otherwise I was leaving, you seemed really shaken about something," he finished. There was a dead silence that followed, what if she didn't believe him? What if she thought he was lying? As the seconds went by he slowly began to regret his decision to stay back last night.

"I know...its okay" she finally whispered.

"Oh...Pratigya, if you don't mind...b-but what was bothering you last night?" Krishna asked, the question which had nagged at his mind since last night.

"I-I'" she began. She looked over at Krishna, meeting his gaze. Should she tell him? Would he know anything about it...but what if this is something she can't trust him with? A part of her wanted to unburden herself and tell the experience to someone else, but the other part of her was worried and scared. If she did tell, knowing Krishna, he would show her to the doctor, who would give her some strict set of rules to live by. She already felt caged, and she didn't think she could handle any more restrictions and there was always the fact that if she did have all these restrictions put on her, she wouldn't be able to go around and put the pieces of her past together. This dream had nothing to do with her accident...or did it? Connection or no connection she knew that it wasn't just a dream...it had happened. She had to find out on her own what the dream meant, she needed to piece together her past.

"Pratigya?" Krishna said, snapping her out of his thoughts. There was a look of concern on his face, she realized then it wasn't in her best interest to tell him.

"I-I...I was just missing home and had this horrible dream a-about my family'" she trailed off. Krishna waited for her to continue. "It was nothing...I was just being emotional," she said as she got herself off of the bed. She began to make the bed and Krishna got off and began to help. He looked at her, but she was avoiding his gaze, brushing it off like last night never happened.

Why are you lying to me? Thought Krishna, I know your lying'you were never good at it. The way you purse your lips when you lie...what are you trying to hide? Krishna realized even if he did ask her, she wouldn't tell him, she was way too stubborn and she was usually very honest, so it must have been something she really didn't want him to know, if she had gone to the extent of lying. But what was it? Why was she doing this to him? Treating him as her own one minute and a stranger the next. Bridging the distance and then pushing him away? He quickly finished helping her make the bed and walked out of the room, looking dismayed and hurt.

"I'm sorry Krishna," Pratigya whispered to the silence after he left.

**

How would she convince Shanty aunty to let her go? The woman was already so possessive about where she is, what she does'how would she allow for her to go see a doctor, and that too outside of the home? Pratigya paced around the living room, trying to think of some way to execute her plan. She retreated to the couch, not being able to pace around anymore. There was no other option, she would just have to try her luck and sound convincing enough.

**

"Shanta aunty, are you here?" Pratigya asked as she took a step outside in the back garden.

"Yes sweetheart," Shanta aunty replied as she came out from under the bushes carrying a hand shovel. "Just doing some gardening," she said, looking at the flowers she had planted with pride. "Did you need something dear?" she asked, finally taking her eyes off of her beloved flowers.

"Yes'actually...I wasn't feeling too well," Pratigya started. "I was wondering, is there any doctor nearby? One who could just give me a check up? Maybe my shoulder wound got infected somehow and I'm starting to get sick," she explained with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Are you sure you need to see a doctor? Why don't you just sleep it off and if it gets worse, we can call Krishna from work and he will take you," Shanta aunty replied.

Pratigya realized this wouldn't be so easy, and she had to be more convincing. "I don't know Shanta aunty...I have been like this since the morning, otherwise I wouldn't have asked to see a doctor'" she said, trying to sound desperate about her condition.

Shanta aunty turned around and looked at her dead in the eyes, "I can't take you out of the house'I will call Krishna and he can take you-"

"No!" Pratigya yelled, more loudly then she had meant to. "I mean no, why all the hassle? You and I could just take a cab to the nearest doctor, I don't want to bother Krishna at work," Pratigya said lowering her voice.

Shanta aunty looked at her, her expression changing to that of concern, Pratigya realized in that moment she had her, strike while the iron is hot! "Please Shanta aunty, I mean I have become so dependent on him. I just feel like I am burdening him all the time with my trivial problems...I just" she trailed off, looking up to see Shanta aunty's expression.

"Well I mean...I guess..I guess it's harmless enough if we just run to the doctors and come back," Shanta aunty replied.

Pratigya tried to suppress her happiness at Shanta aunty giving in.

**

"Pratigya Singh," said the receptionist at the walk in clinic.

"That's me," Pratigya said standing up.

"The doctor is ready to see you now," the receptionist said.

"Okay, thank you," Pratigya said as she began to follow the nurse. Shanta aunty got up and began to follow Pratigya as well. Pratigya realized her presence behind her and turned around. "Shanta aunty, it will only take ten minutes, you just sit here and relax."

"But I-I...I don't want to leave you alone, what if something happens?" Shanta aunty said, looking worried.

"Trust me if anything was to happen, I'm at the right place to be treated," Pratigya said, assuring the old woman. "Just relax, I will be right back." Shanta aunty stared at her for a moment and sat back down, still questioning whether she should go in or not, muttering to herself. Pratigya took this chance to sneak away before the old woman decided to change her mind.

**

"Hi Mrs. Singh, I hope you haven't been waiting too long," said the doctor as she came inside of the room. "I am Doctor Fernandez'.so what is the problem?"

"Hi Doctor'well actually, it's my leg. It has been in such pain for a while now, and I was wondering if it is because of my wound or something else?" Pratigya replied.

"Okay, well how long have you had this wound for?" asked the Doctor.

Pratigya bit her lip, how long had it been there? "For a while now actually, it has been stitched up and everything'" she said, saying the only thing she could think of.

"Hmmm...well I don't think it would be the wound then'have you picked anything heavy lately? Done anything to strain your legs?" The Doctor continued asking.

"No, but actually'there was a time I was in the garden, maybe I got bit by something?" Pratigya said, trying to get the doctor back on track with her agenda.

"Maybe...do you want me to check for you?" The Doctor asked, "Only if you're comfortable."

"Yes please," Pratigya said, more quickly than she had meant to. She lifted up her sari, so the doctor could inspect. The doctor inspected her leg for a good couple of minutes.

"Well it doesn't seem like you got bit by anything, there is no marks...and your wound, as bad as it is, it has been there for a while now, so I doubt it's the cause of your pain," the Doctor explained. "It is a pretty deep cut wound..."

"Yes, it's actually a stab wound, from a while ago...some robbers were actually trying to rob our house," Pratigya said trying to make her lie sound convincing.

"That must have been a traumatic experience...yes well I would have assumed it was a stab wound as well, deep cut and everything," the Doctor said as she got up. "I don't know what seems to be the problem with your leg Pratigya, I think the only thing I would say is some sort of strain was put on them. Maybe if you just take some pain killers for now, but if the pain persists then come back."

"Okay doctor, thank you so much," Pratigya replied as she picked up her belongings and walked out with the doctor. I would have assumed it was a stab wound'I would have assumed it was a stab wound. Since this morning she had some doubts, maybe the dream and the scar weren't connected at all and it was purely a coincidence...but now she knew. It wasn't a dream...she had been stabbed by some woman! Some woman she couldn't remember'but some woman she obviously had a connection with. Why had the woman stabbed her though? How did she know this woman?! The questions began to flood Pratigya's mind'she had to find out, this wasn't something she could just ignore. Now more than ever, she really wanted the last six months of her life back'she really wanted to remember.

**

It was late in the evening and Shanta aunty had left, Krishna was in the living room on his laptop and Pratigya was in the kitchen finishing up her dinner. Krishna seemed a bit upset about something, but Pratigya couldn't figure out what. He had been acting distant from her ever since he had arrived, even eating his dinner in the living room. She figured it must have been some business matters or some type of mood he was going through. She sat there lost in her thoughts, until suddenly the lights went out and snapped her out of them.

"Krishna!" She yelled, suddenly afraid of being all alone. "Krishna!"

"Pratigya! I'm in the living room!" She heard him call in the darkness. She got up quickly from the table and made her way forward, having the sudden urge to be with him. She was never usually afraid of the dark, but maybe it had been some underlining fear caused by the dream, she just knew she didn't want to be left alone. She moved her hand forward to feel the space around her. She realized then she must have made her way out of the kitchen as the floor beneath her became warm and no longer the cold, tiled floor of the kitchen.

"Pratigya?" she heard Krishna's frantic voice, desperate to find her. She could tell by his voice that he was nearby.

"Krishna...I'm here," she said moving forward. She could hear his breathing close to her now, a wave of relief came over her, knowing she was near him.

"I am by the staircase...come there," he said to her. She slowly took a couple of steps to the left, leaving her hand outstretched in the darkness. She finally grabbed on to the stairway banister and held it.

"Okay I'm there was well," she said. She could feel his presence much closer to her know, she guessed he was by the banister at the other end. "Are you by the banister?" she asked him.

"Yes, are you?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. She heard him breathe a sigh of relief; he had wanted to know if she was safe. It was like every time he only thought of her...every time. Suddenly a thought came in to Pratigya's head, and as much as she tried to push it aside, she couldn't help it. It was like this opportunity was knocking at her door. No Pratigya...NO! Are you out of your mind? You're just going to hurt yourself and him...but what if it really helps you remember? But is this how you want to remember an experience like this...something you haven't experienced before...but maybe this is something you have experienced before and by doing this you will slowly start to remember. Her mind was split, and it was like her conscience was having a fight with itself. But she knew what she wanted to do, it was worth it...she couldn't stand not remembering anything anymore.

"Krishna...if I ask you one thing will you do it?" she said as she took a step closer to him. The room was dark, but he could outline her figure which had come in even closer proximity of him.

"You can ask me anything Pratigya," he said in to the darkness, trying to make out her face.

"You won't refuse...will you?" she asked once again, out stretching her arms in the darkness "where are you by the way? Lend me your hand."

He lifted his hand and somehow found hers, he grabbed hold on to her hand "I'm here,'" he said. He brought her closer to him; he could sense that she was facing him now and only a couple of inches away.

"You won't refuse me, right?"

"I could never refuse you, what do you want me to do?" he said in to the darkness.

"Krishna..." she began, but trailed off. He could hear her small and rapid intake of breath, her breathing indicating she was nervous. She squeezed his hand slightly.

"Yes?" he said to her.

"Will you kiss me?"

There was nothing but dead silence around them. The question left Krishna awe-struck, he felt as if his legs would give out any minute, he tightened his grip around the banister. What gotten in to her?! Why was she asking him such a question. The girl who was hesitant to even let him touch her wounds a couple of days ago...was now asking him to...to...to do something so intimate.

He straightened himself up and realized how much closer Pratigya had gotten to him, as his nose brushed hers when he straightened himself up. "Pra-Pratigya," he said, not exactly knowing what to say. He was about to step back when he felt the touch of her soft hand upon his face.

"Please," she whispered "I want you to."

It was as if someone had begun playing hour glass with Krishna's world, the tides suddenly began shifting the other way'when he had just started getting used to the current situation. I want you to...I want you to. Was she suddenly developing feelings for him? Were the old ones coming back?!

"You want me to?" he asked, making sure he wasn't inventing her words in his own minds.

"Yes," she whispered, she moved closer to him until there was barely any distance between them, her thighs touching his. He suddenly couldn't resist and moved his hands to cup her face, it had been so long since he had kissed her...since he was in any way intimate with her. He angled his face and moved it closer to her, until their noses touched. He moved in even closer, until he heard her gulp. That small sound gave it all away, the sound of hesitation, nervousness and doubt. This was some kind of forced interaction..how could he have been so stupid? It hit him like a ton of bricks; this wasn't his loving wife asking him for a kiss...but a desperate woman who had lost all her memory. She didn't want him, she wanted to get her memory back. He let go of her face instantly.

How could I have been such a fool, got so caught up in the moment? That I actually believed...actually believed, in an instant Pratigya's attitude would change towards me. She always kept a distance ever since the accident, so why all this affection and why now?! She just wanted to remember and nothing else. She was far too stubborn and not at all fickle hearted to all of a sudden begin to have feelings for him'how could I out of all people forget that?!

Suddenly the lights turned on, snapping Krishna out of his thoughts, he looked up to look at Pratigya, who quickly lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry'I can't" he said as he quickly brushed past her and walked out the front door. He just needed to breathe for a moment, the air had suddenly become thick and suffocating.

Pratigya heard the front door slam shut as Krishna left, she fell to the floor, feeling like an idiot, angry at herself for ever attempting something like that, and above that embarrassed by her action.

**

Pratigya tried to make herself go to sleep, but her mind was restless and she couldn't find solace in anything. She lay there on the bed, her head still trying to grasp what had just happened. Suddenly she heard the front door open'was it Krishna coming back?! She realized, he must have been gone for at least two hours, but her mind was so caught up in her thoughts she hadn't noticed.

She heard his steps coming up the stairs, and suddenly become louder'was he coming towards her bedroom? She got up in her bed to see his figure outlined in the doorway. "Krishna?"

"Hey Pratigya," he said muttered as he stumbled towards her bed. He came towards the bed, suddenly collapsing on the bed. Then the smell of alcohol came to meet Pratigya's nose. Was he drunk?!

"Krishna," she said shaking his shoulder. He suddenly got up, the moonlight hitting his face. His face wore the expression of defeat, of anger and of deep pain.

"You're so beautiful," he said, extending his hand and gently touching the side of her face. "Yet I can't even tell you'I can't even tell you'that every time I am around you, my heart skips a beat. Every time I see you, I want to hold you in my embrace, bec-because I don't want to lose you again." His eyes began to brim with tears.

Pratigya felt such sympathy for him in that moment, she couldn't help it, she quickly wiped away the tear that came rolling down his face. "So beautiful," he said as he took her hand and kissed it. She took her hand away instantly, but he edged closer to her. "I love you'I ju-just'I just want you back," he said as he caressed the side of her face.

He suddenly brought his face closer to Pratigya's face and kissed her forehead. His touch sent a shiver down her spine, she sat there, paralyzed. She suddenly felt his nose trace down her cheek and neck. She wasn't able to move, she just sat there motionless. She felt his hot breath on her neck, shaking her insides, making her stomach do flip flops. He kissed her neck, and it was like her body became inflamed, her insides seeming to rise in temperature. He suddenly stopped, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry," he muttered, as he passed out on the bed again. Pratigya just sat there, not from the shock of the experience, but the memories that it began to conjure up.