'Jab Raat Zyaada Kaali Lage...'

- What a way to start off the dinner...Saachi and Aadu are being scrutinized for every tiny thing, and DV is trying to deflect the barbs that Suparna keeps sending towards the "downmarket, little people" who have made an unwelcome invasion into the polished, posh world that the Goels inhabit. Neena is the only one who doesn't look at Saachi like she's a specimen on a microscope slide...and I like how DV's reactions and attempts to make Aadu (and by extension, Saachi) feel more at ease are shown as well. And those little gestures of support from Saachi to Aadu are very sweet!

- Aaji/Naani: LOL, these two! Much-needed lightness in between the drama occurring in Mumbai! "Ladaku Devi..." "Ladaku Devi? Saachi ki baat kar rahi hai tu?" "Oho, Saachi ki baat kyun karoongi! Main toh uss rakshasni ki baat kar rahi hoon, Prachi-waali!" "Yeh rakshasni kaun hai?" Haha! I totally thought Naani was talking about Prachi...But the entire Agarwal/Agrawal (forgot how they spell it in the show) family, plus Prachi, is a family of demons..."Mere ghar ka chiraag" etc, etc...Nothing has changed there. And Prachi? For every time she says one good thing about her maayka, there are a thousand irritating things to follow. I'm so fed up with the selfishness that shows no limit, especially in the upcoming episodes.

- The conversation between Neena and Saachi: Both actresses were wonderful in this scene! To me, Neena comes across as an essentially kind, caring woman who simply wants her family to live in peace and happiness...That "pyaar ka guldasta" phrase is a lovely one - I wonder how things were before DV went off to Panchgani, in terms of family dynamics. Yes, there's a competitive relationship (probably mostly from Anvay's side) between Anvay and DV. Yes, there's no mention of that third brother (and what about that sister among the "char bhai-behen"?) and obviously Yash Goel likes to draw lines between family relationships and business ones whenever he can manage to...Families are hardly ever perfect, and there's a lot that goes on behind closed doors that outsiders, or even close friends, may never catch a hint of...Neena Goel has probably been the sole force holding that family together...with many sacrifices of her own to provide that support.

- When Neena mentions "tez hawaa ka jhonka", Saachi catches onto the phrase and soon afterward, Neena clarifies with that contrast between "tez hawaa ka jhonka" and "thandi hawaa." Neena points out that Saachi has all those qualities that Neena had hoped for in a daughter-in-law...but it is a cruel hand that fate has dealt in this game...Neena has the foresight to point out the worst-case scenarios that, based on what we know of the Goels' personalities so far, would very likely play out exactly like Neena describes. If Yash, Anvay, and Suparna are incapable of bending and changing their mentalities, then Saachi would unwittingly be like a thorn in their sides no matter what, no matter how kind and compassionate she is. For a family that anticipates profit/loss in both professional and personal relationships, Neena is laying out the profit/loss scheme here - and unfortunately, at the moment, it seems like the list of losses outweighs the profits.

- "Tum aandhi aur toofan ki tarah aaogi..." This is the lead up to the breaking point for Saachi. Prior to this, we could see her processing Neena's words, the concern manifesting itself in her eyes, in the lines on her forehead, in the contracting muscles of her neck...Now she looks up and truly realizes what Neena Goel is predicting, what she is asking...It is true that DV would try to shield Saachi and the Prabhus from discomfort and try to stand up for Saachi and help her at every step...He has already displayed that behavior during the dinner and it will continue throughout the rest of the evening...He is the sort of man who would do that for his loved ones, and Saachi is probably the only woman he loves deeply enough to forsake high-class etiquette and norms for...His true personality shines when he's with Saachi...and I bet Neena has seen and nurtured this side of DV's far more than the other Goels. Saachi is an orphan, so she places immense value in relationships, especially those between parents and their children. Her family has always been her strength and her weakness...but she has always tried to cultivate those relationships to the very best of her ability, no matter what. Neena's plea pierces Saachi's heart in a way that nothing else has - because Saachi knows she cannot pull DV away from his family and turn him into an "orphan" simply because she loves him. He would quite likely either strive to clear the thorns from Saachi's path in his world, or he would leave his world to be a part of hers...And she doesn't want him to become estranged from his family...in a way, the pain of having to live with barriers between family members is just as difficult, if not more, as living with the memories of loved ones who no longer remain.

- DV is completely bewildered at this unexpected turn of events. He tries to talk to Saachi, but she isn't meeting anyone's eyes now, except for the occasional sharp glance at Yash Goel...Suparna and her "SaachiJI" taunt makes me cringe...I do feel like Suparna would have left no stone unturned to make Saachi's life a living hell if the marriage had indeed gone through. Horrible. Ah, a few things I do like about this part: Saachi answering Neena's concerned expression with a tiny smile - I interpreted this as "I did what you asked...and I'll take your leave now" - and then DV standing up along with Saachi and Aadu...Also, I love Neena's reactions to Anvay's congratulatory words to Yash about the successful deal that Yash didn't even have a hand in. She looks like she's unhappy, tolerating her family's words but disapproving and fatigued by it all...

- Outside, Saachi tries to pull herself together, but not before Aadu sees a tear escape from his tai's eye. She always does this - she always tries to put on that mask of tranquility and strength for her family, so that they won't worry about her...But Aadu can see through it now. Saachi's resolve starts to dwindle as she talks to Naani. Her voice begins to crack, as does her facade of strength. The irony about the nek doesn't hit her anywhere near as hard as the mere mention of DV's name does - and it is heartbreaking to see Saachi's face start to crumple.

- "Simple transaction tha, DV." "Main aapko jaanta hoon." Saachi's exasperated expression as DV says this, as he continues to ask her if she was pressurized into doing this...She knows that DV won't give up on her even now (and his intuition is absolutely correct, he DOES know his Saachi; the only problem is that he will only know one side of the story for quite a while...) so she goes back to the only tactic she can use to push him away..."Ab inn aankhon mein kisi aur sapne ki jagah hi nahi bachi..." DV refuses to believe that she could feel this way...He's speechless, and I think this faith of his hurts Saachi even more. She may have a check in her purse, but she has lost this love, she has sold her right to dream of a blissful life with the man she loves...There's this split-second after she says, "Par dekho..." I paused the video randomly and the screen froze on a frame that very clearly shows the pain in Saachi's eyes. It's hurting her to say all this, it's hurting her to see DV's reactions to all this...She tries to paint herself black in his eyes, and then as soon as she steps into the car, her face is blank. Emptiness starts to settle in...

- In a sort of mirrored reaction to the time Saachi sank to the floor in the restaurant stairwell, DV falls to his knees in front of the restaurant after Saachi leaves him there, confused and shocked. Sangita excelled in that scene, and Ruslaan elicits the same feelings in this one. DV simply cannot believe that Saachi could ever do such a thing...He keeps repeating those questions because he can't for the life of him come up with any sort of reason. And if I were in his place, I'd feel the same way, too. It's so sad that he only knows half of the circumstances, even less, actually, that prompted Saachi to take such a step.

- But that is nothing compared to the painful shock of the bitterness that is unleashed after Neena tries to console her son, saying that this all happened for the better...Every sentence that comes out of DV's mouth is filled with caustic hurt. Piercing dialogues and fabulous delivery by Ruslaan...Definitely made me cringe to see how bitter DV is...He loved (and still loves!) Saachi so much that now, his faith in love has vanished, his confidence has plummeted, he can't trust his own judgement, and he feels worthless..."Mere liye toh ek-ek saans lena...pointless hai..." God, this breaks my heart every time I hear it! Interestingly, he mentions in passing that Saachi was his "galti" but then he immediately links that with his own punishment, and then goes on to focus more on the fact that he is worth 25 crores...His self-esteem has taken such a severe beating, his emotions are flying out of control, and they're only just starting to take a toll on his thought processes...We get a sense that whatever is happening inside DV's head now...it's not going to end well if he remains like this...Neena's frightened, "Stop it!" and her use of the words "bachpana" and "immature" just made me think of what Saachi used to say when she was starting to get to know DV...Those words seem to have struck a nerve in DV again now, and he is in no frame of mind to do anything other than retaliate angrily...Neena's words about heartbreak and love, as well as her musing, "Shayad hum usse kho chuke hai..." are making me feel so bad that she is having to see her son like this...She is the one who wanted to keep her entire family happy, but now she's possibly starting to see that Saachi has left a very deep mark on DV...Suparna and the rest may hope to bring DV back to a state where he can rebound, but they have no clue how tough that's going to be.

- The Aaji/Naani/Saachi scene reminded me of the first few episodes of the show...Saachi is back to putting everything she's got into her work, as a distraction from her recent heartbreak. She's also back to saying that she's happy because Farm Best is doing well...There is happiness in her life. And once again, Aaji points out that this is not happiness...but Saachi quietly replies that for now, the farm is everything to her...Reading between the lines a bit...it's the only dream she has left, the only one within her reach...And that just makes me so sad...

- The last scene. I hadn't been expecting anything like this when I was first watching the episode...but thank god for this scene and the ones in later episodes! So many things I love about this daydream! (I am ignoring the ending for obvious reasons) The music fit very well with the nuances...Speaking of which, I might as well go through the nuances I love! The way Saachi strokes DV's cheek not once, but twice, most likely tickling him a little bit the second time...DV's agitated expressions as he bats her hand away, opens his eyes with a frown, and then freezes as he realizes who is in front of him...The characteristic, sweet little head tilt and smile of Saachi's as she looks at DV in greeting before simply telling him "Utho!" I find it so cute that she tells him to get up, without preamble, but all DV can get out of his mouth is, "Aap?" because he can't believe his eyes. Awww, DV...I have taken to calling this the "Hmm scene" because Ruslaan-Sangita basically converse using variations of "Hmm" and "Mhmm" and their expressions do most of the actual talking, as is the case with all of their silent conversation scenes! So adorable. The first time I saw this interaction between DV-Saachi, I instantly thought, "This is probably how DV and Saachi would be if they do get married..." DV holds up a hand, Saachi gives him a knowing look, gets up, and literally moves a few feet away before telling him to get up himself. Her attitude is so cute, too, haha. DV doesn't give up - he holds out his hand again, makes an adorable scrunched-up, pleading, "Please?" face, and Saachi's responding "You...come here!" hand gesture and "Hmm!" make me grin every time. Too cute how Saachi stands there laughing at him, and then he has an idea for a second try...he holds out both arms for a hug, and Saachi gives him that look again..."I'm not coming over there..." DV requests her with a "Hmm" of his own, and I love how Saachi smiles just a tiny bit before strengthening her resolve again and turning away,and then she lets a hidden smile come into her eyes. LOL at DV's third try, resorting to taking hold of Saachi's dupatta and tugging on it! Tug-tug-pull...and a shocked Saachi is pulled off-balance and ends up falling onto the sofa...Gah, their smiles...Absolutely adore both Ruslaan and Sangita's smiles in this part of the scene! So sweet! Seeing that trademark grin of DV's and Saachi's bright-eyed smile always makes me so happy! And I have to say that the adorable yet sweetly intense turn that this scene took towards the end surprised me completely! And what a pleasant little surprise it was...eye contact, smiles, tactility, uninhibited spontaneous quality, and all.

- The bestest friend returns and gives everyone a nasty shock in the process...*exasperated sigh* Chalo, anyway, moving on...One good thing is that DV is in no mood to put up with Ankita's cutesy comments or her company in general. One bad thing is that DV is drinking more and more now - at home, at the club - and this episode is just the beginning of that downward spiral.

- Saachi and DV's balcony: Aww, Saachi. Aadu is right...How long will you be able to try and run away from your memories? It's been a day or maybe two since Saachi left Mumbai, and she can't walk across the driveway without her eyes wandering up to DV's balcony...*sigh* Poor thing! I always feel like Saachi lightens up just a tiny bit when she sets her eyes on the balcony...Obviously the pain of reality sets in very quickly and then she silently mocks herself for imagining DV there...but Dils has seen all this and she knows exactly why Saachi stopped for a moment. Dils also knows that Saachi is doing what she does best - she's pulling away, closing up, running away, in silence...But how long will she run from it all?

- "Saachiji-waale phase" - This is all it is, from the Goels' vantage point...With the exception of Neena, that is. This is just another one of DV's many girlfriends...a phase...one that he can come out of, given time. Sticking Ankita into the cage as a stimulus to get DV to respond and become "normal" again is what Suparna and Neena are hoping for...Neena has her doubts about the whole thing, but it's funny that just when she's expressing her concerns about DV's health deteriorating, DV comes out. Hah, they're all so relieved and happy at this "positive sign" but DV is going to come back in a much worse state.

- The "pyaar vs. zidd" returns again! Not an explicitly stated contrast, of course, but the repeated use of the word "zidd" brought that earlier DV-Saachi conversation to mind. The Goels think that DV is being stubborn, since he is prone to doing so. But they don't know how much DV has changed. They don't know how serious these changes are...and they certainly don't know that this is a "zidd" brought on by "pyaar." Love is at the root of DV's behavior. As unhealthy and alarming as it is, DV's descent on that downward spiral is because he is experiencing such a massive loss, perhaps for the first time. This is the first time he has loved...truly, deeply, loved...and the loss is something he probably never imagined he would have to deal with.

- At the club, DV is free to gulp down (and basically drown) in alcohol, unfortunately...He drinks 7 of those orange things, at least! Yikes. Although I do wish we could've seen the old Vishwaas make a reappearance, as long as the character is here to make a positive contribution to DV's crazy life, I'm good. He's one friend of DV's who actually has seen how besotted DV was, that too, long before DV actually admitted that his feelings toward Saachi were those of love. Vishwaas also doesn't want to tear the couple apart, thankfully. I hope it stays that way! There are more than enough negative forces trying to pull the two apart already. Vishwaas's taunt to Ankita about "faide/nuksaan" intrigues me...Does he know that Ankita is primarily interested in DV's money, or is he just a very good judge of character? Either way, awesome comment. It riled Ankie up, and for that I was glad because she was starting with the chipku behavior...Ah, and I am also glad to say that DV's intoxicated state still gives him the ability to realize that Ankita is trying to be clingy. He keeps pushing her away. That's a relief! It's actually rather hilarious to see how DV's face instantly falls when Tum Hi Ho starts playing after that Main Sharaabi song ends...Instantly. He knows that a romantic song will bring images of one woman to the forefront of his mind...Lo and behold, memories come flooding back. Neat little connection between Ankita trying to lace her fingers through DV's - and DV's memory of Saachi doing the same thing, with much greater effect...

- Surprise! It's DV! These daydreams are still my lifeline as I'm going through these recent episodes again...*sigh* Every little DV-Saachi scene, where we get to see Ruslaan-Sangita in the same fame, lifts my spirits immensely during this rather gloomy phase. I love how Saachi is hard at work, still in the office at night, when she imagines DV there. He would totally just close her laptop and tell her to come home, wouldn't he? Aww. Saachi turns to face him, and a barely perceptible smile slowly lightens up her features as she takes in DV's appearance. He's gazing at her with that look again..."Aap jaanti hai kya." "Kaam ke alaava jo kaam hai, woh sab toh tumhaare saath kar lete hai, na, DV...? Par maine toh tumhe hi apne zindagi se nikaal diya..." There's such innocence laced with pain and heartbroken yearning in the way Sangita delivers these lines, especially the "Phir bhi tum kyun nahi jaate? Kyun nahi jaate, DV...?" Ruslaan's answering gaze, as he gently wipes away her tears, is filled with that characteristic tenderness and compassion DV has displayed so many times before, in dreams and reality...It is so beautiful to see Saachi's pangs of longing coming to the fore in this way. She has her farm and her family, everything is as it was before...but there is one crucial difference...She is not the same woman anymore. She has been touched by love, and even though she let that love go, it isn't leaving her. It never will. Saachi knows all too well that she was the one who pushed DV out of her own life...it doesn't lessen the pain. She loves DV, longs for his support and his smiles, but she can only see him in her dreams now...She would be better off without constant reminders of him, perhaps...But she can't live without those memories, either. Yet again, both actors do such a lovely job bringing these emotions out with their silences and nonverbal interactions. There is poignancy of a different sort in each and every one of these daydreams...

- Meanwhile, DV is still drinking his sadness away, out of a bottle this time...Watching Ruslaan enact a pathetically drunk DV makes me smile a bit when he says things like, "Gaadi mein stock hai!" or when he sings...But then I start frowning almost immediately when I realize that this is not good for the character...This is not a healthy way to deal with problems. If he's trying to block out all memories and images of Saachi from his mind, it's not working very well. It just seems to be blurring the lines..."Sweet toh aap ho...Saachiji...Sweet...Cute...Pyaari..." And my heart swells and bursts when he says this. Every time, without fail. *sigh* He's seeing Saachi again...and he's using that word to describe her: pyaari. Way back in Episode 25 (Sept 26th, 2013), DV called her pyaari when she began laughing at something he said...There was a shift in tone after that...as well as a slight shift in their relationship...All in all, that is an important word. And he used it again. Just like Saachi is trying and failing to escape from DV's memories by immersing herself in work, similarly, DV is trying and failing to escape from Saachi's memories by immersing himself in alcohol. Oh, these two are going to be the death of me. (I've got the "pyaari" moment as my avi, actually...*sigh*)

- In Panchgani, Saachi's alarm goes off...She is already awake, staring up at the ceiling, motionless. She reaches up to stop the beeping noise, then lets her arm drop as she sighs, remaining in bed for a few more moments before pulling herself up and out from beneath the covers. Quite a few contrasting situations came to mind as I watched this scene. One: Saachi's morning routine before DV stepped into her life, back when she was the content, enthusiastically hard-working, responsible businesswoman and primary earner of her family. Two: Saachi's morning routine after falling in love with DV, accepting it, and confessing it...The morning after DV's proposal is one such scenario that I have no trouble remembering because it was such a sweet, light change in Saachi's life. Three: Saachi's monologue...the one in which she said, "Raaton ko soti hoon ki...sapne mein tumhe dekhoongi...Neend se jaagti hoon issliye kyunki tumse miloongi..." I just rewatched that monologue after writing this, and I really can't wait for this dark phase to end because they deserve to be happy...I don't mind these problems as long as they make Saachi and DV stronger in the long run...It remains to be seen just how that happens...Saachi is slowly but surely trying her best to keep moving forward, out of necessity, because she still has a family to take care of...But she doesn't seem to have that same energy or enthusiasm anymore...At least she is trying.

- DV, on the other hand, is up and drinking...A very painful thing to see, even more so now that I've just remembered how he told Aaji-Naani that he doesn't drink much, except on New Year's. That has gone for a toss. DV is irritable and volatile now, but if there's one thing that hasn't changed, it is his reaction to anyone who dares to say a word against Saachi. All Ankita can manage to get out of her mouth is, "Uss cheap ladki ke liye -" and DV angrily pushes her arm aside and hisses at her. "Shut up, Ankita! Maine abhi tak itni bhi nahi pee hai ki tum kuch bhi bakwaas karo!" And then Ankita brings up the "pyaar nahi, zidd hai" thing again, which earns her an annoyed, "Jo bhi hai, MERI hai." Every time DV tries to justify his actions and condition with "Maine pyaar kiya hai...Nibhaa raha hoon..." I feel so bad for him. There's no logic in this, but it makes sense to him. What will it take to lift him out of this abyss? Is the complete truth, along with Saachi's presence, the only thing that will be able to do that? "Ankie, tum dost ho, dost ki tarah behave karo. WIFE ki tarah behave mat karo! And please DON'T think ki tum Saachiji ki jagah le logi."

- Aaji/Naani and their dose of lightness! Aaah, unexpected source of smiles, even as they're lamenting the odd start to the year. Aaji is too cute, with her "Khushkhabri Prachi ne di...Dukh ki khabar Saachi se aa gayi...Aur upar se yeh thand!" LOL! So true, that is all very strange! God bless Naani, for what she says in response. A word of hope for the audience, methinks, too: "Mausam aur waqt badalne mein der nahi lagti bilkul bhi...Dhoop bhi laut aani hai...aur Saachi ki hansi bhi..."