Take 5 - Vande Maa (Mommy) Taram

Page

Next Last

-Jamba-

@-Jamba-

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

After being on RangRasiya Weight Watchers diet for the past week due to kaam ka bojh (no watching - WU's only ), Imma told aaj ka episode be snark maiiya ka bharpoor aashirwaad.

And when Maiiya offers - where else would I be, but standing there with arms wide open to receive giphats. 😃

Aaj ka Take 5 - posted from...just a little bit to this side of the baarder. Tough luck - kakaji-sa. So near, and yet so far!! Oh, and Recap wala bitwa - shurukiya for ab tak ka story. Otherwise - I still be plodding along when Paro bitiya is jury-rigging sewing machines for mami-sa to julienne chop zucchini and tamatar for Beerpuri pushta.

1. You Dog - you! 😡

Dharamendra-sa is watching, and convulsing with laughter.

Bitiya has very conveniently faintiya'd, and Bitwa is getting his BSD ass walloped from baarder to Sunday school and back, using the lamba raasta.

Lots and lots and LOTS of lovingly shot scenes and closeups in glorious technicolor- and I'm watching with 1.5 eyes closed, and the rest of me cringing violently at the sight of freely flowing Bloody Martini.

One guy gets busy carving intricate rangoli patterns on bitwa's back with a dagger, while another uses Rajasthani baseball bat to make mashed potatoes out of his bones.

All you ladkis who wanted Take 5 for aaj ka esspecific episode - I'm sure it collectively slipped your memory that I DON'T DO WELL AT THE SIGHT OF RAQTH...AND I have a memory like an elephant.

SO BE AFRAID. BE BHERRY AFRAID.😡

Special mention - despite the ass-whooping and ground dragging, his gloriously lush mane still manages to remain blow dried and styled and stylishly ruffled in the gentle desert breeze. And yes - I'm desperately trying to keep my eyes off the ketchup. So baal chalega. Stubble bhi chalega. Heck - Rip Van Freaking Winkle beard bhi chalega.

Just turn off the raqth wala garden hose?

2. Mozzarella, American or Swiss?

Cheese Overload - enough to cause serious cholesterol issues.

Bitiya is still faintiya'd, and Bitwa is down for the count, while sarhad paar ruffians - instead of taking the opportunity to get their butts across the border to safety lickety split - decide to stop for a little personal grooming. Or specifically - joota paalish using national flag.

And this is the group that has managed to run a successful smuggling ring? They couldn't run a hot chocolate stand at the North Pole to save their lives. 😕

Poor Thakur Barney-Sa. I feel for him, surrounded by incompetents.

3. Choo-ke dekho.

No, idiots. That wasn't from a coy maiden flirting with her fiance-sa. This be bitwa's full throated lalkaar to kaka-sa and Co, currently advancing for shoe polish. But first...

...Bitiya continues to be faintiya'd (Director: W*F? 😲 Sanaya - wake up! No catnapping during the shoot!) while the desi avatar of President George W. Bring-It-On Bush stands tall at the border gate - holding onto tirangaa.

Methinks he was leaning on it for support, but hey - whatever floats your boat. I'm not here to break palpitating teenage hearts with pesky details. 😉

Don't mistakiya our silence for weakness - he booms. If we cross the border - we'll do a better job of garbage clean-up than Singaporean janitors on a public street. (Satyanash - this is what our much lauded Armed Forces have been reduced to? Subcontinental hypoallergenic vaccuum cleaners😕)

Bitwa - word of advice. You sound much more believable and genuine when you don't have to recite these cheesy dialogs at the top of your voice. There's a telltale squeak at the end of each sentence that tells me that you're cringing inside, and mentally fantasizing about beating up dialog writers with the same Rajasthani baseball bat. You do much better with laid back sarcasm as opposed to jingoism. 👍🏼

To the hauntingly melodious strains of Vande Maataram sung by the evergreen Lata Mangeshkar - bitwa indulges in a little (okay, a LOT) payback violence.

By now - both eyes are completely closed like Gandhiji's monkey , so I honestly can't speak to excess, or lack thereof. All I'm trying to do is focus on her voice. But the sudden aaa from bitwa jerks them open again - did something happen?

Nope - its just dear old bitwa-sa using kaka-sa for a gun rack. Bye-bye kaka-sa. We hardly knew ye..

4. Cargo in tow - away I go.

Husband-Sa wants border-paar passage, bilkul phree. Or bitiya will cop a bullet to her STILL Sleeping noggin. (By now - the director is getting worried and has sent someone out for smelling salts...Sanaya - wake up dammit!)

And with that ONE dialogue - temporary-husbandsa has broken the hearts of so many hopeful viewers - who wanted him to be the gen-u-ine article. Sorry bitiyas.

Unfortunately for him, Bitwa has had enough of the chatty Banna-Sa and plugs a hole right in the middle of his forehead - PRECISELY at the moment that bitiya finally wakes up from her beauty sleep. She sees him sinking to the ground ever so gracefully 👏 - and wraps up this will-it-never-end episode with the patented NAHIIIN...

5. Precap.

Bitwa is getting reamed out by a bereaved mother, and is indulging in a spot of self-pity, while bitiya makes sure she is perfectly lined up on the other side of the same mirror (a little to the left, no right, no left - perfect!) for her own bout of "dammit-why-didn't-I-wake-up-earlier" weeping.

They tried, bitiya - they all tried. But you were apparently sleeping off a powerful hangover after last night's shaadi. 😕

Anyway.

CV-sa - I hope you've FINALLY gotten all the raqth out of your system after today - and will settle down to telling a story. Hopefully the kind that doesn't involve enough bloodshed to make Kill Bill look like Sound of Music.

was pleasantly impressed at the end of the first week - but will pause and take stock after today. If your inspiration for bitwa be Uma-sa Thurman-sa, then you and I dont see aankh to aankh.

But deep inside, I still believe that you'll come racing to the airport to stop me and say "Mat-jaiiye...baat aapki hai isliya farak padta hai".

Will ya? 😉 😛 😉

Edited by -Jamba- - 11 years ago

Quote

Frequent Posters

savvy05

@savvy05

Rocker

Posted: 11 years ago

We have a MU, size of reth between Paro and Rudra.😡 The only person who knows what happened in the last few minutes leading upto the firing is the last person on earth Paro will listen to. Such a vortex these two are in, their lives intertwined forever.

Props to Ashish for completely immersing himself in the "Rudra"thandav in spite of a completely 80's inspired fight scene down to the hapless abla mard Aman looking on helplessly!!😈😈

Some notable points (completely ignoring the Raqth overload😕)

- Rudra's Garnier/Pantene zulfein, how does he manage to keep it so frizz free in spite of the humidity and the arid climate.. koi humein raaz bathaeiya!!.

- Each one of Varun-sa's side bad boys dutifully waiting their chance to go Mano el Mano against a badly injured Rudra

- Completely aware that they will be outnumbered, Rudra leads his team in an encounter like situation with only a handful of men😲

A note to editor and director-sa, please to use the editing table liberally to cut oft repeated scenes. There was a 40-50 sec shot of Rudra wobbling back to the flag post. It seriously affects the narrative when scenes are unnecessarily stretched, makes us reach for the FF button. 😡

Raqth needs to be greatly reduced.. I really hope this oft repeated crib becomes a moot point soon as the story moves past the aftermath.

Edited by savvy05 - 11 years ago

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

DrShuenmial

@DrShuenmial

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

Good Evening welcome this is Shoomie and you are watching SSN:

Tonight we decided to interview the same viewer who amazed us with her splendid insight yesterday
Welcome to SSN once again so what do you think of today's RR

Thank you for having me again. Todays episode is saare soap duniya se accha Rakth Reth hamara!

Oh kaay! Would you be kind enough to elaborate

You thought I would say, why on earth would the commander of BSD operation freezes in the middle of a shoot out for a starefest thus jeopardising the whole mission? Sorry I wont kyunki... Vandemataram that too Lataji's!

You thought I would say, why on earth the terrorists suddenly go on gun sanyas and start slicing and dicing, good old laath maaring sorry I wont kyonki...
Vandataram that too Lataji's

You thought I would say, why on earth would terrorists go on an insultathon about desh bakth Fauji's desh when he is down cold instead of taking the moolah and go "sarahad par" sorry I wont kyonki... Vandemataram that too Lataji's

You thought I would say, why would a desh bakhthi rag rag mein daudne wale fauji would wake up from the ashes and channels in yesteryear's Bollywood ki Bharatma ka beta and South ke Super Star and go on a verbal assault followed by bloody maar peeth instead of say using the guns laying around or use the walkie talkie to call for back up sorry I wont kyonki...
Vandemataram that too Lataji's

You thought I would say, why on earth a trained major, sorrounded by terrorists stops every thing and stands still to salute the tiranga sorry I wont kyonki...
Vandemataram that too Lataji 's

You thought I would say, why on earth of the platoon of terrorists standing in a circle with what seemed like assault rifles in hand not one thought of using the rifle instead of just staring at Fauji while he is offering bhashan/chetawani/ cleaning services to "sarahad par" wale sorry I wont kyonki...
Vandemataram that too Lataji's

You thought I would say, why on earth the groom waited till he reaches close to point blank range to bitwa to take out the gun stashed in dulhan ki doli instead of when the fauji was busy in saluting Thiranga sorry I wont kyonki...
Vandemataram that too Lataji 's

Finally if you thought I would say why on earth village belle channels in Aurora ( you know the sleeping sundari from saath samundar paar) at the most crucial time sorry I wont kyonki... GOTCHA !! You thought I would say vandemataram right? nope this be soapland's oxygen AKA MU so it'll be Rafi Da's "baharon phool maafi goli barsao mera MU aaya"

Thats all folks! Shoomie signing off!
Disclaimer: plain and simple snark, no hidden agendas, no allegiance to actors/actresses/PH/characters! Just nirmal anand of snark!!

Edited by DrShuenmial - 11 years ago

Quote

Vistaa

@Vistaa

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

Roomal

Edit:

Have you ever heard the sound of heart breaking? It is deafening...I should know, mine did today. 💔😭

Ha ha, that got your attention, right? No really, I swear on DM...maanfi, Bholenaath, that it broke into all of the nineteen hundred eighty two pieces that I counted on the floor. The culprit? Arrey vahi, apne Banne Sa...Prince Charming...Knight in Shining Cutpiece and Vibgyor Pagdi...yes yes, the very one. While we were busy oohing and aahing at his pitch perfect proposition to Paro, he was busy hiding the black heart, showing only his pearly whites. Turns out he was very much a part of the whole guns-for-gal scheme, the rotten scoundrel he.😡

But worry not😃 At the risk of sounding heartless (a regrettable, but necessary outcome of the organ shattering outlined above)😛, Banna Sa has served his purpose. He was there for a reason...to provide a glimpse of happily ever after to Paro, one that she would remain faithful to, and he has done that quite ably, thank you very much. It now falls on Paro to make a shrine of his memory, worship at its altar for a long time to come...much to the consternation of Rudr Sa...in the process changing his outlook on women.

So the stage is set: Varun Sa is out of the picture, all the other baraatis are dead, and our dear Paro is the only witness (or POW depending on your perspective) left for Rudr to play Castle with. I say, let the games begin.😊

P.S.: In the light of today's events, and the makers promise that all except Paro are grey, I am thinking Thakurain Sa may nbot be as innocently maternal as she looks, might really be Rudr Sa's long, lost-by-design Mama Sa!

P.P.S.: I was forced to skip dinner tonight...the Violence with a capital V ke side effects.🤢

Edited by Vistaa - 11 years ago

Quote

DrShuenmial

@DrShuenmial

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

Saheliyon duty calls, will catch up in an hour or two.
Keeping up the theme of the day... Vandemataram, Vandemataram!
God Bless America!!

Quote

hain

@hain

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

Border, where all it takes is one small door with one small kundi to go through, is where the story starts today. While Sohni Mahiwal look on lost in each other's eyes, Big Brother..err Kaka-sa did Salaakhen wala Ghatak hamla. The Hero, bechara gunaah ka mara, hua ghayal.

Tum humein humaari manzil manzil se roko ge Sunny boy? Asked Kaka-sa, "your country's paap ki duniya is with us. No vardi can stop us from going samundar..err sarhad paar. We will leave saveray wali gaadi, I mean unth gaadi se. Jaao mere joshilaay jawan, go get that flag."

Ghayal, I might be but veerta is my naam, yodha is my kaam and Kroadh is my hatiyaar. You all stand there looking at me, forgetting about your guns while I single handedly rain qahar on you all. Khuda Kasam, oh sorry wrong God but you get the meaning right, right yaaa wrong, ab rok sako to rok lo. Jo Bole So Nihaal! Sasriyakaal!

Playing Maa tujhhe salaam in the background, lakeer in the sand is drawn and the khel begins. The only rule being, one fox at a time in the game, no ganging up against our Punjab gold.

Oh Kaka-sa, the entire kaafila is dead? Will you not come and play with this yamla pagla deewana? No? Then let me show you the special trick, I the Indian know. I give you my kasam that you will not fall when I kill you, you will stay hanging/standing on the gun for ever and ever and ever.

When all is done and dusted, banna-sa come asking "Insaniyat ke naate, let me and my bindani pass". Like dude really?

"No, then I will use her as my shield and make you majboor." Like dude why? You want to kill her, be my guest, what is she to me?

But but, as Rudra goes Dishkiyaaoon, Paro opens her Nigahen and the new jaal is set.

Finally that all the Gadar is done for, let the Ek prem katha start, kyoinki fangirls are betaab 😳

Edited by hain - 11 years ago

Quote

howcome

@howcome

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

oh... hud dabang dabang dabang dabang...😎 chashma ulta pleejh!

Ashish Bitwa👏

He lived upto the character quite well! Apart from Ashish, i think the PH needs to also get a semi-👏 for dedicating one entire TRP generating episode to just fighting.

BUT

These were my BIGGEST gripes with the episode...

1. Why was there no ketchup on the mustard color sherwani guy😲(one of the friends of Varun jiju). Was so disappointed to see his nicely starched ironed bright colored sherwani stay the same... cheap PH!

2. Why was there no competition to the Head and Shoulders ad... why have a takla kaaka and an oily hair Varun jiju... Nahi chalegi, nahi chalegi ...Monopoly of a brand, nahi chalegi!👎🏼

3. Why did they show Rudra having memory issues...he forgot he had a pistol to kill kakaa. Conspiracy of Rangeen channel to undermine Pandey ji ...err Rooodra ji

4. Why was Varun's kamar...yes ppl...WAIST so thin?😡 thats a jab at the TRP audience...me not like!

Apart from these there were other minor gripes, which other Sahelis will elaborate on.

Precap: Glycerine fest commences but i did like the ending shot. I am sure, to get to that shot we have to swim our way across ...🥱

-off to read other's takes *😃*

Edited by howcome - 11 years ago

Quote

Pr1yanka

@Pr1yanka

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 11 years ago

@J uma sa thurman sa...😆 on another note- all takes making me feel good i dont watch

@shoomie fab ya...

Quote

dips99

@dips99

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

Dear Diary,

How many times am I going to get my heart broken???😭 First Berney-sa and now Banna-sa. I may never trust guys with cute dimples ever again in my life😭. But chalata hai.

Let me tell you what happened today. You do know barney saw washed his hands off the K and the whole Barati gang, right? Dude and gang of Famous Five showed up on camels to stop the baratis from crossing over. And then... Forget it. It's all done now; let me continue with what happened today

Last I saw Dude is transfixed by K's weight loss, whereas K is perplexed after seeing Dude minus the raybans. Baratis decide take mauke ka fayada and stab dude in the back. I was expecting the blade to come out from the other side. But apparently it's one of those they use in movies. You know the one that retracts on contact and just punctures the ketchup bag on the way??? But chalata hai.

Now true to 80's style, everybody drops their guns and starts attacking the dude. Rules of engagement be damned. They know no one would have called for backup. And even if they did, it's won't show up till the end. On the side note, Pantene HQ has contacted BSD, after seeing Dude's tresses maintain the shine and bounce during the whole tussle. Not that they can put it in a bottle. But chalata hai.

Banna-sa in the meantime gets up from his catnap and realizes his K lying in dirt. In a true Pati Parmeshwar style he picks her up and places her in the cart. I guess his plan was to cross the border quickly, but the 70mm picture unfolding live in front of his eye derails those plans. Chalata Hai.

Kaka-sa and his gang of baddies are now celebrating as dude has finally gone down. Kaka-sa remembers to outline whole game plan to him and even promises to wash his feet with the tri-color. Those words act like a shot of Hamdard ka Tonis Cinkara for dude. Because he gets up and starts roaring like a captured Hulk (hulk with flowing zulfe, ofcourse). They could have easily just killed him no? but chalata Hai.

Now Dude marofies some total paisa vasool, siti bajao dialogues about being a true patriot and challenges the baddies to cross the border. Who, suddenly remember the rules of engagement and line up for some hand to hand combat. No prizes for guessing who is going to win that battle. Dude punches are like Mr Spoke's secret shoulder pinch, because everyone goes down like a rag doll after one punch. Kaka-sa makes an last ditch effort to bribe his way out. But Dude is so far gone, he won't stop till everyone is dead. Shouldn't he arrest him for further interrogation??? But chalata Hai.

Banna-sa realizes that the film is over and starts pushing the cart towards the border. But hulk I mean Dude has finished saluting the flag (as if he was going to forget that clap worthy scene), and is ready to kill. And this is where Banna-sa decides to show his true color. All that sweet talk about Imali, all drama. He is just like the rest of them. He knew only way Dude can become Hero, is if he can be the villain. So takes out the gun and tries to kill K. Shouldn't he have used that gun on Dude, when he was knocking down his Kaka-sa??? But chalata Hai.

Of course K decides to get up from her beauty sleep after Dude has killed Banna-sa. Baap of all MU on the way, peeps. But Chalata Hai. How will the Love-Hate story proceed without that????