Khan e Khana
It had been almost a week since Jalal saw Jodha. The very next day after their last meeting she didn't come to Diwan ek Khaas. At first Jalal was angry for her audacity to defy him publicly until her loyal maid, Mothi informed that Jodha was having high fever. Guilt gripped Jalal's countenance straightaway, as he knew he was responsible for her state. She cried so hard, that must have caused the fever. He was worried for her and longed to see her but he didn't know how to approach Jodha. He was ruled by rage and hurt by her rejection. But somewhere in the corner of his heart he knew Jodha was incapable of malice and he refused to listen to that tiny voice of his consciousness because he knew listening to that would cause pain. And if the pain is anywhere equivalent to degree of pain caused by Jodha's rejection, he would rather forget the existence of that damn heart. No matter, how hard he tried he failed and wasn't that the reason he jumped on Jodha about Rajkumar Suryaban. The moment Badi Ammi brought the Rajkumar up, Jalal experienced inexplicable amount of rage and jelousy. The great Shehshah was jealous of the dead prince. His tirade in front Jodha was nothing but the evidence of his insecurity, he was angry thinking that maybe deep down in her heart Jodha still had feeling for Suryaban and she would never want him.
Why did she lie that she didn't write in that letter that she loved him?Why? Jodha was not a liar, then what actually happened? She was beautiful that night, she held his hand close to her heart and spoke so lovingly. She said he was her friend now and she respected him a lot. She said more in their last meeting. He could feel the tiny spark ignited in his heart just by the mere thought of what she said. She said he was important to her. She couldn't see him hurt and angry and that too because of her. She didn't like that they were drifting apart. They count right? Oh Jalal! But she said all that in past tense as if she gave up on him, on them. He couldn't sleep even a night after that day, every time he closed his eyes Jodha's face with pain, drenched with tears would appear. He could feel constriction in his heart of his which he tried to ignore but failed miserably.
He could't stop himself from visiting her the night she was suffering with fever but only after he knew she was asleep and what he saw almost choked him to death. She looked so pale and weak. He had hurt her beyond measure not only emotionally but also physically. Curled by her side she was shivering and faintly hiccuping in between her hard drawn breath. He knew he was reason for that too, she was crying for long and ended up crying in her sleep. Before the realisation hit him he sat by her, softly he ran his fingers through her silky hair. She didn't move even a limb. His finger seemed to have their own life, they moved on their accord to her face, caressed her smooth plane of cheeks. He cupped her face gently and without any volition his lips touched her forehead. She was still feverish. He didn't know how long he sat with her until the ray of the day hit the chamber. Jalal blinked his eyes at the angelic beauty under the sunshine. He couldn't help it anymore. He knew it's wrong, he might be even taking advantage of her condition but he did't give the chance to think over all that complications as his lips descended on her rose petal like lips and feathered them. He left as quick as he kissed her, afraid of the undercurrent of his feelings. That was last he saw her with heart fill. Two days after, she recovered and kept herself in her chamber. Nobody questioned her as she was still weak from sickness. He wanted to see her to check on her health to grace his thirsty eyes with her mere presence but he dared not to.
"Rahim!" Jalal came out of his reverie as the little devil sprinted into his chamber and hide behind his seat. Salima begum entered and gave him her salam.
"Pardon Shehshah, I came looking for Rahim." Jalal smiled and turned to lift shrilling Rahim up. Salima shook her head with a smile.
"Nahi..nahi" Rahim kept chanting. Salima reprimanded him, gently scolded him to behave.
"What happened?" Jalal asked.
"He has been very naughty Shehshah. He is playing the 'Shehshah' today and refused to give the letter he got from God know where. I am worried if it's some important document," Salima complained.
"Is that true Shehshah Rahim?" Jalal chuckled.
"Nobody takes anything from the Shehshah!" Rahim huffed and thrust his chest out in proud.
Jalal laughed at Rahim's antics and said, "of course but can I have a look at this letter, we are friends right?"
"Come on Rahim, give it to Shehshah. Don't be stubborn!" Rahim sulked but gave the letter reluctantly to Jalal. Jalal was stunned for a moment. No it can't be the same letter. Jalal took the letter in his hands and gave it to Salima.
"See what is it about?"
Salima open the letter, glanced quickly at the letter. "It's Jodha Begum's letter to you, Shehshah." Jalal wanted to grab the letter quickly, didn't want Salima to invoke the old pain. But Salima was fast, "She thank you for what you did for Tasneem. Lots of respect and admiration for you from her, Shehshah."
"What?" this is not the letter Badi Ammi read that day. How?
Jodha was telling the truth she didn't write what he claimed, no what Baddi Ammi claimed!
"Is that all?" his voice hoarse.
"Yes," Salima smiled. "She admires you a lot Shehshah. She even says something similar whenever we talk. She is every innocent, doesn't understand what is happening but let me tell you she has feelings for you, just didn't realise it. You too. I know. You were so worried when she fell sick, I have never seen you worried like that about anything," she said softly to Jalal who was still in shock.
Jalal kneeled down to Rahim's eye level. "Where did you get this letter Rahim?" he asked quiet harshly. Rahim was scared, and started to whimper. Salima was quiet surprised with Jalal's outburst but this must be important. "Rahim, tell Shehshah. Where did you get it?"
"No, I won't tell anything and you are not my friend!" Rahim ran away with Salima and Jalal were tailing behind him.
Rahim sped to Jodha's chamber. Jodha was reading when she heard, "Chotti Ammijaan...!" he hugged her close and cried bitterly in her arms. She gathered him close, "Kya hua humari rajkumar ko? Did anyone say anything to you Beta?"
"Ammijaan," he whimpered. "Shh.." Jodha ran her hand on his back, consoling him. She couldn't describe her love for this little boy, who without any expectations had given his love and regarded her his mother. He was her only solace these pass few days. He was there with her accompanying her during her sickness refused to leave even when Salima Begum and Ammijaan asked him to. "I will take care of chotti ammijaan until she gets well," he said proudly that Salima Begum and Ammijaan had to agree. It was because of him she found it bearable to endure the pain of what happened between her and Shehshah. The kid had way to make her smile even in duress pain. Shehshah didn't even come to see her, she didn't knew until then that she didn't matter to him. Her life and death wouldn't make any difference.
Jodha lifted her eyes to look at the panting and flustered Salima Begum. She knew he had entered even before she saw him, she didn't want to see him but something had happened, must be about Rahim. She asked Salima Begum what happened through her eyes, Salima rolled her eyes and inclined her head towards Rahim. Jodha stood, struggling with Rahim still enclosed in her arms. "Pranam Shehshah, Salima Begum", she said softly. Jalal noticed she refused to look at his face. However he drank in her presence. She looked beautiful as ever but something was missing, the spark in her eyes. The twinkle was missing, she was drawn and looked forlorn. Because of him.
Jodha realised Rahim stiffed, held her closer and whimpered more as he heard Shehshah's voice.
"Salam Jodha Begum. Shehshah need to ask Rahim something, he was scared and you know the rest," she laughed softly.
"Rahim," Jalal edged closer and touched his shoulder. Jodha felt her heartbeat quicken with their proximity. She could smell him and his breath warm touched her cheek. Rahim stubbornly held Jodha's neck. Jodha blinked her eyes conveying that she'd handle. Jodha sat down, gently brushing down Rahim's hair. Salima took her leave, she knew Jodha was more than capable in handling Rahim. Jalal took a seat at nearby armchair.
"Rahim, won't you even tell me?"
Rahim loosen his hold and peered down at her face. Jodha wiped the remaining tears in his face and smiled at him with affection.
"Then, you too will shout at me like Shehshah." Jalal cursed himself for his temper.
"Me?Shouting at you? You know your chotti ammijaan will never do that, Rahim."
"You won't get angry and scold me ever?"
"I won't. If you make any mistake unintentionally I will make you realise and rectify it but I won't be angry at you. And if you repeat your mistakes I will be very upset and disappointed but will never scold you."
" Nahi ammijaan, I will never make a mistake intentionally. I will never make you upset," Rahim promised.
Would she forgive him too?
Jalal was touched seeing their bond. A child can easily identify the purest heart unlike him. Jodha would be an excellent mother. How he wished that to happen, Jodha with their son or a beautiful daughter like her.
"I know and I can never be angry at you. You know why?"
As Rahim shook his head, she explained gently, " Kyun ki Khan e Khana in this mahal, no in this whole Agra you are the only one who showed me infinite amount of love. Intna pyar diya hai aap hume, apke liya toh jaan thege hum. So tell Shehshah what he needs to know aap toh humari pyara rajkumar haina?" her eyes full of unshed tears.
Jalal felt as if she slapped him and he knew he was the reason she felt unwanted and unloved. Rahim turned around and looked at Jalal. Jalal smiled gently and held Rahim's hands, "Rahim, I apologize for shouting at you. I was not angry at you but this is very important. Tell me where did you get the letter? We are friends right?"
Rahim nodded. "I was playing hide and seek with the maids. Then I ran and ran to Maham Anga's room." Jalal fisted his hand, he dreaded this. He couldn't listen further. He stood and started to walk back and forth.
Rahim continued, "Then I hide in a very big box in her room, that where I found the letter. It was thrown there Shehshah, I thought it's of no use."
"Sachi, ammi jaan," Rahim implored.
"Rahim, this is going to be last time. Promise me you won't take anybody's things without their permission. It can be considered stealing. Aap ache bacha haina?"
He solemnly nodded.
"So promise me not to repeat this again. And apologize to Shehshah"
"Promise ammi jaan. I am sorry Shehshah."
Jalal ruffled his hair and forced a friendly smile. Rahim sprinted out not before promising Jodha that he would eat with her today. Jodha sensed that Jalal was worried over something. She was not sure if she could ask him. His face was of pain. He sat again without saying anything, his countenance rigid. After few minutes, Jodha started to worry and approached him. She put her hand hesitantly on his shoulder.
He looked up, his eyes wet with tears. He held her hand, kissed her palm shocking Jodha. She didn't say anything. He brought her had close to his heart, "forgive me," he choked. Jodha couldn't understand what happened. She knew he was upset but did't know how to console him. She couldn't see him in pain no matter what. She kneeled down by his side ad held their joined hands. Jalal drew a heavy breath, placed his forehead against hers and kept chanting, "I am sorry Jodha. I am sorry." He cried over the betrayal. He cried over their lost chance.
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