I win! I lose!

...and just like that I was bartered. I was always taught to fight hard , fight fair. I felt cheated by people who meant the world to me. I looked at them with accusing eyes to find their embarrassed eyes. My world felt apart. Who was to be blamed for this marriage? My parents? No, I could not. I was not allowed to hate them. Who was to take my anger, my bitterness? Who was to take the blame? There he stood. Smirking at me or was he smiling? I didn't know. I channelled all my hatred towards him. All my bitterness poured on him. He also said he hated me. I believed him but could not understand him. His actions never supported his words. He was the generous giver in our relationship, most of the times I didn't deserve his generosity. Slowly and steadily he moved past my defense. We were getting cordial, no, we became friendly. I too cherished his presence, his company. My steps had new spring, I was buoyant yet at peace and then I saw a pair of eyes that stopped me dead in my track. Those eyes detested me, they questioned me, they accused me, they held me responsible for the pain in them. What was my mistake? What did I do? I was told those minutes were not mine, I was the 'snatcher', I was the 'intruder'. I fervently defended myself and left but those eyes never left me, those words never deserted me. I wanted his company but didn't want to be the 'other' woman, the snatcher, the intruder. I had to withdraw but he didn't make it easy. He didn't let me go. Then, came a day which nobody believed would come or would come only after hell froze. He fell in love with me. Why me? I didn't do anything to deserve him still he chose me. I didn't complain because I too loved him. I was his beloved, he was my love. I was in love but not at peace. For every minute I spent with him, I had to answer those eyes that returned with more accusations. They bore into me and held me guilty for the sadness in them. I pleaded, I argued, I cried but they didn't leave. I begged them to look in his eyes, they are filled with adoration and respect for them but they didn't budge. I had to make a choice, my sanity or him. It had to be him. For every moment with him I let go of a little sanity and a little peace. Today, I stand in the corner with his love washing all over me. I close my eyes to thank the almighty. I open my eyes to stare right in those cold eyes branding me the 'snatcher', the 'intruder', the 'other' woman. My eyes well up and are searching for solace and then I find his eyes soothing me, conveying "I am with you, you are not the other woman".

beautiful buddy..n d title too...i luvvd it..!!

Thank you all. Such kind words.😳

What an awesome post 👏

An absolutely lovely piece of writing,one of the best I have read here. Do take a bow for it, in fact take several.

This is, of course, your Jodha, not the one we see daily. But she is the Jodha I would want to have, the Jodha who deserves my boy Jalal, the Jodha for whom the nazm in my post of today would be as real and as relevant as it would be for Jalal, the Jodha whose deewangee would match Jalal's.

Shyamala B.Cowsik

Originally posted by: Crux88

...and just like that I was bartered. I was always taught to fight hard , fight fair. I felt cheated by people who meant the world to me. I looked at them with accusing eyes to find their embarrassed eyes. My world felt apart. Who was to be blamed for this marriage? My parents? No, I could not. I was not allowed to hate them. Who was to take my anger, my bitterness? Who was to take the blame? There he stood. Smirking at me or was he smiling? I didn't know. I channelled all my hatred towards him. All my bitterness poured on him. He also said he hated me. I believed him but could not understand him. His actions never supported his words. He was the generous giver in our relationship, most of the times I didn't deserve his generosity. Slowly and steadily he moved past my defense. We were getting cordial, no, we became friendly. I too cherished his presence, his company. My steps had new spring, I was buoyant yet at peace and then I saw a pair of eyes that stopped me dead in my track. Those eyes detested me, they questioned me, they accused me, they held me responsible for the pain in them. What was my mistake? What did I do? I was told those minutes were not mine, I was the 'snatcher', I was the 'intruder'. I fervently defended myself and left but those eyes never left me, those words never deserted me. I wanted his company but didn't want to be the 'other' woman, the snatcher, the intruder. I had to withdraw but he didn't make it easy. He didn't let me go. Then, came a day which nobody believed would come or would come only after hell froze. He fell in love with me. Why me? I didn't do anything to deserve him still he chose me. I didn't complain because I too loved him. I was his beloved, he was my love. I was in love but not at peace. For every minute I spent with him, I had to answer those eyes that returned with more accusations. They bore into me and held me guilty for the sadness in them. I pleaded, I argued, I cried but they didn't leave. I begged them to look in his eyes, they are filled with adoration and respect for them but they didn't budge. I had to make a choice, my sanity or him. It had to be him. For every moment with him I let go of a little sanity and a little peace. Today, I stand in the corner with his love washing all over me. I close my eyes to thank the almighty. I open my eyes to stare right in those cold eyes branding me the 'snatcher', the 'intruder', the 'other' woman. My eyes well up and are searching for solace and then I find his eyes soothing me, conveying "I am with you, you are not the other woman".

This is what I think will be jodha's journey.

Note- After yesterday's episode I read a lot discussions on this forum. I must say this forum is one of the best on India-forums. Credit goes to many posts I read.

I agree. It is not just for this couple. In general most cases of le grand amour are full of pain. That is why it is said that when love comes, it is not cock a hoop with fine feathers, but dragging itself on bleeding feet.

Shyamala B.Cowsik

Originally posted by: Crux88

Thank you all. Such kind words.😳

Sun29- right. I just tried to reflect what price jodha will have to pay to be loved. It is a general belief, you are lucky to be loved. I don't believe it. The foundation of an intense relationship is sacrifice . Jalal will have to fight the world for jodha. Jodha will have to give up her sanity and peace in exchange of every moment she is loved by him. Eg- They have not even started their journey and she had to say no to him. she wanted to go but just couldn't. Ruqaiya will always be an integral part of JA story. Her importance in jalal's life will be safe as a fort(it should be). I pray, she gets the eye to see it. It will save ruqaiya from misery, jodha from guilt and jalal from regret.

Tareyfan- ok. I will pm you.

What a beautifully written observation!!!!👏👏👏

Very beautifully written, 👏 , loved reading it 😊

An absolutely lovely piece of writing,one of the best I have read here. Do take a bow for it, in fact take several.

This is, of course, your Jodha, not the one we see daily. But she is the Jodha I would want to have, the Jodha who deserves my boy Jalal, the Jodha for whom the nazm in my post of today would be as real and as relevant as it would be for Jalal, the Jodha whose deewangee would match Jalal's.

Shyamala B.Cowsik