As I wrote this, I actually managed to make myself interested in a possible paralysis track. I know I was hating just the thought of it and am still hoping it doesn't take place, but if it does...I've prepared myself. I hope this OS manages to change your perspectives as well! Enjoy! (Broken Ways Readers: Chapter Eleven has been updated on Page 80: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/95191519)
She stared at me from across the room with those same troubled eyes. I knew it wasn't pity she felt for me, but rather guilt she felt for herself. Since the moment I lost the ability to control the right side of my body, she felt it necessary to make every concern of mine, hers. It was as though her life had shattered and it pained me to see her in such a condition. I had told her many times that she was not at fault for what had taken place that unfortunate day, but she refused to accept it. She claimed it necessary for her to feel guilt since the knife that cut through my skin had her standing on the other side of it.
She sat alone, on our bed, staring in my direction. I knew she was lost in thought as soon as she didn't look away when I glanced in her direction. She had lost all ability to look me in the eyes.
I called her name from across the room, softly, hoping not to startle her. She didn't respond at first, so I called her name again. She blinked herself back to reality and quickly looked away. She looked around herself and then back in my direction for a split second. Then she stood and began walking towards me. As she neared me, I could see the puffiness of her eyes. She had been crying again.
I was losing her. Losing my wife, my biwi. She was no longer the same Madhu, she was no longer my Madhu. She had entered a world full of guilt and it was slowly destroying her from the inside. I swore to change that though. There was no way I'd give up on her so easily. It had been a month and she still hadn't given up on me. I would not be defeated so easily either. Even though half my body didn't work, I was still RK. My name defines me, so I swore to bring back my junglibilli, my sherni.
She came to kneel in front of me as I sat in my wheelchair. I looked down at her, only to see her lower her eyes in response. I saw a tear fall from her right eye and her reflexive motion to wipe it away was instantaneous. She looked back up at me and shot me a smile. A fake smile. I knew what a Madhu smile was, and that was not it. Her eyes had lost their sparkle and her smile had lost its charm. But I was going to bring it all back, even if it was the last thing I did. There was no way I would let Madhu pretend to be happy for my sake any longer.
She stood again, walked towards the bathroom, and then walked back towards me a moment later. I looked at her hands. She held my shaving cream and razor. She took a hold of my wheel chair and pushed me towards the nearest long mirror. Then she came to kneel in front of me again.
"RK, your beard had become too long! It pricks at my skin when we hu..."
She stopped herself from continuing; probably remembering that it had been a month since we had shared a normal, warm hug. I missed it just as much as her.
I completed her sentence.
"Hug?"
She didn't look up, but slowly nodded her head.
She sprayed the shaving cream onto the palms of her hands and then slowly massaged it onto my face. I kept my eyes on her, staring at her, hoping she'd magically turn back into the Madhu she was just hours before the incident...but I knew no such thing would happen. She avoided my gaze but I knew she knew I was staring in her direction. I had my eyes fixed on her and for the first time in a while, she seemed uncomfortable.
She pulled out the razor and slowly began shaving away at my beard. Then her eyes caught mine. The instant our eyes met, the blade cut my skin. I grimaced.
"Ouch."
She looked towards my face as I looked into the mirror. A little blood dripped from my cheek, which was normal for when men shaved, but Madhu didn't take it calmly. She stood, turned and grabbed a piece of tissue, and placed it on the cut. She knelt in front of me again and looked me in the eyes after so long.
"I'm so sorry RK. All I ever do is hurt you. I'm sorry. Everyone's right. I only bring bad upon you. I should just lea..."
I quickly cut her off
"No. It's just a cut Madhu."
She looked away, tears forming in her eyes again.
I lifted my only working hand and gently placed it on the side of her face. She slowly raised her eyes back up to mine.
"I love you Madhu."
It was something I needed to remind her of and something she needed to hear daily. It was the only thing that kept Madhu from falling into a deep hole of guilt. The only thing that kept Madhu in touch with reality. The only thing that reminded her that she was mine and I'd never let her go.
She smiled as another tear fell from her eye. I caught it with the tip of my index finger. I brought it up, close to my face and looked at it, then her.
"I don't want to see these again. If they form in your eyes again, then they're going to have to pay, or my name isn't RK!"
She giggled. A giggle which I had been longing to hear escape from her lips. A giggle which I thought I'd never hear again. It brought an automatic smile to my face and I instantly forgot everything. It was just her and I in that moment. I watched her, smiling, a genuine Madhu smile, and laughing after so long. Then as her eyes met mine again, her giggling quieted.
I patted on my lap with my left hand as I smiled in her direction.
"Come here."
She came to sit in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. I wrapped my left arm around her waist as she leaned her head on top of mine. I slowly turned my head to the left and planted a kiss on her bare neck.
"RK!"
I let out a chuckle as I saw the shaving cream on her neck. I glanced up at her and shot her a mischievous smirk as she smiled mischievously in return. She brought up her hand and wiped away at a little shaving cream on my cheek. Then as she rubbed it against my neck, she jumped out of my lap and giggled as she saw the shaving cream on my neck.
It was working. Slowly. But it was working. I was bringing back my Madhu and I wasn't going to give up until I did completely.
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