If you were in Sanchi's place...?

Imagine,

you were in Sanchi's place. The only girl and much loved daughter of your family. You had dreams about your bhabhi and took promise to find a bride for your brother.

Suddenly one day your brother announced he wanted to marry a divorcee from a village which had just recently been turned a district. And on top of it the girl was a child bride.

How would you feel? Wouldn't you feel awkward about this probable new addition in family?

Then this listless girl comes in family (listless I am saying because Anandi was mostly going through the motions in wedding ceremonies. No excitement whatever. I understand why she was the way she was but others who haven't seen her journey can't get her behaviour). She is praised by all, brother is totally in love with her, when she does housework like a pro - the men of your family praise her a lot and start comparing you or your mom to her saying things like they never had such great food earlier or asking Anandi to teach something to Sanchi also.

How'd you take this? A rural family mixing up with yours and you or your mom being told to learn something or be compared inferiorly?

It's your home also. How'd you feel if suddenly basti people were brought in to do social work stuff?

Scoldings or lectures received by others only because you do not like the woman and family who are now bhabhi and samdhis?

I am guessing that Sanchi never got this kind of treatment in her life before Anandi's arrival at KB.

What would you do to deal with this upheavel and culture shock?

- Personally I wouldn't go all out to accept Anandi with open arms if I didn't like her. I'd keep to myself and my studies or do my own thing. And if family compared me to Anandi or I disliked my mom's cooking or skill being compared to Anandi's I'd take it up with family in private - to not to drag us in conversations, keep our feelings in mind too. Praise Anandi if you want but don't drag us.
I'd avoid going to Jetsar too. And wouldn't give a damn to what my brother or bhabhi were upto. Forget interfering in their lives or trying to point Anandi's flaws or cook up situations to put her in a mess. I'd be cordial but largely do my own thing.

What about you?

I wouldn't mind unless the girl tried to interfere in my life or gossiped about me or had some personal vendetta against me. I would have no issue with my brother Shiv and whom he marries. I would be thrilled to see him happy. I wouldn't really care what Anandi's family is like because what they are like doesn't make any impact on my life. Nothing is a problem unless you make it your problem, and Sanchi made it her problem. I'm a city girl too but I would be thrilled if I saw a big fat Rajasthani wedding and got to celebrate my brother getting married to the girl he loves.

I would be happy for him but if I really hated Anandi then I would stay away from her. It's called live and let live...which Sanchi doesn't know a thing about.

It is a good tropic to discuss.

Skepburn I would say it depends on the girls nature regardless of background, if she happy with my brother, makes the effort to be part of the family and is kind at heart and thinks well of family members I would have no problem in welcoming her with open arms. If they wanted to live away from the family I rather they be straight to the point instead of spoiling relationships and using that as an excuse to move out as there is no need to stoop low when no one would mind.

I will add I would definitely not accompany her to rural area if I disliked rural areas nor would I show extra curiosity or interest in her ex husband. If she kept dress and lifestyle the way she wanted to, I'd also keep my lifestyle same way and asked family not to compare me. And if I had problem with basti people coming to my house, I'd rather stay in my room or plan a day out with friends that day instead of sitting amidst it all and fuming in frustration. If eventuality occurred I'd only comment that social work should be done practically for safety concerns. I'd have left it at that.

Even if I found some other member of family not liking Anandi much, I might have shared concerns with them but definitely not started hatching plots.

I know issues crop up and interactions with family no longer remain the same. Even if I felt frustrated by what happened, I'd keep it to myself and do my own thing. Probably pine for old times but still, I'd remain stoic and mind my own business. And if bhabhi did something good or something that I liked then I'd acknowledge it. No harm in being cordial and accepting something if it's nice.

Ultimately you can only mind your own business or slowly discover and get used to each other.

No need to go after a girl unless she's making it difficult for me with tricks or pretense or I discover she's actually out there to harm our family. Even if girl is problematic I'd rather let elders and brother see it and realise for themselves instead of going on suspicion or revenge mode myself.

Honestly speaking, I understand in Indian tradition it is two families that unite, not just two individuals, but what I don't get is why does the extended family have to weigh in on the choice of the individuals, especially the sister of either party. After all the sibling is not the one in the marital bedroom so why does it matter what the sibling thinks? I just don't get it hence Eveything else that causes conflict is non consequential. Siblings should stay within their limits and remember that one day they will have a spouse too, to whom they will also have to show loyalty, trust and affinity. It's part of growth for an individual. Maturity is needed in dealing with every phase of one's own and their siblings life. This idea of controlling a siblings or child's life is not only suffocating but very very selfish.

If i were in Sanchi's place,inless I am older than my brother Shiv i will have no business to give

@Picasso

I think Indian families remain quite close to each other. So probably awkwardness or adjustment issues creep in when marriage is brought up.

Siblings bond over everything including toys, food, studies etc.

And arrival of someone new in family does result in changes.

Probably someone wouldn't like those changes.

Still I agree, better to mind one's own business than make issues.

I see cousins comparing bhabhis whenever we get together. They talk and then leave it. Our interactions with family members has changed in recent years. We do think fondly of old times. But that's all limited to chats.

Nobody will seriously start trying to meddle in anyone's life.

But sometimes I think sister's meddling in brother's life is taken so seriously then shouldn't brothers meddling in sister's life also be taken seriously? More often than not brothers decide who the girl will marry or go out with. And in extreme cases they resort to honour killings also.

Guess...our society is yet to learn that changes occur...things don't remain the same and even if you're united as family still people are individuals with their own preferences at the end of the day.

A person chosen and agreed upon by the "group" probably does not hurt or threaten the group much and makes it easier to deal with change or feel there's been no change at all or perhaps if change happened, it happened for the better.

More often than not people think of comfort from their POV. Even comfort of individual is decided from their POV on what would be best suited for their loved one. Understanding is a joke. Very few actually understand.

Lol if I was in Saanchi's place I would have never fallen for my bhabi's ex who is a two times married father to be man and worse of all who treated my bhabi like shit and framed my brother for a serious crime which he didn't commit.