OS-My last days on earth :'(

Hey peeps..i was day dreaming last night and this story popped into my mind out of nowhere.. 😆this is yet again another sad OS...perhaps the worst I have written...🤢 read on and say how it is...

As I strive in this nothingness not having an existence, my traumatic mind shudders at the thought of my previous life, if it could be called that.

Whoever created this monstrosity called love? When this abomination enters your life, it uproots everything related to your existence and makes you live for another being. Your emotions, your past, present, future nothing matters.

Maybe what inhabited me was never love.. it must have been just infatuation which made me blind, deaf and dumb too at certain times.

I remember my last wish just before I breathed my last breath. If only I could go back in time and change the day when Udayveer had come to see me for marriage.

My parents were middle class people and they chose Udayveer for me as prospective husband. They had known his parents since a long time. He was a certified nerd with his glasses in place. He worked in a bank and had his own house in the city. Though he rarely spoke, he was a gentle man and I could see it. These facts could have been enough for my mom and dad but certainly not me.

I was obsessed with the dreams Akash had shown me. A college dropout, he always brought me cute gifts and flowers whenever we met. He promised me the sky and I believed him.

I rejected Udayveer's alliance and forced my parents to consider Akash. They had one look at him and he was passed off as unfit to marry me. Why couldn't I see then, what they saw?

Akash had been a chain smoker and hung out with an unruly crowd, but these facts failed to deter my love for him. All hell broke loose on the day I declared that I would die if I don't marry Akash; my parents asked me to choose one among the two. Either them or Akash.

Akash asked me to elope with him and I did. I brushed aside my mother's tears, my father's helpless feeling and took a step towards building my marital home with the man I married.

To save face in front of society my parents married off my younger sister Jainandini to Udayveer and I married Akash in a temple without much fanfare.

The troubles in my marriage began the day our honeymoon phase ended and reality dawned. Akash had no steady job and lived mostly on Parents money. Whatever he got from doing odd jobs here and there, he splurged on alcohol and cigarettes. Thanks to his excessive drinking over the years, I lost the opportunity to bring a child into this world and in a way I was glad about it. Why subject another human being to the same despair its mother went through.

I was banished from my parental house and that regret haunted me throughout my life and it still does after death. I used to look at J's family from a distance and suppress a sigh within. She had twins within 2 years of marriage; one chubby boy and a cute little girl, while I had nothing.

The love of my life' used to hold me responsible for everything that went wrong in his life and beat me up mercilessly. I put up with everything because it was the life I had picked with my own hands.

When Udayveer brought flowers for Jainandini, Akash cursed me for not giving him an heir. Why did I sacrifice my degree, my self-worth, my parent's blessings, for a dream, for an illusion that never was?

The last nail in the coffin was struck when Akash banged my head against the wall, and instead of pain, I felt a sense of liberation, rising up, up and up in the air.. I was drifting into skies..bit by bit..inch by inch..

But the earthly ties will never be severed from me as I still exist in the guilt of taking a wrong decision that wrecked my whole life and still continues breaking me...my soul.. my being..

please do and comment 😃

thank you 🤗