Expecations from a man and woman in a relationship Anandi - Shiv - Page 4

Aparna liked the way u expressed, read all the comments they were really good.

In Indian society a woman is expected to do everything as it is her duty, if not all the women surrounding her would make her life more than hell. This is the reality Aparna, it's really sad.
If the man tries to help his better half hez labelled as 'Joru ka Gulam'.

Many years back I had a feeling that a girl is really lucky if shez married into an educated family, but I was wrong...its not education but the mind set of people & how they are brought up. Even in BV we have seen the so called modern educated MIL treating her DIL as ...(no words!)

In a relationship depending upon the situation man expects from wife & wife expects from man, as their happiness is being together. We should realise that what ever favours that we are doing for our partner, its like indirectly we are doing it for ourselves for our own happiness.

Originally posted by: BeyondTheSky

true, when you accept a person...you accept all the baggage as well ! shekhars accepted anandi wholeheartedly...infact it was ira who convinced everyone ...& she did it for her son's happiness !
but then relationships are not contractual commitments with penalty clauses attached for any SLA violations 😕 ... things do change based on circumstances, people etc...nobody is expecting her to break all ties with them but keeping in mind this delicate relationship , had anandi maintained a distance from the singhs (esp jagya) post marriage...things wouldn't have come this far. we can say that she tried expressing her concern on this rishta so many times ...but these were just half-hearted trials ! did she ever give a clear picture to shiv that ganga loves jagya..& thats why his going to meet ganga often is not good sign? she chose to remain silent looking at how emotional shiv was about his sister's marriage...except for shiv, she had everyone's welfare on her mind (jagya, ganga, singhs, sanchi).

yes, her concern for jagya & not sharing her thoughts with her family has definitely impacted the shekhars, i would say..😕

well a girl & not the boy leaving her family behind is an ancient, sacred hindu tradition...we would need another thread to debate on that nowadays both leave their respective families & move in with each other after marriage...& many parents, both sides, are preferring this arrangement 😆!

Who says Shiv is great or mahaan. I don't think so. Yes he is more mature and understanding then the other from same lot. He had the vision to see the pure , loving and commitment person beyond the baggage of her past.

What he had done was his part , his commitment into the relationship

Now I feel it is Anandis part, her commitment to give in this relation. To stand with him in this test of time.


The same thing happened in BV also when Sumi said Shiv was great when he gave time to Anandi to accept he said the same That he is doing for there relationship for there happiness.

So now if Anandi will stand for shiv it will be for there happiness and not for doing her duty or being mahaan.

Why so little expectations from men and so much of expectations from women"

It is bad but truth is , the society is moulded like this, it has become a default. If we find it wrong we need to change it. We need to make amendments, we need to teach our sons to respect women and give them equal status.

I believe Be the change we want to see.

So I see Shiv and Anandi as normal humans with extra qualities but equal status. Nobody is god nobody is mahaan in my opinion .

Originally posted by: RadhaaSid

]Shiv - He fell for her the first time he saw her and made attempts, plotted to create occasions for them to be together so that he could get to know her.he took every opportunity to be near her.

Shiv didn't fall in love at first sight, he did met her repeatedly, but on work,

Not to just spend time with her. In your attempts to justify your points are these fetched up stories required just like BV cvs who said this terrible lie to make T Anandi likable by Shiv and the viewers??

When he learnt more about her he realised that she is the kind of woman he wanted as his life partner and then he got to know that the lady was not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Circumstances forced the lady to accept a marriage with him.He was free to say no to the marriage.He could have easily said no and walked away but HE CHOSE TO GET MARRIED TO HER KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT SHE WAS NOT READY FOR IT.

He accepted the alliance because he loved her, but Shiv said that he'll wait, but it was Anandi who pleaded him to marry her.. In this place it was nit Shiv but Anandi who had been selfish.

Anandi used his goodness and his true love to fulfill her mothers promise.

Once he made the commitment he stood by her.He gave her the time and space she needed to make herself ready to accept him as her husband.Giving her the time and space was his need as well as hers.If he wanted her to accept him as her husband he had to give her the space she needed.He was only doing it for his own interests and working on his marriage because it was his duty as a husband to do his part to make the marriage work.He put up with her family because it was his family too.When he was doing his bit to make the marriage work it was considered as an act of sacrifice.

If shiv was doing the duties which is entrusted as a husband , then why is the things and acts which Anandi does is called sacrifices ?? Just becoz she's a woman??

Shiv puts up with his family coz its his family, but Anandi is also a Shekhar now, she's no more a Singh. So,, Even Anandi is doing her duty as Shekhar's bahu, if Shiv can endure J and Singh's nonsense for his so called husband duties,, then why Anandi shouldn't fulfill her wifey duties!??

Anandi - Was married off at an age of eight shunted off to in laws place where she was told to make a life for herself.She did by moulding herself to suit that family.Alas her efforts were not enough for her balak var.He left her saying she didn't meet his expectations he had from his wife.

The lady gathered herself from the ashes that her life has been reduced and made a life for herself and was not interested in a relationship because she believed that she is not woman enough for any man and she believed that she will fail again as a wife.Then a man came into her life swept her off like a storm but she resisted him because she couldn't bear the thought of having her heart broken again.But the man persisted.She was forced to marry him despite not being ready for a marriage or a relationship.She was drained and totally empty inside unable to love anybody and saw her life as an arid desert land and so not willing to share her life.Since she was the one he wanted he worked on making her life bloom again and made her ready to share her life with him.

Anandi didn't do a favor by falling in love with Shiv, he never forced or tried to impress Anandi,

Shiv didn't need any other false pretense to make a gal fall in love with him he had all the qualities to gal go weak on her knees. Why was Anandi finding it difficult to love Shiv back, coz she wasn't ready for the commitment, and tried her level best to keep Shiv at her bay. Finally Shiv's patience paid off, but not Anandi's commitment which changed her. if it was Anandi's will power to accept a new life with Shiv, she would've not cried on their SR, saying. ",Mujhse nahi hoga!!" Anandi had been a weak hearted those days too like she is now, when her present MIl and SIL are scolding her, can't she take stand for herself, when she goes on to make bashans on other women and their problems??

Finally his wife made her final commitment to him and she made him hers and made his family her family and she is doing her best to ensure the family welfare.She is putting up with his family and his nasty sister dumb irrational mother and she put up with the insults his family members heaped on her be it choti maa in the past or now his mother and sister.So in what way is her commitment less than his?All because of his family's stupidity today her family is lost to her.Was she blaming him for that?

It was not just Shekhar's stupidity alone, but even Singhs and Anandi have full share in this stupidity.

Did they ask Anandi if she is fine with Sa alliance?? No, a despo Sumitra decided that it'd have been with Anandi's consent coz she wanted a virgin DIL for her son's third marriage..🤢

If Singhs are Anandi's family and she lost them, what about Sanchi and Shekhars?? Aren't her family too??

Now the scenario has changed he is in pain he cannot see where he is going and doesn't realise what he is doing and he is at his worst now.Goning by the same logic that he has been termed as perfect man since he put up with her when she is at her worst shouldn't that be applied to her because she is putting up with him when he is at his worst?

Shiv isn't a perfect man, if he is in pain about his npbpheartbroken sister, what's wrong in worrying about that?? What did Anandi did when J left BH after AnSh wedding?? She became upset, left their pag phere ceremony just coz Singhs didn't tell her that J left the house, why did she take this simple issue so seriously?? She could've been patient, right??

But for Shiv his sister's engagement and wedding is broken?? Why shouldn't he be depressed?

Why is he expected to behave well with Anandi always even in a stress? Isn't he a human being,

Why is it that when a man is being a husband doing his duty towards his wife and family is considered as someone great?

Why is it when a wife is doing what she is supposed to do is considered just as her duty?

Nobody said that husband is doing greatness, and wife her duty,

I don't think you're married, coz if yes, you wouldn't be saying this, coz after marriage husband and wife are expected to share their worries, life, body ,soul etc., In a family, husband and wife are needEd to be equal. But here Shiv married her when she was suffering a heartbreak, he healed her heart,

He gave her unconditional love like a mother. If your mother gives you the love, won't you return the similar love to her?? Aren't we expected to return the unconditional love our mother gave us by taking care of them in their old age!! So why can't Anandi repeat the same kind of support and unconditional love to Shiv ??

Why was the man hailed as a saviour and perfect and the women was termed as ungrateful and stupid for taking her time in accepting him?Why were his acts as a lover and husband termed as great and why was she expected to be grateful for all that he has done?Wasn't he doing it all for himself and his happiness cos he felt his happiness is tied up with her happiness?

So, till date only Shiv was happy being with Anandi? Hasn't she received similar ecstasy while being with him?? Anandi herself said that She experienced " aisa lagaav zindagi me kabhi nahi dekha tha!!"

Wasn't she also the beneficial, coz of Shiv's love. All this Shiv did to keep his true love happy. But what is she doing now?? Crying fir J and worrying becoz she can't go to her so called ex inaws turned- maaika !!" 😡

While I am saying this I am reminded of a line Sreedevi said in her movie English Vinglish

When a man cooks it is considered as artistry and when a woman cooks it is part of her duty.

Do we have so less expectations from men that when a man does what he considers asa duty as a husband he is considered as a perfect man?

Why so little expectations from men and so much of expectations from women??

It was a line to portray the feelings if a sidelined, compressed woman with her family duties,

But Anandi isn't a forced, compressed woman, she goes out, does social service. Nobody said that Shiv is being good to Anandi when he helped her throughout her bad phases,

But been extremely bashed when he's behaving distressed in a terrible mental depression???

If Shiv didn't do any mahaanta, then even Anandi didn't!!!

Shiv has been a good husband till date, but ANANDI is failing to do her part well when Shiv seriously needs her support, instead she's crying over her ex husband and in laws grievance.😡

Originally posted by: RadhaaSid

Actually people are angry with Shiv because he is depressed for the wrong reason for a wrong person. Everybody feels Sanchi does not deserve the grief which Shiv is feeling and his actions due to the grief. When Anandi was low and in her bad phase it was nothing to do with her actions. She was not at fault. She was a victim that time. Here Sanchi is not the victim still Shiv sees her as so without using his brains and is causing pain to others. With his behavior he is punishing Anandi who is really not at fault except that she chose to keep quiet at the wrong times and not confide in him or Singhs.

@RadhaaSid... i agree with you on this one.

Originally posted by: aparnauma

Shiv - He fell for her the first time he saw her and made attempts, plotted to create occasions for them to be together so that he could get to know her.he took every opportunity to be near her.

When he learnt more about her he realised that she is the kind of woman he wanted as his life partner and then he got to know that the lady was not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Circumstances forced the lady to accept a marriage with him.He was free to say no to the marriage.He could have easily said no and walked away but HE CHOSE TO GET MARRIED TO HER KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT SHE WAS NOT READY FOR IT.

Once he made the commitment he stood by her.He gave her the time and space she needed to make herself ready to accept him as her husband.Giving her the time and space was his need as well as hers.If he wanted her to accept him as her husband he had to give her the space she needed.He was only doing it for his own interests and working on his marriage because it was his duty as a husband to do his part to make the marriage work.He put up with her family because it was his family too.When he was doing his bit to make the marriage work it was considered as an act of sacrifice.

Anandi - Was married off at an age of eight shunted off to in laws place where she was told to make a life for herself.She did by moulding herself to suit that family.Alas her efforts were not enough for her balak var.He left her saying she didn't meet his expectations he had from his wife.

The lady gathered herself from the ashes that her life has been reduced and made a life for herself and was not interested in a relationship because she believed that she is not woman enough for any man and she believed that she will fail again as a wife.Then a man came into her life swept her off like a storm but she resisted him because she couldn't bear the thought of having her heart broken again.But the man persisted.She was forced to marry him despite not being ready for a marriage or a relationship.She was drained and totally empty inside unable to love anybody and saw her life as an arid desert land and so not willing to share her life.Since she was the one he wanted he worked on making her life bloom again and made her ready to share her life with him.

Finally his wife made her final commitment to him and she made him hers and made his family her family and she is doing her best to ensure the family welfare.She is putting up with his family and his nasty sister dumb irrational mother and she put up with the insults his family members heaped on her be it choti maa in the past or now his mother and sister.So in what way is her commitment less than his?All because of his family's stupidity today her family is lost to her.Was she blaming him for that?

Now the scenario has changed he is in pain he cannot see where he is going and doesn't realise what he is doing and he is at his worst now.Goning by the same logic that he has been termed as perfect man since he put up with her when she is at her worst shouldn't that be applied to her because she is putting up with him when he is at his worst?

Why is it that when a man is being a husband doing his duty towards his wife and family is considered as someone great?

Why is it when a wife is doing what she is supposed to do is considered just as her duty?

Why was the man hailed as a saviour and perfect and the women was termed as ungrateful and stupid for taking her time in accepting him?Why were his acts as a lover and husband termed as great and why was she expected to be grateful for all that he has done?Wasn't he doing it all for himself and his happiness cos he felt his happiness is tied up with her happiness?

While I am saying this I am reminded of a line Sreedevi said in her movie English Vinglish

When a man cooks it is considered as artistry and when a woman cooks it is part of her duty.

Do we have so less expectations from men that when a man does what he considers asa duty as a husband he is considered as a perfect man?

Why so little expectations from men and so much of expectations from women??

Appy - beautifully worded👏 and very thought provoking indeed...

You said it Aparna!

When Shiv was supporting Anandi then he was mahaan. Anandi's pain was not understood and she was called thankless though whatever she was going through was natural.

But when Anandi is tolerating everything then it's said it's no big deal and she is instead dismissed saying her tears or sadness aren't for her in laws or husband but for Jagya and Singhs!

She is accused of not warning earlier. She did it! But Shiv ignored it. And how can she badmouth Jagya? Basically it is not her nature to speak against anyone to others. Even when Jagya had left her for Gauri, Anandi had not spoken against Gauri or wailed, "Yeh ladki ne mera ghar ujaad diya". She never speaks ill of others even if they deserve it!

She never spoke against Sanchi or even thought to herself how nasty she was. No words on Ira or anyone else.

She's not attached to outsiders like UD. Yet she never spoke against her.

Also how can she talk of Jagya-Ganga love to Shiv? She had strong suspicion of this but did not know what was the truth. And why should she tell her husband that her ex husband loves someone else and not his sister?

Right now she has not said a word for Jagya. Still she is being accused of being bothered only about him. Imagine what would have been the reaction if she had told anout JaGan to anyone!

She did have experience of Jagya's nature. That he avoids those who he is not interested in. But it was tough to tell this to Shiv.

I think Shiv should have taken hints from language that Anandi used about this match and repeated talks of suitability and compatibility and differences in their nature.

Anandi is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. For Shekhars' sake she blasted Jagya on the roof of KB that day and asked him to honour commitment to Sanchi.

That said, I think she should have remained out of all this. There was no need to get involved in Jagya's remarriage drama upon DS' insistence. No need to coach Sanchi and Ganga both. She should have told Shiv once that she has tried to warn them all about this alliance and if someday it backfires then don't blame her (but she is not that assertive!). She should have told Singhs not to take decisions thinking about her - appraise Sanchi for what she is and not as her SIL.

Anandi left Singhs to be with Shekhars. Her loyalty cannot be questioned.

Both Shiv and Anandi are doing a lot for each other and putting up with a lot of trash. Anandi more because her MIL and SIL are against her and so are some of Shekhars' acquaintances. Shiv had only Jagya to deal with. Anandi has to deal with more. Shiv didn't have to balance out between two families as much as Anandi has to. Still she left Singhs. That's it.
When Anandi was "trouble" to Shiv in "Mujhse nahi hoga" phase, she was taking it all on herself and not blaming him. Unlike Shiv who is blaming her, forgetting he had ignored her warnings. He can say, "Mujhe akela chhod dijiye" but blaming her is not fair.