Innermost thoughts, something even you don't hear enough.
When you took me by the arm and told me that everything will be alright, I believed you. When you held my face and looked me in the eyes and told me how much you need me, I believed you. When you held my hands tight as if reassuring me, I believed you. I do then and I do now. And I always will. Because if there is one thing I'm sure of is that I trust you more than I do myself.
But why, WHY, when I need you the most you're not here for me, you're not here with me.
We have a natural compulsion to fill empty spaces. And now after filling my empty life with love, wonder and contentment, why, WHY would you let me go, taking away with you everything, leaving behind a soulless, loveless being.
Do I not matter? Do I not mean much? If I do, if I really do, then why would my pillar of strength, my love, crush me down, destroying every fibre of my being? Why.
Innermost feelings, something almost always ignored.
It is because there is you, there is me. Took me long enough to realise this, longer still to come to terms with. You make me smile. You make me believe. You make me live. You make me, me. And I love you for that. And for you, I've become a lover. You're real. You're a dream. You're serene. You're my travelling companion, on this journey towards paradise. There is no one as lucky as I am. You have given me your heart, and I'm the closest to you. And in your every heartbeat, I'm there. Ever since I've got you, even my thoughts are not quite mine. Without you I can't breathe. Without you I can't live. Without you I can't live, not even for a second. When I met you, magic happened. When I met you, every moment becomes new to me. When I met you, I got this world. When I met you, the rain smells good. When I met you colours are so bright. When I met you, I got everything else. What else can I ask of you? With you I'm complete. How can I tell you that every moment that touches me, it is you I feel? As I met you, I've learned to live.
When you're with me, every single word you say belongs to me. I like us. How could I have lived every second, every moment of my life then, when every second, every moment I kept telling myself that I've forgotten you, the thought of you make me cry. But this was then. Now, there's no way I'm ever, ever keeping you out of my mind, my heart, my life.
What scares me the most is the thought that things would change between us. What if it does? What if things are no longer the same between us? I know you would still care, and love, but would it feel the same? I am so scared. So, very scared. Oh, how I need to be in your arms right now while you tell me that everything is going to be alright. Or rather, how I'd like you to be in my arms, while I tell you the same.
I feel so empty. I feel so lonely. Coming over was just a cover. What I really needed was familiarity, comfort, YOU. But how could I possibly tell anyone these? So I succumbed. I accepted being called a loser, a weak fighter. But it was worth every name called, seeing as how I feel content, whole, right at that moment, that precious moment, when your eyes met mine. I know I have to prove something, but what exactly, I am not sure.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me the most.
I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when I could.
I know you're trying to be strong for me.
I know you love me.
Please, please have it in your heart to forgive me. I promise I'll make everything alright. I promise I'll make everything alright. I promise.
...
Thanks for reading
FaRz⭐️
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