CHAPTER 6
Ashutosh could feel Nidhi's eyes on him. He knew she had been covertly watching him. He knew when she had come near him, given him an odd look, had then picked up the untouched coffee mug and gone out of the room. He even followed her movement with his eyes and watched her go. He knew she wanted to know the reason for his mood today. It appeared to him that that's all they had been doing, he or she would be having a bad day and the other would try to cheer up, all without getting to know the reason . "God! This is so frustrating. Why are we unable to just blurt out things, put all our cards on the table. After all aren't we married, aren't we in love, supposed to be with each other in any circumstance. So why is it that we are hiding from each other? We are supposed to be soul mates after all!" And the worst part was each knew the other was hiding something, ever since that day in the car they had been aware of this fact. "Even just now, why could I not react to her properly. Tell her what the matter was, open up about myself, my feelings. Now she has left the room. Please Nidhi, please come back. Ask me one more time and I will tell you everything. I want to..."
And just like that she was back, his titli, his savior. He knew the moment she entered their room. "Thank God for small mercies. At least sometimes things go the way we want it to. Please Nidhi, come here!" Something in his face must have given his thoughts away for the next moment Nidhi was beside him. Soon she was kneeling in front of him, worry clearly etched in every look she was giving him. Silently she took out his glasses, held his face between her palms, pulled him towards her and started raining kisses on his face. And he just let her do it, he realized he wanted this as much as her, every kiss was like a balm on his raging senses and he just closed his eys to savor this moment. After a few minutes,
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, I just saw BB...he told...Why didn't you? Please Dr. Ashutosh, please tell me...I want to know...I want to know." Suddenly Nidhi felt him stiffen up. But she did not let go this time, she simply raised her face and let her eyes do the talking...
Nidhi: "Please tell me everything, everything that is bothering you, everything you are thinking. Please say something...please..."
She was at a complete loss of words, unsure what he would do now. "Please God, make him say something. Make him react to me. Please let him listen to the silent pleas in my heart. Please God..." Slowly she placed her fingers on his mouth as if willing him to open it, took it back and kissed it. Then she followed it with her lips...And just like that his flood gates opened. He held her arms, pulled her off the floor closer to him and held her tight with his head resting on her neck. Her hands automatically went around him. A few minutes later, she felt it, the moisture. "Are those tears? Is he crying?" Instinctively she tightened her hold around him, bent down and placed a light kiss on his shoulder while she waited...
A few minutes later, she felt it, a kiss on her shoulder and he loosened his hold just a bit. Then he let her go only to hold her hand to pull her up and make her sit on the arm rest of the sofa, all without letting go of her hand. Then...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, tomorrow was a turning point in my life. I was only 10 years old but I can still remember every small detail of this day. For a long time it used to be one of the best days in the year but, because of what BB did (a few years back) it now reminds me of what I used to be."
Nidhi: "What you used to be? When Dr. Ashutosh? And BB...you mean when he went...?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes...When?"
And once more his gaze was fixed on the window, somewhere above Nidhi's head as if he was trying to control his emotions. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. And felt him shudder as if he was shaking off some unpleasant thoughts and coming back to the present...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Do you know Nidhi, at an age when children should be enjoying their life, playing, eating what they want and laughing, destiny played a cruel game with me. It snatched my parents from me and I was left to snatch from man and animal alike for my survival. They died in a plague and life as I had known ceased to exist. Then one day when I was fighting with some dogs to get some food Baba saw me and he took a liking to me and brought me home with him. Today I do not even recall my parents or their names, faces or who they were."
Nidhi: "But then is it not a happy thing that BB met you and took you in, gave you a nice house where you can be safe, good food, clothes and an excellent education that will serve you for life. And above all he looked upon you like the son he did not have, has loved you like one and believes you are that son. So why?..."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes Nidhi, what you say is right. Even though I am grateful to him for all that, I still cannot forget that I am an orphan and BB did not adopt me. Baba's actions made sure of that. He says he never felt the need to, I am the son of his heart and he did not need any legal proof for that..."
Nidhi: "But...and there is a but here, isn't it?"
Looking at Nidhi with a sardonic smile,
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes, you are now starting to read my mind quite well, you know. Yes Nidhi, for a long time I was in that happy world, happy with my life, enjoying it. Other than this one day when I would recollect my parents or remember I was an orphan, I was a normal boy and later in college a normal student. I learnt music, piano, violin, had many friends, sang songs, danced, laughed and studied hard. Anything I did I did for Baba, I wanted to make him proud. I guess there was always a feeling of gratefulness for what he was doing for me. Don't know, somehow I never forgot my roots, maybe because this feeling of gratefulness was supreme. Since he had given my name in school and college as Ashutosh Mathur, I went with it. And that was that, I became Ashutosh Mathur and never once stopped to think if that was a valid identity. I never thought about why he never adopted me. For a long time it did not matter at all."
Nidhi: "But later it mattered, isn't it? This fact hurt you, somehow?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes, it did. It hurt me, years after I even forgot all about it. This fact hit me hard when I least expected it."
He closed his eyes as if to drive away all those thoughts from his mind. But when he reopened them he found Nidhi was still in the same spot, still waiting for him to continue...
Dr. Ashutosh: "It hit me the day BB just upped and left, disappeared from the face of the earth we inhabited. I frantically searched for him, visited every nook and corner of every place we had known, in a desperate attempt to get atleast a small clue about him, but I failed. All I was left with was a hand written letter that somehow felt so inadequate."
Nidhi: "A letter?..."
He leaned forward and picked up the piece of paper that Nidhi had seen him holding in his hand sometime back.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Here, see for yourself. This is all I was left with. Even today when I read this letter I can feel the same anguish I felt years ago. I felt lost. My whole world fell apart then. An orphan who had been looked up as a son felt orphaned again. That was when I was forced to ask myself if an orphan could ever belong to someone, could ever claim a family. And I never got any answers."
Slowly Nidhi read the letter, more like a long note where BB asked for forgiveness that he was leaving, where he mentioned that he had a daughter once whom he had disowned and that guilt was still eating him. To redeem himself he was gifting their house to his grand-daughter. There were strict instruction to not report him as missing to the police. And that was pretty much it. More than answers this letter had only raised many questions, questions that Dr. Ashutosh had grappled with for years.
She could not take this anymore, she now felt his hurt. So she turned the hand that was gripping hers and kissed his palms, then held his face and lightly kissed his lips. She hoped she was able to convey her feelings to him, her assurance that she was there for him and was not going to leave him. And she felt him relax. Once more Dr. Ashutosh started talking...
Dr. Ashutosh: "It was his birthday and like every year I was planning to celebrate it with him. I had planned to come early, had reserved table in his favorite restaurant and even booked tickets for a violin concert. But when I reached home HK was anxiously waiting at the door, pacing back and forth. He rushed to me and handed over this letter, told me he had gone to the market and when he got back he saw this stuck on the door. He had tried calling me immediately but I was in the OT. He tried looking around our neighborhood, even in the forest nearby but there was no trace of BB."
At this point Dr. Ashutosh stopped as if collecting himself, gathering his thoughts...
Dr. Ashutosh: "You know Nidhi, since that day I have asked myself so many times if BB would have left me and gone away if I was his real son, his own blood. When I found him again I asked him once, and he said it was because he did not want to burden me with his past or any illness he had. But I still have this question, would he have reacted like that to his own son? And then without any explanation he gave away his house to his grand-daughter, you. Then I started questioning if BB could have done that if I was adopted, if we shared a legal connection?"
For the first time Dr. Ashutosh looked directly at Nidhi and gave her a small smile, a small but genuine smile.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Till I read this letter I did not even know he had a daughter. And later his lawyer told me that she had married against his wishes, so he had disowned her, did not even see them when his grand daughter was born or when his daughter passed away. But why did he not tell me, Nidhi? Was I not his family, was I not worthy enough that he could share his secrets with me? If I was his own son I would have known all this myself...And then suddenly his lawyer came and asked me to vacate my house as he had gifted it to this unknown girl(you). And Nidhi for the first time I realized what hatred was. I hated you with a single minded pursuit but today I realize it was anger towards BB's actions that transformed as hatred. He had gone and I could not vent out my anger, frustration, sadness to him but his unknown grand-daughter was there and I directed all my anger, anguish towards her (you). But I am sorry if I hurt you in these last few years. Because Nidhi I now know that if at all anyone was innocent in this whole mess, it was you."
Nidhi: "No...please don't say it Dr. Ashutosh. Don't...you do not have to apologize. You did not hurt me... I just... I just wish I had known why you and your lawyer were trying so hard to get that house. I would have given it back to you...But I did not. I am sorry if my innocent actions caused you much pain..."
In response he pulled her even closer and put his arms around her hiding his face in her long tresses. She in turn rested her cheek on his head and enveloped him in a tight hug. They remained like that for some time. Then,
Nidhi: "Please Dr. Ashutosh, please believe me when I say I will never leave you, ever. You will never find yourself alone again. We love each other, are married, are bound to each other body, heart and soul and even legally. So you will have to try very hard if you want to get rid of me because I am not going anywhere. I promise..."
And then she felt him move, cover her lips with his as if he wanted to stop her tirade. He was both seeking and giving reassurance and soon all talk was lost in their collective sighs and hard breaths...he kept calling her name, and both knew there would be no more talking today...
That was two days back... And she thought since then they had a new closeness between them. Little did she realize that Dr. Ashutosh was awake now and was gazing at her with an adoring look while all the time enjoying the play of emotions on her face, thinking, "Should I wake her up right now? No, its only Sunday, let her stay some more in her own land of dreams." And so Nidhi dreamt on...Yesterday, the day Dr. Ashutosh met BB for the first time became a day of new experiences for everyone. After his confession they had made long, passionate love long into the night. For the first time there was a new closeness in their love-making as if they had barred their soul. And long after her husband had slept she had racked her brains to come up with a plan...
1 day back...
Nidhi: On the phone "Anji, can you order a cake for me and bring it to my house this evening? And Anji make sure you and DR. Ranganath come home by 6.00 pm"
DB, CV and the Solankis also received the same instruction from her. She had already taken half day off from KGH and had told Dr. Ashutosh that she had to help HK at home and he had agreed. When she reached home BB was in JS and HK had gone for weekend shopping. So she got to work decorating the whole house with streamers, lights, and fresh flowers. The wall behind the table she decorated with framed photos of BB and Dr. Ashutosh. They included his childhood days, teen years, college years, London years and every important memory had been captured. In the middle was a big hand-written banner that she personally wrote and decorated that simply said:
"HAPPY UNION DAY"
On the other side she had set up a rug with candles all around. BB's harmonium and Dr. Ashutosh's violin were set out. On either side she had set up rugs for the other to sit. Then she started with her cooking, first on her list was HCKK with MM and next were the Kachoris with spicy curd sauce. Soon HK had returned and he quickly got in the act. She decided that henceforth she would celebrate the day BB and Dr.Ashutosh met. The time for sadness and solitude and regrets was over. It was time to make new memories. This was a special day in their family events calendar and it will be celebrated as such. As they were finishing BB walked in. To say he was shocked (in a good way) would be an understatement. But soon he had jumped in with his contributions which were some CDs that were a favorite of both Ashu and him. It was 6.00 pm and the rest of the family had walked in and settled down. A little while later Dr. Ashutosh's car was spotted..."Hope he does not get mad at me for doing this? Please God, make this right the first time." And the room was engulfed in darkness. As Dr. Ashutosh had stepped in she had started lighting the candles one by one to reveal its secrets to him and then with a candle in one hand, her fingers on the other crossed behind her back, with a look that was a mix of love, nervousness and anticipation, she had approached him...
She would never forget last night. When he had walked into the house, for a full two minutes he had stood rooted to one spot, stunned, incredulous, simply turning his head in all directions trying to take in the scene un-folding before his eyes. After blinking a few times and clearing his throat he had turned looked at her. He had understood what she was trying to do...there was a mixture of love, gratitude and maybe pride too when he saw her. Slowly he had reached out and taken the candle out of her hands, and right in front of everyone held her face and kissed her on her forehead with a soft Thank You'. Everything after that was a blur, a riot with cake, food, music, dance and late night family time by the bonfire. It had been a wonderful evening, one of the best since they had got married. The night that followed had been even better than the previous one. And now it was Sunday today and it was a bright day with loads of sunshine or was this a reflection of her mood. With a smile she turned to look at Dr. Ashutosh only to find him awake and gazing at her. For some reason today it made her feel incredibly shy...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Edited by aardhan - 12 years ago
Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Mangal Lakshmi
