Zehal-e-Miskeen - A Tale of Lost Love [part 2 link, page 23]

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Padfoot_Prongs

@Padfoot_Prongs

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#101

nice...

here are some ultimate writer. let them do the honour.

i can't even write a comment proper...

so here is my 'nice' for u..

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kaamchorni

@kaamchorni

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#102

"Behind her eyes which search for you, lies the eyes that saw nothing else but Maan."

Such ominous words... they really did fill my heart with trepidation. Taut - a favourite word of mine which I don't often get to use - is definitely appropriate for this story.

Dev watching the city from the top, a position of power, seemed fitting. He is the one who has so far controlled the chessboard. But like here, he doesn't seem to have thought over this role overly much, isn't relishing this like a villain ought to... nor is Maan the hero you would expect. He too seems ready to manipulate, willing to coax Geet back to him and their past without too much thought to her wishes.

And what is to become of Geet? What happens when - if - she learns the truth? Under deception or not, I don't believe she would turn her back on Dev and go to Maan, a shadow that lives in her subconscious from a love story that is confined to minds and not matter. Reminds me of Yeats' 'Broken Dreams'... "vague memories, nothing but memories".

Late to the party but I'm happy to be here nonetheless. To say you write beautifully would be an understatement, Kalam (Anamika?), because more than that, your words are evocative and your story - deliciously taut.

Edited by kaamchorni - 11 years ago

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893213

Hibernated

Posted: 11 years ago

#103

Originally posted by: kaamchorni
"Behind her eyes which search for you, lies the eyes that saw nothing else but Maan."

Such ominous words... they really did fill my heart with trepidation. Taut - a favourite word of mine which I don't often get to use - is definitely appropriate for this story.

Dev watching the city from the top, a position of power, seemed fitting. He is the one who has so far controlled the chessboard. But like here, he doesn't seem to have thought over this role overly much, isn't relishing this like a villain ought to... nor is Maan the hero you would expect. He too seems ready to manipulate, willing to coax Geet back to him and their past without too much thought to her wishes.

And what is to become of Geet? What happens when - if - she learns the truth? Under deception or not, I don't believe she would turn her back on Dev and go to Maan, a shadow that lives in her subconscious from a love story that is confined to minds and not matter. Reminds me of Yeats' 'Broken Dreams'... "vague memories, nothing but memories".

Late to the party but I'm happy to be here nonetheless. To say you write beautifully would be an understatement, Kalam (Anamika?), because more than that, your words are evocative and your story - deliciously taut.

Even your comments are wow! Love u Z😃

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kaamchorni

@kaamchorni

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#104

Originally posted by: dqno1

Even your comments are wow! Love u Z😃

😆
Credit to all the writers (looking at you here) that make me think this way. Love you, A 😃

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Kalam.

@Kalam.

Explorer

Posted: 11 years ago

#105

Originally posted by: mishtimohabbat

Edited:
Lmfao😆😆😆 I am under your update and my comment is not even for the chapter!! oops apologies to those who actually have something to say about the written masterpiece above!!
***************************************
Original 😃:
Honoured that you agreed with the title Makun Taghaful 😃 for the first chapter..
My closest of Friend tells me, I think too deep and my perception of words brings out strange depths 😆 sometimes its appreciated like you have done so, Thank you ji 😳..and otherwise I get chappals like I do from her😛.. hehee.. so I am glad that you liked what I said.. and glassdoor.. all I know is that she is on an indefinite break ..which I hope ends soon...
and Hadippaa.. your chapters are not based on the set stanza ! I want to read more and more!

I don't comment a lot, due to life's struggles lol.. but there are some works here I make sure to take time out and appreciate.. honestly, I am not doing much ji
so I'm truly touched that some honest words on my part have given you the satisfaction in your work.. I hope you get all the appreciation your work deserves..

Honestly, I am not well versed in literature of any sort, I picked up on them through random moments.. Shehr-e-zaat's the Farsi stanza is beautiful..a lot like zihaal -e-miskeen..
A particular one to name are Shikwah by Allama Iqbal and also his Jawaab-e-shikwa.. its very religiously conceptualised yet its foundation is political (at the time of India and Pakistan being separated!) Thus, no offence meant to different religion background readers and different nationalities of readers ..Hence I prefer the Jawaab more! 😃
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbhbxCRbhZE&list=FLmkG50Z9lzmTnVMJ2Wi61UQ&index=5

Honestly, I was a hard core thriller genre reader (still love it) ..did not like romance at all!! read a few classics of course they are at a different level of romance lol, but Ghsp changed my prospective on romance and now I hardly read a book! its always fanfics from here..and obv due to writers like you guys..

I like shayari and our standard novels too (easier to understand lol!) so Rumi's mathnawi, the alchemist,😆 gone with the wind are some..
.. I remember listening to Mehfil e Mushaira as a kid ..when video tapes were the new trend and my parents used to put us to bed early, to do some wah wahi to the Shayers and their shayari in a language which I found strange (Fasi-Urdu!!)

One Sheyr that I actually understood as a kid and that I remebered again when I saw GHSP was:

"Sharm, Dehshat, Jhijhak, Pareshaani
Naaz se Kaam kyun nahi leti;
Aap,
Woh,
Ji,
Magar...
Yeh Sab kya hai !!
Tum Mera Naam kyun nahi leti??" -Joan Elia 👏
😆

I do write this one story in my mind almost daily ever since I started watching ghsp ..but ha! not everyone is lucky to have a choice to pen them down..
Actual case of writing are just comments in this forum lol and an overdue out dated Diary (not time-lined of course just arbitrary muses...)
And more importantly my comments only seem like a great piece of writing coz they are based on something that is actually great! but I am flattered ji..If ever I do get a chance I will try 😳and open a thread in my name here on this forum.

Lastly, I will read rest of the chapters now.. so do bear with my comment lol .. will come back soon, I hope!

Comments like yours are more than enough appreciation for me. Thank you so much for the link, and Joan Elia's shayari is beautiful. I must also read up more of her work.

Please do try when you get the chance, the forum would be blessed to have someone like you present.

I apologise if this is a very short reply, I am just overwhelmed! And that does not happen often I must admit. Thank you so much once again.

Originally posted by: mayyo
Time to return home, Dev! Time to return to your conscience' home!

Loved it, Kalam!

Thank you very much, your feedback is always appreciated.

Originally posted by: dqno1
Dev has a conscience left.

It is said that a criminal gets away with a crime but it never leaves the mind. He ultimately loses to his mind which will not let him rest in peace.

In a strange way, I feel Maan is manipulating Geet too. He wants to trigger memories in her but they are causing her anxiety too. I feel bad for her. She is going to lose either way. If she gains her past, it will make a lie of everything she has in the present.

Thanks for a thought provoking update Kalam.

You have summarised Dev quite well. However as you said yourself, he is not the only culprit. Maan is also being selfish. Geet's fate is not even in her own hands but rather the hands of two men whose war to possess her is ultimately weaving a maze around them.

Thank you for your insight, it is always interesting.

Originally posted by: honeygrape
glad to know that dev feels that what he did was wrong...but that doesnt lessen the hatred towards him...eager to know what he did to her ...presence of maan is making her nervous...am worried about what her reaction would be once she gets to know about her past...story is becoming more n more interesting...loved the part...

I'm glad the updates are provoking thoughts. Thank you.

Originally posted by: punam2712
SO DEV HAS A CONSCIENCE WHICH IS NOW PRICKING HIM
THE GUILT NEVER LEAVES US - IT IS TIME TO REDEEM HIMSELF

GEET NEVER SAW BEYOND MAAN AND DEV NEVER SAW BEYOND GEET - BUT IT IS NOW TIME TO RETURN HOME AND THE WRONGS RIGHT

MAAN IS TRYING TO JOLT HER MEMORY WHICH IS MAKING HER ANXIOUS

It may not be as simple as it seems. As I said before, each brother has their own motive. Whether that is for Geet's best interests or not, only time will tell.

Originally posted by: mannu_minnie
nice...
here are some ultimate writer. let them do the honour.

i can't even write a comment proper...

so here is my 'nice' for u..

I am nowhere near as good as everyone else on this forum, but thank you very much for your kind words.

Originally posted by: kaamchorni
"Behind her eyes which search for you, lies the eyes that saw nothing else but Maan."

Such ominous words... they really did fill my heart with trepidation. Taut - a favourite word of mine which I don't often get to use - is definitely appropriate for this story.

Dev watching the city from the top, a position of power, seemed fitting. He is the one who has so far controlled the chessboard. But like here, he doesn't seem to have thought over this role overly much, isn't relishing this like a villain ought to... nor is Maan the hero you would expect. He too seems ready to manipulate, willing to coax Geet back to him and their past without too much thought to her wishes.

And what is to become of Geet? What happens when - if - she learns the truth? Under deception or not, I don't believe she would turn her back on Dev and go to Maan, a shadow that lives in her subconscious from a love story that is confined to minds and not matter. Reminds me of Yeats' 'Broken Dreams'... "vague memories, nothing but memories".

Late to the party but I'm happy to be here nonetheless. To say you write beautifully would be an understatement, Kalam (Anamika?), because more than that, your words are evocative and your story - deliciously taut.

Taut... that is an interesting word to describe this. Not the word I would have thought of, but now I can see your viewpoint.

I wanted to mould the characters so that they are all flawed, so it is a relief to hear that their flaws are showing through. No one is perfect, and no one is an angel where love and possession and self gratification are involved.

Yeats is a personal favourite, and that quote says it all. For now I cannot comment on Geet too much, for she is the enigma. But she is certainly damaged enough to lose more than she will gain when the secrets are laid bare.

You are more than welcome to drop in and out when you like. Thank you so much, your compliment means more than you will know.

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Kalam.

@Kalam.

Explorer

Posted: 11 years ago

#106

Chapter 10 - Ke Taab-e-Hijran

Overflowing patience...

"Geet."

She gasped, turning around and dropping the pencil from her hand. He bent down to retrieve it, but she grasped the top of his arm, slowly pulling him closer.

"Let me just... I can't... I just need to-"

"It's okay," his voice was a caressed whisper. "It's okay, Geet."

Her hand trembled as she moved it towards her face, but she thought better and let it drop.

However, his touch met hers as he held her hand this time and guided her towards his facial features.

"Close your eyes. Let your fingertips do the talking."

She closed her eyes, and her index finger touched just above his eyebrow.

But the feel of skin to skin was so vivid that it jolted her eyes open and she sat upright in bed, gasping for air.

Dev had his back turned to her, so she took a few moments to compose herself before climbing out of bed and making her way to the bathroom.

Once he heard the bathroom door lock, Dev's eyes flitted open.

***

The following afternoon brought with it a beautiful rain, the rains that smelled euphoric - cold enough when touched yet they warmed the skin after a while.

Maan was out on the balcony, blinking away the raindrops that landed on his eyes from his dripping hair.

She came and stood beside him, but he didn't notice her until their arms lightly brushed against each other.

He turned to her, stepping back a little. He was surprised by her presence and wanted to maintain the distance, for her sake more than anyone else's.

But when she calmly stated she wanted to finish his portrait off, and then walked back inside without sparing a glance his way, he was beginning to wonder if she knew more than she was letting on.

Edited by Kalam. - 11 years ago

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Padfoot_Prongs

@Padfoot_Prongs

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#107

ohk so now maan wanna avoid the consequences for geet after the truth???

nice..

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honeygrape

@honeygrape

Rocker

Posted: 11 years ago

#108

nice one...has she started remembering something?? eager to know more 😊

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kaamchorni

@kaamchorni

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#109

I read this chapter twice to make sure I understood it. From what I've deduced, Geet's dream was about Maan - perhaps a recollection of the past.

Something is trying to break through the surface for all of them... Geet's memories, Dev's guilt and Maan's... well, it seems like he an internal struggle has started for him. His past and desire to bring it to the forefront vs. the instinctive wish to not hurt her, which I can start to see in this chapter.

The rain is apt and seems a little symbolic. Geet's false outer layer may begin to erode now. Cold rain at first, like the cold, sharp knowledge of truth, and then slowly, warmth... not of a happy ending - I can't imagine that for them, at least not yet - but from finally being free.

Beautiful. In very little words, you have shown so much.

Edited by kaamchorni - 11 years ago