Do you hate liars or lie ?

Page

Next Last

Anupama

@beforesunrise

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

We can't deny the fact that we haven't lied ever. Each of us has lied a bit or more but has lied. So if we say we hate liars then it means we hate ourselves since we are in liars category too so it is safer to say that we hate lies.

I think lie has two types one spoken to hide something for good or bad and second to completely deny something something true .

I hate the second type of liars and lie when we completely deny something that we have done in past. It really infuriates me. Yeah lie spoken to hide something is also bad like a husband hiding his extramarital affair is bad but a friend hiding some bad news is sort of good .

My mom had a dual personality when I was a kid .Sometimes she will just get too angry that she will start me hitting by belt and start using really bad abusive word (and they were so bad that I can't mention them ) to torture you emotionally

And most of the time she was really good ,pampering me but you know words and actions hurt more than sword and she still knows to hurt me mentally and emotionally but now I am mature enough to take all that

but what really confuses me even after knowing her personality I can't take this when she lies whenever she is in a good mood she will deny doing all that in fact she says she never hit me or abused me

And it makes me angry I lose my temper when she does that ...

So what you guys say ..what could be the reason which makes us angry on hearing a lie why even after knowing the nature of a person we can't take his lie ??

Quote

Frequent Posters

BirdieNumNum

@CuckooCutter7

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

sorry to know about your experience. I'd like to think your mum was not intentionally lying and that she was just blocking the bad memories from her mind. I am no psychologist but maybe that's a defense mechanism she employed because she'd have been shamed otherwise... somewhere she must have been emotionally disturbed. Maybe just seeing it that way can help ease your pain.

personally i lie around 1 to 5% of the time and am quite proud of that fact... and then it's about stuff like all my vices😆. See i know people who lie around 90% of the time. That is simply too much. It's not even very smart. 😆One just learns to discount anything they say.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Anupama

@beforesunrise

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

@ birdienumnum

i thought of that reason but if she wanted to avoid those memories she would have stopped doing everything that she has done in past but she keeps repeating them

don't be sorry my parents just chose bad parenting techniques ..they are not bad but yes when they are upset they make me feel suicidal ..i really don't know from where they learn such cruel words

and i know what would stop me from getting angry if just for once she could accept her doings and feel sorry for that ...

cause her denying that she never abused me or hit me makes me more angry

Quote

charminggenie

@charminggenie

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

I would agree with birdie, seems your mum went through something or some bad phase that her defense mechanism is more prone to blocking memories or events. This is more of an ailment then your average lie, try speaking and finding out about issues bothering her. Be gentle.

See , as you yourself pointed out , what matters is the intention behind the lie. Just make sure you don't start living the lie.

Quote

Anupama

@beforesunrise

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

@ charminggenie

i tried all that but she just starts shouting ... now i don't even really care because i tried so much but it doesn't help and i can't take it anymore

sorry it is really inappropriate to discuss family matters on debate forum but i found this incident relevant to topic ...i hardly get angry but this is the only thing which makes me angry every time

so my main point was why even after knowing the nature of a person , even after knowing they are liar we can't learn to ignore their act and forgive them ??

Quote

752993

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

When it comes to lying, things aren't always black and white for one to judge someone's intentions, generally speaking. But you do have an option to take a decision for yourself and whatever gives you a peace of mind end of the day.

As for your situation, instead of accessing on the based of lies and liars, why not try to see it from a different perspective. Not sure what kinda discussions you might have had with her, but certain matters do require different ways to be tackled. As Birdie and Genie mentioned, people use all sorts of techniques to run away from their rough memories. She might be trying to suppress it all to make things better now, while your continues reminder of the past might be making it worse for her and thus the viscous cycle of anger. Discuss with her when she is in her brightest mood in a calm composed manner, mention things of the past which bothers you and affected your mental health. Instead of labeling her as an abuser or liar, try to listen what she has to say and then come to a judgement. Even then if she isn't willing to accept and gets aggressive, probably it's better for you both to let things of the past stay in the past, let it go and move on. Yes, it's definitely easier said than done. But why let your present suffer because of the past considering she isn't being her abusive self anymore.

As for you, it definitely is difficult to forgive someone who might have made your life seem like a living hell. I mean no one should have to suffer abuse by anyone let alone parents. Personally speaking, I hate the idea of parents taking their kids for granted and use them as their punching bags for their share of struggle and frustration. But everyone is a human and people make mistakes. If one is able to fix those mistakes and redeem themselves, a chance should be given. We don't know what your mom might have gone through in the past for her to react in certain way, so probably lending a hand of sympathy and being the mature one out of the two might work in your situation. Even after all this, if she continues with the trend, then as I said, do what is best for your peace of mind to get a closure. If you are an adult, how about trying to live on your own and start afresh ?

As for being suicidal, please try to get some help because ending your life isn't the solution to the temporary darkness of life. Talk to your friends and family about dilemmas and frustrations. Divert your mind in doing something constructive and positive. You can also use this virtual world to talk to people and discuss things you might not be able to in the real world. Hoping for things to work out for you.

Edited by CestMoi - 12 years ago

Quote

Bazigar

@Bazigar

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

@ beforesunrise

1. From your reply i guess that u r from India ( which came out true) bcoz in India only parents mostly believe in action reaction theory where they think that they will change everything , make every wrong as per them to right by doing physical action which will produce the desired reaction without realising how they hurt other emotionally and damage the mind of the kid for a long term, how it will effect personality .

2. Is it a lie ? They might have felt guilty or may be defensive when you try to make realise them how cruel they behave with you. So best defensive from get ashamed is to out rightly deny the incident . We cant tag it as telling lie on face.

3. Regarding extreme step : I agree with u that they are wrong but to just run away from life is not the solution for facing emotional and physical torture. Just think about it in India childs face more tortures then you imagine. I think few old outdated thoughts of parents made It just the part and parcel of society.

As you yourself said you are mature enough to face these , so there is no need to give so much importance for them to realise where they are wrong in past. U should make yourself more strong emotionally. The other thing is you yourself mentioned that your mother have dual personality may be she is suffering from any psychological issues, having own issues, stress so atleast you can forgive her , may be you feel better by knowingly forgive her . Like i know you are wrong but understanding your situation i just forgive u.

4. Solution : Instead expecting they should show remorse and guilty for past incident just try to make them realise that what they are doing is wrong. In just casual talk just discuss with them like how in other countries parents behave with children, how physical abuse is crime there, in fact how in metros in India people change themselves from a strict to a understanding parents, last but not least dont forget to give some phlosophical things 😆 like how sometime people forget that we are human not some physical object we are having own emotions , brain , thinking process , so people cant just impose their action - reaction theory. Atlast by hook or crook try to make them see a movie named Udaan , i am sure whenever they try to resort the same old tactics they will feel how wrong they are in their approach. 😆 Sometime a simple movie can also hammer our thoughts that we normally cant able to realise.

Instead worrying about weather they should worry for their lie , just enjoy Udaan movie with them 😆

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PpG2Ac0lwI[/YOUTUBE]

Edited by ramjaane - 12 years ago

Quote

Kankshita

@thegameison

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

I honestly detest being lied to. And I don't lie much. I speak the truth in most cases but 'reason' with myself when I have to lie. Nobody is one hundred percent truthful, yes. So, you can't hate liars, that's equivalent to hating everyone, yourself included. So, it's really lying I don't like.