Love Knows No Reason - Story So Far - Page 2

Chapter Ten

Mallika hugged him tight.

"Thank you for everything, sweetheart!"

"I am always just a phone call away, Mallika..you know that!"

"I knew I could count on you...and I desperately needed a smokescreen...Rahul's divorce is getting messy...we need to tread carefully!"

"I understand...but I hope you know what you're getting into...it's not going to be easy..I mean...he's the prince in waiting!"

"Yeah,..and the queen hates me..!" Mallika gave a tinkling laugh. "Wonder why all mothers hate me? Your mother wasn't too pleased to see me either!"

"Oh come on, Mallika...you know her...!"

"I do, sweety...and I am used to her indifference...but today was different...her eyes were spitting fire..like she wished she could reduce me to ashes!"

"Well...I can only say sorry!"

"Come on, darling...I am not looking for an apology...more for gossip actually...come on...give...is there a Lucknow ki chori that she has found for you? Is Dr Heartstone finally taken?"

"What rubbish!"

"Me thinks the gentlemen doth protest too much...me thinks it could even be the pretty lady doctor whom we bumped into at your hospital today...if your mother wanted to burn me, the lady was so cold that I thought I would suffer frostbite!"

Ashutosh shook his head.

"Mallika...you should quit acting and become a script writer...what yarns you spin!"

"Funny you say that...I am actually writing something...but seriously sweety, tell me what is going on...I have never known you so edgy...something fishy!"

Ashutosh sighed hard.

"If you must know, I was briefly involved with her. It was never meant to be anything serious. But she went ahead and tried to kill herself on the eve of her wedding!"

Mallika drew in a sharp breath.

"Poor girl, Ashutosh...she must be in love with you!"

Ashutosh remained silent.

"She probably has no clue what a heartless bas***d you are!"

Ashutosh turned to look at her.

"Maybe I am...but I don't pretend to be anything else!"

Mallika placed her hand on his shoulder.

"The bitches of this world like me are well equipped to handle bas***ds like you. Clearly, she is a nice girl, darling... You should have a run a mile from her rather than take her to bed!"

Ashutosh could not help the flush that stained his neck and cheeks.

"I don't know what came over me!"

"A little something called love maybe!"

He glared at her.

"Bull crap!"

"I know the two are the same to you...but still, I wonder why you chose me to inaugurate the women's reproductive health awareness campaign at your hospital...you made me beg SRK for a day off...and you know how much I hate doing that?"

"Come on...celebrity endorsements always help...and besides I wanted to underline the importance of the issue..!"

"Or maybe you wanted to underline your own indifference to someone?"

Ashutosh looked at her sharply.

"Am I as much a smokescreen as you are, darling?"

He looked away, partly because he did not want to know the answer to that question himself!

"Ashutosh, we met at a time when I was emotionally vulnerable. You were my mother's surgeon. I was terrified of losing the only anchor I had, coming right after my breakup with Rahul. But you saved her for me and then, we became friend with benefits. I might have even fallen in love with you if I had not known better. Or maybe if I hadn't still been in love with Rahul. Anyway, we both moved on after a bit. And thankfully, Rahul came back to me. I think we are on for good this time, he would not have served divorce papers on his wife otherwise!"

"So you've made it your mission to see everybody else happily married too!"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I just want to see you happy, darling!"

"And you think I am not?"

She gave him a sour look.

"You know what I mean. Anyway, thanks for everything. Hope my coming here helps you achieve your objective. Actually cancel that thought. I hope it does not! My money is on the Lucknow ki chori!"

She winked at him before giving him another parting hug.

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Ashutosh was in a really irritable mood. Why was everybody bent on messing with his life? He was heading to his room when Sister Sushila called out to him.

"Sir, Madam has been refusing food since morning. I have tried my best to coax her but she is just not responding to me!"

Just what he needed now! He felt like throwing his head back and howling.

"I'll just freshen up and come down, Sister...ask Hiraman Kaka to get a tray for me too...I'll have dinner with her.

God, he was so tired!

After a quick shower, he walked into his mother's room. She seemed extremely agitated.

"Maa...how was your day?"

"Are you marrying Mallika?"

"What?"

Where did that come from?

"It was on that gossip channel that Sushila loves to watch...the reporter claimed that sources close to Mallika Kapoor said you'd proposed to her!"

He closed his eyes is despair. Clearly, Mallika's PR was working overtime to maintain the lie!

"It's just gossip, Maa...I am not marrying anyone!"

"So, why did you bring her to Lucknow then?"

He wished he knew!

"Ashutosh...do you intend spending the rest of your life alone?"

He took a deep breath and then nodded.

"But why? Why would you want to do that?"

Her eyes took on a faraway look.

"I remember you telling me...that you wanted to find love just like ours...and I was so hoping for that!"

Horror gets etched on his face. Like his father and mother?! Oh no! Most definitely NOT! He shook his head decisively.

"I was a fool to have said that, Maa...no, I don't want any kind of love...and most certainly not the kind that Baba and you had!"

She looked confused.

"Why Ashu? Your father and I were blissfully happy together!"

A soft smile curved her lips in reminiscence. A smile that his next words wiped out!

"So blissful that you wanted to die along with him!"

His mother's face crumpled.

"Ashu, you know..."

"Yes, Maa...I do...I know because it all happened in front of me...a courageous woman, a brilliant attorney, ...she was reduced to shambles when her husband died suddenly...she walked around like a zombie till one day her son found her seated in the kitchen with a puzzled look on her face...she was staring at her slit wrist from which blood was oozing out in a trickle...Her son asked her what she was trying to do...she looked at him like she did not know who he was...she asked him to take her to her Shashank...she told him in a small voice that she could not live without her Shashank...and then she collapsed in his arms...the mother he knew was lost to her son that day...and with it, his desire to find love of any kind...today, she tells her son that she wants him to find love like hers...tell me, Maa...do you really want that?"

Tears were coursing down her cheeks now.

"Shashank left me so suddenly...I was just not prepared for him to go...one moment, I am watching him argue in court,.,the next moment, he crumples and falls...we rush him to the hospital only to be told it was a massive cardiac arrest...I could not handle it...!"

Ashutosh closed his eyes in pain. He remembered his first sight of them after that. He had rushed back from the UK, where he was doing his masters. He had come home to see his father in a glass coffin while his mother kept staring at her husband's dead face, oblivious to the presence of even her own son. He could never forget the sheer helplessness on her face, a lost look that had remained with her all these years. She had suffered a nervous breakdown soon after and had turned into a empty shell from a fiery, vivacious and beautiful woman.

He had decided then that he would never allow himself to love so deeply. He did not want to endure such pain, an empty existence. Nor did he want someone else to go through it for him. He had never allowed himself to get emotionally close to anyone and whenever he had sensed that a woman was falling in love with him, he had made sure to push her away from him.

He did not want his soul broken, nor did he want to be the cause of another soul's destruction.

Everything had been going fine, until he had made the mistake of allowing Nidhi to get under his skin. Now, he had become reason for her self-destruction. His sense of guilt was killing him and he did not know how to handle it!

His mother's quiet sobs brought him back to the present!

"I'm sorry, Ashu..I am sorry I did not handle myself better...I am sorry that my grief has destroyed your future...I am sorry that I was so self-absorbed in my grief that I did not think of you, my son...I am so sorry that I was so wrapped up in my pain!"

Ashutosh hugged her tight.

It was good that she was letting her emotions flow. If she had shed all these tears back then, maybe she would not have broken down the way she had. Maybe now, he could hope for his mother, as he knew her, to come back. Maybe all of this was for the good.

There was a knock at the door and Hiraman Kaka pushed the trolley in.

"Oho, Memsaab...see what I have brought...your favourite aloo parathas, rabri and malpua and Ashutosh's favourite kadi..remember how Saab and Ashutosh used to have a kadi drinking competition whenever you made it...I don't know if this will taste just as good..Chak ke batayiye na?"

It was the best evening Ashutosh had had in a long time. His mother and he took turns feeding each other. Sushila beamed as Mrs Prerna Mathur regaled them all with stories from her courtroom days! After ten years with the family, Prerna Mathur was a sister to her.

It was almost midnight when the party broke up. Ashutosh had a surgery scheduled for the next morning. As he kissed his mother goodnight, she caressed his hair gently.

"Ashu, I want you to experience what your father and I had. Believe me, even the nervous breakdown and a zombie existence cannot take away from the joy we shared. Don't forget, you are a product of that blissful love! Stop trying to run away!"

He did not want to say anything to spoil her good mood. And so, Ashutosh nodded before leaving her for the night.

He seemed to go off like a light, as soon as his head touched the pillow. When the knock came, he was surprised that it was daybreak already. A peek at the bedside clock said it was just four in the morning. He got up groggily and opened the door.

"Sir...!"

One look at Sister Sushila's face and he knew!

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The shrill tone of the mobile cut through his strange dream.

Anjie and he had been atop a hill, looking out at the sunset beyond. Nidhi had been nowhere in sight. Neither of them seemed worried though as they sat in companionable silence. Rohan's lips curved as he thought that Anjie was the one who had taught him to appreciate the power of silence. She had told him it was not such a bad thing to stop talking once in a while!!

Rohan opened his eyes blearily and squinted at his phone.

It was Anjie.

"Morning Anjie...you know what...I was dreaming of the two of us!t"

There was a sharp intake of breath and then utter silence at the other end. Was she still there?

"Anjie...?"

"Rohan...can you please come over to my place?"

"What's wrong?"

An unknown terror gripped him.

"Dr Ashutosh's mother has passed on. Uncle just called to inform me that Nidhi has gone there. I thought she might need us!"

Rohan was already out of his bed and rummaging through his wardrobe.

"I will be there in fifteen minutes. Wait at the gate!"

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She seemed so calm and happy. There was even a smile on her lips as if she was experiencing a happy moment! Maybe she was, maybe her Shashank had taken her into his arms finally, after a decade!

Ashutosh's thoughts swirled around randomly. He sat at the head of the coffin, staring at his mother's face. He was never going to be able to, very soon! So he stared, unmindful of the people who walked in and out. There were whispered condolences, pats on the back, a hug or two and hands placed on his shoulder. But nothing really registered. These were to be his last moments with his mother and he was not letting anyone else or anything else intervene.

And yet, one whispered sorry caught his attention. He looked up into her grief stricken eyes.

"She pleaded your case last!"

She probably had no clue what he was saying. But he had to say it! She was the only one he spoke to of his own volition through that entire day. Other times, it was merely mechanical, courteous responses to both personal visits and calls!

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It had been a fortnight. It seemed like yesterday. Or maybe it had been another lifetime!

He leaned back against the couch. It was his first day back at the hospital. They had deliberately kept his schedule light. He wished they hadn't, he wished he had a punishing workload so he would have no time to think. He threw his hand across his eyes, hoping to shield them from the reality of the day. He was so lost in his grief that he did not hear the knock at the door. Not until the door opened and she stepped in.

"Excuse me, Sir?"

He looked up in surprise, forgetting that his face was wet with tears. He wanted to scream and shout at her for daring to walk into his cabin unbidden, for being witness to his breakdown. But his throat was clogged and no words emerged. They stared into each other's eyes for a long minute. Then she turned and walked towards the door.

He threw his arm over his eyes again, ready to lose himself to his grief. He heard the click of the door closing. He knew he was not alone when he felt a soft hand touch his shoulder. She sat next to him on the couch.

She looked deep into his eyes for a moment before pulling him into her arms. After a moment's resistance, he let himself go. He burrowed his face into the crook of her neck, held her tight to his chest and let his emotions flow!

Nidhi felt the second when he finally let go of his ever present iron control and succumbed to her embrace. A small groan escaped before he burrowed his face in the crook of her neck and gave in to his debilitating pain. Harsh sobs wracked his body. All she could do was tighten her arms around him and absorb his tears. She didn't speak a word..didn't try to mouth platitudes and condolences. Now was not the time for either. She just let him be and became his anchor while he battled the sea of pain. Finally the tempest within him subsided and his breathing returned to normal. Nidhi continued to run her fingers through his hair until with a deep sigh, he squeezed her tightly to himself once and released her before once again leaning his head back on the sofa and closing his eyes. Wordlessly, she got up and fetched him a tall glass of cold water. He gulped it down in one go before going to the washroom to splash some water on his tear ravaged face. She took a fresh hand towel from the draw, placed it on his table before leaving as quietly as she had come.

His indifference, rejection, Mallika..everything had been forgotten the moment she received that phone call 15 days ago from Sushila. The nurse had almost broken down completely and Nidhi could hardly make sense of what she had been saying for a few seconds.

"Dr Nidhi..please come. Aap aajayiye jaldise. Prerna ma'am..Prerna ma'am..she was talking about you. Wanted to meet you again. Wanted me to take her to your house in the morning. Aap aajayiye please. She is gone. Ma'am is no more."

After a quick word to her baba, she had rushed to his house. Between her and Sushila, they had informed everyone and had arranged the coffin in the main hall with the help of a teary eyes Hiraman kaka. All through Ashutosh hadn't moved from his mother's side. He had just sat there..staring..as if imprinting the image in his mind for the last time. After all, it would be the last time he would be seeing her. People, friends, colleagues and some distant relatives had started coming in. But he never looked up or responded to any of them directly. She had realized that he was functioning like an automata. She didn't think he even registered her presence in the house until she had handed him a glass of ice tea and whispered a soft pain filled "sorry." He had looked at her then. A brief flare of recognition in his eyes before he slid his gaze away. "She pleaded your case last." He had said that one sentence. She hadn't even known what he meant by that then. Amidst arranging the flowers near the photo frame, Sushila had explained a bit more.

"Prerna ma'am wanted to talk to you in the morning Dr Nidhi. She kept saying I will explain things to her. She should know. She has a right to know. I didn't understand but I told her we would go tomorrow. She was very happy last night. Mother and son had dinner together and chatted for a very long time."

Prernaji had told her just the previous day that she has started to come back to the land of living. But fate had something else in store for her. May be she sensed it subconsciously and spent most of the time talking to her son. The whole world might call him heartless but Nidhi had known differently. He did have a heart. He did feel. He just guarded his feelings better than the most. Even the few times that she saw both of them together, his tenderness towards his mother had been way too obvious for her eyes. He visibly softened and his gaze turned almost tender when it fell on his ma. How would he be feeling! He had gone to sleep happy in the knowledge that he is getting his mother back and got up to the knowledge that she has been taken away from him forever.

A couple of hours later, Anji and Rohan had come to Ashutosh's house. Anji, she could understand. Rohan too? But his stubborn gaze told her he is here to stay until she is ready to leave. He was not going leave her alone in case she needed him. They didn't talk much and once they left for the cremation, she had gently suggested to Hiraman kaka to make sure Ashutosh had something to eat once he came back. May be some light kichdi of some kind. She had passed on her mobile and land line numbers to both Hiraman kaka and Sushila and told them to call her if they needed anything..any time. Sushila had cried while telling her that she would be leaving the next day. Nidhi had left him completely alone after that. He was grieving and she had no right to intrude. But her heart never paid heed to what her mind had been telling her. It told her to go to him and take him in her arms. He could lay his head in her lap and she would do anything and everything in her power to give him a brief respite from the pain. She lost her mother when she was 15. She knew what that pain was. How crippling it would get. She would hug him to her chest and rock him to sleep. These thoughts ate at her for the next two weeks until she didn't know what she was doing or saying. Her restlessness had been apparent not only to Anji and Rohan but also to her baba. So after all these days when she saw him in his cabin, so on the verge of breaking down, she had been unable to step back and leave him alone. And it had not been just about her. There had been something in his eyes when he looked at her. Something that pleaded with her not to leave him alone. Something that told that may be, just may be, he needed her a little. May be nothing more than an emotional crutch but still..

Nidhi went to the receptionist and instructed her to give five minutes and send the first OPD patient to Dr Ashutosh and also to fill up the OPD for the rest of the day. The man needed to be kept busy. The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something.

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That night Nidhi's cell pinged with an incoming sms from Ashutosh.

I am sorry.

A frown gathered as she typed her reply.

What for?

I don't know..but just wanted to say it.

She remained silent as her thumb slid over the screen. After a few moments another message popped up.

Nidhi..

Just that. Nothing else. Just her name. But his almost tangible turmoil and yearning in that one word reached out to touch and surround her. She got up and went to wake up CS.

"CS, I got a call from KGH. I need to go. If baba asks, please tell him. Ok?"

"Sambhalke jaayiye bibiji."

"Chalti hoon."

15 minutes later, she parked her car under a tree beside his house and got down. But before she could knock or ring the bell, the door opened and there he stood. How did he know? Had he been looking through the glass windows? Intuition? Had he begun to sense her presence like she always managed to sense his? Was it relief that she is seeing in his face now as he wordlessly stepped aside to let her in?

The sound of lock sliding in and the next moment she felt his arms surround her from behind, pulling her into the hardness of his body. She actually felt his muscles loosen, losing tension and his deep shuddering sigh at her nape along with the further tightening of his arms.

"Nidhi.."

He turned her to face him, pulled her up on her toes and kissed her. Hard, with all the passion that she thought she only imagined and exaggerated in her mind. It bubbled out, rising sharply until she thought she would explode. But unlike all the other times, there was no finesse here. None of the practised seduction techniques were involved. His hands clumsily stabbed at her face and finally ended up in her hair, his fingers digging into her scalp as he drank deeply, almost desperately from her. Finally, their oxygen starved lungs demanded that they pull away. He lowered his head until his forehead rested against hers. Their lips were so close that she could feel each of his breaths.

"Nidhi.."

With that one word, he picked her up in his arms and with her head resting on his shoulders and arms clasping his neck, climbed up the steps to his room. Shoving with his shoulder, he opened the door and banged it shut behind them with his foot. Tenderly depositing her in the middle of the bed, he reached for the switch, enclosing the room in darkness. She fumbled a little before her palms cupped his face and brought him back to her and with a wordless groan; he fell into her welcoming arms and crashed his hunger into hers.

Addicted. That was what she was. From the first look and the first touch. What had terrified her so for all those weeks before she succumbed to it. There was no other word for it. The more she had of him, the more she wanted, the deeper her dependence on him. But that night, somehow, it didn't make her cringe in fear and pain. Because for the first time she could sense HIS want and HIS dependence on her. Did he know? May be not. He probably wouldn't accept it if he did. Her thoughts got short circuited as he pulls his t shirt up and away before attacking the buttons of her top. It was quickly followed by her ankle length skirt and his own trousers as if neither could bear anything to come between them..not even a scrape of cloth. They rolled on the mattress, struggling to get closer, take first, give more. Her unconditional response seemed to scorch his sense, slashing away the man's skin, leaving behind only a beast in the grip of mating frenzy. Over the pounding beat of their hearts, his eyes locked with hers and he bunched her hair in his hand.

"Nidhi.."

"I am here..right here."

As if that was all he needed to hear, he sank into her depths in one fluid thrust barely taking time to don the protection. He swallowed her keen at his invasion, poured out his growl at her captivation as her flesh yielded to him, sucking him into an inferno of sensation. The carnality, the reality, the meaning of having him inside her was just too much for her. She bit her lip and dug her fingers into his back to stop the words of love that came pouring out of her heart and ceded her all to him. She let him pierce her essence and consume her until the pleasure spiralled and almost blew out her arteries. She crushed herself to him as if to merge their bodies, catapulting him into a frenzy. She lurched like a marionette with her strings snapped, plunging him deeper inside her. Her frenzy finally completely snapped his sanity as he detonated inside her. Everything vanished for her as his groans echoed her sobs..until she could feel nothing but their flesh straining together, melting into each other in the quivering surplus.

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Nidhi turned her head a little to look at the sleeping form of Ashutosh. Her fingers ever so softly traced his forehead before slipping into his hair. His face was so relaxed now..almost tranquil. His arms and legs literally bound her to him and her silly heart rejoiced at this first gesture of possessiveness even though it was probably not a deliberate or conscious act on his part. She fumbled for her cell phone to check the time. A little after 3.00 in the morning. She should leave. She debated whether to wake him up or not. Deciding against it, she carefully extricated herself from his arms without disturbing his sleep and got dressed as quietly as she can in the dark. After a final look at his sprawled sleeping form, she disappeared into the still dark night.

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Around 6 in the morning, Nidhi's phone pinged again just as she woke up.

Reached home ok?

Yes.

Why didn't you wake me?

After a slight hesitation she typed her reply.

I didn't know if..I didn't know.

You should have.

Silence from both sides for a few minutes and then another sms from Ashutosh.

Will you have dinner with me tonight?

Ok

Will pick you up?

No. Please sms me the address. I will meet you there.

Mirage Lounge, Park Road. 7.30 ok with you?

Yes. Ok.

Good. See you then.

See you.

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Mirage Lounge:

She always knew he was a charmer when it came to women. But never got a chance to be on the receiving end of it until that evening as he set about making conversation with her and dazzling her with her lop sided smile. He seemed determined to act normal, engaging her in small talk about KGH and his initial move from London to Lucknow. There was absolutely no mention of the previous night. Was that his way of saying he regretted it or..? Her thoughts got interrupted as he looked up from the menu with a lopsided smile.

"Have you been here before?"

She nodded. "Once. On Anji's birthday."

His eyes seemed to grill her. "Did you tell at home that you are going out with me?"

She bit her lip. Why was he asking that? Did he think she was reading more into it than just plain dinner? Was that what he was worried about?

"No. I have my night shift today. I took permission from Dr Vyas. Told him that I would sign in around 9.30. I left home at my usual time."

He nodded and let the matter drop. After placing their orders, he sat back in silence, almost lost in thoughts the faade slipped and she got a peek at his tired eyes. Nidhi took a sip of water.

"Sushila has left?"

Ashu blinked and turned his gaze back to her. "Yes. One of my ex colleague has a paraplegic sister. She has started working there now."

"Hiraman kaka is there, right?"

A small smile graces his lips. "He has been with us ever since I was 5 years old. So he is not going to go anywhere." A slight pause. "He told me that you were a big help to him and Sushila that day. Thank you Nidhi."

Nidhi shook her head. "No thanks required. I lost my mother when I was 15 in a freak road accident. I know what its like. I accept that I did not know your mother very well but from what little I knew, I liked her very much." She smiled in fond remembrance. "She loved the hare chane ki kari that I cooked that day."

Ashutosh huffed out a small laugh. "Oh yeah! That she did. She made kaka cook it again from the recipe you had given her. First time after God knows how long, I saw her showing interest in something other than staring into space."

"Your father..?"

His gaze slid away from hers. "Passed away when I was doing my Masters."

"Oh! I am sorry. Must have been tough for Prerna ma'am after that."

He fiddled with the fork for a while.

"She went to pieces after that. Both of them were lawyers.."

Surprise was evident in her tone. "Prernaji was a lawyer?"

He nodded. "A brilliant one. Had a razor sharp mind and wicked sense of humour too. Loved playing pjs on my dad. Then he died quite suddenly and she couldn't handle that. She went into some kind of a shell..tried to ki.." He stopped abruptly as if he had just realized he has spoken way more than he intended to. His relief was too obvious when the waiter placed their order on their table, served them and left them. "What about you? You always wanted to become a doctor?"

She went along with the conversation and gave him a briefing about her career milestones. And all the while her mind was whirling with what he had said. Did his mother try to kill herself after his father passed away? How would he have felt? Abandoned? That his mother loved his father so much that he himself didn't matter to her? That she didn't try to pick herself up even for the sake of her son, never mind for her own self? Was that why he didn't want any relationships? Was that why he pushed me away? Did he blame himself for my suicide attempt? Was that it? Did he feel cornered? What was he feeling now? Was he just lonely and wanted some company? Or was it something more that he himself is not ready to explore? Deciding to divert him from his own no doubt painful thoughts, she set about regaling him with KGH's latest gossip and the subtle relaxing of his shoulders told her that it was working and the rest of the dinner, they got along like two peas in a pod irrespective of the fact none of their tastes matched.

Ashutosh gave her another of his piercing looks as he opened her car door for her.

"I enjoyed the dinner Nidhi."

Knowing that her expression must be equal to holding a sign board stating her feelings, she quickly averted her gaze and slid behind the wheel.

"Me too. Thank you for inviting me."

"Nidhi..I am going to Mumbai the day after tomorrow morning. Surgery for a VIP patient."

"Oh. Ok. Good luck."

"Will you come with me? We can stay the night and catch the next day morning flight."

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"You have GOT to be KIDDING!"

Nidhi faced her friend's disbelief and anger.

"No Anji. I am not kidding."

Anji glared at her. "You want to go to Mumbai with him? Stay the night with him? And you want me to cover for you and tell in your house that you are going to stay with me? You have lost it Nidhi. I tell you, you have finally lost it completely!"

Nidhi sighed. "Anji, please yaar. Try to understand."

Anji shuffled through the newspaper bundle and pulled out an old paper practically threw it at her. "Remember that? That guy was out with that actress not a fortnight ago. He changes women like I change my hair clips. You got burnt once already. Now he crooks a finger and you are ready to run again? What the f**k is wrong with you?"

"I can't explain Anji. All I can say is I know he feels something more. He might never say it. But I know it. Please buddy..do this for me."

"I don't seem to have a choice. I know you told Rohan to mind his own business. He just wanted to make sure that guy doesn't think of you as some kind of helpless woman and take advantange and you told him..and you would tell me the same too. So its better I shut my mouth."

Nidhi shook her head. "I didn't say that Anji. I know he is my best friend and only wants the best for me. He is way too protective. But..but Anji, I have changed now. I can take care of myself. I am not the girl who went running to him every time someone bullied her or teased her. Please understand yaar. If you don't, who else will?"

Anji had nothing to counter that one. She knew every thought and feeling of Nidhi. "Yeah. Fine. Ok. I will cover for you. But please..please be careful ok?"

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Taj Lands End, Mumbai.

"The surgery starts at 11. I will let you know when I am on my way back. Would you like to go somewhere in the meanwhile? Do some shopping or anything?"

Nidhi shook her head and dragged out her laptop. "I will catch up on cognitive neuro until then. I stink at it."

He looked at her smiling eyes and lips for a long moment before pulling her into his arms and kissing her completely senseless. "See you later."

Chapter Thirteen

Was it too juvenile? She didn't care. But while they had been packing and checking out, she hadn't been able to let go of the flowers. They were just probably an impulse. Hell, she KNEW they were an impulse. The discomfort on his face had been way too obvious for her eyes. For the first few moments she had not been even sure if the flowers had been for her or had some one else given it to him after the surgery as a gesture of appreciation. But his face had given him away and her stupid heart rejoiced even though he had looked as if he regretted whatever it was that had prompted him. So on her way out, she had quietly slipped one of the blossoms into her bag pack. And here they were, back in Lucknow. She didn't know where they would go from here. Did it matter? As long as she had him in her life..

"Nidhi!"

Nidhi's startled eyes turn to look at Rohan standing in front of her. What was he doing in the airport?

"Rohan tum? Yahaa?"

Wordlessly, he took her carry on from her hands and she followed him until both of them were seated in his car. After a few minutes of uneasy silence, she finally decided to break it.

"You are angry, aren't you?"

He huffed out a sarcastic laugh. "You could say that. I am seriously considering turning you over my knee. Don't get me wrong. There is no broken heart and feelings of betrayal involved. as I told Anji before, I am over and done with that. You and your doctor can do whatever you feel like. But why pull Anji into it Nidhi? Couldn't you have thought things through a bit before putting her in such a spot?"

A sense of unease slithered through her spine, not because he is defending Anji but the way he said that. "Something happened?"

"Yes Dr Nidhi Verma. Something did happen. Do you know Major Kuldeep? Yog uncle's friend from his army days?"

"Yes but.."

"He saw you. He was there in that bash that actress gave last night. He called up uncle this morning."

She closed her eyes and softly banged her head against the head rest in the car. Rest of the journey was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. She took a deep breath as soon as the car stopped in front of the house and got down.

"Thank you Rohan." Seeing that he was ready to accompany her, she shook her head. "Nahi. Mein chali jaaungi. I will handle this."

Rohan looked at her intently as if gauging her words before nodding and backing off.

"Take care. Call if you need anything."

She mustered a sincere smile from somewhere.

"Rohan..congratulations. I am really happy. I want a signed copy. Ok?"

The pride overrode his concern for a brief moment. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without.."

She nods. "Anji. I know. Chalti hoon."

She waited until he backed out his car and left. Then remained standing for some more time as if gathering all her courage to face what was waiting for her inside. A part of her screamed at her to call Ashutosh and tell him. Ask him what was to be done. But what would she ask and what would he tell? It was not his problem. It had never been his problem. What had she been thinking..hoping? That she would go on seeing him and being with him without the knowledge of her family?

"Are you planning to stand there the whole day?"

Her baba's no nonsense voice reached her and with another bracing breath, she went inside.

"Go and freshen up Nidhi."

"Baba.."

"I said go inside and freshen up. We will talk later."

A quick shower and a cup of strong tea from CS later,

"Baba, I am sorry."

CV didn't turn from his place at the window..didn't turn to look at his daughter.

"What are you sorry for Nidhi?"

"I am sorry that I lied to you."

"That's it? That's all you are sorry for?"

"Ghar ki izzat ko mitti me milaake ab apne jhoot keliye maafi maang rahi ho Nidhi?" DB's furious voice made her cringe.

"Dabi bua, it was not like that."

CV finally turned to look at his daughter.

"Then what was it like Nidhi? Tell me. I want to know. I didn't believe..I COULDN'T believe that my daughter would do something like this!"

"Baba, I swear, I never meant to hurt you.."

"Well, that's what you did Nidhi. Tell me something and don't you DARE lie to me about this. Was THIS the reason you refused to marry Rohan? Was HE the reason?"

Nidhi shook her head. "No baba. He was not the reason. I was the reason. I didn't want to marry Rohan when I.."

"When you what? When you fell in love again with someone else? When you..when you went ahead and..and..God damn it Nidhi! What the HELL is going on?"

DB's eyes snapped at her. "He did something. I know he did. Warna meri bachchi aisi harkat kabhi nahi karti. Meeti meeti baaten karke apne jaal mein fasaliya hoga uss doctor ne." Her "Doctor" almost sounded like an insult the way she said it.

Nidhi closed her eyes in despair. "Nahi Dabi bua, aisa kuch nahi hain."

CV finally lost the patience at that and sat in front of his daughter.

"Meri taraf dekho Nidhi. Look me in the eye. Do you love this guy?"

Her reply came out as a whisper, not because she was unsure of her feelings but because she knew where that question would lead to. "Yes baba."

"Does he love you?"

"He didn't say baba."

"Did he say that he will marry you?"

"I never asked him to marry me baba."

"Yet you went ahead and.."

DB closed her ears, her own throat clogged up. "Paap! Nidhi, yeh jo tumne kiya haina..bina shaadi ke, yeh paap hain."

Nidhi gave her helpless look before turning back to her baba, her expression pleading him to understand.

"Baba, meine koi paap nahi kiya hain. I just went with my heart."

"And your family? Society? What did your heart say to all that? Did it tell you to kick everything and everyone aside? Did it tell you to become so selfish that you lost all sense of right and wrong?"

DB started pacing. "Arre mein toh kehti hoon Yog, we should go and meet him. He can't play around with our child's life like this. He can't smear her honour like this."

Nidhi also got up at that. "What has my honour got to do with what happened Dadi bua? I am an adult. I went into this relationship with my eyes wide open. I never asked for any promises in return. He never lied to me or deceived me in any way."

CV locked his jaw. "But he didn't make any promises either." It was a statement, not a question."

"I didn't ASK for any promises baba."

CV shook his head. "You know Nidhi, you were all of 15 when your mom passed away. Every one of us was worried. Teenage hain aur maa bhi nahi hain. Kaise sambhaalenge..kya karenge..But you never gave me any problem. You were always stable and unwavering. You knew what you wanted in your life and did everything you could to get it. You even supported Rohan when his career in sports got smashed to pieces. But now, THIS..no Nidhi. This is not done. I won't accept something like this. It might be the 21^st century and there might be millions around who are happy and content with this kind of relationships but where my daughter is concerned, no. This is NOT done."

Nidhi closed her eyes. "Baba.."

"Listen to me Nidhi. Think. Think about what it is that you want to do now. Because irrespective of what went on before all this came to my knowledge, it can't be repeated. So think and decide. If you have not talked to him about the future, I think its high time you did. You do it or you want ME to do it, is your choice. I won't let people point fingers at my daughter Nidhi. You might not care about what the world thinks of you but I do. And there is no way I am going to sit by and watch you wreck your life with your own hands."

What to do? Where to go from here? She can't go and ask him. She can't back off and break things with him. May be she needed some cooling off period. May be something would strike her then. Some kind of middle ground. With that thought in mind, she applied leave for a couple of days through Anji after apologizing to her for dragging her into a mess that was her own making.

"Kuch socha hain kya Nidhi? What will you do?"

Nidhi had no answer.

"Did you at least TELL him?"

"No. It's not his problem Anji."

Anji looked almost like she wanted to slap her. "What do you MEAN it's not his problem? It takes two to tango and he was right there tangoing with you." Seeing Nidhi's mute expression, she threw up her hands. "FINE!"

The next two days went by on the same state of impasse. Neither was willing to bend and there was no middle ground for either. Until, she heard the sound of the door bell ringing and her father's "Yes?" It was followed by a deep voice, a voice that she would recognize and respond to even had she been in a coma.

"Sir, I am Dr Ashtuosh Mathur and I would like to marry your daughter Nidhi!"

But his words, when she heard them, managed to render her completely speechless. He wanted to marry her? Really? Had the absence of the last two days made him think and realize that..She cursed the hope that refused to shut its stupid mouth and ran to the main hall where her baba moved aside to let Ashutosh into the house. Once both men were seated, Ashutosh looked up at her.

"You should have told me."

Told him what? Before she could formulate that statement, he turned back to CV.

"Sir, firstly, I would like to apologize for everything that happened. I take full responsibility and with your kind permission, would like to marry your daughter."

CV looked intently at him. "Why? Why do you want to marry my daughter Dr Ashutosh?"

"Sir, I have been involved with your daughter. She is very special to me. And while I am content in not giving our relationship a name, I do realize that things don't work out that way in this society. I respect her both as a woman and as a doctor. I don't want to be the reason for her humiliation in any way." He met CV's eyes head on. "I want to marry Nidhi."

DB, who has heard the whole conversation, finally mutters. "Chalo shukr hain. Kuch toh sharm hain ladke mein. Soch kya rahe ho Yog?"

Nidhi shook her head before DB could complete her sentence.

"DB, nahi DB. Baba, please don't rush into anything like this."

It was a toss up as to who was more stunned. DB, CV or Ashutosh. His eyes flared in complete stunned disbelief before turning impassive.

"Any particular reason why you are saying that Nidhi?"

Nidhi bit her lip as she just looked at him and tried to read his thoughts. Realizing that everyone is waiting for her answer, she said the first thing that popped into her head.

"My PG. I have to clear my PG, right?"

CV shook his head before asking her candidly.

"You didn't think of your PG when you were going to marry Rohan and you didn't think of it while you went with him to Mumbai. So why now?"

Giving Ashutosh another desparate look, she finally went down on hunches before DB.

"DB, I am not saying no to marriage. Par unke maa ko guzre bees din bhi nahi hue. Achcha nahi rahega DB. Please think na."

For the first time, she saw a glimpse of sympathy in CV's eyes towards Ashutosh.

"I am sorry Dr Ashutosh. I did not know that."

"Thank you sir. But.."

DB by now had started nodding her head. "Tum teek kehti ho Nidhi. Marriage before the 6 month period is not possible. We can't do something like that."

Nidhi controlled her sigh of relief. Finally! The middle ground! Well, may be not a permanent one but still.. She didn't like bringing it up but she honestly didn't have any other way to stop this whole thing. At this point, she was more scared of losing him rather than getting him. Marriage is a forever thing for her and no matter how he acted, she was sure once done, it was a forever thing for him too. If he married her now out of some misplaced guilt, then he would have no way out. He would be boxing himself into a corner and end up resenting both her and himself.

CV too nodded. "We will wait for 6 months and then plan a wedding. Ok, Dr Ashutosh?"

Left with practically no choice, Ashutosh nodded and got up to take his leave.

"Sure sir. Whatever is agreeable to you and your family." He locked his eyes on Nidhi's face. "Nidhi, can I have a word with you please?"

Both of them walked into the lawn in the front yard. Thank me and leave. Please just thank me and leave. Don't dig and ask questions. You never wanted to know what I was thinking and feeling. Don't choose THIS moment to find out whats in my mind and heart.

"You didn't blink when I suggested a weekend affair. You didn't hesitate to come with me to Mumbai. You never said no to whatever I said or did. So why now? Why did you refuse Nidhi?"

She closed her eyes and braced herself. "Why did you propose?"

He seemed surprised by that question. "What do you mean why? I was..I am the reason you had to face all this in the first place."

"I am not a kid and you hardly held me at gun point sir. I knew what I was doing and went into it with my eyes wide open."

He sighed and ran a distracted hand through his hair. "Nidhi, I am not cornered." At her sceptical look, "Ok. Fine. Not much. I could still ignore the whole thing and wait for it to blow off. I am not going to do that. I chose to propose."

"Why? I am not the first one with whom you.." She left the sentence incomplete. "Is it because your mom pleaded my case last? Or do you think I am going to make another attempt to end my life? If that's the case, let me assure you, I am not going to do that. I don't condone suicide Dr Ashutosh. But too many things were happening and something snapped in me that day. I regret what I did from the bottom of my heart and assure you that it will not be repeated no matter what."

He remained silent all through. "Thank you for telling me that. And as for my mom, yes, she did plead your case last. She connected with you the way she never connected with any one else during the last few years. I would be lying if I say that I didn't consider that aspect. Nidhi, my parents were so crazily in love with each other that one could not survive without the other."

She nodded. "You don't want to put yourself in that position of hurting another person or being hurt by another person. I guessed as much. And I did not refuse your proposal sir. I just bought you some time. Please think. And don't worry about my family. Given enough time, they will understand. I can talk to them again once this heat dies down and the news wears off."

Self denial is a bitch. Nidhi bit her lip and averted her eyes in her effort to be strong. She was not being a magnanimous angel here. She was just being selfish. She didn't want him to regret. She didn't want to get him now only to lose him later. She didn't want him to show her heaven only to consign her to hell later. She just wanted him to..

"Why Nidhi? Why are you giving me time?"

Because I am an idiot. "I just..I want you to be su..re.." Her voice broke at that word and before she gave in to the impulse to hug him and scream out everything that she had bottled up inside her, she quickly turned and ran inside the house.

Chapter Fifteen

"Nidhi! NIDHI! Have you even heard a word of what I have been saying for the past 20 minutes?"

Nidhi blinked and looked at Anji. "Yes Anji I am listening."

Anji shook her head. "Buddy, you need to stop trying to fool me. You didn't hear a word. Nidhi, what the hell is wrong with you yaar? You have even stopped sharing things with me these days."

Share what? What was there to share? People say that there is no sound when a heart breaks. But she could swear she heard her heart breaking into a million pieces and the sound of every tiny bit crashing to the ground the day he had come to her house and told her family about his move to Mumbai. Five months! It's been five months since that fateful day. Five months since she last saw him. Five months since she heard his voice. Five long empty months she battled the loneliness and pain.

She was surrounded by her family and her best friends spent most of their time with her yet she was lonely. She felt a huge void all around her. A void that she could not breech and reach out to the rest of the world. She felt empty. Incomplete. Yes. that's what she felt. She felt incomplete. And she needed him to complete her. It was not about sex, although her body screamed and called her names in the still silent darkness of the night. Had she said yes that day, her body would now be rejoicing in his possession. Her lips would be devouring his. Her eyes would be drinking in his sight. Her lungs would be breathing in the scent that's so uniquely his own. Her hands would be free to trace all the familiar counters of his body. Her legs would wrap themselves around his waist and hold him to her and delight in his rough groans of pleasure and possession. But she hadn't said yes. And here she was..in a hell of her own making.

What she felt was not just an itch that needed scratching. It had never been that. There was no other way to put it. He completed her. Whenever she gave herself to him, she had felt as if she had completely shed her old self and become someone else. Someone who belonged to him heart, body and soul. It wasn't calm or peaceful. But it was joyful and exhilarating. And in some corner of her heart, she had hoped that he felt the same. That in some fundamental way, it was a new experience for him too..that it was not just passion and desire that had made him come to her time and again. That there had been pain in his eyes when he had come to say his good bye.

"Nidhi..tu phirse khogayi?" Anji cupped her friend's cheeks. "Baat kya hain yaar? Can't you share it with me?"

Nidhi shook her head. "Baat kuch nahi hain Anji. What do I say?" She tried to divert the topic. "Meri chod. Apni suna. How is Rohan's second book coming along?"

Anji's eyes sparkle with joy which does not go unnoticed by Nidhi. And it was not the first time she had observed that either. Somewhere along the way, the relationship between both of her friends had changed. She never went and asked Rohan about it. But she was sure Anji definitely feels something more for him.

"Its going well. He met the editor yesterday. She is one tough lady yaar. No beating around the bush. But I must say she was mighty impressed with what he has written so far. I have already begun to hunt for his cover page picture."

She claps and almost bounces with excitement.

"Tum dekhna Nidhi..this one will be a bigger hit than the first one. He is going to take the literature world by storm."

"Did you tell him?"

Anji frowned. "Tell him what?"

Nidhi smiled at her friend tenderly. "That you are crazily in love with him."

Anji's mouth dropped open before she closed it shut and started fiddling with her steth. Her face was red.

"No..I..no. Its nothing like that Nidhi."

It was Nidhi's turn to make her friend look at her. "You are just as bad at lying to me Anji. I can see it. In fact, I have been seeing it for quite some time now. And I am really happy. For both of you. He is a great guy and will be lucky to have you in his life."

Anji sighed and looked away. "He always had been special to me, you know. But I never said anything." She shrugged. "I didn't see the point."

Nidhi winced at that. "I am sorry Anji. I didn't know. I am really sorry."

Anji shook her head and grinned. "Hey, no issues. It was not that bad anyway." And just like that her smile slips and falls.

"Why don't you tell him now? I think he feels something for you too Anji."

"No. Its too soon. He would think I am crazy or something. I will lose whatever I have with him now. I don't want that."

Nidhi took her friend by shoulders. "Anji, life is about taking chances. Tell him. Take a chance. He should know. He has a right to know. And no matter what his decision would be AFTER that, he would at least be making it with all the facts in his hand, right?"

Anji looked at the surroundings. They were sitting under the tree in the college campus and it had become their standard spot almost every evening after the classes unless they had the hospital duty. Her pensive gaze took in the far away KGH building. The staff, interns, doctors, everyone had been stunned when the dean left with barely a week's notice. Speculative looks and whispered comments had followed but died down when no other information was forthcoming. She looked back at her friend who has faced so much and changed so much in the last half year. Was it just half year? It sure felt like more.

"Then why didn't YOU Nidhi?"

Nidhi appeared startled. "What?"

"Why are you not following what you are preaching me right now? Why didn't you ever tell Dr Ashutosh that you are in love with him?"

Nidhi averted her eyes. "It's not the same Anji."

"Why? Because both of you slept together? How does that change anything? In fact I think that gives you all the more reason to express your feelings, right?"

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"Nidhi, abhi tak soyi nahi beta? Neend nahi aarahi hain kya?"

Nidhi looked up at her baba from her place on the portico steps where she had been sitting since after the dinner. It was close to midnight now and she had assumed everyone had gone to bed. But not her baba apparently. Or may be her restless thoughts had woken him up.

"Kuch nahi baba..buss..yu hi.."

CV sat beside Nidhi and both of them gazed at the star studded sky in companionable silence.

"You are thinking about him, aren't you?"

"Are you still angry about it baba?"

"I was more disappointed than angry Nidhi. But now? Thinking and berating the past is not going to change anything, right? And in the past few months, I have spoken to Ashutosh a few times. Nothing much..just to know how he is doing..casual calls. He is a nice man Nidhi. He is a man of honour. It takes something to own up to one's crime, so to speak. For all my anger and pain during that period, I could not help but respect him when he came and met me in person."

"He IS a nice man baba. A great doctor too. After his father passed away, he started a foundation which aids medical care to the poor. He is the primary contributor to that one."

CV looked at his daughter in the moonlight. "You love him, don't you?"

Nidhi put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes before nodding. "Yes baba. I love him. I don't know how it happened or when it happened. Initially I didn't even think it was love. I mean I already had Rohan in my life and.."

"Nidhi, fate has a way of throwing unexpected curves our way and it's not always easy to balance ourselves and some times we end up falling. And its all the more difficult to balance when emotions surround you and you have no outlet. That's what happened to you, isn't it? When you attempted to end your life?"

She nodded.

"People need to talk. They need an outlet for their fears and hopes. Especially women." He seemed lost in his thoughts. "When I met your mother, it was love at first sight for both of us. My parents told me its time I got married and I told them I wanted to marry this girl. Everyone agreed and we got married. Phir ek saal baad tum paida hogayi. Ek din baaton baaton mein I told her she had stolen my heart the moment I saw her."

CV turned to look at his daughter with a wry smile on his face.

"You should have seen Nandini's face that day! She didn't even know that I felt so strongly about her. Thought I kind of saw her, liked her and suggested the match to my parents. She didn't know that for me, the world had come to a stand still when she collided me in that corridor and spilled her drink on my uniform. Nidhi, men are not like you women. Most of time, we let our actions speak and assume that the language would be understood."

Nidhi looked at her father hiding the battle of fear and hope that's waging in her heart.

"Baba, how do we know if what we haven't misunderstood those actions?"

"Listen to your heart Nidhi. You will always know."

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"Why the sudden trip Anji?"

Anji shrugged and looked at Rohan. "Nidhi's DB wanted it. That six month time is almost up and Yog uncle wanted to talk to the pandit for a muhurat. But before that DB wanted to take Nidhi to some temples. You know she had the scare of her life the last time.."

She bit her tongue and winced which made Rohan roll his eyes.

"Oh come on now Anji. I think you can stop pussy footing around every time that topic comes up. I am over it and I have told you enough number of times that I am over it."

"Are you? Really over it, I mean."

"Of course. Ok. So they have left this morning. When are they due back?"

"In Three days."

"Did uncle check the weather? It sucks at this time of the year..every year in that region."

Anji shook her head. "Worry wart. Ab chalo. Lets go to the second hand book shop you were telling me about. I need that book on neuro anatomy."

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After the darshan Nidhi sat on a high rock and watched the Shiva's idol and the water that's almost flooding and drowning more than half of it.

What do I do God? I love him. So very much. I am only half alive without him. Do I go ahead and say yes? Why did I say no? Did I even do the right thing in saying no? Or was I just trying to prove to myself that I am holier than thou? Did I say no because I wanted him to propose on MY terms? She shook her head. No. It was not that. I think he loves me. Everything in me tells me that he loves me as much as I love him, if not more. May be I wanted him to acknowledge and accept it. But is that so important? How does it change anything?

The face of the idol remained calm and peaceful despite the water flooding around in full force now. It imbibes her with a kind of strength and peace.

I will call him. That was what he wanted. Call me when you are ready. That's what he had said that day. I will call and tell him. I will tell him that I want to marry him. On his terms. God, please..I want him to be happy. Please don't make him regret this. That's all I ask for.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anji's fingers trembled as she dialled the number that she got from the admin department. Her heart was literally crashing on her ribs as the phone continued to ring..and ring..and ring..

"Pick up..please..pick up.."

And then his deep voice sounded from the other end.

"Yes?"

She stammered for a few moments. "Dr..Dr..Ash..Dr Ashutosh?"

"Yes? Who is this?"

"S..Sir, mein A..Anji."

Her tremble reached him and changed his tone.

"Anji..what happened? Everything ok?"

"Sir..Nidhi and her family had gone to Kedarnath."

"Ok.." Anji lost her speech and that actually seemed to snap his control completely making his shout at her. "ANJI! SPEAK UP!"

"Th..they were supposed to reach Lucknow t..two days ba..back. Par ab tak..no news from either her or anyone else. The whole region is flooded. All means of communication are out. I tried..I have been trying to call them but..and now all routes have been closed." She swallowed down her fear and wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. "Sir..I am scared."

Final Chapter

"Why the sudden trip to Kedarnath?"

They were driving to her home from the Lucknow airport when Ashutosh thought to finally ask this question.

"Well, I had run out of excuses. I was done with my PG and Dadi Bua's pundits had told her that the requisite mourning period was only forty days!"

Although her tone was matter of fact, Ashutosh sensed the pressure all of this must have placed her under. He squeezed the hand he held before taking it to his lips.

"I am sorry!"

"Please don't be..I am not...I think we both needed to go through this for us to understand and appreciate what we have!"

"I guess so...but still, being a woman, you ended up bearing the brunt of it...be it the gossip or the pressure!"

Nidhi shrugged her shoulders. Ashutosh was thoughtful for a minute.

"I am so overbearing that I did not even ask you for an opinion! I peremptorily ordered that we would be married tomorrow and the way I wanted. That was pretty arrogant on my part. But believe me, I would never thrust my opinions on you otherwise!"

Nidhi smiled.

"It suited me fine to go along this time. Don't be too sure I will do it every time. Besides, despite the kind of relationship I share with my father, it would have been just a bit embarrassing to go and tell him that I wanted to be married tomorrow and I did not care how. That I could not bear to be parted from you another day...or another night!"

The darkening of her eyes as she spoke the last two words lit an answering spark in his.

"What about this night though? Will you sleep over at my place or do I sleep over at yours?"

Nidhi looked scandalised at the thought of the latter, just as he intended.

"My father might even understand but Dadi Bua would sure have a coronary!"

Ashutosh laughed at that. The car turned into the driveway, leading to the Verma house. Ashutosh was stunned to see a band that started playing at the sight of their car. As they got off the car, Mallika came running out of the house, followed by Nidhi's family among others.

"Mallika...what are you doing here?"

She launched herself into his arms and gave him in a smacking kiss on both cheeks!

"Darling, you thought you could get married without me?"

He should have known. She had screamed in such excitement when he'd broken the news to her that he was sure that all of Bombay must have heard.

"But don't you have films to shoot?"

"I am not a diva for nothing, sweetie! And no shooting can be more important than you!"

She looked at him with a soft look in her eyes as he ruffled her hair. A sudden thought struck him. How comfortable would Nidhi or her family be with this unconventional relationship that Mallika and he shared?

Mallika turned to Nidhi, giving her a tight, warm hug before kissing her cheeks too.

"Thank you Nidhi. For putting this moron out of his misery! Only I know how I've tolerated his moping over the last few months. He refused to come any of my parties!"

Ashutosh was quick to retort,

"I did attend the first one! You know why I stayed away there after!"

Mallika responded with her famous laugh.

"Oh yes, I do!"

Before the conversation could get any further, Dadi Bua insisted that they should be given a traditional welcome. She anointed their foreheads with a tilak and they took her blessings before turning to Colonel Verma.

"Thank you so much for keeping in touch, Sir!"

Colonel Verma responded with a warm hug before he turned to his daughter.

"So, finally both of you listened to your hearts!"

Mallika intervened!

"You must excuse Ashutosh on this matter...his hearing has always been suspect"

He glared at her before they were interrupted by Chote Sarkar, Col Verma's man Friday!

"Aap ke liye lichee milkshake!"

He held out a tray to Mallika. Her eyes rounded in surprise.

"Aap ko kaise pata hai ki yeh mera favourite hai?"

Chote Sarkar went beetroot red before he responded.

"Hum aapke Fan No1 hain, bibiji...hum aapke saare interview pade hain...aur aapke har ek film dus dus baar dekhte hain!"

Mallika beamed in pleasure.

"That is so sweet!"

She patted his cheek and Chote Sarkar was a goner. Dadi Bua's shrill tone made him crash land in a hurry.

"Sweet se yaad aaya...Arre manhoos...jaa...jaake Damaadji ke liye Mithai le aa!"

Chote Sarkar glared balefully at her before leaving. They were all comfortably seated before Nidhi suddenly remembered to ask Ashutosh.

"so, why did you not attend any more parties?"

Ashutosh looked distinctly uncomfortable as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Who wants to attend her boring Bollywood parties?"

Mallika started laughing loudly.

"Liar! The truth is Priyanka's been crushing on him. She remained plastered to his side all through the first party. Poor girl, she had no clue that our man turned into a monk post Lucknow!"

Ashutosh glared at Mallika while Nidhi giggled softly.

"Do we need to have this discussion now?"

"Arre Ashtuosh, she deserves to know...how you have no eyes for anyone but her...not even the hottest women in Bollywood or elsewhere!"

"Whatever!"

"Is that a blush that I see tainting your cheeks?"

Col Verma was enjoying the banter but Dadi Bua wanted to get on with things.

"Damaadji, hum logon ne Pandit Ji se baat kar li...kal ka muhurat bohot Accha hai...agar aap Haan keh de to saare intezam Karna shuru kar denge...waise humein Tamanna thi ki Nidhi ki shaadi bohot dhoom dhaam se Karen...par ...teekh hai...jaisi aap ki marzi!"

Mallika went to the old lady and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Aise kaise Maa Ji...aap ko hum nirash nahi hone denge...Yeh shaadi hogi...Yahi hogi...aur badi Dhoom dhaam se!"

Ashutosh frowned at her.

"Mallika..please...there is hardly any time...besides, you know I hate fuss!"

"Time is my problem and not yours, Mr Ashutosh Mathur...and besides, this is not just your wedding..it is Nidhi's too...everything can't happen just as you please!"

"Oh no...I really don't much care for fuss either..."

Mallika rounded on Nidhi.

"You mean you never dreamt of your wedding day..your Prince Charming on a white steed and all that?"

"The only white in my dreams involved the doctor's coat!"

Mallika burst out laughing at that before telling Ashutosh,

"So, it was the coat and not you that she fell for!"

"Very funny!"

Dadi Bua was getting tired of all this wasteful talk.

"Chalo Yog...shaadi ki taiyyariyan karni hai ki nahin...aaram se bait Gaye bacchon ke beech!"

"Maa Ji...aap bas aaraam se baitiye...sab kuch ho jayega...!"

"Kaise hoga, beta!"

"Bibiji...aap ke liye pyaas ke pakode!"

Chote Sarkar was back with another plate for Mallika.

"Wow...aap ko yeh bhi pata hai?"

"Hum ne kaha na, bibiji...hum aapke Fan No 1 hain!"

"Manhoos...Mithai ka Kya hua?"

The ring of the doorbell saved Chote Sarkar from Dadi Bua's wrath.

"Jaa...dekh Kaun hai!"

Chote Sarkar left in a huff. A minute later, they heard the sound of the door opening and then, a charming voice trilled,

"Darling, we are here...!"

Mallika squealed excitedly before running out. The family had no choice but to follow. At the doorway, Mallika was being hugged tight by a rather fastidiously dressed gentleman. An entourage of a dozen people stood behind him.

"Karan, thank you so much for coming at such short notice!"

"Baby, cut out the formalities...you know...Tumhare liye Jaan hazir hai!"

"Love you, sweety!"

More air kissing and gushing followed. Ashutosh could not take anymore!

"Mallika, what is going on here?"

Colonel Verma was more polite.

"Mallika Ji..please invite all your friends in...Chote Sarkar...sab ke liye paani Lao..jaldi!"

Chote Sarkar was staring at the man next to Mallika.

"Karan J...Saab Main aapka bhi no 1 fan hoon,..aapke filmein dekh ke mujhe bohot kuch Hota hain!"

Ashutosh realized why the man seemed so familiar. They had met at Mallika's parties before!

"Karan...you've met Ashutosh of course...this is Nidhi, the bride...and her father Colonel Verma...Dadi Bua...and of course, Chote Sarkar!"

She turns to Chote Sarkar and complains playfully.

"Aap bade gaddaar nikle...aap ne kaha ki mere Fan No 1 ho..!"

Chote Sarkar squirmed uncomfortably.

"Donon ka hoon, Bibi Ji...donon ka!"

The entire party adjourned to the living room.

when everybody was comfortably seated on all available surfaces, Ashutosh turned to Mallika.

"I am truly honoured to have Karan here...but...?"

His voice trailed away as he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ashutosh...no one can put together a better wedding than Karan...just think back to all the weddings in his films!"

"Of course...I am the expert when it comes to Badtameez weddings!"

Dadi Bua looked at him in horror.

"Kya?"

"Sorry Maa Ji...Woh Kya hai na...Jhalak Dikhla Jaa me yeh phrase itna use Karta hoon ki ...ab jab bhi muh Kholta hoon toh Yehi Nikalta hai!"

Colonel Verma intervened now.

"But there is hardly any time for all of that...I mean...!"

"Sir...do not worry...hum Bollywood wale hain na,..raat on raat sab kuch Karva dete hain...we revel in pressure situations!"

Mallika beamed proudly.

"Haan uncle...and Karan is the best there is...but Karan, Manish Kahan hai?"

"Baby, he had to go for a discussion with Kareena...he is taking the next flight...he will be here before evening...but he's sent his people along...with all the fabric samples that we had short listed in Mumbai...once Ashutosh and Nidhi make their final choices, the costumes will be done,,,and Sarmishta's assistants are here too...Sarmishta will be coming with Manish...if we can get a fix on the dcor before then, that would be great!"

Ashutosh had begun to wonder if this was all some bad dream. He was even tempted to pinch himself just to see it was all really happening, Nidhi spared him the effort!

"Are you okay with all this?"

He looked at her quizzically.

"Are you?"

"We belong together...the ceremony is just a formality to announce that to the world. How it happens hardly matters...all that matters is you!"

Her generosity of spirit never failed to amaze him every single time!

"Uncle...make sure to invite your military colleague...the one that spilt the beans to you...not that Ashutosh and Nidhi need to explain themselves to anyone...but still...people who gossip can take a fu...!"

Ashutosh's loud coughing alarmed everyone.

"Damaadji Ji...yeh lijiye...paani peejiye!"

He sipped at the glass while his eyes glared daggers at Mallika who returned it with a contrite smile.

"Waise Maa Ji...aap please...yeh formalities chodiye...aap mujhe Ashutosh bula sakte hain..ya phir beta...no Damaadji Ji please,,,mujhe bohot odd feel horaha hai!"

Dadi Bua beamed in pride.

"Teekh hai beta,,,Jaisi aapki marzi..!"

Karan J turned to Ashutosh.

"Ashtuosh...tell me now...what kind of a wedding would you prefer,,..the DDLJ style...that would involve a train..,now getting a railway station set erected might be asking for too much given the time limitations...we could hire a train and a platform of course...permissions wouldn't be a matter..all Mallika has to do is call Rahul...or else, we could do the Kuch Kuch hota hai style...but that would involve another bridegroom..you know...in place of Salman. if Salman had been in the country, he would have gladly volunteered himself...he adores Mallika...but since he is not, we need another..?"

"Will I do?"

Nidhi gasped in pleasure at the sight of Rohan and Anjie.

"Rohan...Anjie...!"

There were two way hugs and then three way too!

"Sorry for the delay, yaar..but My Lady was on a night shift...!"

Nidhi looked from one to the other and squealed again in joy and more hugging followed.

Dadi Bua was rattled by all the squealing.

"Kya horaha hai yahaan!"

Anjie signalled to Nidhi that they had not made it public yet.

Rohan went up to Ashutosh.

"Congratulations Sir! You don't know how lucky you are!"

"I do, believe me...and I won't forget for as long as I live!"

The men shared a warm hug.

"Sorry to interrupt...hum Bollywood wale chamatkar toh kar sakte hain...but chamatkar Kahan, kaise agar humein yeh bata diya jaye toh behtar hoga...hain na Mallika?"

"Yes Boss..you are the captain of the ship!"

"Toh Haan Ashutosh, hum Kahan te.,.Haan...Salman...toh replacement toh mil Gaya...so shall we do it the Kuch Kuch way?"

"Yaar Karan...I think thoda aur romantic sochte...Kuch Kuch wala shaadi mei romance kam aur melodrama zyada ta...wait...I have a brilliant idea...why not do it the Chandni way...imagine...Ashutosh showering roses on Nidhi from a helicopter...kyun Ashutosh, kaisa Laga mera idea?"

Ashtuosh looked like he wanted to murder Mallika right then and there.

"Why not do a Love knows no reason wedding?"

Karan looked at Rohan perplexed.

"Hain...Woh Kya Hota hai...?"

"Karan Sir...shayad aap inn donon ki kahani ko nahi jaante hain..maafi chahta hoon...but inke liye aur hamare liye bhi isse Accha romantic kahaani nahi ho sakta...so aap please...inke liye inke type ke wedding design kijiye!"

Karan looked at Mallika who shrugged her shoulders.

"Bhai,,,ab yeh toh challenge ban Gaya...waise ek baat bata doon...hum Bollywood waale Haar maanne Waalon mei se nahi hain!"

Ashutosh looked at Mallika.

"Mallika, I am really glad that all your friends are here and that more are coming. But why not let them just be guests? I mean why put them to work? Just let the Colonel and Dadi Bua do what they want? I am sure they don't want anything too elaborate either?"

Ashutosh looked almost pleadingly at the Colonel, almost as if asking him to rescue him.

"Ashutosh...let's make a deal...you listen to me...and I get all my friends to contribute a day's fee to the Shashank Mathur Memorial Trust...and a day's fee to the Prime Minister's Relief Fund for the Uttarakhand victims as well!"

Ashutosh knew he was well and truly beaten. Even if he had to be the head clown at this circus that they were planning, he would do it! It was not about him anymore!

"Okay, you win! You carry on with whatever it is you want to do. I will go back home and get some sleep!"

He turned to the Colonel.

"Sir, I know it is late in the day. But can I take Nidhi with me?"

"But I thought you wanted to sleep?"

Mallika looked at Ashutosh with a devilish glint in her eye. He looked like he wanted to wring her neck with his bare hands!

"Of course Ashutosh...I think we would prefer to have you out of the way too...while we plan this 'Love knows no reason' wedding...hain na Mallika Ji?"

"Of course Uncle...and please call me, Mallika!"

Nidhi turned to her baba.

"Baba, I think I will shift some of my stuff then. Not everything but at least the basics."

Mallika winked at Nidhi and elbowed her playfully.

"Arre waah..shaadi se pehle gruhapravesh? Awesome! Yeah yeah..go on aur tum kaho toh.."

Ashutosh started coughing again throwing dadi bua into a full panic mode.

"Damaad babu..beta..kya hua? Itne khaas kyon rahe ho? Woh baarish mein zyaada bheege the kya? Nidhi..ja, jaake kuch dawai de. Kal toh shaadi bhi hain."

Nidhi bit her lower lip to stop her giggle and gestured Ashutosh to follow her.

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"So this is your room!"

Ashutosh looked at the bright cheerful room done in shades of yellow and the windows covered with cream and red flowered curtains and then back at Nidhi to find her gazing at him with expectant and adoring eyes.

Would he ever get tired of that look?

"You like it?"

Ashutosh grabbed her wrist and pulled her until she landed smack on his chest and wrapped both his arms around her waist. Her cheeks were pink and her lips were softly parted as she breathed shallowly. His gaze drifted lower and then back up. Her gaze was slumberous and unlike all the other time when she had looked at him before all this had happened, her expression this time was completely open and unguarded..as if she were rejoicing in the strength that kept pulling them both towards each other no matter what.

"Yes I do. I was also thinking that you are going to do some major changes in my..I mean our house very soon."

Nidhi shook her head.

"Not major but..thoda..I might be tempted to make it a little colourful."

Then as if unable to resist any more, she cupped his cheeks and kissed him softly on the lips. It made him want to spear his hand in her hair and take the kiss further but the sounds of the voices just on the other side of the wall, which seemed to be getting more excited and loud by the second made him, draw back.

"We better pack. The sooner its done, the sooner we can leave."

He shook his head ruefully.

"May be I should have just told Mallika AFTER the marriage."

Nidhi smiled and shook her head.

"She is your friend. You can't do something like that. Its just for a day. And its going to make so many people happy."

Ashutosh looked at her intently.

"You understand, dont you?"

Nidhi didnt pretend not to understand what he was asking her.

"Yes. I understand. Now please, take those carry ons down from that wardrobe please. I can't reach them."

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Ashutosh turned a full circle to look at his room..their room from tomorrow on..from today on if he had anything to say about it.

Thank God Mallika is going to leave this room alone. He shuddered to imagine it being turned into a typical bollywood suhaag raat scene complete with strings of flowers hanging from the top surrounding the bed. Jeez! Can this get any more cliche? She had effectively shut his mouth off with her "deal" now all he can hope for was she didn't turn his marriage into a circus.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist from behind.

"Kya sochrahe hain?"

He shook his head and turned to face her. Her arms shifted and clung tight around his neck, holding his face against the warm pulse at the base of her neck. His senses instantly filled with her heat and sweet mild perfume. She had had a quick shower before they had come here and the fresh look did nothing to dampen his already raging libido.

"Fancy another shower? With me?"

Her eyes blazed fire and she swallowed heavily before nodding. He ran his thumb a little roughly over her lips and her soft whimper of need inflamed him to the point of madness. He couldn't get enough of her despite the fact that they had spent most of the night last night trying to make up for the lost time. His hands shaped her curves, desperate to delve under t shirt. He kneaded and shaped her, his eyes on her face as he roughly dragged his thumbs across both her nipples at once.

Her husky groan urged him to pull her t shirt up and out of the way..

"NIDHI..MERI BACHCHI..KAHA HAIN TU? ASHUTOSH BETA!"

Ashutosh swore and pulled away from her.

"What the hell!"

Nidhi looked equally stunned and disoriented, a flush spreading across her face and neck turning the pink cheeks to a fiery red.

"Uh..looks like dadi bua is here."

He ran a rough slightly trembling hand through his hair.

"They were supposed to take care of the wedding arrangements over THERE!"

"I will go down and see."

He gritted his teeth and finally nodded.

"And I will go and have that shower. I better make it a cold one."

Her husky laugh reached him before he closed the bathroom door bringing an involuntary smile to his lips.

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"Honestly! I mean..come on Nidhi, we are getting married tomorrow!"

Nidhi looped her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder. Both of them were sitting in the lawn after their dinner and Nidhi was enjoying the gently sway of the swing as Ashutosh continued to grumble. Dadi bua had come to the house earlier grumbling that Mallika and the rest were not allowing her to do a single thing and that Yog and CS had also joined them in the wedding spree. So here she was, making sure everything was ready at her bachchi's sasural for tomorrow. She and Hiraman were busy making a list of everything that was needed for the gruhapravesh tomorrow.

Ashutosh had rolled his eyes. Gruhapravesh indeed! Nidhi was right there in that house, upstairs, unpacking her stuff and rearranging his wardrobe and her so called gruhapravesh had been done before. What was the point of all this now? Still, he couldn't refuse the old lady who was doing her best to make him feel welcome into their family. At least she had stopped calling him Damaad babu. That term somehow made him want to squirm in discomfort. So here he was, ousted from his own house because they didn't want him to get underfoot while they decorated and made all the arrangements. He and Nidhi were barely given time to have their dinner. He just made it explicitly clear to kaka that his bedroom was completely off limits before he took refuge in the lawn.

Nidhi tilted her head and looked at his grumpy face with a tender smile.

"Dadi bua thinks that since there is no woman in this house, someone has to make sure the basic traditions are followed and taken care of."

Ashutosh entwined his fingers through hers and brought her hand up to kiss her palm and each finger.

"Accept it Nidhi. She is here to chaperone us."

Nidhi tried to stifle her laughter, took one look at his face and burst out laughing. It was the first time he heard that kind of head thrown back no holds barred hearty laugh from her and it seemed to hold him spell bound.

"Beautiful!"

Nidhi frowned. "What?"

"Your laugh. Its beautiful and sexy as hell. I love it."

A sigh of impatience immediately followed that statement.

"And courtesy of this chaperoning business, there is not a God damn thing I can do about it."

"I am sorry."

Just like that his impatience and irritability melted away. He had her with him, at his side and at the end of the day, that was all that mattered to him.

"Hey, relax. I was just kidding."

He remembered something just then and pulled out the small box from his pyjama pocket. Nidhi looked at it and then back at him.

"This is my mothers ring. The one my father gave her forty years back when they got married."

He kissed the palm of her left hand.

"Nidhi..I love you. Will you marry me?"

Her heart was right there in her eyes as she looked at him before nodding and extending her hand. He took the ring from the box and slid it onto to her finger. It fit perfectly. Was it another sign? Probably. Contentment filled every pore of his body. He wrapped his arm around her once more and made sure she rested comfortably on his shoulder.

"Now, lets talk. Tell me about yourself."

Nidhi tilted her head up to look at him.

"What?"

"Yeah. Tell me about yourself. Our relationship didn't start in a conventional way. Hell, nothing about it was even remotely conventional. So lets back track a little and have that typical first date conversation."

They started talking and continued to talk late into the night and finally just fell asleep in the swing. His arm around her and her head on his shoulder. And thats how dadi bua found them a little after midnight. She wanted to shake them both awake and send them to bed. Separate beds. But then she looked at the contented faces with blissful smiles playing on their lips. She didn't have the heart. With a sigh, she retraced her steps inside to the guest room that kaka had showed her earlier. There was enough time to wake Nidhi up and take her back home. Tomorrow was still a few hours away.

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Mallika had sent him two options - a turquoise blue sherwani and a burgundy red one. Well, he'd agreed to be a clown. He would have to wear the costume that went with the part. He tried on both, wanting to see which one looked less appalling. The she devil called him just then.

"So, the blue or the red?"

"You so want to laugh at me, don't you?"

"I already am!"

"Bitch!"

"Hey...no swearing anymore...you are turning into a respectable man!"

"Hahaha!"

"I think you look gorgeous in both!"

"What?"

She came out from behind the door.

"You were the one who brought the clothes? I thought it was just the designer's assistant!"

"How could I let you go fetch your bride by yourself, my friend?"

Was that a glimmer of moisture that he saw in her eyes?

"Hey, you are crying?"

"I always cry at weddings!"

He gave her a one armed hug.

"Okay, so which one makes me look less hideous?"

"What about that one?"

He looked in the direction she was pointing to. The costumer was holding up a creamish beige achkan. The material had a coarse rather than a smooth finish. Even the buttons had a wood finish rather than gold!

"Manish cried that I chose the least ornate suit that he has ever designed in his life. But I told him you would not be happy with anything more elaborate!"

He smiled at her gratefully before a thought struck him.

"Did she see it? Maybe she would like me to wear something flashier?"

Mallika looked delighted.

"Any doubts that I may have had are well and truly gone. If you can do flashy and elaborate for her, then you surely love her beyond reason!"

"I do, Mallika...I thought I could protect myself...but I guess I am my parents' son...I love like them or not at all!"

"Stay happy always darling!"

She signalled to the assistant who produced a pink carnation.

"Your achkan has been seen and approved. Your bride has even sent you a flower for your buttonhole! To provide a dash of colour!"

She produced a turban in a dull gold shade next!

This one was picked by Dadi Bua. No saying no to this either!"

"What is she wearing? Does she like it?"

"Aha...no clues, my friend...all I will say is get ready to fall in love all over again!"

Soon, they were on their way to the Verma home.

Thankfully, there was no ghodi. She had gotten a limousine and made it look festive by decking it with roses and ferns.

Ashutosh was prepared for a Bollywood style garish decor. But instead, it was a subtle colour combination of cream and dull gold that they had chosen. The customary orange marigold festoons decorated the exterior of the house and the shamiana that had been erected.

He was touched to see a portrait of his parents, set up in a corner. Another portrait of a woman, an old version of Nidhi, had been placed alongside. There were flowers placed in front of them.

Despite the short notice, there were as many as two hundred guests gathered, including the staff of KGH. Dr Sameer Mehta was among the first to welcome Ashutosh at the venue, proudly proclaiming that he was part of the bride's party, as indeed was all of KGH, Lucknow.

Instead of raucous film songs, a live shehnai performance had been organised. In all, the atmosphere was devoid of all the noise and bustle that Ashutosh so hated. But even if there had been a rock band playing, Ashutosh would have hardly noticed. For walking towards him was a vision, wearing a simply exquisite Benares Saree with a brocade border and motifs strewn across the body. She was not wearing the kind of heavy jewellery that brides normally sported. Instead, she wore just a long chain of gold beads and an antique necklace that belonged to her mother. There were exquisitely crafted jhumkas on her ears and fresh jasmines had been braided into her long hair. She wore a few bangles on both hands and the ring that he had given her, the one that his father had gifted his mother over forty years. He could hear Mallika complaining about how they were perfectly matched, since she wrinkled her nose at any heavy attire too! But his eyes and heart were so busy drinking in her loveliness that he said not a word!

She looked at him nervously, seeking approval of the way she looked. The blaze in his eyes gave her the answer and she blushed a pretty pink, to match the shade of her saree.

"Was I right? Have you fallen head over in heels all over again?"

Mallika whispered into his ears but he said nothing again. The answer was there for all to see, in the moisture that gleamed in his eyes along with a love so poignant that it brought a lump to the throats of all gathered.

And then, seated in front of the Havan, with all of KGH and a good part of Bollywood among others looking on, Ashutosh married Nidhi!