Posted:
Let me ask the other way round! If not having kids is selfish, then is having kids selfless? Is having kids not at all related to selfishness?
I say rather having kids and "planning" them is selfish!
People want to prove their "fertility", their manliness or feminity. They want their property to remain within the family, they want someone to take care of them in old age, they want someone to "carry forward" their so called lineage and "legacy" (whatever!), they want some "anchor" to keep marriage stable (like it is often said that arrival of a kid would help a strained relationship among spouses and in laws), they want some new goal in life, something new to get busy with, many treat kids as just beings who they can control, mould, pamper or play with at will, relax through them or live out their own unfulfilled dreams through them (I couldn't become a cricketer so I'll make my son a cricketer!).
Nowadays you have techniques for not only choosing sex of the child but also its features etc.!
Having son is more feasible. Daughter is not that feasible. But having a daughter in family would ensure some company for mother and some more discipline and decorum in house due to presence of females etc.
Some say we should have many kids for then we'll have more people to work around the house and also work outside to make money. And if suppose one or two kids turn out to be careless and useless then we, as parents can turn to other kids to look after us in old age. And some say we should have only one kid because it is more economical.
They bring up kids their own way, brainwash them their own way, decide what the kid will study, where he will go, where and in what job he will work and who he shall marry. Then they try to control even grandkids' lives by constantly giving classes on "parenting" to their kids.
So may I know HOW is even the act of having kids FREE from selfishness??!!!
Personally I think not everyone is fit to be a parent. Biologically even insects can breed and become "parents". But parenting and bringing up a child is not just popping out the baby and giving him best food and clothes!
You have to devote time to a child and that too at every stage of his life. If you think that providing material comforts was enough then you are mistaken.
Later parents curse kids, or families suffer stress or kids also suffer frustration - either leading crap lives or falling in depression - and they transfer that frustration to other generations also. Some great way it is!
Can you devote time and give attention to a child? Can you guide him at every step? Can you help him when he stumbles? Or will you curse him and leave him in the lurch or force your own diktat on him?
I hate people who only give material comforts or somehow fail in guiding a child but later crib about so called sacrifices they made or how they left their own career and hobbies and put life on tenterhooks for their kid.
It depends on YOU what you want. If you want personal freedom or if you feel that you barely take care of yourself how will you take care of another human then think before having a kid. Also if you have genetic history of diseases then also avoid bringing another human.
People have such stupid and short sighted reasons for having kids that it is baffling! "I'll have kids then I can avoid housework since I will claim to be busy with kids", "Everyone in family and friend circle has kids. I have nothing to talk about. I feel left out, so okay. Let's have kids!"
Meh!
I would rather respect a person who chose not to have kids accepting his or her inability or plain disinterest in this. Rather than those who have kids but then keep barking or lamenting at their kids, at themselves and having ruined families!
I say rather having kids and "planning" them is selfish!
People want to prove their "fertility", their manliness or feminity. They want their property to remain within the family, they want someone to take care of them in old age, they want someone to "carry forward" their so called lineage and "legacy" (whatever!), they want some "anchor" to keep marriage stable (like it is often said that arrival of a kid would help a strained relationship among spouses and in laws), they want some new goal in life, something new to get busy with, many treat kids as just beings who they can control, mould, pamper or play with at will, relax through them or live out their own unfulfilled dreams through them (I couldn't become a cricketer so I'll make my son a cricketer!).
Nowadays you have techniques for not only choosing sex of the child but also its features etc.!
Having son is more feasible. Daughter is not that feasible. But having a daughter in family would ensure some company for mother and some more discipline and decorum in house due to presence of females etc.
Some say we should have many kids for then we'll have more people to work around the house and also work outside to make money. And if suppose one or two kids turn out to be careless and useless then we, as parents can turn to other kids to look after us in old age. And some say we should have only one kid because it is more economical.
They bring up kids their own way, brainwash them their own way, decide what the kid will study, where he will go, where and in what job he will work and who he shall marry. Then they try to control even grandkids' lives by constantly giving classes on "parenting" to their kids.
So may I know HOW is even the act of having kids FREE from selfishness??!!!
Personally I think not everyone is fit to be a parent. Biologically even insects can breed and become "parents". But parenting and bringing up a child is not just popping out the baby and giving him best food and clothes!
You have to devote time to a child and that too at every stage of his life. If you think that providing material comforts was enough then you are mistaken.
Later parents curse kids, or families suffer stress or kids also suffer frustration - either leading crap lives or falling in depression - and they transfer that frustration to other generations also. Some great way it is!
Can you devote time and give attention to a child? Can you guide him at every step? Can you help him when he stumbles? Or will you curse him and leave him in the lurch or force your own diktat on him?
I hate people who only give material comforts or somehow fail in guiding a child but later crib about so called sacrifices they made or how they left their own career and hobbies and put life on tenterhooks for their kid.
It depends on YOU what you want. If you want personal freedom or if you feel that you barely take care of yourself how will you take care of another human then think before having a kid. Also if you have genetic history of diseases then also avoid bringing another human.
People have such stupid and short sighted reasons for having kids that it is baffling! "I'll have kids then I can avoid housework since I will claim to be busy with kids", "Everyone in family and friend circle has kids. I have nothing to talk about. I feel left out, so okay. Let's have kids!"
Meh!
I would rather respect a person who chose not to have kids accepting his or her inability or plain disinterest in this. Rather than those who have kids but then keep barking or lamenting at their kids, at themselves and having ruined families!
Anupamaa
