SwaRon FF: Smithereens | the final chapter: PG 68 | 10 Nov'14 - Page 29

Chapter 9 - I loved this chapter. The way Swayam was thinking about his past and Rhea was very nicely described.And I liked the conversation between Swayam and Sharon. It was light hearted yet a little serious at the same time, especially when she said one can never fall out of love.Thanks for talking about Chinese food, now I'm feeling ravenous

Chapter 10- This chapter was WOAH😲 Kiss? All of a sudden? Such kisses are always the best though. And the description was nice too😆I liked how you built up the suspense from Swayam realising that she could be feeling upset too to her telling him about the pain she felt. So she's going to meet her dad? No point in asking you, I'm gonna read the next chapter anyway😛

Chapter 11 - So Swayam's dad isn't dead right? That was just a dream na? I liked how you described the various confusing dreams he used to have though the first part confused me. When the scene shifted to the S3 phone conversation, it was like a fresh breath of air. Swayam-Sharon's meeting after so long was typical of how two friends would meet. Very real and sweet. Going to the next chapter now

amazing update

Chapter One

Beautiful quote not just in meaning but its purpose. The line carries an expectation of things to come or enlightenment that will manifest itself out. Skilfully chosen. Kudos!

I loved the movement in the first paragraph. The flow is fast and the actions vast, going through many floors and even years I daresay and yet still it all comes to the same, a short sharp farewell; not hesitant but lingering nonetheless. The the second paragraph continuing on the same theme, but here we travel over miles and again that juxtaposition of something holding him back even if he doesn't control the rain. Finely done!

"Eventually the rain stopped bawling" Wonderful!

The details get filled and I love how all his close relatives are kept at a distance, via phones or thoughts and direct conversations are with strangers or people of no intimacy so that we understanding that this is a drive towards alienation rather than common loneliness.

"I sold my house for a gutter, he thought." Ah! Your famous wit has not left you yet, wondrous! "so crowded people were stepping on each other's silhouettes on the vast dance floor" Eloquent and astute!

Then bang you introduce Sharon. How can anyone not love her? Hehe, excellent back and forth and I loved how you build tension between them through the lack of it. It's as though they are so comfortable it's awkward. I love it!

Yes, it is. You last updated on 13th and today is 26, so it means you updated 13 days ago?

Lady, you are seriously making us all wait. 😳

Please update tonight! 😳