Smita,😊
Here is the interpretation to Section 1 of Part 2.
This update is about awareness, understanding and perception that can be summed up in a word, COGNISANCE.
Arnav woke up with a sense of panicky, with Khushi's name on his lips and his eyes searching for her. He saw her still form on bed, still deep in sleep after the exhausting last few days that had drained her out. The sight of her all curled up in her white blanket with small pink roses on it was as welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring and a soothing vision at the start of the day. Taking in his fill of her he relaxed. Seeing her innocent face, he realized that it had all been a lie. His scumbag of a brother-in-law with his Machiavellian skills had manipulated him and turned him against the innocent Khushi and he, who prided himself for his sharpness had fallen for it like a pack of cards. His thoughts went to all the incidents that had conveniently fallen in line with and abetted Shyam's story. Di's accident on Payal and Akash's wedding day, his determination to tell Khushi of his love, the shocking scene he had witnessed on the terrace, the cognition of the real face of Shyam Manohar Jha, the perception that Khushi had been fooling around him while in love with Shyam, finding out that Di was pregnant, hearing Shyam claim that he and Khushi loved each other and Rani Sahiba was the cog in the wheel who would be abandoned... These unexpected things came to his knowledge in a matter of an hour or two and had clouded his judgement. He admitted that, the knowledge he had lost Khushi was much more painful, than knowing that his Di had cocooned herself in a fool's paradise. The thought of Khushi being somebody else's, made a cut that penetrated deep into the heart. If it was just the matter of the sleazebag Shyam, he could have been dealt easily. His Di would have first denied, but later reconciled and he could have made her understand. He would have managed it as he had all these years! But it was Khushi that was the crux of the matter. His perception of losing her and a sense of betrayal was enough to rub salts into the open wound. To add to that Di's pregnancy had complicated the matter. In hindsight he realized the folly of his actions. But at that time it was beyond his ken.
Seeing Khushi's face he noticed that she had dark circles under her eyes, looking rather gaunt, the result of his follies that had taken a toll on her. Arnav felt his throat constrict with the comprehension that it was his thoughtless and mindless gesture of airing the clipping that had led to her being the butt of humiliation in Lucknow and Shyam inveigle into her family. For Arnav Singh Raizada, he himself was his worst enemy. His anger, arrogance, ego, bitterness, blindness, prejudiced view of the world, collectively had blighted not just his but Khushi's world too.
During Akash-Payal's wedding, they were on the verge of confession as to why it makes a difference what other thinks and does, when they were left twisting in the wind. Recalling a shy Khushi who entered his house on the day of her sister's wedding, his possessive feelings, both wanting to lay their hearts open and their step through the corridor to do so, the pain and disillusionment on that day, all due to one person's lust and greed. He acknowledged that what should have been a wonderful day in their lives had turned to one that they could recall only with bitterness. His mind, grasping her shock at his proposal of a six month marriage as a mortgage for her sister's wedding and happiness, her tears as he tied mangalsutra and her wince with eyes closed when he daubed sindoor on her, her bitter crying with face buried in her hands in ignominy of their act and having to face the unhappiness and the wrath of their family, felt as though a knife was twisted in his heart for having put her head on the block. He recognized that he was not bothered by their complaints and tears but the the slap that Khushi received was the one that irked him and he had felt the sting! He had noticed Shyam's shocked face as well as his vexation on realization that the rug had been pulled from under his feet. Though it had given him satisfaction to have one upped on Shyam and blocked his moves, innocent Khushi was subjected to humiliation at the hands of their family and to the ignominy of being a cast off. At that time, he was not aware of his mistakes.
At the thought of wedding night, his own behavior was enough to put him in a black mood. Without having insight to the happening, assuming things, he had pushed her out of his room, forcing her to sleep on the cold floor beside the pool, amidst the mosquito infested folliage, while he had slumbered on his cozy bed with the AC on. With the awareness of this iniquity came the remorse. He buried his face in his hands and regretted his every action and word that had made her life a living hell. Neither his family had helped in this matter nor hers. They had judged her by her silence and punished for a crime that had been perpetrated by him. He now recognized that it was he who was the sole cause and he had made one extremely bad judgement, a Himalayan blunder that had caused Khushi to become a favorite punching bag.
Looking at the sleeping Khushi he realized that it was her fortitude and tenacity that had helped her to bounce back and hold her head high. She had matched him, word for word, action for action, without cowering at his bellow. With persistence she had made his family open up to her. She had given them happiness, suppressing her unhappiness, showing to the world that she was, His Smiling Girl. Moreover, forgetting that he had roughshod over her, she had nearly forfeited her life, to save him from the clutches of the kidnappers. When he heeded to to the voice of his heart, he knew very well, that she was the finest specimen of a good human being, of much higher caliber than he could ever hope to be. His discernment was that, she truly deserved a better person in her life than him but the crux was, he could not let her go. If she left, he had nothing to live for.
With six months of living in the same room, trying to hate her and failing, enjoying all her ploys to irritate him, her ministrations, her subtle offerings of help, lying away from her on chaise longue night after night, trying their utmost not to nourish the seed of love, nipping it every now and then but failing badly, has now grown into a strong tree that had made them survive intact the kidnapping incident. He is aware that he trusts her the utmost. His love had grown manifold. Gazing at Khushi's still form, he felt his longing to wake her up each morning with a kiss! His mind knew and understood the bliss of being able to touch her soft satiny cheeks, smoothen the silky tendril that lay tenderly marring her smooth porcelain cheek, see those lovely hazel pools open up to him like the petals of the lotus that bloom to the warmth of the sun rays. He had never given in to his feelings like he desperately wanted to do.
Suddenly he observed, that there was nothing to stop him from expressing his feelings. With this realization, a gentle smile lighting up his face, he moved towards the bed. Looking at her, he knew that he loved her more than anything else in this world, more than his life itself. But if he revealed it, she would not believe him, as she was entrenched with the thoughts of Di getting well and her leaving RM in 12 days time.
He also knew that her love for him was unmistakable as well as immeasurable, and yet she would give up her life before admitting to it, lest it proved fatal to Di's future and happiness. He understood that his reversion to ASR, flailing contract and deal, placing Payal's married life on the anvil and spouting nonsense last night had in fact, reinforced her decision. If she had walked out, he would have been left high and dry. Mercifully her soft, kind and giving heart had an upper hand over her mind, and had paved the way for him to woo her into staying with him.
Sitting down by the sleeping Khushi, his loving eyes taking in her beauty that refreshed him, like the crystal pool of water would the desert wanderer, his heart comforted by her, the rhythmic beat of hers making him aware that both, inspite of the vile attempts by Shyam, were alive and well. Providence had provided them with a second chance to be together, and he was hell-bent on utilizing it to the fullest. He was not a foolhardy to let Khushi sacrifice herself and their happiness either for his Di or his family or for anyone else.
He perceived a need to formulate a strategy and plan the follow through. His sharp brains set itself to work and deliberated with what needed to be done considering all the pros and cons. He recognized that where Khushi is concerned, business-like approach would be of no avail. To reach out to her, he had to think with his heart only. That was the hitch, when he never had done so!
As he watched Khushi turning sideways towards him, tucking her hand under her cheek, had a little bunch of tress fall on her cheek. Listening to the voice of his heart, caressing her cheek with his fingers, light and gentle as a feather-stroke, he tucked the soft tendrils behind her ear. Khushi's eyes fluttered open like gorgeous butterfly wings, with the remnants of sleep still lingering, yet with the awareness of him and his touch. That was the time he got the insight on how to think with his heart and what he needed to do. He was percipient enough to realize, that love is like the sunbeam, that gleams through the shower, and kisses off gently the dew from the flower. All he had to do was shower her with love incessantly at all given opportunity, show her what he means to her, what he felt for her, love her in all the ways he had wanted desperately in the past few months. Then, she would not be able to refuse him. Then, she could not pretend not to see or feel his love. Reinforced with this knowledge he looked at her and pondered what he really would love to be doing at that very minute. The answer came to him as vivid as a dream. He wanted to kiss her cheek. The second the thought entered his mind, he set about to put it into action. Bending over reposing Khushi, in a movement as quick as a flash, he kissed her cheek, breathing in her Jasmine perfume, savouring the soft, silky cheeks that were warm from being cradled by the soft pillow.
With a slight lift of his head he noted, Khushi staring at him in a daze, her cheeks glowing like a rose set in snow. With a smile dancing on his lips and his eyes twinkling with light flecks in the caramel depths, he reminded her, that it was the twelfth day, twelve days for him to persuade her to give their marriage a chance, shocking Khushi and making her sit upright like a bullet. She wondered what had happened overnight to cause such a drastic change in him! His mood, was as different as a clipped hedge and a forest, and she realized that, the rapid shift between the personalities of ASR and Arnavji was bound drive her insane one day! Once he had lent his ears to the voice of his heart, he followed it to the letter T. His eyes ran appreciatively over her, taking his fill of her willowy figure, looking stunning in her white salwar kameez and lingering over her curves. Khushi lifting her head, frantically started to search for her dupatta.
Arnav again questioned himself as to what he really wanted to do right then? His heart told him that it was to hug her as tightly as possible and the very next moment, an astonished Khushi was enveloped in a big bear hug, with Khushi tightly clasped against his broad muscular chest, her arms instantly wrapping around his shoulders. Pulling her close, he rested his head on her shoulders nuzzling her neck.
Khushi started to heave making Arnav enjoy the exercise of bringing her out of her comfort zone, while he too was sailing in the same boat. He relished the feel of the soft body softening all the more at his touch. Running his fingers along her back in rhythm to their rapidly beating hearts, sending frissons of pleasure, he made her tremble in his arms. Awakening her to the pleasures and introducing her to the awareness of possessing an enticing figure he shut his eyes in pleasure, with the realization that she would never and could never leave him. He also realized that she was not averse to him. He recognized that in her heart there was a niche and quite a big one too just for him. His apprehension on that front was laid to rest. They stayed locked together, cuddling close, savouring the sweetness of being in each other's arms for long moments, neither wanting to leave the warmth, till Khushi remembered the events of the last night and tried to put a distance inbetween. Arnav loosening his hold a tad, cupping her face in his palm, his concerned eyes observing her pale face closely asked her, whether she was fine? Her face was a poignant picture of anxiety, pain of the last few days and the pearly tears like rose's dew, shimmered in her eyes. Khushi recovering from the sensual assault, pulling herself out of his embrace replied, addressing him as Mr. Raizada that, she was fine and he need not worry about her. She was waiting for his usual reaction, that is, to bite her head off, like a bear with a sore head. But Arnav now aware of the damage that his anger has always caused, remembering his mother' advice, have patience Chotey, patience, asked her in an even voice, how could Mr. Raizada not worry about Mrs. Raizada? Her reply was, very easily, and suggested him to practice it as he would be in need of it in twelve days time. Saying so, she scooted out of the bed into the bathroom, making Arnav let her go with a smile.
Recognizing the folly of letting anger take over his mind, he discerns and realized that one needed a warm heart to woo Khushi to continue with their marriage. With the perception of, the need to listen to his heart, he was able to make Khushi aware of her response to him, even after all the bitter spat between them. He grasped that the chemistry between them that existed before their wedding was still intact. Moreover, with his new found cognizance he was able to talk to Khushi without blowing his top off when she opposed him.
For Khushi it was awakening of her feelings and awareness of the response of hers and Arnav's. It was also the knowledge of Arnav wanting her to stay with him and he would try to change her mind. She also perceived that Arnav was trying his level best to change himself and a man who found it difficult to express himself has resorted to express implicitly both in words and deeds, which was a huge leap for him.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
That's why this is titled COGNISANCE.
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.
Edited by rulama - 12 years ago
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