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"When is the right time to express your love to your special one?"
"Before it's too late..."
- Anonymous
3 months...It has been 3 months since their engagement, Asad barely had any time for Zoya. Either he was away on business trips or in his office working till late at night, Zoya at first didn't take notice of his absence from her life as she was over excited about her wedding arrangments, moreover, Najma & her Phuppi always kept her occupied. It was only during a Walima ceremony of a close relative of Dilshad did she finally noticed his absence. All other girls of her age were either with their husbands or fiances, holding hand in hand, chatting away, smiling at each other, sharing glances, or simply lost into each other's eyes. This scene sent shivers down Zoya's spine, all of a sudden she felt lonliness surrounding her, she was standing in a hall full of people, lights sparkling, people chatting & laughing away, lots of hustle-bustle, amidst all this, she felt herself so alone, a dark empty hall, with only her & to top this horrid feeling she saw Mr.Khan, fading away into the darkness...
Eventhough he was right in front of her eyes, she felt him blurring away. Since that day Zoya decided to spend as much time as possible with him, but in vain. Everytime she had a plan on mind it was called off due to his proffesional commitments.
Eventhough she never expressed it she was getting really hurt inside. She really tired her best to keep up with him but all her attempts failed. She knew from the bottom of her heart that Mr.Khan loved her truly but due to his conserved & emotionally challenged nature he just couldn't confess.
Sitting in the back porche under the moonlight, she remembered all her failed attempts of the past few days, starting with one, when she forced herself to wake up early that morning to make Mr.Khan a special breakfast. Since he don't come during lunch & returned very late at night, she decided to atleast spend the morning with him serving him his favorite Jam toast! She made his breakfast & arranged the table just the way he liked it, & now started waiting for him desperately. 10 minutes went by, 20 minutes went by...still no sign of him. Zoya grew really restless now, as she stood up to go to his room to call him, she saw Dilshad coming out of her room still in her nightwear.
"Areey Zoya, why are you up so early?" Dilshad asked surprised.
"Phuppi woh Mr.Khan..." Zoya tried saying but was cut off by Dilashad, "Asad toh aaj jaldi hi nikal gaya office ke liye, he had an important meeting with some foreign delegates." Dilshad said. Zoya couldn't utter a word after that.
The next time was when, Zoya arranged a small family get together to celebrate Ayaan & Humeira's engagement. All arrangments were done by Zoya herself and was according to Asad's taste instead of Ayaan & Humeira's, but of course they didn't mind. That day Zoya waited for 5 hours for him only for him to not turn up due to an urgent dinner party with his clients.
The next time when the family arranged for them a day-long break to a nearby town called Rajgarh. It was a beautiful lanscape, & Zoya absolutely forgot in the excitement what Asad did in the past few days. She was so excited for the trip that she was ready an hour before their scheduled departure. Then, she was so excited to see Asad's no. flashing on her cellphone, as she picked up the call she had a 1000 watt smile on her face, but in the next fraction of a second it faded away.
The cell fell of her hand & she ran away back into the house crying frantically. Later the family got to know that Asad had to go on a work related trip to Delhi for 3 days, so he cancelled this trip with Zoya.
All these memories kept flashing in her mind, but a strange noise diverted her attention to a manly approaching. She blinked twice to clear off the tears formed in her eyes to take a better look at the shadow. As the figure neared her, he saw Mr.Khan's bright face shinning at her in the dim moonlight, her heart began pounding and somewhere it said, "Yes Zoya! It's all gonna be alright now...".
He gave her a smile walking towards her, she was so excited now, she thought that now finally Mr.Khan will approach her. He neared her, more & more...& then, he walked past her.
"No, it might be a mistake Zoya, call him, talk to him, it's now or never!" Her heart literally screamed.
She started, "Mr.Khan, I wanted to...", only to be cut off by him, "I'm sorry Ms.farooqui, I've got a very important meeting tomorrow morning, I gotta wake up early. Good night", he said before walking off. Unaware of leaving behind a sobbing Zoya, Asad went to bed, before going to bed, he thought...
"Hmmm...I should speak to Zoya, she appears quite upset. God knows what is bothering her."
o0o
Asad sitting in his office, was deeply engrossed in his files when his cell phone started to vibrate, as he picked up...
"Hello?"
"Kahan ho Asad?"
"Ji Ammi, office mein hoon..."
"Abhi tak wahan kya kar rahe ho? Tumhe yaad nahi, agle hafte tumhara Nikah hai. We have a lot of arrangments to be done!"
"Ammi relax, I've already arranged a wedding planner. She'll take care about everything you please calm down."
"Alright, what about the Kangan? Asad you know very well, humare khandaan ki generations se chalti aarahi reet hai, dulhe ko dulhan ke pasand kiye hue Kangan Nikah se ek din pehle usse gift karne hote hai!"
"Ammi Nikah ko bohot time hai."
"Kal se rasmein shuru hojayenge, & I won't let Zoya go out of the house! You better take her today."
"Fine Ammi, I'll take her."
"Good boy, Allah Hafiz."
"Allah hafiz." he said hanging up.
He rubbed his forehead like he always did during stressed, he kept the files aside an took a deep breath. He thought he anyway wanted to talk to her so why not today at shopping. He took his cell & dialed her number, he asked her to meet him at a particular jewellery mall in 10 minutes.
"I've kept myself away from her for so long due to all these professional commitments. But not anymore, I'll confess to her today. I'll take her out to Alibagh (An isolated hill, 5 kms away from the Bhopal highway. Asad's favorite place as it overlooked a beautiful landscape where he felt relaxed.)"
He closed his files & kept them aside, cleared his desk. He called his assistant Azeem to inform him to cancel all his appointments not only for the day but for the whole month, as he wanted to spend all his time from now on till their Nikah with his love, Zoya.
As he started to leave, his cell rang again. Zoya's number flashed, "Why is she calling again?" he thought.
"Yes Ms.Farooqui?" he said.
"Hello?" an unknown voice said from the other end, startling Asad.
"Who is this?" he asked surprised.
"Dekhiye yeh jiska number hain unka M.K road par ek truck ke saath bohot bada accident hogaya hai!" the man on the other end said.
Asad's world came to a halt, his heart stopped. He couldn't breath, his throat dried, he felt a sharp arrow piercing his heart through & through, ripping it apart. His vision started to blur, & he completely blanked out!
"Hello, hello?" the man said.
"Z'...Zzoya? kka'kahan hai wohh...woh' kai..." He fumbled.
"Hum unhe St.Teresa's hospital le jaa rahe hai. Aap jaldi aajaye" he said.
In a jiffy Asad ran out of his cabin, running through the office, hallways, lobby, finally reaching the lot he got into his car & zoomed away. He drove like crazy, tears streamed down his face, & his heart kept pounding in his chest threatening to fall out.
The car came to a screeching halt outside the hospital, he took no time in getting running through the lobby to the receptionist, "Zoya Farooqui, err...th' the accident case" he asked.
"Oh, 1st loor, third door to you left, OT no.2." the receptionist said.
He ran like his life hung on a wet string, he searched for her & finally found OT no.2. As he stood outside, he say her being treated inside the operation theatre. Blood oozing out of her forehead, wearing an oxygen mask, she look so miserable.
His world was falling apart in front of his eyes, he was shattered. Too weak to stand he fell on his knees, crying his heart out.
o0o
After what felt like forever to him, the doctor came out. Asad hurriedly went towards him & said, "Doctor how is she, is she alright?". The doctor looked at him with gloomy eyes, he placed a hand on his shoulder as if sympathising with him, he said, "I'm sorry Mr.Khan, we tried our best. She was very severely injured."
Asad stumbled & moved backwards, fresh tears formed in his eyes, his heart stopped again, "No...n'no..." he mumbled.
"She just have a couple of hours left, maybe...less then that." the doc said, before walking away slowly leaving a shattered Asad behind.
He somehow gathered himself & managed to walk into that door. He couldn't see her in that position, just couldn't. His always merry & happy go lucky Zoya, lay there lifeless, numb. No...
He went there & sat beside her bed, he never ever imagined in his wildest dreams to see his Zoya in this form
Shut the door, turn the light of...
He wanted to shut all door leading someone to him, wanted to be in the dark if without his Zoya.
I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love,
He wanted to be with her, no matter what. He wanted to feel that immense love that she showered upon him everyday thought simple small small things.
I wanna lay beside you, I cannot hide this,
He wanted to be by her side, feeling her presence, her heartbeat, her love, he just couldn't hide it, that feeling of his heart being ripped apart, when she is being taken away from him.
eventhough I try...
Heart beats harder, time escapes me...
It became so hard to for his heart to even beat, because his reason for living was leaving him alone today. Time was meaningless today.
Trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder...
His trembling hands touched her bruised, cold skin. Her warmth, her essence lost. His heart felt heavy again, refusing to beat without her.
And the tears stream down my face...
He sat there weeping uncontrollably.
If we could only have this life for one more day...
Oh! How he wished to get just one, one chance to confess to her, to express his love, to pur his heart out.
If we could only turn back time...
He wished to turn back time, all the times he hurted her, made her shed a tear, ignored her, left her alone.
You know I'll be...
Your life, your voice your reason to be...
My love, my heart...
Is breathing for this...
Moments in time...
I'll find the words to say...
Before you leave me today...
Close the door, throw the key...
Don't wanna be reminded, don't wanna be seen...
He left all hopes of living, he wanted to stay there with his Zoya, locked up in that room forever. He didn't want to see anyone else, didn't want to meet anyone else.
Don't wanna be without you, my judgement is clouded
Like tonight's sky...
His whole reason of exsistance was leaving him, his all hopes desires were dead, all he had on his mind was, how to let her go!?...This one thought kept shaking him again & again.
Undecided, voice is numb...
Unable to let her go, his dilemma did nothing but increased, he cursed himself for all the pain he caused her.
Try to scream out my lungs, but it makes this harder...
And the tears stream down my face...
If we could only have this life, for one more day...
If we could only turn back time...
You know I'll be, your life, your voice, your reason to be...
My love, my heart, is breathing for this...
Moment In time, I'll find the words to say...
Before you leave me today!
Flashing lights in my mind, going back to the time...
All those memories started flashing in his mind, like a movie playing...He went back to the time when he first saw her, first met her, first time held her, first time hugged her...
Playing games in the street, kicking balls with my feet...
First time when he saw her playing with orphan kids in a madarsa (Orphanage), he couldn't help but admire her kindness. And when she called him to join her, he couldn't resist. For the first time in life Asad Ahmed Khan 'played' on the streets.
Dancing only on my toes, standing close to the edge...
He remembered the first time he danced with her, the whole time he was on his toes, beacuse she just won't stop. She kept swaying to the tune of the song unaware of the surroundings.
There's a part of my clothes, at the end of your bed...
And that day when he accidentally dropped his shirt at the end of her bed, while he went to give her the ironed clothes which she left on the sofa! That day was a small function at home, when a lady entered Zoya's room (She was looking for washroom, instead she landed up here), when she saw that shirt there, she thought Zoya & Asad are already married. She went out, & found Zoya & Asad near the patio chatting (actually they were discussing something about Dilshad) that lady went and asked zoya, "Pote ke chehra kab dikha rahi ho? Bhai, jaldi karo Asad ko toh apni godh mein khilaya hai ab uske bete ko bhi jald hi khilayenge...". Asad's expression was remarkable.
As I feel myself fall, make a joke of it all...
As all these sweet memories started to fade, he saw his Zoya's bruised face in front of him.
You know I'll be...Your life...Your voice...Your reason to be
My love...My heart...Is breathing for this...
Moment...In time...I'll find the words to say...
Before you leave me today!!!!
Suddenly he felt her getting pulled away, her heart rate began falling, she suffered difficulty in breathin. He started panicking, he screamed to call the doctor/sister but none appeared. He shook her, gave her CPR, but nothing helped, they lay...and suddenly he heard a beeeppp...her heart stopped, he checked the machine beside which displayed a straight line instead of her heartbeat.
"No, nn'noo...Zz'zoyaa...ZOYAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed his lungs out.
o0o
"ZOYAAA...!!!!!!!!" he screamed out waking himself from the sleep, sleep of unawreness!
Drenched in sweat, tears streaming down his face, racing heart & feeling breathless, he looked at the wall clock hanging on the wall in front of him, 2:34 am...
He got up from his bed in a jiffy & rushed towards her room. He entered without knocking & found her laying in the bed, in deep slumber. She looked in peace but wasn't actually in, he knew what was the tensed look on her face for. All his ignorance has caused her this pain. He went to her bedside and knelt besides her, he looked at her with pain in his eyes.
He caressed her forhead softly, "I'm sorry Zoya..." were the only words that escaped his lips. He sat there sobbing quitely for a few seconds, then, he kissed her forhead, and got up to go.
o0o
The sun rose again, bringing a new day, along with it new hopes.
It was the day of the first rasam of the most awaited wedding. The house was full of hustle-bustle, preperations were on in full swing, decoraters have arrived, relatives started pouring in, cooking commenced, and the whole family got into the flow of the wedding.
Dilshad ran from one corner to the other carrying a thaal of sweets one time or a basket of flowers the next. Najma ran around with the beauticians searching for an isloated room to get Zoya ready, but in vain as all the rooms had some or the other guest.
Finally the time came for the rasam to commence, the hall was lit up with brightest of the lights, decked up with flower, full of guests. The hall was full of whispers & murmurs, about the bride-to-be. Asad stood there impatient, restless, he hasn't seen her since yesterday night. More than seeing her he wanted to confess to her, to express his love for her.
And suddenly, he felt the winds flowing towards him, time felt like halting, his heartbeat increased, he heard the trinkling of her payals, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he opened his eyes to see the most beautiful bride on earth. All eyes were on Zoya who decended the stairs like a goddess, so pure so divine.
Asad could hardly breathe.
"Come on Zoya, let's start the rasam..." Dilshad said calling Zoya.
Zoya nodded, and started walking towards Asad, he couldn't take his eyes off her. As she walked past him, she felt a tug on her wrist. As she turned around she saw Asad holding her hand, right in the middle of the hall, admist all the guest, he held her hand and refused to let go. Zoya couldn't utter anything, she was more than just shocked.
And to top it all & add to her surprises Asad got down on his knees, Zoya's eyes enlarged in amazement. He held her hand, and started saying...
"Jabse tumhe pehli baar dekha, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Jab pehli baar tumse takraya, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Jab pehli baar tumhari aankhon mein dekha, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Jab pehli baar tum muskurai, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Jab pehli dafa mere dil ne tumhe maanga, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Jab pehli dafa rab ne tumhari ore ishaara kia, tab se tumse pyaar kia. Aaj poori duniya ke saamne tumse apne isi pyaar ka izhaar karta hoon, isi chahat ka ikraar karta hoon. Saath saath ye vaada bhi karta hoon, ke is zindagi ka har pal tumhare naam karta hoon." Asad said, slipping the beautiful kangans on her delicate wrists. Like this he confessed as well as did the khandaani rasam.
By the time asad completed Zoya was already in tears, all her worries tension vanished in thin air, he got up and went close to her. He wiped off her tears & kissed her forhead marking her as his & only his!
The hall rang up with thunders of claps, congratulating the blessed couple. Dilshad & Najma stood smiling ear to ear, while Asad & Zoya stood in the middle, while rose petals were showered upon them (That was Najma's idea, by the way!)
And as always,
They are living happily ever after...
***************************************
So, how was it, please ignore any grammar mistakes, I typed in a hurry (Actually gotta go study for a Botany test tomorrow!)
Jokes apart, this one is veryyy very close to my heart. In recent times I've seen a couple where the husband thinks expressing his love for his wife will only make her demanding, and will boost up her ego. He never appreciated her sacrifices she did to raise their children, she sacrificed her, passions (She loves literature & poetry), desires, ambitions, career, health. But in 16 years never ever heard a single word of appreciation. I pray today with pure heart that God grants all her wishes & fills her husbands heart with immense love for her...! Pls wish the best for her guys!
P.S. Guys one more thing I've learned in life is "Pyaar jataane se badta hai..." So go right now guys, & express your love for your loved one, be it your mom, dad, bro, sis, friend, pet, neighbour, teacher, anyone...You have the chance now, don't loose it.
Lots of Love,
Sana
Udne Ki Aasha
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