Ranjana and Sanjana are losers - Page 2

Originally posted by: DiyaS

The MIL-DIL is a very touchy relationship. If your mom asked you to do something you didn't want to, you could argue back, refuse, sulk ... whatever ... and it doesn't matter. A small squabble, a fight, and it will blow over with no hard feelings either side.

When a MIL asks you to do something, even if it is justified, and DIL doesn't want to do it, even if she has a good reason, like she has something else she needs to do, the situation is far more delicate. It's not that easy to just say no ... both sides harbour the issue in their heads for far longer. And the issues can build up in their heads and keep accumulating till they blow up.

The husbands have a huge role to play here ... if the husband makes it plain from day one that his wife comes first, then the MIL will back off, for fear of losing her son ... as Umaben had to do with Manav. Even now, she dares not be openly nasty to Chhanchhan ...
If the husband makes it clear that his mom is superior in the pecking order and has to be obeyed regardless, then most DILs really have very little choice ... unless they become obnoxious and vampish ... neither Ranjana or Sanjana are that.

Here both Manek and Manthan are not supportive ... Manek seems to be completely under his mother's thumb, while in Manthan's case, Sanjana herself is too simple and dumb to argue back. If she did, Manthan might be more supportive than Manek ... he has already shown himself to be more street smart and crafty than his other brothers. Probably that's why Umaben made sure to get him a dumb wife 😆

Originally posted by: LuvArnavKhushi

Where it is exaggerated a bit it's also reality. And where you think it's BS and would tell your MIL that you're not going to do what she says, there are a lot of daughter in laws in all parts of the world who aren't going to talk back. My mother would never make such a demand but if she did, I would be crazy mad if my sisters in law said "Uh, no, we're not doing it." It's not acting as a pet dog as much as it is respecting your MIL, no matter how tough she might be.

Originally posted by: .Sonya.

Self-respect first, anyone else second. And I'm sorry I might be out of place for saying this, but you would be out of place for showing any anger over your sister-in-law not listening to your mother. She married your brother, she didn't sign away her life as a slave to your whole family. Even her husband shouldn't be controlling her like that, forget about extended family. She is also someone's precious daughter/sister just like you.

Originally posted by: DiyaS

The MIL-DIL is a very touchy relationship. If your mom asked you to do something you didn't want to, you could argue back, refuse, sulk ... whatever ... and it doesn't matter. A small squabble, a fight, and it will blow over with no hard feelings either side.

When a MIL asks you to do something, even if it is justified, and DIL doesn't want to do it, even if she has a good reason, like she has something else she needs to do, the situation is far more delicate. It's not that easy to just say no ... both sides harbour the issue in their heads for far longer. And the issues can build up in their heads and keep accumulating till they blow up.

The husbands have a huge role to play here ... if the husband makes it plain from day one that his wife comes first, then the MIL will back off, for fear of losing her son ... as Umaben had to do with Manav. Even now, she dares not be openly nasty to Chhanchhan ...
If the husband makes it clear that his mom is superior in the pecking order and has to be obeyed regardless, then most DILs really have very little choice ... unless they become obnoxious and vampish ... neither Ranjana or Sanjana are that.

Here both Manek and Manthan are not supportive ... Manek seems to be completely under his mother's thumb, while in Manthan's case, Sanjana herself is too simple and dumb to argue back. If she did, Manthan might be more supportive than Manek ... he has already shown himself to be more street smart and crafty than his other brothers. Probably that's why Umaben made sure to get him a dumb wife 😆

Originally posted by: .Sonya.

Wow, great post. I agree with everything you said except for parents teaching them to be dumb and tolerate injustice. I think a person's personality plays a bigger role in how much they will tolerate rather than how they have been taught. In any strict family, there can be a rebel and in a carefree, chill family there could be a timid, bechari type, sacrificial girl. I think any normal human being should have the common sense to say enough is enough after a certain point.

It is so true that UB's plan to rule over her sons and DILs has been working up till now because she brought home girls of her choice specifically from the village. This time, CC is a confident, self-respecting girl AS WELL AS manav's jaan. So it won't work this time.

Originally posted by: princessunara

<font color="#0066CC" face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size="2">
Sonya, I think Jaya di's version might be more correct than urs.
Cz hear me out. I think Exactly like u do! I was laughing cz it was utterly ridiculous! (u got angry! I was beyond that cz i actually laughed cz this was so ridiculous for me to take even serious enough to be angry as u have become!) But the world I am growing up is as far removed from this background they r showcasing in UB's house as it is possible to be.

In my world we don't even have to live with the parents if we don't want! Arranged marriages exist here too. But our arranged marriages means u put an advertisement in newspaper or a family friend brings a proposal and u go and meet the families and if the horoscopes match the girl n guy r allowed to meet.
And if they r ok, the relationship is given a green signal. Nope not for marriage, but for an affair for a few months to gauge if they will suit each other. Young couples who have approval from both families can go anywhere, spend as much time as they want alone, etc etc..

The only difference in my world b/w a love marriage and an arranged marriage is the way u meet ur life partner and not the way it would be conducted. So u can see I am more inclined towards ur perspective..

but last year I watched Satyamev Jayate and some home truths about another part of the world was brought to me through it.

This 'individualism' attitude u r talking works only if u have basic survival necessities.

According to the hierarchy of needs 'Physiological needs' come first - a roof over ur head, food on ur table and clothes on ur back.

Then comes safety - this is what the social system comes int o play, as long as they remain a bahu in a respectable family these uneducated, village women r secured at least physically, and also from the stigma of being a spurned wife (an outcast in village mentality).

For the likes of Ranjana and Sanjana by being in UB's family the above said needs r fulfilled

Then comes belongingness and relationships - this is a sketchy area where they r neither here nor there.
It is somewhat fulfilled but on the other hand hardly worthwhile from where we r looking.

but the point is human needs usually occur according to this order and until the 1st 2 r fulfilled the requirement for the 3rd will not occur..

And if they feel going after the 3rd level or above needs will threaten 1st & 2nd level needs they will never go after the 3rd one cz to survive the 1st 2 r vital, while the 3rd one is not.

the final 2 needs are Self esteem and Self actualization
For the likes of R&S these r things that will never be fulfilled.

That is where a girl like CC who is more like us differs.
She has been brought up with all of these 5 levels of needs being fulfilled in abundance..thus she would become easily dissatisfied if even one drops even a bit.

That is where u will see tonight UB attacks CC not on the 1st 3 levels but on the last 2 self esteem and self actualization - her personality in front of the society. It is her self esteem she will trample cz for CC 1st 3 will be givens that CANNOT be taken from her.. The tug of war is to happen on the next levels only.

But for the others they have no idea of what they miss, cz human mind is like that.

Hope I managed to explain it to u..
Sorry i wrote too much HRM for this post..occupational hazard. don't mind 😆</font>

Originally posted by: -IHATEYOU-

I would have said a straight "NO"..It is not disrespecting.Standing up for yourself is not disrespecting.