Arhi SS/FF ORCHIDS CH 10 (68) 20/06 PM's LATER - Page 37

Chapter 10

We proposed to each other in a rather civil way. There were no holding hands or hugging or kissing. It was more about voicing our feelings than confessing them. They both were the same – what was the difference between voicing and confessing anyway…? But I felt it like… it's nothing we had in stories. We understood our silence and accepted it. He was trying his best to make me feel comfortable in all the matter without actually displaying his feelings openly, but assuring me all the time. It was wonderful and scary. It was doing his share of hard work to work this relationship out. And now it's my turn to care for us.

These were the thoughts that were playing in my mind from the time the show ended. He was right, deep down, the situation we were in had nothing to do with my mother's. There were no similarities between us. And our relationship actually works – the chances are more. I watched as Veer's mother made her way downstairs to arrange dinner for us. It was time, I decided, and knocked his door after several deep breaths. I need to get this clear to start anything with Arnav. I saw him packing his bags and instantly my mind went down the memory lane, as hoe I used to watch him packing his belongings after a month of his trip. He smiled at me, gesturing to come in. "Are you busy?" I asked him, not knowing how exactly to start this conversation, "I can come back if you…"

"I am always free for my kids, Khushi," he said with a sad smile and for the first time ever, I let my heart believe him. "The whole world can wait," he added, "have a seat."

I tried to smile at him but it was not exactly possible for me. Being distant with him all my life and now wanting to talk to him were enough reasons to make the whole situation complicated. "When are you supposed to leave for airport?" I asked him, pointing to his things on the bed, buying time in the process, "I can help you packing," I bit my lip as I spoke, "if you don't mind, that is."

He seemed like he wanted to say something. There was, undoubtedly, a layer of tears in his eyes and I tried to smile, to make him comfortable. Sighing, he nodded and we helped each other in silence. It took just few minutes as there were nothing and he was just going for a week on a business trip. We sat back on the bed as he broke the silence, "how are you, dear?"

I knew what he meant by that. I wanted to say I was fine and doing great. I wanted to say that I was really happy to have them all around me. I loved Veer and Rina, I am sure about it. And I enjoyed being with them. "Terrible," I said at last, looking at him, "I had a perfect plan for life, Shashi."

"Nothing goes according to our plan," he said while staring into space. He looked like he was telling that to himself rather than to me. "Life gives us what we need, Khushi, not what we want."

If his words angered me, I didn't bother to hide it. "A child needs his father," I whispered, my voice chocking, "and a wife needs his husband to raise her daughter. Then why aren't you in my life? Why never and why now?"

"I always am in your life but it's you who pushed me away," he said calmly, speaking the reality that terrified me. He might be right, it was me to push him away.

"But it was you to choose her over Mom," I whispered, letting my feelings find its own way to express, "I mean, you left Mom. Then you met her, married her and have a perfect life while Mom struggled with me all alone. I watched her felt alone whenever you left after your month's trip."

He sighed, defeated. "It's not me who wanted to be away, Khushi," he said as I watched him, shocked. I never thought I would be able to speak to him in a normal way but here, we are discussing about my mother. "Natalie was never comfortable with relationships," he continued, "I wanted to marry her, Khushi. I always wanted that. She took time to overcome her fear and we married according to my wish. But it didn't work accordingly as what she planned. She felt it good when we were seeing each other and that she wasn't satisfied with what we had. So, we decided to move apart on her wish. And here we are, happy with our friendship. When I met Garima, it was Natalie to whom I confessed it and she encouraged me to propose to Garima. It was Natalie who planned our wedding. We were friends, dear, and we always have been in the same comfortable zone as friends. I am so sorry all this gave you wrong impression. Please don't let ours come in your life, Khushi. You are so different from your mother. You have a great future ahead. Fight for your happiness. Don't let our relationship to get you at any cost. Believe me, ours had been complicated and different from the start."

I never thought about this, that it might be mother who wanted this. She never spoke to me about Shashi and all my life, I wronged him when all he did was try to make mother happy in his every step. I found myself hug him as tears rolled down on its own. "I am so sorry," I sobbed into his chest, "I am so sorry for pushing you. I have no idea about this and Mother never shared her feelings to me. I am sorry for hurting you while all you did was loved me. She always tried to justify your actions that you left her for her happiness but she never said that it was her who asked you to leave her."

"She never was able to speak her heart, dear," he whispered while patting my hair, "it was one of her faults. She used to keep her emotions in check and to herself. Don't feel sad about it. Be happy in life, dear. It's all you can do for your mother."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him, rubbing tears off my cheeks, "did you loved mother?"

"I still love your mother," he confessed without second thoughts, "it's hard to forget your first love. I love Garima, she is my soulmate. But Natalie… she was the one to show me what love is."

I tried to smile at his words. This was strange, but wonderful, to have such a conversation with him. It looked more like father-daughter rather than two persons speaking about their life. "I am glad that I approached you now," I said with a smile, a genuine one, "I am glad that I came to stay with you." I paused, contemplating whether to ask him or not. Deciding against it as I asked him, "I don't want to hurt or disappoint you in any way than I already did. Even if I hadn't have this conversation about mother with you, I would still approach you with this but now, as we talked, I felt that you are close to me than before. I… I wanted to know if it is okay for you and Garima aunty if I see someone here."

He smiled at me, to my surprise. "You don't need to worry about it," he said while kissing my forehead, "I might not know how a woman's heart and mind works, but I am a father, Khushi, and I surely know how my kids reacts to any given situation. When a girl approaches her parents with talks regarding love and relationships, it meant the only thing – she is in love. I am sorry that you have to speak about it with me, I know it is easy to have this with Natalie… I just want you to be happy and if he is the one that you felt, I have no problem. I trust you, Khushi, that you will take right decisions, no matter what."

I hugged him again, now with a smile. And I could feel my cheeks fly with shyness as he guessed me being in love. It was the first time that I accepted it openly and that someone noticed it without me voicing it…

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