Star wives. Battered. Humiliated. Living martyrs. Doormats to their husbands. Flatterers of their egos. Satisfied with just being Mrs. So-and-so... One woman stands out. Volatile. Different. Her own person. Jaya Bhaduri. Her identity intact, Mrs. Bachchan bares her heart. In conversation with Patrick Biswas, the likes of which has never appeared before, and never will again… From the March 1990 edition of Cine Blitz.
The meeting with Jaya Bachchan happened by pure chance. But nevertheless, it was very exciting for me. Having always wanted to meet the lady, even if it was to ask her for a photo session with her husband and children, was a happy enough excuse to visit the Bachchans' Juhu residence one afternoon.
But was that all I really wanted to know? Weren't there a lot more personal questions that lay unanswered from her side - as a wife, an actress, a woman... and a mother?
I decided to chance asking her about things that I myself thought were touchy, probing... The lady surprised me. Even in a casual pair of jeans and loose white cotton shirt, face totally devoid of any make-up, Mrs. Jaya Bachchan commands attention. She doesn't ask for it. You just give it to her. And the tremendous depth with which she spoke, left me thinking, admiring. It wasn't meant to be, and without any conscious effort, the conversation turned serious. And yet, she came across with great feeling and even greater intensity. When she looked every time a question was fired, she gave the impression of wholly concentrating on what must be subjects she's heard a thousand times before - probably in private. But has never reacted to. Or else... nobody had dared to question her. I had actually chanced upon the inner views of a strong woman behind a very strong and successful man. But what I can never forget, are her expressions. The way she conveyed her feelings with her face, her hands, her voice... She compels you to look at her. So... Look at Jaya Bachchan. The wife and the woman. Carefully. And you will wonder why this petite lady hasn't succumbed to the many pressures she has had to face in her life. How come there still lies a fire, a strength, a burning desire to live life to its fullest capacity? And you question it. You ask her how she had taken the slaughtering her husband had received - via Bofors - and all those other slandering allegations.
She smiles quietly, "I have seen my husband being slaughtered physically before, during the accident in '82 - a sight that was far more painful to see. I was completely numb." Then suddenly, as though she is thinking aloud, she says, "You know, Patrick it's such a strange combination that Amit and I share. When he goes totally weak I grow very strong. And when I get weak, Amit gets very, very strong. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why we have been able to keep a normal home. Why we have not been a celebrity couple at home, but just a normal husband and wife - like his parents or mine or yours..."
I'm disappointed. I feel she's evaded the topic. And just when I'm about to tell her that, she catches me off-guard. "I was very angry. Maybe, I'd have reacted differently to all those political allegations. But I'm different and can be wrong. I listened to him at that time. He said, 'Don't react'. I let him be. I'm not him. I could have been the soldier but I couldn't have been the commander, then. This was a problem that only he could and had to tackle. But yes, I admired his patience and tolerance at that time." Politics may have brought about a lot more heartaches for Amitabh. But when he decided to take this step, Jaya supported him wholeheartedly. And she had her own reasons. "I have always felt that Amit had to return the tremendous love that the people had showered on him, during the accident. I told him, 'You cannot return the volume but you have to do something whereby people feel that you have returned a part of their love in some way. You must take up some social cause.' You see, God is kinder to certain people. And if they have the capacity to plough back that kindness, then they must do so for the people. When he was asked to join politics, Amit spoke to me, 'What do you think?' And I said, "This is the opportunity to do something for the people. It doesn't matter if it's fighting the elections from Allahabad. It's the beginning. It's your home.'"
If the woman in her was proud of her husband's position, the wife in Jaya could feel otherwise. "Amit was never happy in politics. From the very first day, he was unhappy. In fact, on the third day after reaching Allahabad, he said, 'Jaya, this is a mistake. Let's go back. I can't, it's not me. Mentally, it's not me.' Even after that, Amit was always nervous. He was signing films only to collect funds for financing projects in Allahabad. God, I could see there was tremendous strain and pressure."
I could not but admire this quality of fairness in the lady. Because even when it comes to problems closer to the heart, she allows her husband his privacy Curiosity only makes me ask if she has ever questioned her husband on anything. "I have never questioned my husband. I tried never ever to stifle him." Even if she read something shocking about him? "Why should I?" She looks me straight in the eye. "If I had to question it, then it isn't worth it. Any husband and wife relationship has to be based on trust and faith. In a relationship that is so close, if one partner questions on what some third or fourth person has said or written then where is the understanding between these two close people? Then, there is no relationship."
Didn't it hurt from within however - as a woman? "Hurt me in what respect?" she questions. "Are you referring to hurting me as far as his name being linked with women is concerned?" Jaya dislikes politeness intensely. She also makes me aware that it is useless beating around the bush. "You know, when I married this man, I had all these thoughts at the back of my mind. I was not marrying someone who goes to office at nine in the morning, and returns at five. I was dealing with and marrying a sensitive human being, who was going to be in the constant company of attractive and talented women."
But when these women shouted their love for him, didn't she feel embarrassed, humiliated? "Humiliation from whom and for what?" she asks. "A person only wants to humiliate another, when they have a complex about the other person. If they didn't, they'd leave the person alone."
I remind her that some of the rumoured link-ups came close to, what many thought, could break her marriage. Jaya answers confidently, "I won't allow anybody else to break my marriage. If my marriage breaks it'll be because of me or my husband. No outside force is going to do that to us."
Is that why she never questioned Amitabh at all? She's pensive, "Did I really need to question him? After all, I am his wife. I am his confidante, his partner. I am the mother of his children. I am his homemaker." I am convinced that the lady thinks differently. Her confidence and the quiet way in which she explains things, only further spell out the kind of person Mrs. Bachchan is. Because, while most people base their relationships a lot on the physical aspect, Jaya confesses, "I'm different. I'd much prefer to sit with a man atop a hill and talk about things, anything, rather than go for a moonlit boat ride which will end in... What's more important to me is to share that silence, that closeness... That moment of not doing anything together, yet feeling so comfortable in each other's presence."
But hadn't rumours that she'd heard or read, brought about any misunderstanding, a fight? She explains, "Is it worth it to fight over rumours, and say things to each other, mistrust each other?" She is so calm. "Is the ultimate goal worth it? Why have a terrible patch of unpleasantness in your heart? And curse yourself for saying things that, after a few years, seem so immaterial? If you mistrust each other, something goes wrong... Somewhere, some link cracks a bit more every time you accuse, you doubt. And the fight over suspicion could've all been based on your imagination... Totally unnecessary. After all, love is not doubting evenings spent away from each other. "You have to have the ultimate faith, like you have faith in God. I mean, God does so many things that sometimes humans question. And you ask 'Is there any God?' And then, when something nice happens, don't you feel guilty for questioning Him?" "To me, a confrontation means you want to end something. Your relationship should be so deep, that you understand. In the same way, you don't think every relationship is so... intangible? But it's there. You don't know what it is. You cannot exactly explain why you love a person. You don't love a person because it's a physical relationship. Don't you have to see what is behind... or beyond? To me, that is very important."
Didn't life also include harsh realities? Suppose the man didn't feel like sticking around? Taking herself as an example, I ask her what she would do if her husband left her. She's emphatic. "If my husband left me for another woman, I would be very vicious. Not to physically harm him. But I would leave him with enough goodwill and enough good memories for him to torture himself. My goodness, my loyalty and my honesty would leave him no peace."
What about the times when the rumours got so strong, that people thought she'd lose out? "How can you question me on these rumours, Patrick?" she questions back. "Because if these rumours were true, then I wouldn't have continued to be Mrs. Bachchan." But what were all of us supposed to understand? "Tell me honestly Patrick, did I have to make anybody understand? I don't have to lead a life for people." Her expression spells annoyance, "I have to lead a life for myself, for my husband, for my children, for my family." What about the women who professed love for her husband openly? I wait for a show of emotion. The lady only smiles. "As far as this is concerned, a lot of people have asked me this. But, how can I tell other women how to feel? There are hundreds of women who adore my husband. But yes, only some of them have the opportunity of using a platform, or their well known names to express and exhibit it. And make a mockery of it in the bargain. Some love him silently and some profess their love to him through fan mail. Why, I even know of numerous occasions where a number of women have made absolute fools of themselves... But, it's not their fault. You can't control the feelings of others. But I have to be selfish here. It's all okay, as long as my husband does not reciprocate their feelings."
Talking about her husband in this context, Jaya observes, "In the first place, Amit is not the kind of person to play double games. And if he didn't want this marriage, why would he carry on a sham? He is the kind of person who would walk up to me and say, 'Look wife, sorry, but the holiday is over, the honeymoon is over'. Now, until my husband comes and tells me, how can I accept it? Just because these women are proclaiming so? If my husband ever tells me, I will not stand around for a second. I will say, 'Yes, sure'. It'll hurt me, because I love him. But I will accept it gracefully. But then... things happen and they also un-happen."
What if the shoe was on the other foot? Was it possible for her to get attracted to other men? "lt's not only a man's prerogative to wander. It could happen to anybody. Even I or any other woman could wander and get attracted to another man. You cannot rule out anything. But nobody has the right to question why. I wouldn't. I will never invade someone's mind - by my own set of principles. I would be very angry if ever my privacy was invaded. I mean, you cannot control someone's mind. I'd hate it. I don't mind someone controlling my actions, my movements... But my mind? It's very wrong, because that's the ultimate freedom."
So is honesty the best mode of conduct in case one partner wanders? "'Yes, I would respect the man or the woman, whoever is guilty, to walk up to the partner and say, 'I love another person'. But one must also keep in mind that, after this acknowledgement, their lives will change completely. They both say, 'I do' in a marriage. And they both have to say 'I don't' together."
Her sensibility affects me tremendously. Yet I argue with her, whether her silence has allowed other women to exhibit their feelings so openly. The lady surprises me again. "All women have the authority to love my husband. Even men like Mr. Shatrughan Sinha can't stop talking about my husband. But getting back to women, there are times - and there are people who believe that they have to be in love. Sometimes, you love a person's persona, and especially in cases of public figures - you don't really love the person. And it's always easier to love somebody from the outside. And from the man's side he should respect the woman he loves enough, to call her his wife. Because that means home, dignity, respect. It's not just fun and games, it's sharing responsibilities."
She convinces me enough to make me ask her, if that is what she herself felt when she first met Amit? "Right from the first time I saw him, I knew I was going to marry the man. It is very strange, but I react. And my first reaction is never wrong. Amit is the only man who can hold me. He is the only man I listen to. He stabilises me, tempers me, he's the strong one. You see, being the eldest daughter of a family of three girls, I was too much of a man myself. And more so, because my parents never made our decisions for us, they never interfered. We were always allowed to either reap the harvest or suffer the consequences."
If she was so independent in her thought, I had to know why Jaya Bhaduri the actress, dropped right out of the limelight once she became Mrs. Jaya Bachchan... and then a mother. "I cut down on my assignments myself. But if you're talking about giving up totally at that time, I must admit that it was due to a remark made by my daughter. I was puffing on my make-up one day, and she said, 'Mama why are you puffing on make-up? Why are you going to work? Please don't go'. It affected me. Mothers are always looked for, once a child comes home. I mean, I would throw a massive tantrum if I returned from school and didn't see my mother in the house. I understood what my own child was feeling."
But was the actress in her totally satisfied by the time she left? Wasn't there some role she would love to have done? She sighs, "Yes, so many. In fact, every time I saw my own films, I wished that I could do the whole thing all over again. Do you know, that at the time I opted out, I was being offered some of the best roles there were? It killed the actress in me to say no, but my priorities were very different - they were my husband, my children and my home. I may sound very mediocre, boring and dull. But that is the truth." Talking about her husband, he was hardly around - his profession taking up so much of his time. "I was not marrying time," she observes. "I was not marrying quantity. And I was not marrying with my eyes closed either. It is as if I consciously chose so. I have always known the pattern that my life would follow. It's very strange, but do you know, that except for the accident portion in '82, I knew I would have a man who is very busy? I knew that the quantity of my family life wasn't going to be enough."
Then suddenly, it struck me. That's when I understood what Mrs. Bachchan had meant when she talked about a 'goal'. I realised the meaning of her thoughts when she said, "Life is sitting down beside your husband at 50, with your kids around you, asking you normal questions, and you giving back normal answers. When you look around and see your home, the warmth - then you've realised what life is all about." She escorts me to the gate. On the way, we pass the kitchen. A chance remark. "I know exactly what's cooking." And I smile. It's 'that' total familiar aura around her, which makes Jaya Bachchan the only woman who knows that nothing and no one can disrupt her life. Her home. Her family. I leave silently, thinking just one thought - no 'other' woman could ever be the remarkable lady I'd just met.
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