Zoya's diary...

Aaj bhi yaad hai mujhe humari wo pehli mulakat... kaise bus stop pe, tum aaye the, haanfte, muskuraate, ye kehne , ki tumne pehle bhi mujhe kahin dekha hai... pata nahi kyun, tumhara yun mujhe dekhna, gaur karna achha sa laga... aur na jaane kab hum anjaano se dost, dost se pyaare dost, aur pyaare dost se kuchh bahut zyaada ban gaye... Tumhara mujhe yun mehsoos karvana, ki main hi tumhara sab kuchh hoon, chahe tum shabdo se wo kaho ke nahi, achha lagta tha. Bharosa sa tha, ki tum ho. Sab kehte, are Mona, tune ismein kya dekha? Tu aur ye to kitne alag hain... Tu theri madmast hava, udti patang, jaise zindagi hi khud beh rahi ho... har party ki jaan, hamesha khilkhilati... aur wo jaise ek bejaan, bezubaan, khamoshi... Koi nahi jaanta tha, koi nahi, bas main, ki itne alag hoke bhi hum kitne ek se the. Tum bhi apne dard ko chipate the, aur mein bhi. Farq tha to bas itna ki tum apni chuppi ka sahara lete the, aur mein apni baton ka... Shayad, humare mukhauton ke pichhe chhipi kahaniyon ko hamne hi samjha tha... ek ajeeb sa rishta tha, humare beech. dard ka, dhokhe ka, aansuon ka. khair, koi aur samjhe ke nahi, main janti thi, tum samajhte ho. shayad...

Shayad. Kyunki, kabhi kabhi tum aise pesh aate the, jaise ki main tumhara sab kuchh hoon. Aur kabhi kabhi, aise jaise ki main kuchh bhi nahi. Aaj bhi yaad hai mujhe wo din, jab tum mujshe hoke yun guzar gaye, jaise ki main dikhai hi nahi di tumhein. Pata nahi kyun, us din ke baad tumhein yun lagne laga ki main tumse bahut alag hoon. Har baar, bas yehi keh ke tum door, aur door hote gaye. Jaise, tumne bas than hi liya tha, ki yehi hai Mona ki shaqskiyat, uski pehchaan. Uska chehra.

tum kisi din dhoop the, to kisi din chao. pal mein tola. to pal mein masa. aur dheere dheere, mitti ki tarah sab kuchh hath se fisal gaya. aur reh gai to bas yaadein. saal mahino mein badal gaye. mahine hafton mein, hafte dino mein... aur ab to kabhi agar humari mulakat ho bhi jaye, to chand lamein sirf yunhi, takaluff ke se lagte hain, jaise tum utha rahe ho, kisi ehsaan ka bojh...jo karni pad rahi hai mujhse guftagoo ye chhoti si..

Humne saath saath bahut waqt guzara. Achha waqt. Par ye jo deewar si khadi thi na humare beech, use mein gira nahi paai. Aakhir, wo Mona jo tumhare zehan main basi thi jeet gai. Aur wo Mona jo duniya se ladti rahi, apne aap se, ki ek na ek din tum us khubsurat sapne ko dekhoge, jo maine bhi dekha hai... haar gai.

Main chup chaap tumhari zindagi se nikal gai. Is ummeed mein ke ek din tumhein meri kami khalegi... aur tum mujhe bulaloge.

Par, aaj, saalon bad, baarish hoti hain, main to tumhein hi soch kar roti hoon. Us chai ke pyaale ko dekhti hoon, aur yad karti hoon wo chai jo hamne saath pee thi kabhi. Aur puchhti hoon apne aap se, kya tumne mujhe kabhi pyaar nahi kiya?