Posted:
Intelligent - since when did the feature become central to a DIL? Just look at my current DILs. Do you think any of them spend more than one nano second on a Sudoku puzzle ever in their entire lifetimes?
Questioning Authority - This one is a deal breaker. How am i supposed to dictate the number of conjugal visits of my sons and grand children they must produce? Oh, and how about the menu? Do you think I'd enjoy being questioned on the merits or flatulence rating of Kadhi versus Daal?
Brainy - Covered in point one but worth repeating. A hull full of coconut husk is more useful to me than a Bahu with a brain. Burning Coconut husk can drive the mosquitoes and spiders out of their hiding spots, a Bahu with Brains will only drive my son out of my control. Nothing doing
Conscience - is a great virtue, just not for my Bahu. Think of it. I've bribed, conspired and lied my way to God's preferred customer program. A conscience that questions my means to the noble end of being first in line for God's graces cannot be good for my health.Conscience cannot be treated with my Homeopathy Ki Goli - Is it any wonder my motto is "May God's graces fall upon me first"?
Poor - Now, I don't want dowry. No sir. I only accept gifts from in-laws - in cash...in crisp bundles of 500 bills...in a large suitcase. Thats all. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you know the hoops I jumped raising four sons? And then some upstart tart comes along and whisks him away into the privacy of her bedroom and I am supposed to stand by and watch? No sir, not. I demand compensation. So a poor Bahu will not do.
Modern - this is a major gripe for me. These modern girls have taken their education seriously. How nice were those days when a Bahu couldn't read or write. She cooked all day and pressed my feet in abject reverence. Sigh! Is it too much to ask to have a DIL who can knit, sew, cook and sleep in my bedroom denouncing her husband completely?
I think this is it for today. Five sounds like a nice round number so I will stop at that. As I get more and more aggressive in the serial, I will be happy to add to the list. I might even create a 101 ways To Torture your new DIL section later. Stay tuned.
